Chapter 12
Jeremy
My face hurt from smiling so hard, after yesterday, I didn’t think that was possible.
Austin had always had an effervescent light about him.
It was one of the things that had drawn me to him years ago.
He was outgoing and fun. I couldn’t think of a time when someone was in a bad mood around him.
It was hard to be when that smile and that laughter were so infectious.
I sat with him on the floor, while we pulled roll after roll of colorful paper from the bin. It was a good idea on his part to help distract me from the shitstorm that Leah had caused earlier in the day. A shitstorm that I still felt responsible for.
“Did you want any help grabbing anything?” Austin asked.
Before I could say anything, Austin was off the ground and headed for my bag.
My eyes widened, and my mouth ran dry. I needed to stop him because there were things in my bag that I’d be mortified if he saw.
He’d seen what I’d purchased at the stores earlier, outside of the one thing I’d gotten for him.
I’d hidden that somewhere else. Maybe he’d grab the obvious items and not mess with anything.
Sweat rolled down my back as he started pulling things from the bag. And with no luck that he would only grab the obvious, he started digging around.
My body moved on autopilot. It was too late. I hadn’t moved fast enough, or I hadn’t hidden things as well as I’d hoped.
Austin held up a pair of black lacy underwear, his stare directed at me. “Did Leah leave something in your bag? I thought you guys hadn’t done anything.”
My lungs seized because if he looked at the panties closely enough, there was no way they would have ever fit his sister.
The room spun as the reality that my big secret was about to be out in the open.
Not only did I prefer men sexually, but I liked frilly undergarments.
There was a weird social norm that men didn’t wear such things, but they made me feel good.
That’s what should have been important. Not anything else.
“No.” It was hoarse, forced out of my throat because my eyes stung with humiliation and fear.
Austin hadn’t kicked me out before, but this could be what pushed things too far.
Who wanted to house someone who was hiding something so shameful?
It was one of the biggest reasons none of my relationships had been serious before Leah.
The one guy I’d shared it with made fun of me, I couldn’t live through that again.
“What do you mean by that?” Austin held up the underwear, and it was like a lightbulb clicked on that the sizing was all off. There was even a pouch in the front to accommodate my dick. This wasn’t a pair of panties that was designed for a woman’s body at all.
“Austin...” My heart thudded so loudly in my ears I was bound to go deaf.
Black spots danced in my vision as my breathing continued to escalate.
This was horrific. I couldn’t stand seeing the rejection on his face.
Especially from Austin Bennett. The one person with whom I’d felt the deepest connection.
And that’s when it happened. The most unexpected thing that could have happened.
Austin crumpled the underwear in his fist and brought it to his nose, taking a whiff of them.
I hadn’t worn them yet, only carried them around with me as a comfort item, but the idea that he was trying to smell me had my cock twitching in my pants.
“Fuck, Jeremy. Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”
My heart continued to race because there was no way this was a reality.
There were no questions asked. Austin just accepted that I had a thing for wearing panties, and that was it.
What if he knew about some of the other things I was into?
But that was the true test of whether or not we were truly compatible, wasn’t it?
If he could deal with all of that, he was someone I needed to cling to and never let go.
I needed to feel safe in my sexuality to let it free. To be able to ask for the things I wanted and not feel ashamed. Austin was already showing me he didn’t judge me for the first thing. Would he judge me for the others?
Crappy Christmas music filled the air, and all I could focus on was the man that was now crawling toward me.
How had wrapping gifts turned into this?
If anything was about to happen, Austin Bennett was about to unwrap me.
And I wanted him to. I wanted him to in all the ways possible.
I hadn’t had a proper release since the last time we’d been together, and I was aching for it.
Dying for it even. I needed to feel another body that was hard and lean against mine.
While I could appreciate a woman, something about the softness didn’t quite meet what I needed. There was more of a rigidness to men that got my cock hard, and I needed to feel all that muscle against me.
“This is a bad idea.”
Austin’s words sent tingles down my spine, but I didn’t have it in me to stop whatever he was about to do.
I wanted it. I wanted to experience whatever he was willing to give me after years apart.
Years that I’d put there when I shouldn’t have.
The second I realized the connection I had with him, I should have canceled everything and stayed, but everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it?
There was a reason that I still left, that I’d met Leah and had my connection with her. That I’d waited until now to run into Austin again. The universe wanted us together, and we were tossed headfirst into the stratosphere.
The moment Austin’s lips slammed against mine, there was nothing I could do to stop it. You’d have better luck trying to stop a tsunami.
My fingers grappled to gain purchase on the shoulders of his shirt as I fell back to the floor.
The air rushed from my lungs as I made contact with the carpet, but it wasn’t enough for me to unseal my mouth from Austin’s.
No. I’d spent too many years craving this.
Wanting this. Fantasizing about it. And now it was here.
This was my moment. This was the moment I got everything I desired because Austin Bennett was here, and I wanted him to be mine.
It didn’t matter that just yesterday I’d been engaged to his sister.
All of that disappeared the moment we were connected again because I needed to feel him.
Needed the connection of his body against mine because I became a live wire.
Anywhere he touched was instantly electrified, sending sparks of pleasure throughout my body as I wrapped my arms around him to bring him closer. I needed him, this, us.
But Austin was right. This was an awful idea.
His parents were in this house, his sister was across the hall. How wrong was it to do this with everyone so close after everything I’d done? Even if I didn’t want to, my body screamed at me in retaliation. I shoved at Austin’s shoulders until he rolled to the side.
We both lay panting on the floor as reality slammed into both of us. My heart rate never slowed down. The traitorous organ slammed against my rib cage again and again, reminding me just how much of a fuck-up I was being for allowing that to happen at all.
“Jeremy?”
God, Austin sounded as breathless as I felt.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
My eyes closed as my heart finally returned to a normal pace.
“There’s no reason to be. I was every bit a willing participant in that as you were.” Though, I should have stopped it.
And just like that, it was like a spell lifted between us. Austin sat up and scooted across the room, tucking my unmentionables back into my bag before bringing over the few things I’d purchased. The music playing in the background only added to the cacophony of mayhem going on in my mind.
This should be easy. I should be able to sit and wrap gifts with him and act like that kiss hadn’t just happened.
That I hadn’t just remembered all the stupid things I’d walked away from.
But my body moved as if it were a puppet on strings.
I had no control over anything. Gifts ended up wrapped, and I barely processed how it all happened, all I could focus on was the feel of Austin against me again and how I wanted more. I needed more.
It can’t happen again, it can’t happen again, it just can’t.
The mantra played in my head over and over.
It didn’t stop my body from reacting. It didn’t stop me once we were done with everything from stuffing that lacy pair of panties into my pocket when I left the room to go take my shower.
If anything, running into Leah in the hall should have woken me up from the stupid thing I was about to do, but I couldn’t stop the moving freight train once it started on its course.
I washed my body, my hair, and then paid extra special attention to areas that I hadn’t bothered to pay that much attention to in a while.
It was stupid to think anything else would happen.
I’d put an effective stop to that kiss earlier, but my body was thrumming with desire.
Austin had woken up a beast that hadn’t been freed in years.