Chapter 34
CHAPTER 34
Holden
Five years earlier…
The hospital room was cold and sterile, the steady beeping of the heart monitor the only sound breaking the heavy silence. I sat in the stiff plastic chair beside the bed, knees drawn up to my chest as I watched my friend lying motionless beneath the stark white sheets. Duncan's face was pale, almost ghostly, one side swollen and bruised from the impact of his fall. Tubes and wires snaked under the sheets, connecting him to machines that made sure he could breathe with his punctured lung.
Guilt gnawed at my stomach like an ulcer.
If only I had reacted faster, been closer to grab him before he went over that railing. If only I had stopped the girls' stupid bickering sooner, none of this would have happened.
If only I hadn’t gotten drunk before the show and fucked Katherine on stage.
If only, if only, if only…
Now my friend was hovering on the precipice between life and death and all I could do was sit helplessly and watch the heart monitor blip, my own breath stalling in the silent space between the beeps.
The door opened and a nurse entered quietly to check Duncan's vitals. I watched her adjust the IV drip, her movements quick and efficient. She gave me a gentle, pitying look before slipping back out, the click of the door impossibly loud in the hushed room.
Alone again, I glanced at the clock. 5:37 a.m. I should try to get some rest, but I knew sleep would evade me. Not with the image of Duncan's broken body burning behind my eyelids.
Another knock echoed at the door, this one stronger, louder. Not the gentle knock of a nurse on night shift.
“Holden,” my dad said, barging in without waiting for me to say come in, McCay right there at his side.
He flipped the light switch on beside him and I blinked against the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital room. “Do you mind?” I snapped. “Duncan’s resting.”
Behind them, two cops entered.
“What’s this?” I asked, my voice coming out weak and raspy.
“This is Officer Garrison and Officer Pignoli. They need to take your statement about what happened.”
“Now?” I glance at Duncan, my stomach souring at the sight of him.
I had to lie during triage and tell them I was Duncan’s brother before they finally let me in here and told me anything useful.
He was lucky to be alive. That’s what the doctor had said.
But something told me Duncan wasn’t going to see it that way when he woke up and learned he’d be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.
Clearing his throat, my dad turned to the officers. “John, do you mind if we have a moment?”
“A quick one.” The cops nodded and left.
“Son, I know this is scary,” Dad started, “All your classmates have already given their statements and it seems obvious this was one big accident. They just need you to confirm that Duncan slipped since you were right there with them ? —”
“I don’t see why this can’t at least wait until morning. He’s going to wake up soon.”
McCay pushed my dad out of the way storming towards me. “Are you fucking kidding me, Holden?” she hissed. “Your dad and I are trying to save your sorry ass right now. I could lose my fucking job over this, you know that?”
I stood up, going nose to nose with McCay. “Well, considering Duncan has lost his ability to walk, I’d say you’d be getting off easy.”
She glared at me, unsurprisingly not backing down. “You ungrateful little shit. After everything I’ve done for you? You not only get drunk during one of the most prestigious events I’ve ever set up for students, but you fuck your costar on the stage in front of dozens of my peers.”
My face blanches and for the first time since Duncan’s fall, I feel sick all over again about what I did during the performance.
“That’s not… it wasn’t…”
A smirk of triumph curved on McCay’s mouth. “Oh, did you think I wouldn’t fucking notice that? I spent half the night convincing the other directors that you were just that good of an actor. I fucking saved your ass. I even leveraged your performance into a job offer…”
I rubbed my eyes, ready to argue with her until the last words registered. “You did what?”
McCay’s smirk grew. “You heard me. You’ve been offered a part in a new show at the Paper Mill Playhouse in Jersey. Tons of new shows that start there make it to Broadway. It’s notorious.”
I glanced at my dad, too stunned to speak. “I… I’m going to be an actor,” I said. “Like for real?”
McCay nodded. “I told you had something special. Technically, rehearsals start in April, but they know you have to graduate, so you’ll be coming into the run later. And I think if you chat with your advisor, they may even be able to count some rehearsal time as credit and get you out of school faster.”
I fell back into the chair beside Duncan, still too stunned to speak. It wasn’t fucking fair. That on the worst day of his life, mine was taking off. “What about Katherine?”
There was a quick, silent exchange between my dad and McCay.
“Well, she’s not as far along in school as you. But she did have a summer internship offer with a prestigious Shakespeare festival.”
I exhaled in sweet relief.
We were going to be okay.
Katherine was going to be an actress after all. I hadn’t ruined it all by fucking up her audition with Abrams or the scene tonight ? —
“Until Addison had to go run her goddamned mouth to the reviewer,” McCay added. “They pulled the offer when the article came out and now my hands are tied. I’m going to have to do something.”
Well that got my attention. I jerked my gaze back up to hers, spine going steely. “What do you mean ‘do something’?”
“I’m going to have to cut Kate from the program,” McCay said.
My heart plummeted to my stomach. “No. She didn’t do anything!” I launched to my feet again.
“She absolutely did do something,” McCay snorted. “Namely, you .”
“Fine. But so did I. Why wasn’t my offer rescinded?”
McCay rolled her eyes, her hands lifting in a defeated shrug briefly before they fell loosely back to her sides. “Because you’re more talented than she is, even when drunk on stage. Because she’s only eighteen and still young and you’re closer to graduating. Because… misogyny. Thanks to your little method scene, you’ve branded her as a whore. And you? You get to be the bad boy of theater. The Rebel Romeo without a cause. Well done, Holden.”
“That wasn’t… I didn’t want that.” My voice cracked as a prickling burning sensation buzzed behind my eyes.
“Doesn’t fucking matter. You both made your choices. And she’s going to pay for it. I’ll be kicking her out of the program when we get back to school.”
“No,” I snapped. “Don’t you fucking dare!”
“Don’t you fucking yell at me, Holden!”
“Okay,” Dad said, finally stepping forward between us. “Take it easy, you two.” He looked directly at McCay as he said the words. “Laurie, he’s still my son.”
I glanced down at my grandfather’s spinner ring where I nervously fidgeted with it. “No,” I said, my voice back to a hoarse whisper. “Don’t take it easy on me. You’re going to be a Dorsey soon and we don’t pull punches. Especially not with family. Isn’t that right, Dad?”
“Holden—”
I cut my dad off from whatever he was about to say and looked directly at McCay. “Take it out on me. Whatever you have to do to spare your job and save Katherine’s place in the program. Do it to me. Cut me from the program.”
Katherine had already lost the job she’d been offered… I couldn’t allow her to be cut from the most prestigious acting program in the country. Not on my account.
“Now wait a fucking minute—” My dad barked.
“I can’t cut you,” McCay said pointedly.
“Why?” I snorted. “Because you’re fucking my father?”
“Holden!” Dad boomed.
“No, you little shit. Because you’re not in my program. She is.”
Fuck.
Fuck me.
She was right.
There weren’t any repercussions for me because this wasn’t a program I was invested in.
“You can’t cut Katherine. You just fucking can’t!”
“If it’s between me saving my own fucking job or her getting cut… I choose to save myself Holden. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same. Because someone has to take the blame for this and it’s not going to be me.”
She’s going to get cut from the most prestigious theater program in the country… because of me. Because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants and wait another two hours to deflower her.
My mind raced as I tried to think of a solution, some way I could take the fall and spare Katherine. "Please," I said, my voice strained. "I'm begging you. Don't punish her for this. It was my mistake, my lack of judgment. Katherine has so much talent, so much potential. Don't take this away from her."
McCay's face was stony, uncompromising. I felt sick, knowing I had ruined Katherine's future with my stupid, reckless actions. I looked at McCay beseechingly.
Suddenly, it dawned on me. How I could fix this.
"Expel me,” I whispered.
McCay’s eyes lifted, meeting my father’s briefly.
“Holden,” Dad hissed. “You are one semester away from graduation.”
“Yes. A graduation that doesn’t matter if I have a good job lined up at the PaperMill Playhouse.”
“One fucking gig isn’t a career,” Dad snarled, stepping forward and getting in my face. “You’re talking about throwing away your life, law school, for a girl you hardly know. For one mediocre paying show!”
McCay stepped between my dad and I. “It won’t just be one show,” McCay said. “Holden is a star. With my help and connections, and your clout, he can do this.” Then turning to look at me, she added. “And your contract doesn’t have a morality clause. You won’t lose your place in the new show if you make sure to sign the contract tonight. Now.
I nodded. This is good. This could work. “Once that’s secured, I can take the blame for what happened on the Kennedy Center stage and you can expel me?”
McCay nodded. “And your father can bury it so it doesn’t leak any more than it already has to the press… can’t you, Eric?”
Stone-faced, he glanced at me. Lips pressed hard together, he gave a single nod.
“And Katherine stays in the program?” I clarified.
“Yes. I can’t guarantee she’ll graduate. She has to earn that on merit. But she won’t get cut this year.”
“Deal—” I put my hand out for McCay to take.
“Wait a minute,” Dad said, placing his palm over my hand. “Just wait a fucking minute. For this to truly be buried, you need to distance yourself from Kate.”
My jaw twitched. “No fucking way,” I snapped.
McCay and my dad exchanged glances before McCay said, “No deal, then.”
These pieces of shit. Were they in on this together? I turned my seething glare onto McCay. “What do you care if Katherine and I are happy together?”
Her brow lifted. “I care because your dad cares. He wants better for you and frankly I can see why. Kate has potential, but talented women on the stage are a dime a dozen.”
“You would know, wouldn’t you? You were one of those hundreds of dimes once upon a time. Unmemorable. Replaceable ? —”
I barely got the word out before her palm cracked against my cheek, ripping a chuckle from the back of my throat. There it was. McCay’s kryptonite. The thought of being ordinary killed her.
I turned for the door, my dad’s voice stopping me as I put my hand on the doorknob.
“This is for the best, son. And I think you know it. It’s easier to bury rumors like this if the two of you stay apart.”
I nearly cracked a molar, my jaw was so tight and my hand tightened on the doorknob. “Just like with Megan, right? That was the best for me, too?”
“Except this time, it’s best for both of you. I know I fucked up with Megan. But this? Kate gets to stay in the program. And you get a burgeoning acting career in exchange for taking the blame for what happened. And I can sweep it under the rug. Trust me, I’m not thrilled with you not graduating.”
“If he becomes a big enough star, they will likely give him a diploma, anyway,” McCay chimed in. “I’ve seen it before, several times.”
I nodded, emotion thick in my throat. This time, I had to admit, my dad might be right. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Katherine, but maybe we had no choice. “Okay,” I said, my voice a quiet rasp.
“You’re going to have to make sure she doesn’t want to speak to you again,” Dad said.
“I know.”
“You think you can do that?” Dad asked.
“Of course I can.” I yanked open the hospital room with one final look over my shoulder at where Duncan rested. “I’m nothing if not a talented actor, isn’t that right?”