Chapter 16 - Nikki
Despite Jasper’s reservations about Cillian watching after her, it seemed it was his turn on the rotation. He was waiting for her outside the library when she stepped out. She smiled, waved, and buttoned her coat as she hurried toward him.
“Hey, there,” Cillian said. “Doing okay?”
She nodded, and the two of them walked down the road in companionable silence.
“How is hunting for Lucas going?” she asked after some time.
He bobbed his head back and forth. “It’s going, at the very least. Could be a lot worse, you know?”
She shot him a look, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “Why does it sound like you’re being more than a little disingenuous?” she asked, teasing.
“Probably because I’m being disingenuous,” he admitted, scratching his neck. He let out a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. “But we’re getting there, at the very least. We know what we need to do, and we’re doing it systematically.”
Nikki made a noncommittal noise and nodded, unsure how else to respond to the statement. At this point, while she wasn’t exactly climbing the walls, she was beginning to get stir-crazy, and she found her thoughts wandering to a time when she wouldn’t have to fear stepping outside her house.
“I’m sure you’ll get to the bottom of it soon,” she said. “It’ll be nice to put this all behind us.”
To that end, she found her thoughts drifting elsewhere.
Namely, to Jasper, and what might happen once all of this was over.
She had no idea what the future would look like.
She hadn’t broached the subject with Jasper because, in truth, she was starting to wonder what she wanted to happen in the first place.
Ever since the incident with Vincent, she had started warming up more to Jasper, growing more accustomed to him.
To her surprise, she had even begun thinking of his house as their home more than anything else.
What would happen once Lucas was caught? Would they stay married? She hadn’t let herself think about the future in those terms, and now that her thoughts were drifting that way, she realized she didn’t fully know what she wanted.
“Wish we’d found out about Vincent earlier,” Cillian said, dragging her thoughts back to the present. “We could have headed it off.”
“There’s no way you could have known,” Nikki pointed out mildly.
“Sure, but we probably should have been more on the lookout,” Cillian said. “The second Donovan told us, we should have kept more of an eye out.”
Nikki slowed. Cillian didn’t notice at first and kept going. When he found out, he glanced around and twisted to look over his shoulder at her.
“Everything all right?” he asked.
“Yeah, everything is fine,” Nikki said. She chewed the inside of her cheek. “Um, when you say Donovan told you, what did you mean?”
Cillian shrugged, giving her a slightly bewildered look. “Donovan came to us a few days ago and told us there might be people in town who were in league with Lucas.”
Her heart pounded, Cillian’s words pulsing in her ears, sounding like an almost nauseating chant. As they swirled in her head, she willed herself to be misinterpreting them. Because she couldn’t be hearing Cillian correctly.
Jasper would have told her if she needed to worry about Lucas’s men in the pack. He would have told her. He wouldn’t have kept something that monumental from her, surely.
Maybe she was misunderstanding Cillian. Maybe Donovan had spoken to them after Vincent had attacked her.
How had Jasper known to come after you? a voice in her head whispered, sending an unpleasant jolt rippling through her. How had he known to come running?
It was a question she hadn’t let herself consider until now, and it stopped her in her tracks. An unpleasant feeling curdled in her stomach. She needed to know.
“That was before the incident with Vincent, right?” Nikki asked. She tried to sound casual, more as though she were trying to recollect something she already knew rather than trying to ply him for information. Inside, though, her heart was pounding, and her mind was racing.
It must have been the day of. Otherwise, Jasper would have told her. He would have warned her so she could keep an eye out. Surely he wouldn’t have kept that from her.
“Yeah,” Cillian said. “A couple of days before.”
The words sank in, and the air rushed out of her. She came to a stop without realizing it, her mouth parting as she stared at nothing. Her jaw tightened, her fingers curling into fists.
It took Cillian a moment to realize she wasn’t following him. He slowed, twisting to glance behind him toward her motionless form. He frowned, as if realizing he might have made a grievous mistake.
“Jasper told you, didn’t he?” he asked.
“No,” Nikki muttered, biting out the words. She didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to lie. “He didn’t.”
Cillian shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. He glanced away, then back to her, then away again as if trying to come up with some explanation that would smooth everything over.
“Look, I’m sure that he had a good reason not to tell you,” he finally said. “He was probably trying to protect you, to keep you from worrying.”
“And you don’t think that telling me might have protected me?” she asked.
Cillian didn’t answer. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. He looked as though he would rather be anywhere else in the world but here. She couldn’t blame him.
Everything around her continued to spin.
She tried to tamp down her emotions, if only for the time being.
But that felt impossible considering the fury prickling just beneath her skin.
Jasper had lied to her. He had kept things from her.
She had just begun to trust him, and now it was obvious that it had been a mistake.
In front of her, Cillian was still watching her, regarding her like she was a cornered animal, ready to lash out at any moment.
Or maybe that was just guilt. He shuffled back and forth where he stood facing her on the sidewalk, the street still mercifully empty.
She didn’t want anyone else around to see her, as betrayal and frustration washed over her, threatening to consume her entirely.
“He did what he thought was best,” Cillian said after a long moment when the only sound was dried leaves skittering across the concrete. “I know that much about Jasper.”
“Of course he did,” she muttered. “He always does.”
Whether I want him to or not, she thought, but didn’t say. She hadn’t realized her fingers had curled into fists until she looked down and saw her knuckles turning white. Biting her lip to stop herself from screaming, she started walking again, brushing past Cillian.
“I’m pretty tired,” she said. “I want to get home and take a nap.”
If Cillian knew she was lying to get out of this conversation and have some time alone, he didn’t remark on it.
Instead, he nodded and followed her down the road.
Neither of them said anything else on the entire walk home.
Nikki kept hoping that the emotions swirling in her head like a tempest would ebb.
She wanted a level head. But rage and disbelief continued building with every step.
Cillian trailed two steps behind her. She didn’t look back at him, but she could sense his discomfort.
After an agonizingly long and uncomfortable walk, they came to the house. Nikki stopped at the foot of the path leading to the front steps and faced a contrite-looking Cillian. He opened his mouth, then closed it.
“I’m staying home the rest of the day,” Nikki said.
Cillian nodded. He looked her up and down, searching her features, trying to discern something—though what, she wasn’t entirely certain.
His jaw tightened. When he didn’t say anything else, she turned and walked toward the door.
It wasn’t until she opened it and almost entered the house that she heard Cillian’s footsteps pounding behind her. She twisted to look at him.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.
“You can do me one favor,” she said.
“What’s that?”
Her lips pursed, and her finger tapped against the doorframe. She took several moments.
“Don’t tell Jasper you told me.”
His eyes widened, and for a moment, she thought he might refuse. It wouldn’t have surprised her. He was going to be loyal to Jasper, not her. But he must have felt bad enough about dropping that bombshell on her that he gave a short, uncomfortable jerk of the head.
“Okay,” he said.
“Thanks.”
She closed the door in his face, turning the lock, but not moving away from the door until she heard Cillian’s shuffling footsteps fade away down the street.
Once she was certain that he was gone, she took a deep breath and moved over to the couch.
She barely felt herself collapsing onto the couch, her emotions refusing to settle.
Jasper had known. He had known that people in town were in league with Lucas, and he hadn’t told her.
That knowledge continued to swirl in her head, and it felt nearly impossible to keep her frustration back.
He could have warned her. He could have told her.
She would have thought twice about going into the woods alone with Vincent.
Even if she had ultimately decided to still trust Vincent, she would have turned around the second she sensed something was off, rather than keep going.
She stared up at the ceiling while those revelations continued swirling in her head, refusing to settle. Why? She couldn’t fathom what would have compelled Jasper to keep that secret. It wasn’t until several minutes had passed that it finally made sense.
Why had he done it? Because he had thought it would protect her.
Of course, he had.
She clenched her teeth, glaring up at the ceiling. It didn’t matter what he’d said about trusting her. It was clear he didn’t. And she didn’t care if he was doing it to protect her anymore. He was still controlling her life by withholding information.
She was done. She was done with all of it. She wasn’t going to let Jasper get away with this. Not this time, and not anymore.