Chapter Twenty-Six - Kiara
Akim wouldn’t tell me where he was going, instead leaving me reeling and grasping at straws, which is the usual state of affairs of our relationship.
“What I’m doing is for us and when I’m done you won’t have to worry again.” His eyes showed determination, but the energy he gave off as he said it, seemed like fear.
“Wait! Why can’t you tell me where you’re going?” I shouted as I heard him call Boris and Luka.
“You don’t need to worry about where I’m going. You stay here and get better.”
I pouted, seeing the bulk of his chest and the flash of his gun holster under his jacket. I knew exactly where he was going, but I didn’t want to face it. “You’re going to get Ethan, aren’t you? Why can’t you just leave it alone? You don’t have to do this!”
Akim turned to me at that moment, kissing me hard as I balled up my fists against his chest, wanting him to stop his power-hungry conquests to own Chicago.
This isn’t the life I want with him. How can I? Now I have to spend the rest of my life worrying about if he’s going to make it out alive. If it’s not Ethan, it’s going to be some other street battle. It has to be. It’s the life he lives, and I’m trapped in the web of it with no way out.
The door slammed behind me, leaving me alone, standing in the middle of the doorway. That was an hour ago. I tried to eat something, but my stomach rumbled weirdly making it hard to keep anything down.
Immediately I call Emily. I should have called her earlier about this mess. I’m sure she’s dealing with the same thing when it comes to Ryurik. Both of them are cousins and are in the same business. Emily’s kept most of Ryurik’s dealings hush-hush, but she can’t tell me there isn’t some shady shit going on in the clubs he runs. Both are part of the Bratva.
“Hey,” Emily answers cheerfully. “I’m so glad to hear your voice. Ryurik told me about the fire, and I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I was away in the Hamptons, and he didn’t tell me until I got back this morning. Kiara, I—”
“Don’t worry about that, Em. I’m not calling you about that. I need you to tell me what’s going on with Ethan, and is Ryurik involved?”
Emily pauses for a beat, and I hear her kids playing in the background. I always saw her surrounded by kids, I don’t know why, maybe because of how she played big sister to everyone in the orphanage when she was growing up, or just her love of helping children with her charity foundation.
“Sort of,” she sighs. “I don’t like it any more than you do, but there’s kind of a street war going on. I think Akim has been keeping it under wraps, but I keep hearing Ryurik talking in code around the house. He doesn’t tell me about much stuff at home… you know, because of the kids.”
“Shit. Akim is gone and he’s on some sort of mission. I’m really worried about him. The fire and stuff. It did something to him. He’s different.”
I check that the housekeeper isn’t nosing around and listening in on the conversation. She has a tendency to do that when I’m on the phone with my father, but the house is clear of people for once. “Yeah. I agree. It’s rough being a Bratva wife. Especially when there’s stuff going on and they won’t tell you. Do you want me to come over with the kids and keep you company?”
“No. No. You stay there. I’m messed up about it. I don’t want him getting hurt,” I confess, not wanting to say to her the three little words that are on my heart.
“Do you like Akim now? Or are you still at each other’s throats?”
“Still at each other’s throats. Was it like that for Ryurik and you?”
She chuckles. “Yes. We did that to each other, but that’s because I was in love with him and didn’t know it. Are you in love with Akim? Is that why you care so much?”
A thick knot lodges itself in my throat, not wanting to admit the naked truth to Emily or myself. “I don’t know what I am. I guess I should be glad…. If he gets hurt then I become a Bratva widow, and I can leave freely,” I reply with dry irony, but I don’t mean a word of it.
“You’re in love with him. Ah, Jesus, the Utkin men. They’ve got this way of creeping into your heart and burying themselves there.”
Hot tears fall down my cheeks when I think about Akim carrying me out of the fire. “I don’t want to be.” My voice caves in with vulnerability.
“Nobody wants to be in love with an Utkin, but it’s one of those things. Akim is built for this life; it’s us who aren’t. We’re the ones who have to learn to cope. I’m a former cop, so maybe it’s a little easier for me. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Emily calls out to her kids, and I don’t want her to be distracted from being with them.
“Hey. You go. You’ve got the kids to look after. Thanks for listening.”
“Let me talk to Ryurik, and I’m going to keep you updated. I promise. I’ll put my detective hat on and find out what’s going on. Keep your phone close by. Love you, and don’t sit there worrying. You call me, and I can come pick you up.”
“No!” I say quickly, panicking about Akim going apeshit about it. “Akim will kill me. I love you too. Just um, keep me posted what you find out.”
“Okay. I will. Sit tight.” I hang up, feeling more despair than before. Even Ryurik conspired in keeping Emily from telling me stuff. When I sit down and turn on the TV, all I can think about is all the bad stuff that could happen to him.
I can’t sit still, and this huge, luxe penthouse isn’t big enough for all the pacing I’m doing. I climb the walls for the next two hours, picking up my phone and putting it down again, wanting to call Akim. I’m stuck in limbo waiting until he walks through that penthouse door again.
I’ve worn myself out and jump out of my skin when the nurse comes, thinking it’s him. Once she finishes with my dressings and goes, I fall asleep, waking up. Bleary eyed I check my phone—6:00 p.m.
“I’m not doing this anymore.” Picking up my phone, I ring Akim’s phone waiting for him to answer. An echo of his voice sounds off.
“Hi.” I run over the couch to the front door. I can hear his voice behind it as the front doorbell chimes. With my heart beating wildly, I open it to a bruised, and battered Akim, shocked by what he looks like.
“Akim!” I gasp as he practically falls inside the door. I look out into the hallway to see if any of his brothers are with him, and there’s nobody. He cradles his ribs, a gaping cut under his eye socket, his jacket torn, but his gun in its holster. A mixture of relief and anger flood through me as I pummel his chest, furious at him.
In alarm, Akim’s chocolate eyes fly open. “What are you doing?” he wheezes, staggering to the kitchen chair to hold himself up.
“Why do you keep doing this?”
“Doing what, Kiara?” he croaks, coughing and dry heaving. “I need water. Can you get me water,” he rasps as I pour him a glass, staring at him from top to toe. Now he has a second set of injuries, but I’m not going to hold back. I’ve been holding too much in, for too long.
Shoving the water in his hand, I shake my head. “Why do you keep continually risking your life?” I yell, hating and loving him all at the same goddamn time as he gulps down the water while I pour him another.
“I did it because I had to.” His eyes narrow as he steps closer to me, his eyes full of stories, secrets and places he won’t give me the keys to.
“You know what your problem is, Akim?” I spit out, wanting to hug him in my arms, but remembering he’s the one incapable of receiving love, not me. If he doesn’t want to show me, then I won’t show him.
“What’s my problem, Kiara. Tell me, because I’m dying to know,” he retorts with passion in a fiery tone.
“All you care about is power more than people,” I accuse. “But let me ask you something? Is it fucking worth it?” I scowl, folding my arms over my chest.
Akim stands up straight, shaking his head, his eyes darkening as he holds my shoulders firmly. “You’re the only thing that matters, Kiara,” he rasps, torturous anguish written on his face. “Not power. Not the Bratva. You. Can’t you see that?” he hisses, the discordant tension between us dissolving. Stunned by Akim’s admission, I don’t respond, not knowing if I can trust his words after everything.
We stand face-to-face, so many words left unsaid, our worlds erupting, passion or anger filling the air. I can’t tell which. I’m all mixed up inside.
“Damn you, Akim.” Tears well in my eyes as I see anguish on his face as he hugs me tight, his heart beating fast, the smell of gunmetal and blood invading my nostrils, but I don’t care. All I want is him. We’re bound together in this turbulent, violent world, but when Akim bends to kiss the pain away, he makes me feel we can weather the storm together. His hands move through my hair as I whimper against his mouth, but this time I don’t find it hard to breathe. We are each other’s air in the end.
Our future is uncertain, but we are undeniably connected.
Epilogue - Akim
Inhaling the salty air of Malibu is a dream. I stand on the terrace of our huge beach house villa, letting the sun shine on my face, marveling at the rugged coastline view and turquoise jewel of a sea. I purchased this place in my early twenties with the hopes of enjoying it every so often, but with my heavy responsibilities in the Bratva, time swept me deeper into the underbelly of the crime-ridden city, and I was never able to visit as much as I wanted.
And as I stand on the terrace watching Kiara stroll the shoreline in her white sun dress, her face extra tanned from the sun, barefoot and happy, I realize I should have come here earlier. It’s here I can properly relax. I feel the heaviness of my job dissolving and enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I’m not operating on high-octane adrenaline, looking over my shoulder to see who’s trying to take my throne. At least not for the next little while. Kiara encouraged me to switch my phone off for the afternoon, and that’s a big deal for me, but the world will turn without me for a little while, I figure.
If I wasn’t with her, it would be on, and I’d likely be working. A broad smile sweeps across my face for the first time in months as I watch Kiara strolling with her feet in the water. She’s a real-life mermaid walking on the sand, and I get to bear witness to her magic. I’m more grateful than I’ve ever been for her in my life.
This is what it feels like to be at ease. I have everything I never knew I wanted or needed in Kiara, and she’s transformed my life for the better. After the fire, I told her everything, bearing my soul. She’s the only person I’ve talked about my mother to, and what really happened in my early childhood days.
And I gave her the option. That’s what her love did to me. It made me want to make it real, not forced. I smirk as I think back to the night I spilled my life story to her, preparing for her to be repulsed by the man I was.
“I have to protect you through this street war, and I can’t do that if you leave. But if you want to go freely back to your life afterwards, I’m giving you the option to. No strings attached.” Giving her that speech was one of the most painful things I had to do, but to me, if I was going to be married to Kiara, I wanted to give it my all. And understanding all the Bratva is, the killings, the rivalries, the betrayals, the dirty games of power and destruction… it can strip you of every shred of humanity you own.
That’s what it’s done to me year by year, but she stuck by me.
“You’re a bigger fool than I think you are.” Her pretty blue eyes, which match the Malibu sea stared back at me in protest, and I got the hint.
“Kiara. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. I’ve been bred a certain way, and I don’t know—I don’t think I can be anything else.” I told her the damning truth, and with her eyes glittering in determination, she accepted the challenge.
“Did you say you love me?”
“Yes. All I care about is us and our future,” I told her.
“Then you’re stupid to send me away. We’ve come this far, and I love you too. And sure, in the beginning I loved to hate you, but not anymore. We can be together. All you have to do is let me in.”
And from the night of my confession, we’ve built a steady fortress of love. We might have won the war against Ethan and the American Mafia faction, but more are coming… I can feel it, and I’m getting tired, wanting a different life now that I’ve found Kiara.
I could watch her all day, but she calls me down to the water. Smiling, I join her, the light breeze welcome as I lock my fingers into hers, kissing her nose. “Hey, dushka. You look like a mermaid,” I compliment.
“Thank you. I feel like one. It’s so nice here. I absolutely love it.” She sighs, inhaling deeply as I watch her, mesmerized by her beauty. She brings me a sense of peace I’ve never felt, and I vow to be the same for her.
“Me too. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so relaxed, but we’ve needed this trip. Especially after everything,” I say solemnly, hating to think about the fire. The limp in my walk hasn’t quite healed, but it will in time. And if I had to save Kiara again, I would all over again.
“Yes. Everything. It’s good you were able to get your new bars open.”
“You know, I thought it would excite me to open them, but I don’t have the heart for the city as much as I used to. It’s growing old for me.” Chicago’s been the Bratva’s headquarters since I was a little boy with my father, but I long for a simpler life like the one I had with my mother back in Moscow. No, not poor, but simple, peaceful, like I am now with Kiara.
“That’s why I’m glad you sold the penthouse. It’s better living outside the city, don’t you think? And better for what’s coming.”
Nodding my head, I agree with her. One of the decisions made after the fire was for us to leave the city. Not only for safety reasons, but for sanity. The sweet roar of the sea is music to my ears. “What do you mean better for what’s coming?” I ask her with curiosity, the sun sparkling in her eyes as the wind blows her hair around her face.
“Um, I have something to tell you.” A nervous smile appears on her face as I stop her, holding her hands with a smile to reassure her.
“Whatever it is? I can handle it. Is it that you’re going to put spices in the seafood tonight?” I joke as she giggles.
“No silly!” She slaps me on the forearm where a burn scar still exists from the fire.
“I’m pregnant.”
Stunned, I stop completely, the water lapping at her feet as I look at her. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes. I’m four weeks along. I did the pee on the stick thingy and the test came out positive. I wanted to confirm first. Are you happy?” Her voice travels over the water, a sense of happiness swelling inside me.
“You make me happy, but this—our child coming into the world makes me happier.” I hug her tight, kissing her hair, making a silent vow in my head to protect her and our child, leaving behind the shadows of our old life to embrace a possible new future.
I break the embrace, kissing her tenderly, my life being a dream lately. “I’ve got a request.”
“Name it.” I’ve been the hardened man for the majority of my life, but Kiara brings out a side that’s only reserved for her. She deserves that part of me.
“I want to move here when we can. I don’t want my child to grow up in the Bratva. You have all these other talents besides weapon trafficking. You can open bars and seafood restaurants here. A new challenge.”
Sighing, I contemplate the chances of the Pakhan agreeing. “I’m up for it, and I don’t want my child to be a part of it either. I want them to have a life I didn’t. We can at least try part time to start.”
Kiara beams as we negotiate the terms of our life together, setting new rules. She’s tamed the beast inside me, and now I’m not sure I need him anymore. “I love you, Mr. Utkin.”
“And I love you, Mrs. Utkin. You’re all mine.”
“And I’m happy to be yours. Come on, let’s skinny-dip!”
That’s my Kiara. Always up for an impulsive adventure. Thank you, wife, for bringing my soul back to life.
*****
THE END
The next part in this series is “Pregnant Bratva Hostage” Check out the book and order your copy here:
Pregnant Bratva Hostage
A Bratva gangster dragged me into his world and now I’m carrying his child. This ruthless Bratva boss, twice my age, claims me as payment for a debt I didn’t owe. I wasn’t supposed to be a pawn in his plan, but one mistake changed everything. Now, I’m his captive, his obsession.
Each touch is a battle I can’t win, every kiss blurring the line between fear and desire. He says I belong to him, and I feel it in the way he watches me, owns me. But beneath his cold eyes and cruel hands, there’s something he’s hiding. And in this deadly game, secrets are the most dangerous weapons.
The harder I fight, the tighter his grip becomes. I hate him, but my body betrays me, craving the man who took everything. He’s ruthless, unyielding, and he doesn’t let go. Not of me. Not of us.
Can I escape his grasp, or will I end up surrendering myself to the monster who owns me? Get “Pregnant Bratva Hostage” now