Chapter 14 - Nikki
Her heart was hammering, threatening to burst out of her chest. Part of her insisted this was too much, that crossing this boundary was dangerous, and she needed to refrain, that it would make things too complicated.
She was still furious with him, and she knew she was in a state of heightened emotions at the moment.
At the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to care.
She was tired of holding back. She had been denying her feelings for so long, and all she wanted at this point was to give in, to lose herself for a while.
He deposited her on his bed and hovered over her, drinking her in.
Just that look was enough to heat her body all over.
She was tired of holding herself back, of denying how badly she wanted him.
Why had she been so resistant? At this moment, the way he was looking at her naked body, the way that hunger made her feel, she realized she couldn’t think of a single reason why she’d thought this was a bad idea.
She watched him take off his shirt. Her eyes raked over his body, taking in the smooth muscle, the scars lacing his chest, the tattoo winding around his arm.
Heat and overwhelming need rushed over her, her pulse racing, her mind beginning to go blank as an insatiable hunger she had never experienced before began to surge inside her.
He undid his jeans, and his cock sprang out, fully erect.
She took it in, fresh heat rippling through her at the sight.
Her heart thundered as her limbs trembled, making her quiver all over.
Silently, though the burning in his eyes said more than any words ever could, he clambered on top of her, his eyes still roaming her body. His hand traced her side, the rough calluses there sending tantalizing ripples running through her. She bit her lip, her body wanting more.
Barely aware that she was doing it, she sat up, gently twisting until he lay on the bed and she was straddling his thighs. Her fingers traced the firm lines of muscle, feeling the scars that told stories of triumphant battles.
Her hand slid down to his cock, and she wrapped her fingers around it.
She watched his reaction when she began stroking, grinning at the way he groaned slightly.
Slowly, still watching his reaction, she bent, and her tongue ran along his shaft.
She took him fully in her mouth. He tasted of sweat, but not unpleasantly so.
His hand went to her hair, grasping it as her head bobbed up and down.
She grinned around his cock, looking up at him, relishing that expression of burning need as he watched her tongue swipe along the head.
With a snarl, he pulled her back up, flipping her back beneath him.
His fingers roamed downward again, his thumb toying with her clit.
She squirmed beneath him, breaths coming out ragged.
She reached toward him, wanting to guide him inside her.
Instead, he grabbed both wrists and pinned them over her head.
His thumb flicked her clit as he hovered over her, smirking.
It wasn’t enough. She needed more of him. She needed him inside her.
“Please,” she begged.
His finger ran along her slit, taunting her.
“Please,” she repeated.
He smirked. Then, almost without warning, he slammed into her.
She gasped, relishing the sensation of him filling her. That building need continued to swell, growing into a crescendo. She gasped, every thrust sending new spasms of craving and heat through her. She wanted to cry out, but her mouth seemed unable to form words.
He moved faster, and that delicious blankness that had begun to wash over her intensified. Her fingers grasped the bedsheets. Her toes began to curl as she writhed beneath him.
His mouth went to her neck, nipping gently, just enough for her to feel it.
She gasped again, that overwhelming need for release and bliss growing stronger and stronger, becoming nearly unbearable.
She tried to hold onto that feeling, to ride that craving and stay on that precarious precipice, wanting that sensation to last for as long as possible before she finally succumbed.
She was teetering on the edge, and it was everything she could do to hold onto it when his fingers grasped her breast and tightened.
He didn’t lose a single pump with the motion.
Between two more of his thrusts, she shattered.
She screamed, her back arching, that wave of release drowning her.
He kept going, pumping harder, letting her ride that wave, her hips bucking in time with his.
Her cries reverberated through the room, and her nails dug into his back.
Just as her own wave of pleasure had subsided, she felt him finish inside her, his cock throbbing.
They stayed like that for a moment, Jasper hovering above her, looking almost as startled as she felt, as if he had been just as overtaken by an overwhelming need and just as surprised by it.
They looked at each other, neither saying anything, even as a swirl of communication seemed to bounce between them.
It was as though they had crossed some undefinable threshold that neither of them had anticipated ever crossing, and both were trying to navigate it while following the other’s lead.
After a moment, when they began to catch their breath, Jasper’s lips brushed against her once more, this time tenderly, gently, though the hunger from those earlier kisses still lingered beneath the kiss.
Then, he slid out of her to lay next to her on the bed.
Nikki panted, chest heaving. She stared at the ceiling, watching the whorls and swirls in the pattern. Her mind reeled.
If she were being honest, she had wanted to do that for weeks.
She’d imagined more than once what it would feel like for him to be on top of her.
It had felt even better than she could have imagined.
At the same time, she had promised herself she would never give in to those cravings, no matter how badly she wanted to.
Despite that, she felt at ease. Happy, even. Something about it had felt almost right.
As if he could read her mind, Jasper asked, “How are you feeling?”
She hesitated. “Conflicted,” she finally admitted. When she twisted to look at him, she saw his eyebrow raised in question. “I’m not going to lie and say that wasn’t incredible. But it’s complicated. I don’t regret it, but at the same time, I still don’t know if I should have.”
“Why not?”
“You forced me into a marriage against my will,” she said. “That creates some conflicting feelings.”
Jasper winced. “I did,” he admitted. He ran his fingers through his hair, mussing it further, making it look windswept and, to Nikki, even more attractive. His face was set and determined. He turned to look at her. “But everything I’ve done has been to protect you. I need you to know that.”
Huffing, she flopped back, trying to figure out how to form the words. “I think you do believe that,” she muttered.
He twisted until he was looking fully at her.
His hand stretched out, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
His fingers lingered, thumb tracing her cheekbone.
She tried not to shiver at the caress, tried to ignore the way her body responded to the simple touch.
Her eyes closed briefly as she instinctively leaned into it.
When she opened her eyes again, a fresh jolt of need and longing shot through her at the look on his face, a blend of concern and affection and intense lust.
“I don’t know what it is about you,” he said. “But I can’t stand the thought of anything bad happening to you. It’s why I’m so reactive. The only reason I didn’t tear Vincent to shreds for what he did to you was because I wanted to make sure you were safe and out of harm’s way.”
The words warmed her despite her best efforts to resist him. During their conversation earlier, some barrier had been broken, and she’d been tired of restraining herself for so long.
“It still messed me up, though,” she admitted. “I don’t like feeling like I’m being controlled.”
He closed his eyes, rubbing his face. “I know,” he said. “But it’s partly for my own sanity. If I know you’re safe, I can actually focus on other things. If there’s even a shred of a chance you’re in danger, I can’t think of anything else. So, as selfish as it is, it helps me.”
Nikki didn’t know how to respond to that.
She was so used to men controlling her because they saw her as an object, something they could possess, that it didn’t make sense to her that someone might be acting a similar way because they cared about her as a person.
It felt foreign that anyone would think of her that way.
But now, she could believe it of Jasper.
That didn’t make any of what he had done better. She hadn’t fully forgiven him for marrying her against her will, but she could at least believe that he hadn’t done it out of a desire to control her.
“I know,” she said. “But you have to understand that it’s going to take a while for me to fully trust you.”
“I get it,” Jasper replied. “As long as you know I don’t regret doing it, if it meant keeping you safe.”
Nikki nodded, unsure how else to respond.
Jasper hesitated, glancing around the room.
His jaw twitched, and she could see the gears turning in his mind.
She wished she could uncover his thoughts so she could make sense of them.
She wanted to understand him, because she knew it would give her the context she needed to accept the decisions he’d made.
She could understand what it was like to grow up with difficult parents.
After a moment, he sighed. “You’re not going to be happy with this,” he began.
“Probably not, if you’re starting the conversation like that,” she said, flashing a teasing grin that Jasper reciprocated. “Go on. You’re going to say it eventually.”
He took a breath, his smirk melting into a frown. It looked like he was trying to figure out the best way to say whatever unpleasant thing he needed to get out.
“I think it’s best that you don’t leave the house alone,” he said.
“The house is fine. It’s alarmed and about as safe as you can get.
But after what happened with Vincent, I don’t like the idea of you being alone with anyone we don’t trust. People who aren’t Amber or Franco.
” He grimaced. “Maybe not Cillian, though. He’s too much of a flirt. ”
Nikki didn’t answer at first. She bit her lip, not saying anything.
Her initial reaction was frustration. She liked her privacy and independence, and anything that sapped her of those things, she immediately wanted to fight against. That, and there was that spark of concern again.
That fear Jasper was isolating her because he thought she couldn’t handle herself.
Staring at Jasper, she could see the worry there, both about her safety and about her reaction to what he’d said. He wasn’t saying it because he didn’t think she could handle herself. He was saying it because it was the only way he would be comfortable leaving her side, knowing she would be safe.
For a brief moment, she was back in the woods, Vincent dragging her over the ridge. Then later, him yanking her to her feet to haul her out of her hiding spot. Phantom fingers wrapped tight around her bruises.
She repressed a shudder, but only barely.
“Not a bodyguard, exactly,” Jasper said when she remained quiet. “Just having someone near you, just so that you can’t be caught alone again.”
Her eyes fluttered shut. More than anything, she wanted control back over her life. She wanted to be able to do whatever she felt like again. She wanted to feel safe going on a hike with a friend. But that wasn’t going to happen right now. It wouldn’t happen until Lucas was caught.
“All right,” she said.
Jasper blinked. “Really?” he asked. “I’m happy, but I expected more pushback to be entirely honest.”
She had expected it from herself, too. But the second she said it, she realized she meant it.
“You don’t want me hurt,” she said. “I get that it’s coming from a place of caring. And if this is the way to give you peace of mind so you don’t have to worry about me and can focus on getting Lucas, then I’ll take it.”