Chapter 8
When we got to their compound, Kaseem took Namier to his house first to drop him off.
He walked with him inside to make sure he was straight.
Tonight I saw a whole new side of Namier and I was finally understanding how much of a bond these brothers shared.
The goofy, funny and playful brother turned out to be a crash-out when it came down to the well being of his brothers.
I couldn’t help but respect it. That’s how I always imagined siblings to be.
Kaseem was in the house for ten minutes max, then he came right back out to me.
Once we got to his house, he opened my door for me again to let me out the car.
We went straight inside to his bedroom without a word being said.
I could feel the stress still on him from everything that had transpired tonight.
"I need to stand under some hot water and clear my mind. I’m about to jump in this shower.” he said, his voice tired but still carrying that edge of control. "Get comfortable. I'll be out in a minute.”
He headed toward his bathroom without waiting for a response.
I stood there for a minute. Once I heard that shower start, I was wrestling with myself.
He'd been through hell tonight. He probably needed space.
Needed time to process seeing his brother laid up in a hospital bed, him getting answers about what went down, dealing with my father.
The last thing he probably needed was me invading his space while he reset and cleared his head.
But then I thought about the car ride back here.
About how he'd held my hand. About how he'd promised to protect me.
About the fact that if I was going to be his wife and stand on my vows, I couldn't just stand on the sidelines when he needed someone.
This was some shit no man should be carrying alone.
Especially while the woman they would be marrying was here.
I walked to the bathroom door and hesitated. My hand was on the door.
Then I turned the knob and went inside.
The bathroom was already filled with steam.
I could see him through the shower door, water running down his body, his head tilted back under the shower head.
His shoulders were muscular, scarred in places like he’d had a rough life no matter how rich his family was.
His whole frame was what was making my mouth water.
Then he opened his eyes and saw me standing there.
I froze for a second, just looking at him. At all of him. Completely naked and releasing all his stress under that water. I forgot what I was even about to say when I entered.
Our eyes locked and I felt something damn near electric. I wonder if he’d felt it too.
Without breaking eye contact with him, I started taking my clothes off. I kept my eyes on him the whole time. I started pulling my hoodie off, then my shirt over my head, stepping out of my pants, removing everything until I was standing there naked in front of him.
He froze. His whole body went still watching me. He wasn’t even soaping up anymore. The look he gave me let me know that he loved what he saw. With this man, I wasn’t even nervous or shy like I thought I’d be. Kaseem was just different.
He bit his lip and his eyes said everything his mouth wasn't saying. They said he wanted me. They said he needed me. They said something deeper than just us being in this moment.
After a few seconds that felt like forever, he told me sternly, "Come on, and get in."
He opened the shower door and I walked over and stepped in with him. The hot water hit my skin and I gasped slightly. He pulled me under the spray with him, letting the water fall down over both of us.
As much as I didn’t want my hair getting wet and messed up, I knew after this I would have him paying for my silk press. All I knew in this moment was that this man needed me, and I needed to be there.
We didn't say anything. We both just started moving. He grabbed the washcloth and soap and started washing my body slow and careful. His hands moved across my shoulders, my arms, my back. There was nothing rushed about it. It was deliberate. It was intimate without being sexual.
Then I took the washcloth and washed his chest. Felt the muscles under my hands. Washed his arms, his back. When he turned back around, I worked the shampoo into his hair, my fingers massaging his scalp while he stood there with his head back, eyes closed.
When I rinsed the soap out, he turned back to me and pulled me close. His body was warm and wet against mine. He kissed me and I kissed him back. Not a fake ass kiss either. It was real. Just two people who needed each other to feel solid when life around them was shaky.
We stood like that under the water for a while, holding each other, letting the heat and steam surround us. He held on tight to me and I felt a man that was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders finally able to let some of it off. Even if it was just temporary.
---
Later, we were in bed. The lights were off. Just the two of us in the dark.
He had me laying on my side next to him, his arm around me, his body close.
"Do you feel safe with me?" he asked, and his voice was different. Quieter. More vulnerable than I'd ever heard it.
I knew what he was really asking. He knew the life he lived was dangerous. He knew what came with being married to him. He was asking if I could trust him to keep me from that danger.
"I believe that you'll protect me," I said. "I believe you won't let any harm come my way."
He was silent for a moment.
"But do you feel safe?" he asked again, and this time the question hit different. He wasn't asking if I believed in his protection. He was asking if I actually felt safe. If I could be at peace in this life we were building.
I couldn't answer that. The truth was, I didn't feel completely safe.
How could I? I was married to a man who killed people.
I was in a world of crime and violence. My father had just betrayed me.
My aunt was blackmailing me. Nothing about my life was actually safe.
I was actually scared as hell to be honest. Everything I had known has changed in a short time.
I turned to face him and saw the disappointment flash across his face before I could respond. He knew I couldn't answer because the answer was no.
He didn't say anything else. Just pulled me closer to his chest and closed his eyes. I laid feeling his heartbeat, feeling his arms around me, understanding that this was what he could offer. This moment. This closeness. This presence.
It wasn't safety. But it was something. And we were further than we were when the nigga kidnapped me. With time, I hoped that my answer would be yes.
We fell asleep like that - him holding me tight, me holding onto his arm even tighter, both of us trying to find peace in each other when the world around us was falling apart.
—
The next morning the sound of my own moaning woke me up out of my sleep.
I thought maybe I was having a wet dream, but the sensation that shot through my body when I opened my eyes was real.
This shit felt too damn good. This man was eating me like I’d never been ate before.
Immediately out of instinct, my hand grabbed his head near both of his ears.
Pulling his whole face in deeper. I rotated my hips and thrust into his mouth while he ate, slurped and fingered me all at the same time.
This nigga was so skilled that whoever had the privilege of getting this treatment before me, I hated that bitch and wished her nothing but the worst in life. I was glad that I had beat his last hoe up.
He spread my legs as far apart as they could go while slurping my clit hard, then spitting on it, then slurping some more.
I was squirming and losing my damn mind.
For a second I thought I felt my soul leave my body.
I could already tell this man was about to have my mind gone.
I slept in nothing but his T-shirt last night.
Now I know exactly why that was all he gave me for bed.
He wanted early access to me this morning. I mean, a girl could get used to this.
Just as I felt myself about to come, I pushed his head back.
“Wait. Stop and fuck me!” I begged. He came up for air, looked me in my face and laughed.
“Nah baby. Slow down. You gotta wait til later for all that,” he smirked and went back to eating. He did his best shit until I had wet his bed and his face up and was shaking profusely.
As soon as he was done, he smiled at his work.
He told me to go clean myself up and to get dressed.
He went into his bathroom then walked out the room leaving me there.
I had made a big ass mess so I took his sheets off his bed and placed them in a pile so I could wash them today when I cleaned his room.
Yes, he had people to do that, but as long as I was here, I’d do my womanly duties too.
I showered and got dressed as I was ordered, and before I could leave the room to go find Kaseem, he was walking into my room with my laptop and my phone.
“You know what to do, and what not to do. I’m gone trust you til I can’t.
I programmed my number into your phone so you’ll have it if you need me while I’m gone.
We are about to have breakfast, then you have an appointment this afternoon at 1:00pm.
You don’t have to do nothing but be ready to leave the house.
Come down for breakfast when you done in here. ”