Chapter 36 – Delphine
Chapter Thirty-Six
Delphine
The secret spot
I am about to pop in more ways than one.
I have a due date, a birth plan, and a baby that thinks my bladder is the ideal place to practice tap dancing.
I need this baby out of my body ASAP. The ring on my finger didn’t improve my mood as much as I thought it would, if I’m being honest. Luigi picked the perfect engagement ring, which doesn’t surprise me because of the good taste that he has with everything.
We settled into this lake house as much as anyone could expect.
I have a morning routine of walking down by the lake and Luigi takes me out in the row boat for romantic evenings to watch the sunset together.
My symptoms might be terrible, but Luigi does everything he can to make me comfortable and his dedication to my pleasure involves his tongue.
A lot. I can’t complain about my life here, ironically – even if Luigi commanded me to marry him and it wasn’t exactly a marriage proposal.
If anyone thinks I’m crazy for being with this man, I’ll simply say that I had no choice. In a strange way, I really didn’t have a choice because there’s no other man that I’ve met willing to love me the way that Luigi does. He didn’t drug me in the beginning, anyway. That was all Angela.
Speaking of that crazy Italian woman. She’s the only thing the two of us are missing and neither of us are willing to admit it.
I told Luigi to trust my contact with her and so far he has, but in that space, I haven’t been able to share any of the details that I managed to force out of Angela so far.
I wish she would come back here, but I understand why she doesn’t.
Renzo and Gino gave me a taste of the darker parts of this family.
It hasn’t escaped me that since the incident, Luigi has kept me far out of sight.
He has an office and technically “works”, but it’s not the same as when he lived in Buffalo and clearly had something approximating a 9-to-5.
With the baby so close and the new engagement ring on my finger, I miss Angela’s presence more than ever.
My family members still haven’t accepted the reality of my pregnancy or engagement, despite the group chat I created to guide them through the process.
They still don’t believe I “baby trapped a man”, according to my youngest step-sister.
I guess they’ll all find out at the wedding, unless Luigi and I choose to elope with a newborn. Who knows what the future holds. We ditched the contract and without it, there’s so much more uncertainty than I’m even prepared to handle.
I text Angela in the thick of my feelings and spurred by pregnancy hormones.
Me: Where are you? I’m about to pop with this baby and I need you back.
I don’t even expect her to respond. Even if she does respond. She’s going to give me the weird half-answers she’s been giving me ever since she disappeared from Buffalo. I don’t think she left against her will, but this woman won’t even give me a clue about where she is. Until now.
Angela: I’ll come back if the family promises not to hurt Lewis. I want it in writing. You can tell Luigi. He’ll know what I mean.
I’m glad she said that part about Luigi, because I certainly don’t have a clue what that means.
“Who is Lewis?”
Luigi looks up at me from his reading chair. I don’t know what the hell he’s reading over there, but he looks over at me with outrage.
“Where did you hear that name?” Luigi asks me. Okay. Clearly, this name has triggered something.
“Are you talking to Angela?” Luigi follows up, exposing that not only does he know my secret, but he knows Angela’s secret too. “Because the last time I heard the name Lewis, I told that woman never to say his name again if she wanted him to live.”
Luigi’s voice sends an icy chill down my spine. He can’t seriously mean that… can he? Why would anyone in his family want this ‘Lewis’ person dead.
“Who is Lewis?”
“Angela’s lover. Her black ballerina lover.”
Okay. Officially, I have whiplash. I knew Angela had a husband and I knew that husband was a psychopath who physically abused her.
I chalked up some of her crazy behavior to having a few screws loose from that time in her life and forgave her for the pills.
Really, I did. But now, I’m shocked to know Angela has had an entirely other life she never mentioned.
Was she so scared about what they would do to Lewis that she wouldn’t even mention him to me knowing that I might slip and tell Luigi? I almost want to dwell on the situation, except Angela trusts me now and that gives me a chance to fix this situation.
“Why do you sound so upset at the idea of her having a black boyfriend?”
“Did you miss the part where I said ballerina?”
I honestly don’t know if I should be accusing Luigi of racism here, or homophobia. I guess the guy must be attracted to Angela, so I don’t know if I can call Luigi homophobic. But there’s something I don’t like about his energy.
“Who cares? They have nice juicy butts. Angela showed me on her phone.”
“I hear you talk about another man’s juicy butt again, I’ll take away your phone privileges.”
That man is such a jealous beast. He’s glaring at me too, like I would take my extremely pregnant ass over to a male ballerina of all things.
Angela told me how hard it is to find a man in her dance world who values and wants a relationship with a woman.
I have no reason to doubt her and even less of a reason to chase after a male ballerina of my own.
“This isn’t even the point, Luigi.”
“What is the point? If she’s with Lewis, I don’t want her coming back.”
Now I’m starting to get race vibes.
“Do you have a problem because Lewis is a black man?”
“It’s not what you think,” Luigi says. “I’m not a racist.”
He has this look on his face like the conversation is over. But the conversation isn’t over at all.
I keep pushing him. I’m pregnant and on the edge of giving birth, so I need to find out now rather than later that Luigi has an unfixable racism problem rather than a few tame but problematic opinions.
“Then what’s your problem?”
“She’s going to get him killed.”
“So now you’re killing him for being black?
” My heart sinks into my stomach. Doesn’t this man know we could have a black son?
Maybe I made a mistake in begging Luigi to keep the baby’s sex a secret until we got to hold them in our arms. He clearly hasn’t thought this through, but it’s too late for any changes now.
I’m having this baby. And judging by the constant pressing of little feet against my internal organs, the baby might try to leap out of my body at any time.
This entire pregnancy has been pure chaos and the practical details seemed so much more important than Luigi’s thoughts and opinions until this moment where he stares at me darkly as he threatens his sister’s well-being for the crime of being with someone who shares my racial background.
I hate how it feels.
“I wouldn’t be the one killing him,” Luigi responds with obvious frustration. “I know our baby will be black, Delphine. I’m in a safe place with you now to make sure he isn’t in danger for that very reason. I told you, I’m no racist.”
“But you still won’t accept Angela.”
He moves his body closer to mine, desperately seeking some affection and perhaps a change to the topic of our conversation right now. If only it were that easy for me to let Luigi off the hook.
I want Angela back. She trusted me with this because she thinks I can get through to her bull-headed brother and I miss that crazy Italian woman.
“It’s not me. It’s my father. It’s my Uncle Pino. It’s our entire family and how it’s built.”
“Why the hell did you let me get pregnant?”
“I knew I could protect you,” Luigi says with so much assuredness that he almost makes me drip with desire for him.
I’ve never met a man who has chosen me the way Luigi has.
It’s so fucking confusing to experience this much tenderness from him in one breath and then to face his potentially bigoted opinions with another.
“If I’m protecting you and our family, I won’t have time to protect Angela. ”
“If she needs protection from your family, our child will have a very difficult life and I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
“I am ready to be your husband and a father to my child. I don’t care who I piss off and I don’t care if I have to leave Buffalo.”
“You’re too deep in the mob to ever leave your family.”
I want him to reassure me, but Luigi’s expression terrifies the crap out of me.
It’s like I saw through him in a way he didn’t want to face himself.
I let him hold me. His warmth spreads through me and the baby starts moving again.
My little peanut kicks my organs so hard that I almost believe there are two of them in there.
“You’re my family now,” he says slowly. “I have this bond of loyalty, and if I have to break it, I won’t lie and tell you it will be easy. But I will defy my family for you, Delphine. I will spare no expense.”
He takes my hand and presses it to his lips.
“You’re going to be my wife,” he whispers. “And soon, you’re going to have my baby.”
“And Angela?” I ask him. “We need to reassure her that when she comes back here with Lewis, nothing bad will happen to her. Pull some strings. Do something for her. Please.”
“She’s the one who drugged you,” Luigi grumbles. “Doesn’t she deserve a little time out?”
“I miss her, Luigi. And you do too. We both want her here and we want her as part of the wedding.”
“She asked to be our little one’s godmother,” Luigi says doubtfully. “Do you really think that’s the best idea?”
Strangely enough, I really do.