Chapter Eight #4
Wynter’s gaze drifted over him. In truth, she wasn’t sure how to react to the realization that he had become a mercenary.
He was dressed from head to toe in protection and weapons, every inch the killer.
She’d seen that killer at work in Durham when he had killed the man who had abducted Autumn.
He’d done it without thought, without feeling.
The Gage she’d known those years ago had been an emotional man, with compassion and kindness, but as she was coming to see, the man he’d become was not a man soft with emotion. Quite the opposite.
As she kept telling herself, he’d changed.
But he also changed in another way. He was showing more interest in her than he ever had those years ago and although she was thrilled, the truth was that she simply didn’t know what to make of it.
She was still trying to make sense out of the man she’d just met.
“Why did you not tell me you were a mercenary?” she asked after a moment. “You had ample opportunity. I asked you what you had been doing over the past six years, but you did not answer me. Now I know why.”
The hopeful expression on his face hardened a little.
“I had to do something,” he said. “I had to earn my way. Given that my brother had banned me not only from Septentrion, but from Northumberland, I felt that I did not have much choice but to leave England. I told you I went to my grandfather’s home in Pamplona with the intention of serving him, but that was prevented by my cousins.
My only choice to earn my living by using the skills I’d been trained for was to serve my Uncle Varro.
You should know that I do not regret it.
It is an honest living, my lady, but I am sorry if I have disappointed you. ”
There was both an explanation and a rebuke in that statement. But Wynter didn’t back down. “You have not disappointed me,” she said. “But if you do not regret your choice, as you have said, why did you not tell me to begin with?”
He looked at her, realizing she had a point. It was true that he had avoided telling her about his current profession, but his reasons behind it were increasingly confusing. This young woman who had adored him so those years ago.
This young woman he was finding fascination with now.
After a moment, he shook his head.
“Because I did not want that to be the first thing out of my mouth after having not seen you for many years,” he said. “And mayhap I was afraid you would react just as you are reacting now. I am put in the position of defending myself for choosing an unconventional path.”
Her brow rippled with confusion, perhaps concern. “Is that what you think I’m doing?” she said. “Reacting poorly to the life you’ve chosen?”
“Aren’t you?”
Wynter almost denied it. But she realized that she couldn’t. He was right, about everything.
“You are a great knight, Gage,” she said quietly.
“My father thought you were the best young knight he’d ever seen.
He thought you had such potential, so I suppose what you see is not judgment.
Mayhap it is regret for the life you should have led had Boothe not chased you away. That is all you see, I swear it.”
She wasn’t wrong in her feelings and he snorted softly.
“I have often thought that myself,” he said.
“Though I refuse to relive that part of my life, I will agree that there have been times I have wondered what my life would have been like had Boothe not banished me. Mayhap I would have remained at Septentrion. Or mayhap I would have sworn fealty to a great lord, like your father. Mayhap I would have a wife now and children.”
“You do not have a wife?”
Gage shook his head. “This lifestyle is not conducive to a family,” he said. “The travel is constant, the conditions harsh. That is no life for a woman.”
“Not even if she loved you very much?”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Especially if she loved me very much. I could not subject her to such a thing.”
Something in his words struck her painfully, like a dagger poking holes into her tender heart. In his own words, he was telling her that he would never marry. He was a mercenary, a life he had clearly chosen, and that was what he knew.
There was no place for a wife.
Wynter began to feel sick inside.
“Then I am sure that is a noble attitude,” she said quietly, realizing there was a lump in her throat. “I wish you well, Gage, I truly do. I told you that before and I meant it. If you will excuse me, I must go with my family before they come looking for me.”
“Will I see you at sup?”
She took a deep breath as she turned away. “I think not,” she said. “But I wish you well in your endeavor against your brother. Does he know you are part of this army Brian has hired?”
Gage could see that she was growing emotional, almost teary-eyed. “There is no way he could know,” he said. “My lady… what is the matter? Have I said something wrong again?”
“Nay,” she said quickly. Too quickly. “I must… go.”
She was off before he could stop her. He stood there for a moment, wondering what he could have said to upset her so.
It was the second time she’d run off as if he’d insulted or hurt her somehow and that was something he most definitely didn’t want to do.
Then something Spring had said to him that night at The Rabbit Burrow came back to him again.
She has tried to forget about you for the past six years, but to no avail.
Perhaps that was becoming more apparent.
Perhaps talk of a wandering lifestyle was upsetting to her, but most upsetting was surely the mention of the fact that it was no life for a woman.
For a wife. It was arrogant of him to assume that might have upset her, but he couldn’t help but think it.
He couldn’t believe, after all these years, that she would still have feelings for him – romantic feelings.
He’d told Spring that he’d never had any romantic inclination towards her and that was true. It had been true once, anyway.
But he was coming to realize that, increasingly, it wasn’t.
This was the third real conversation he’d had with Wynter since seeing her at The Rabbit Burrow and he knew, as he lived and breathed, that something was happening inside of him that was most unexpected.
Perhaps even unwelcome, but he couldn’t seem to resist it. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.
And it all centered around Wynter de Thorington.