Chapter Twenty-Two
Elena
I throw the covers aside, kick my feet off the bed, and drag my hands through my hair with more force than is necessary. From the edge of the bed, I angle my head to the side, briefly staring at my reflection in the mirror by the dresser.
I’m a mess. My hair’s tousled like a bird’s nest. My eyes are red and puffy from lack of sleep, and there’s practically a dark cloud hovering around me from thinking too much.
I don’t like it—this gnawing feeling of uncertainty and helplessness, the tumultuous wave of emotions wreaking internal havoc. In the midst of it all, that horrible truth comes back again, like it has been all night, causing me to toss and turn on the bed:
I almost died.
I’ve heard people’s stories about near-death experiences. I’ve sympathized with them, wished they didn’t have to live through those painful moments. But I’ve never fully understood the gravity of it until yesterday.
The inexplicable fear and agony that this moment just might be your last—the last time you draw breath, the last time you see the ones you love, the uncertainty of what waits for you on the other side in that moment when your life flashes before your eyes until the darkness sets in.
But in my case, the darkness didn’t set in. Leonid didn’t let it. Like a knight in shining armor, he came to my rescue and fought my attackers off like that was the only reason he was on Earth: to protect me.
My heart still thumps in excitement as I remember it—the tears of joy that sprang to my eyes, the hope that I wasn’t going to die, and the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach when I saw how brutally Leo fought for me.
I choke out a dry laugh.
Isn’t it ironic?
Who would have thought that the same man who dragged me into all of this would passionately fight to save me from it?
Combing my fingers through my hair again, I shake my head.
My life is unreal.
“Oh, Elena,” I murmur under my breath, and bury my face in my hands.
The relief and gratitude that have washed over me are surreal, but there’s no room to bask in the euphoria of being alive because of the guilt that chips away at my heavy heart.
The truth is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow. But in the safe confines of the bedroom, in the silence, I take it all back—my insults and unreasonable arguments.
I never should have doubted him in the first place.
Groaning, I raise my head up and drag myself off the bed. The emptiness on his side of the bed worsens the guilt I feel, and a subtle, hollow ache settles in the pit of my stomach. It makes sense that he isn’t here. If I was him, I probably wouldn’t be here, either.
Or maybe I would be, to rub my ignorance in my face and tell me I told you so. I blink away the thought. Leonid is a lot of things, but he isn’t petty. His absence is enough to convey the message that he isn’t pleased with how things went down yesterday.
I lift my eyes toward the windows. The curtains are open and birdsong filters in, but the sun is barely out. It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to.
I turn away from the view of dark blue skies and waving trees outside and slip my feet into the fluffy slippers beside the bed. Grabbing a robe from a hanger by the door, I tie it over my mismatched pajama shirt and gray sweatpants before starting for the kitchen.
I’m past the dimly lit hallway and down the stairs, almost nearing the entrance of the kitchen, when something clatters on the ground.
A few gory memories from the previous day flash through my mind: the deafening ricochet of bullets as the guns went off, the sickening crunch of bones when Leo sank his fist into someone’s face, the bodies of men dropping to the ground like lifeless sacks, the light fading from their eyes.
My heart leaps to my throat, beating so fast I’m scared it could split through my ribs. My hand flies to my chest. “Oh my God!”
I hear a shuffle of feet approaching. “Elena?” It’s Tatiana. “Is that you?”
The concern and worry in her voice forces me to put a smile on my face as I step over the threshold of the kitchen. The smile is shaky, but I try. “Yeah, it’s me.”
“I’m so sorry. Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to.
It’s just the pot. It fell when I was trying to put it away.
” Her blue eyes gleam with remorse, and her lips quiver slightly as she walks up to me.
I’m barely given enough time to process her apology before her arms wrap around me, drawing me into a hug.
“You must have been so scared, poor thing.”
She pats my hair and rubs circles on my back. It’s so warm and comforting, it almost sends tears to my eyes. I pull away before I start sobbing. “No, you didn’t wake me. I was already on my way here before I heard the noise. I promise I’m fine. It was just a little scare, but I’m good now.”
Tatiana watches me, assessing me the way her brother would.
She scrutinizes me with a frightening attention to every single detail that won’t stop until she’s assured that I really am okay.
I put on a bright smile, and whatever she sees seems to convince her enough to peel her arms off me and take a step back.
“Alright, I’ll believe you.” She walks back to the counter and lifts the pot into the sink. “What you went through...it was terrible. I’m sorry you had to see that. You should be asleep, getting all the rest you need. Why are you up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh.” The single word holds more weight than anything else she’s said this past minute. It’s like an unspoken understanding of the burden that weighs on my shoulders. She doesn’t say much, but I understand the contorted expression on her face.
I sigh, running a hand down my face. “Tati...”
She turns around, wearing a pout that should be a sign of her displeasure, but it makes her look super adorable instead. She crosses her arms over her flower-patterned nightdress and crosses one leg over the other as she leans against the counter.
“None of this is your fault…or your brother’s,” I say softly, hoping she gets that I would never resent her or Leo for anything. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“For what, exactly?”
“Not listening?” I shudder, suddenly replaying the argument I had with him about not needing extra security, not wanting to be trapped in his world.
“He knows more than I do. He’s an experienced man; he’s seen it all.
He knows how this...this world works. Your brother tried to protect me…
and I guess that’s what he’s been trying to do this entire time.
I just didn’t see it, and I feel ashamed for not trusting him. ”
Her shoulders lower and the guilt slowly fades from her gaze. “You’re not at fault for any of this. Heck.” She lets out a laugh. “If I were in your shoes, I’d probably do a lot worse. I’d demand to be released and sent back to my life. Sheesh, I’d be totally unbearable.”
“I doubt it. You’re too adorable to be unbearable.”
Tatianna waves away my teasing with a smile, and then her eyes turn serious.
She flicks her braid over her shoulder. “But Leo is my brother, so I believe I’m in the best position to say he’s fiercely protective over people he cares about.
And he does care about you, Elena, a whole lot.
I’m not going to lie—sometimes he’s over the top, but it’s not without good reason. ”
She bites her lip and I sense she has more to say, so I don’t interrupt her.
“When a man like him lives through numerous losses in his life, he’ll automatically do all it takes to make sure he keeps his family breathing. As long as it’s something he can control, he’ll do so, unapologetically.”
Maybe months ago, even after listening to Tatiana talk about Leo dealing with the losses in his life, I would have still called my abductor a monster and a control freak.
Not now. Not anymore.
Tatianna offers me an encouraging smile and shrugs when she says, “Just talk to him. Be honest about your feelings instead of burying the guilt. That’s my advice.”
I attempt to stifle the smile that quickly forms on my mouth. “Interesting advice. Honestly, this entire session has been life-changing. You ever considered becoming a therapist?”
She smirks. “Actually, yeah! Sounds pretty dope for a career option. I have thought about it, and who knows? I could sign you and Leo up as my first clients.”
“He needs it a lot more than I do.”
Tatiana gasps. “Elena! That’s so not nice.”
“But you know it’s true!”
Tatiana and I continue bickering in the kitchen until we finally settle on preparing a breakfast of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and maple syrup, all before the sun rises.
The rest of the day is spent calmly, with Tati doing everything—including talking about movie stars and introducing me to funny games—just to take my mind off the disastrous events of the previous day.
Her insistence and determination pay off, because soon we’re singing our heads off to songs we only partly know, passionately hitting off-key notes while doing karaoke at dusk.
Later that night, after a hot bath and a sober reflection on the current reality that is my life, I put on one of Leo’s big black shirts and amble over to the balcony to look at the stars.
I cross my arms on the railing, letting the cold night air bite at the exposed parts of my skin and whisk my damp hair behind my back. Behind me, I hear the door creak open and click shut, and a flutter erupts in my chest.
“Elena?”
He’s back.
The subtle hint of concern in his deep baritone ripples over my skin and causes my toes to curl. “Over here,” I call back.
In the quiet night, I hear heavy footsteps muffled against the rug as he advances like a soldier on a mission. The second he steps onto the balcony, his familiar scent wraps around me like a vise—cedar and musk, with a tinge of sweat and exhaustion.
I turn around, and sure enough, there are stress lines between his brows and a frown on his hard mouth. “It’s cold out here. You’re barely covered up.”
I move closer to him, tilting my head back to get a full view of his face as I slide one palm up his chest. “And you obviously had a long day. You’re tired, but here you are, scolding me for not wearing enough clothes,” I say softly.
“Not the same thing.”
A smile touches my lips. “It is. You care, and I care, too.” I soften my gaze, hoping he can see how much I feel. “And I’m sorry that I haven’t admitted that sooner.”
He slides an arm around my waist and pulls me flush against his chest. Then he cups my cheeks, staring down at me with a stern expression. “You have a right to be frightened of everything I am and what I represent.”
I shake my head. “I waive that right, Leo. I understand now that your control comes from terror, from the fear of losing those you care about. It’s not about power plays or dominance. And from now on, I’ll respect your decisions about my security.”
He doesn’t seem convinced, but he doesn’t push.
Instead, he lowers his lips to mine and brushes a firm but fleeting kiss to the side of my mouth. He steps aside and points at the bedroom. “I don’t want you catching a cold. Go inside.”
“I will, if you kiss me again,” I whisper.
Instantly, his eyes darken with a desire I know he was trying to suppress, and when he does step forward to claim my lips again, he does so with complete abandon. It’s passionate and rough, exhilarating even, allowing me to feel the awakening of every nerve in my body…and leaving me wanting more.
I dig my nails into his shirt to keep me grounded, and he gently presses me against the cold railing as we lose ourselves in the cool glow of the moonlight.