Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
Holden
Five years ago…
My feet cemented to the floor as Katherine stared at me, pain and shock spilled over her already serious expression, plunging her mouth into a frown.
As her gaze darted from Meg to me, her grip on the potted peace lilies in her hands tightened, the tensed muscles in her neck corded and taut.
Then as quickly as I saw it, her frown was replaced almost immediately with concern for me. “Are you okay?” Katherine asked. Without hesitating, she rushed to my side, taking my other hand.
Her voice.
Katherine’s voice.
Sure, she’d texted me all week that I was gone, but I hadn’t heard her melodic voice in days. It might as well have been weeks.
But as soon as I saw her, the world around me went fuzzy. Spinning.
“You came,” I said, taking a step toward her.
“Of course I came.”
From behind Katherine, a flash of red curls came into view. Jill. “We drove down with Duncan.”
I blinked, trying to focus against the dizzying spin of the room.
“Holden,” Katherine said, only now her voice sounded like it was in an echo chamber. “You don’t look good.”
She squeezed my hand, which now felt like it had pins and needles running through it. One hand, held by Kate. My other hand was still grasped by Meg.
What the hell was my life right now?
Kate held me tightly, saying, “Breathe with me, Holden. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.”
I did as she said, breathing in and out slowly.
“Good,” she said. “Now hold it at the top of your breath. In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.”
I closed my eyes, allowing the sound of her voice to roll through me like a southern summer rain storm; fast and beating.
The spinning slowed. The pins and needles faded.
Until eventually, I was back in my kitchen. At my mother’s funeral.
“There you go,” Katherine said and I blinked at her smiling face. “That’s better.”
I registered Jill’s eyes, locked onto where Meg still clutched my fingers and I quickly tugged my hand free from Meg’s grasp.
Duncan took the potted plant from Katherine and set it on the kitchen counter. “What the hell was all that heavy breathing?”
Katherine shrugged and reached over to fiddle with the petal of the peace lily. “Just something we learned in our theater class, right Holden?”
I nodded, grateful for her help. Always.
“Damn, I thought you were going into labor or something!” Duncan said, laughing. I knew him well enough to recognize when he was trying to diffuse tension.
I rolled my eyes at Duncan, ignoring him and gave Katherine’s hand a squeeze. “Wait… what about the show? Shouldn’t you be at the opening ? —”
“McCay postponed our opening,” she said quickly.
McCay postponed our opening weekend… because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her. “I know how much that show meant to you.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Katherine said. “No one wanted to do the show without you. It was unanimous.”
It might have been an entire class decision, but I had no doubt it was Katherine leading that charge. Emotion rose in my chest and for the first time all day, I felt the exhaustion bone deep. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
Beside us, Meg scoffed. I might have cared about the guttural sound except with Katherine there in front of me, she was all that mattered.
I felt for Meg… I did. She was unfortunate collateral damage in my dad’s selfish games.
But it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t feel half as strongly for her as I did for Katherine.
Katherine, who didn’t seem the least bit phased by Meg’s frustrated scowl or the way her arms were folded across her chest, guarded and seemingly ready for a fight.
“I don’t think we’ve met,” Katherine said to Meg.
Before Katherine or Meg could finish a proper introduction, my dad’s voice boomed from behind our group. “Duncan,” he said. “Why don’t you show Holden’s friends the basement.”
My glare was almost as icy as his. Except Dad had decades over me to perfect his scowl.
“I can show them–” I started to say.
“You can join them in a minute.”
With a gulp, Katherine slid her hand away from mine, but not before I felt the trembling shiver rock through her.
I tried to offer her a reassuring smile as Duncan guided her, Jill, and Meg downstairs.
Dad clasped his meaty hands around my shoulders and practically shoved me into his study, shutting the door behind him.
“What the hell?” I hissed, stumbling into his dark brown Chesterfield sofa.
“Why is that girl here?”
I snorted. “Why don’t you ask your friend, Mrs. Lawrence, why Meg came tonight?”
“That’s not who I’m talking about and you know it.”
The corners of my mouth twitched even though I tried everything I could to keep my face still. “Katherine came with Duncan.”
His fist slammed onto the cherry wood of his desk, causing the files to jostle on top. “Don’t fuck with me, boy! I thought I made myself perfectly clear before. She is not Dorsey material.”
He didn’t fucking scare me. He could pound his fists and shout all he wanted.
I wasn’t going to cower and hide from this man ever again.
I lowered to a seat on the armrest of the couch and folded my arms. “And Professor McCay is?”
Dad’s face went gray with a gasp. “What did you say?”
“You heard me. Tell me, is that why Mom drank herself to death? Because she found out about your affair when you came down to see me at school?”
The slip of the curtain was quickly fixed and Dad’s stoic, angry expression shifted firmly back in place. “We’re not talking about me right now. We’re talking about you and how you’re throwing everything away for some young, little actress.”
“You know what I don’t understand? You risked everything three and a half years ago to extract Meg from my life. You fucked my girlfriend. Had her expelled from culinary school. And convinced Mrs. Lawrence to ship her off overseas to study. Yet now she’s back. And you’re weirdly pushing us together. Why?”
“I’m certainly not trying to push you back together, trust me. You are not to get back together with that girl. However, for your mother’s funeral, I’m not going to turn them away. Meg has shown a lot of growth,” he hissed, stepping closer to me. “Her mother has been a valued constituent ? —”
A laugh bubbled up out of me. “Of course,” I sneered. “Of fucking course. This was never about Meg. Or even me. It’s about your Senate seat. What? Did the Lawrences offer to make a huge campaign contribution or something? I didn’t realize they had that kind of money.”
“They didn’t.” Dad paused for a beat and my brows shot higher.
“Didn’t. Past tense. Which means…” I thought for a moment, remembering someone on Facebook mentioned Meg’s grandfather passing away. “Inheritance. They inherited her grandfather’s fortune, didn’t they?” I give three tuts of my tongue, hoping my dad feels the condescension in my tone. “You really should do your research before you run off my girlfriends. If only you’d known her grandfather had that fortune squirreled away.”
“I don’t give a fuck if you marry Meg Lawrence or not,” Dad growls.
“You’re only saying that because you know I don’t want her now,” I sneer.
“Fuck her, use her, ignore her, I don’t care! But that actress you’re hanging around? She needs to go.”
“The difference is, Dad? Katherine isn’t as easily bought off as Meg. She’s loyal. Mom already tried and failed.”
“Everyone has their price, Holden. Don’t forget that.”
We’re nearly nose to nose now in a standoff in his study. Thank God for the sound proofing Dad put into these walls when he built the place, otherwise I was pretty sure the entire funeral would hear us fighting.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice the way she cowered around me?” Dad asked. “You weren’t there when I opened the door and let them inside. Her fucking fingers were trembling when she shook my hand.”
I gulped, my fingers finding the spinner ring on my thumb and nervously tracing the filigree. Of course I’d noticed how nervous she got around my dad. I’d seen it when he had burst into my condo the other night. Hell, I’ve been trained, conditioned even, to be able to spot weaknesses in people and exploit them… just like my dad. Just like grandfather.
“If she’s going to be a Dorsey, she’s going to need a thicker skin,” he sneered.
My dad was a formidable force. I was used to dealing with people like him. I’d been doing it my whole life. But I didn’t blame Kate for being intimidated. Hell, if anything, that innocence was partially what drew me to her. And it was also why I so desperately tried to stay away. The Dorseys ate girls like her for breakfast.
“Why does everything have to be about that?” I asked. “Why can’t I just be a normal college guy who dates a girl he likes? Not every date is a potential wife.”
“That’s where you're wrong. When you live in the spotlight like we do, every person you date has to be wife material.”
“Like Meg?” I would have laughed if I wasn’t so pissed. “You spent the better part of my freshman year trying to break us up. But suddenly, she’s good enough to be Mrs. Holden Dorsey.”
“Jesus Christ,” Dad scoffed. “I’m not making this about Meg, you are! But all that being said, a girl like Megan is a hell of a lot closer to Dorsey material than Kate. She proved herself. After everything she’s been through, she persevered. She didn’t let me ruin her life. A woman like that has a spine. We need to find you a woman who’s got the loyalty of Kate but the breeding of Megan for when you start campaigning.”
Campaigning. Of course. My dad and grandfather had had this plan for me from the start. Political science undergrad. Law degree. Several years working as a lawyer before I began the slow, painful climb up the political ladder, eventually taking my dad’s seat on the senate while he ascended to the White House.
I groaned and swiped a hand down my face. “This is fucking ridiculous. Can we not do this at mom’s funeral, for fuck’s sake?”
Sadness passed over Dad’s features and for once, he agreed with me. “You’re right. This isn’t the time.”
He started heading toward the door, but paused over my shoulder. “But think about what I said. I’m sure Kate’s a sweet girl. But does she have what it takes to be a Dorsey?”
No. She doesn’t.
And that was exactly why I was falling for her.
It was also why I shouldn’t fall for her.
She deserved better than this.
Better than Dad’s games and tests.
She deserved better than… me.