Chapter 39
CHAPTER 39
“Holden, wait!”
I chase after him as he stands at the corner, trying to hail a cab. Unfortunately, it’s rush hour in New York City and all the cabs are taken by executives rushing to get to work.
“Mother fucker,” he grunts. “Are there seriously no cabs to be had in this city?”
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Where am I going? I’m going to fucking scream at McCay and my dad for this bullshit.” He snaps, waving my journal in my face.
“That’s stupid! First of all, as if they care. They knew what they were doing and I doubt they give a fuck that you found out.”
“Doesn’t mean they should get away with it.” Another yellow cab whizzes by us. “What the fuck!?” Holden shouts, pulling his phone out. “Great. Ubers are all twenty minutes away.”
I sigh, knowing I’m not going to win this battle. “Your dad lives ten blocks from here. We can just walk.”
“Damn right we can.” He takes my hand and begins crossing the street in spite of the fact that the light is about to turn red.
If I’m lucky, the walk will give him time to cool down.
Spoiler: The walk did not give him time to cool down. We arrive at his dad’s townhouse on Riverside Drive and Holden pounds on the door nonstop. It must have been two minutes of knocking when finally the door swings open.
Both Holden and I freeze, blinking, unmoving at the sight of a little boy answering the door. “Jamie?” Holden says, his voice raspy with disbelief.
“Uncle Holden!” Jamie rushes forward and launches himself into Holden’s arms. Somehow, Holden catches him despite being shell shocked.
From the kitchen, the door whips open, hitting the wall behind it with a bang and Megan comes storming out in a crisp, white chef’s outfit. “I’ll be back at two p.m. sharp when this catering gig is finished.” She nearly topples over a couple of stacked moving boxes and mutters a curse beneath her breath. “Jesus Christ, Erik.”
She skids to a stop, Holden’s dad right behind her like a deer in the headlights, seeing me and Holden standing there in his foyer.
Holden puts Jamie down and ruffles his hair. “Hey little man. I’ve got a whole box of Transformers under the bed in my old room. Fourth door on the left. Can you go find me Bumblebee?”
“Yeah!” Jamie’s eyes go wide and he takes off running up the stairs.
Once he’s gone, Holden turns back to Megan and Erik. “What the fuck is going on? Why won’t you return my calls?” he asks Megan.
She plants her hands on her hips, hackles raised and ready for a fight. But quickly with her exhale, she sags and leans against the wall beside her. “I’m sorry. I was… figuring stuff out. Which I know sounds lame, but the truth was when you said you wanted to be Jamie’s dad no matter what the paternity test said? I had the realization that I didn’t want Jamie to just have any dad. I wanted him to have his real dad. You’ve been cleaning up your family’s messes for years. This wasn’t your burden to take on.”
“Besides,” Erik snorted from behind her, “I have a lot more to offer in terms of child support, isn’t that right, Megan?”
Her neck snaps around to glare at him. “And Jamie and I both have a lot more to lose if you’re an asshole. Need I remind you of the terms of our child support agreement?”
“You did the paternity test?” I ask, slow to realize what’s going on here.
Megan nods. “I began with testing Holden, right after our ice cream date all together. It came back that he’s Jamie’s brother, not his father.”
Holden crosses to the antique couch and sinks down to sit. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”
“After that little speech you gave me before? You weren’t going to walk away that easily. If there was any chance your dad would be absent, I knew you’d try to step up and fill in where he lacked. I wanted my terms with Erik fully figured out before I dragged you back into this.”
“What are those terms exactly?” Holden looks up from where he’d buried his face in his hands.
“Supervised visits with either myself present or a nanny of my choosing in exchange for child support payments.”
“Because the payout I gave you eight years ago wasn’t enough?” Erik sputters, arms crossing.
Megan glares at him. “Because the payout you gave years ago went to my parents . I barely saw a dime of it. And it wasn’t legally binding.” Megan turns around to face us again. “Lucille, the nanny, is in the kitchen and will report back to me on any untoward parenting behavior she may see. In the meantime, I have to get to a catering job.”
Megan pauses to cross to Holden and bends to kiss him on the forehead. “Please don’t be mad at me. You deserve to be Jamie’s uncle. You deserve to have a life that’s yours. You both do,” she adds with a glance at me.
And with that, she’s out the door.
I take the seat next to Holden as he processes this information slowly and glance around the house. I’ve only really been here once before, but McCay’s absence is as palpable as the chilly draft blowing in through the antique Victorian windows.
The ornate, gold coat rack by the door where she always hung her Louis Vuitton was conspicuously absent. As was the side table that held her keys and sunglasses. The fancy designer shoes that lined beneath the hutch by the staircase was also completely void of any Jimmy Choos or Gucci.
“Erik,” I say quietly. “Where’s Laurie?”
I can feel how rigid he grows with the question, even from across the room. “She’s gone. The moment she found out Jamie was mine, she grabbed her shit and left,” he mumbles. “Said something about she didn’t want to be a stepmom to a grown up, let alone a kid.”
Erik sighs heaving and drops into the chair next to me.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Holden offers, but his voice doesn’t hold an ounce of empathy.
“No you’re not,” Erik says.
Another beat of silence before Holden responds, “You’re right. I’m not. McCay was the fucking worst, second only to you.”
Erik gave a bitter chuckle. “I know. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it, but I have been trying to make things right. This show. Your directing gig. Hell, even with this one.” He gestures flippantly at me.
This one.
Like I’m just one stop on a long, local train ride.
“ This one has a name,” Holden says. “This one is making it so your show you produced is sold out every night this week. This one is going to win you a Tony. And most importantly, someday this one is going to be your daughter-in-law. So I suggest you learn her fucking name, Dad.”
A sharp intake of breath escapes my lips at his words. He had mentioned this the other week at ice cream, too, but with everything going on, it had slipped my mind. My heart races and my chest tightens with emotion.
The air was heavy with unspoken emotions and the electricity of a love that refused to be broken… even when our souls were. Holden's words, like a key turning in a lock, unbolts the deepest parts of my heart and allows the overwhelming rush of love to wash over me, undeniable and unbreakable.
Holden stands, taking my hand and gently pulling me to my feet, too.
Erik runs his hands through his hair sheepishly. “I’m sorry,” he says louder. “To both of you. I know I failed you… as a boy. As a man. As a father. I failed your mother, too. And I don’t want to with Jamie. But I don’t really know how to do this.”
Standing in front of the open door, Holden swallows hard, looking up the stairs at where Jamie has disappeared into his room. “He’s a good kid, Dad. He deserves better than you. But you’re what he’s got… so for once, choose him. Choose fatherhood over getting your dick wet. And it’s not too late for me. I’m still here, despite everything.”
Erik gives a bitter chuckle that cracks in his throat. “I don’t even know where to begin with an eight-year-old boy.”
Holden jerks his head to the stairs. “Start with Bumblebee. Every kid loves Bumblebee transformers.” Holden begins to turn to leave, then stops himself. “And Dad?”
“Hm?”
“Might I suggest keeping a journal.” Holden pauses to squeeze my hand. “It really helped me through the years.”
Before we could leave, Erik stands, swiping his hands across the moisture pooling in his eyes and crosses to us. He cups the back of Holden’s neck and pulls him in tightly for a hug. Then, turning to me, Erik holds out a hand for me to take. It’s notable that he doesn’t just take my hand. He leaves me the option.
Forgive. Or not forgive.
“I’m sorry, Kate,” he says. “Laurie and I were terrible to you. I’m sorry if we broke your spirit.”
Slowly, I reach out and place my hand in his. “You did break me,” I admit. “But that’s the funny thing about feeling decimated. Until you’re broken, you don’t know what you’re capable of. I got to rebuild myself from the foundation up and while it doesn’t excuse anything you or Laurie did… I am stronger for it.”
“Do you accept my apology?”
Images of my own father swirl in my head. How our time was cut short and if I hadn’t had those few moments with him that I did, how many regrets I would be living with right now.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod. I’ve spent too long holding onto my anger. It’s past due to let it go. “I forgive you, Erik.”
I turn to Holden and tug him out the door. “Let’s go home.”
As we begin the ten-block walk back to his apartment, he pauses at the corner, taking both of my hands in his, running his thumbs over my knuckles. “I meant what I said back there. About you… and me…”
His gaze slowly lifts to mine, the bright morning sun catching the amber hue, turning them even more gold than usual.
Slowly, he lowers himself to one knee, never breaking eye contact with me. I gasp, tears filling my eyes. This can’t be happening. I love Holden. I love him with all of my heart, but we only just got back together.
“Katherine Pearl Harris, will you make me the happiest man in the world…” Holden asks, his voice thick with emotion. “And join me for eggs benedict this morning?”
I snort and drop his hands, turning to walk away. Behind me, I hear him stand again and race to catch up to me. “Ohhhhh… did you think… back there? That I was going to propose?”
“You’re an ass,” I tease him, unable to keep the smile off my face.
He catches my hand and pulls me back into him. “Yeah. But I’m your ass,” he says, grinning from ear to ear. He sweeps me into his arms, pressing his lips to mine in a passionate kiss that leaves me breathless. “And you better get ready,” he whispers against my mouth. “Because I already warned you… that proposal is coming. And it’s going to be way more romantic than me on bended knee on a dirty sidewalk at nine in the morning.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. It’s gonna knock you off your feet, Harris.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it, Dorsey. Oh… and eggs benedict? Please. We both know I’m a pancakes girl.”
“Oh I know.” He wraps his arm around my waist. “With M&Ms.”