55. Lucia
fifty-five
Lucia
“I… should?”
It’s not what I expected him to say, and it’s sure as hell the last thing I wanted to hear.
“Yeah.” Ari stares at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with me.
He doesn’t want me to go, but he’s not going to admit that.
He refuses to believe that it’s okay to have feelings for someone.
That he’s not going to turn into his dad if he lets somebody in.
Ari Morgan is going to let me go because his head is so far stuck up his own ass he can’t see that I’m right in front of him, pleading with him to tell me to stay.
My heart falls as the reality sinks in.
He’s not going to fight for this. For us.
“Why should I go, Ari?”
“Because you deserve to find someone who makes you happy.”
I want to scream at him that I already have. He makes me happy.
But it’ll only fall on deaf ears.
My voice comes out slightly choked now. “What about this?” I gesture between us, forcing him to finally look at me.
“What about it?” Ari’s attempt to seem unbothered is entirely unconvincing. “This was just sex.”
“Right, yeah…”
“We made our lists, and we just checked the last item off. We’ve gone through everything. That’s all you wanted from me, isn’t it?”
When we started this? Yes, I couldn’t imagine wanting anything more.
Now? I’d give him my life if he’d only open his eyes.
Glasses don’t help when you refuse to see.
I just give him the answer he’s looking for. Anything else won’t matter.
“Right.”
“Then there’s no reason you shouldn’t go out with John.”
“Ari…”
“It’s fine, Lucia.” He forces a smile. “This was always going to come to an end. You want a partner, and I hope you find that.”
Without another word, he spins on his heel and walks out of the gym, leaving me reeling behind him.
All the unemotional Lucia Torres wants to do right now is break down.
Cry until I’ve moved on.
But I don’t think any amount of tears would spare me.
How did today turn so quickly? I woke up trying to figure out when to talk to Ari, and by late morning, I had a date with another man.
I take a deep breath and grab my phone.
Lucia
Can you ladies all come over later?
I apparently have a date tonight
Harlow
You do?!
Lucia
Don’t get too excited
It’s not what any of us were hoping for
Rory
Whoa…
Lucia
We can unpack all of that when you’re here
I really need my girls today
Ella
We’ll be there for you, Luc
Olive
Whatever you need
Lucia
My only request is that someone bring a bottle of wine
I’m going to need it to get through this…
I pace around my room as my friends all sit on my bed.
The bed I haven’t slept in in nearly two months.
“What do I do, guys?”
Ella looks at me sympathetically. “Do you want to go on the date tonight?”
“Not with John,” I admit.
“I didn’t realize you felt this much for Ari,” Olive says.
“I didn’t expect to, but I fucking fell in love with him.”
Rory gapes at me. “Holy shit, Lucia.”
“Did you talk to Ari like I said?” Harlow asks.
I sigh and lean back against my dresser. “No.”
“Why? It’s not like you to not be up front with him.”
“Because…” I start before stopping and starting again. “Because I don’t think I could handle his rejection.”
“What makes you so certain he’s going to reject you?” Ella lightly rubs her hands over her growing baby bump.
“Because he refuses to acknowledge that everything has changed. He’s scared to admit that he has actual feelings for somebody.”
“Luc,” Rory says gently. “We’ve known you for years, and we’ve never seen you like this. You’re always so confident and unbothered. What’s going on?”
I could keep it all in, just like I’ve always done.
I could keep it all to myself.
But I’m so fucking tired of pretending.
I take a deep breath and sink to the floor. “It’s an act,” I whisper. “I am confident, but I’m not always confident. I’m not always strong. Honestly, I was fucking broken by what Matt did, but I never wanted you to see that side of me.”
“Why would you hide like that?” Ella asks. “You know we’d never judge you.”
“Because I’m supposed to be the strong one. The one everyone can depend on. No one is supposed to be able to get to me.”
Olive gives me a sympathetic look. “Is that why you’re scared right now?”
“Yes,” I admit. “I fell in love with Ari, and it’s terrifying because I don’t think he’ll be able to accept his feelings for me.” I lower my voice now. “I can’t face that.”
“So make him accept his feelings,” Rory asserts. “You don’t want to go on a date with John, so you need to do what you can to get Ari to actually see that.”
“The best way to do that is by talking,” Harlow mumbles.
“Says Mrs. I-Kept-Everything-To-Myself-Until-It-All-Came-Out-Like-Word-Vomit,” I chide.
“Look, I know talking is the best thing to do, but he’s not going to be receptive.
Everything was great this morning, but the moment I told him about the text from John, he completely shut down.
Me talking to him won’t do a damn thing because he has to come to the realization that he wants me on his own. ”
“So make him figure it out,” Rory states emphatically. “Show him what he’d be missing out on if you go out with John.”
“How do I do that?”
“Well,” Harlow smirks. “We’re going to have to start by getting you ready.”
“We aren’t meeting up for several more hours, though.”
“Yeah, well, it seems like Ari might need that long to come around,” Liv says. For someone who had her own struggles accepting her feelings for Lane, she sure is intuitive now.
Harlow walks over to raid my closet. “You said Ari’s favorite color is green, right?”
“Right.”
She rifles through my tops until she pulls out a fitted white linen sleeveless top. She then moves over to my dresser, flipping through everything until she finds a tea-length flared green skirt.
“Here,” Lo says, handing the garments over to me. “Start by putting these on.”
I take them from her and walk into my en-suite bathroom to get dressed. The top hugs me perfectly, and the skirt is the perfect shade of green to complement my olive skin.
I walk back into the room, and Ella whistles. “Damn, Luc!”
“I’m not sure how this is going to do anything,” I sigh.
“That alone won’t do it,” Harlow says, walking over to my jewelry tray. She holds up my jade pendant. “You’re going to need this.”
“What is that?” Olive asks.
“The necklace Ari got me when we spent the day in Koreatown.”
“Oh, that’s perfect!” Rory shouts.
I take the necklace and clasp it behind my neck. “So what am I supposed to do then? Just walk by?”
“No,” Lo shakes her head before handing me two heels from two different pairs. One black strappy sandal, one gold strappy sandal. “Go get his opinion on the shoes.”
I look at her incredulously. “You want me to ask him about a pair of shoes?”
“You have to start the conversation somehow.” She juts her hips out with her hands resting on them.
“Asking his opinion will mean he has to actually look at you, and he’s going to see you dressed to go out on a date with another man.
That will hopefully give him the kick in the ass he needs to stop you from going. ”
I take a deep breath before I grab the heels from Lo. “Okay, I’ll give it a try.”
“Go show him what he’s missing, babe,” Rory smiles.
I nervously step out of my bedroom and walk into the living room. Ari planted himself on the sofa after he left the gym, and I don’t think he’s moved since.
“Hey, Ari,” I say as cheerily as I can when I walk up beside him.
“Luc,” he gasps. “Wow.”
I blush at the comment but remind myself that I still have work to do.
I take a seat in the chair near him. “Can I get your opinion on something?”
“Yeah, sure,” he says, sitting straight up and facing me. “What do you need?”
I hold the heels up. “I-I’m not sure which shoes I should wear tonight. Will you tell me which pair looks better?”
“Oh, um… okay. Do you, uh, want to put them on?”
This isn’t part of the plan, but I think I have an idea that can help my cause.
“Will you help me?”
Ari’s throat bobs. “Of course.”
He moves in front of me before taking the heels and falling to his knees. He carefully buckles the gold heel on my left foot before securing the black heel on my right.
“What do you think?” I ask softly, staring down at him, still on his knees in front of me.
“You’re stunning, Lucia.” He takes an uneasy breath. “The gold pair looks better.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” he breathes before quickly standing up. “John’s a lucky man.”
“Ari…”
“I hope you enjoy your date tonight, Lucia. I’m going to leave for now. I’ll let you have the space to yourself for a while so you can finish getting ready in peace.”
I don’t have any more words.
I watch in silence as Ari rushes across the room, grabs his keys from the hook, and dashes out the door.
My eyes are glued to the spot as the girls exit the hallway, where I’m assuming they watched what just happened.
“Lucia…” Ella says gently.
I just shake my head. “It didn’t work.”
“What are you going to do?” Liv asks.
I sigh and rest my head on the back of the chair. “I have no fucking idea.”