Chapter 5
Sienna
After seeing Christiano at the wedding, I spent the whole day in bed yesterday, watching Big Bang Theory for the hundredth time. There’s just something about the show that’s calming and allows my mind to shut off.
I’m actually looking forward to today.
As I bring my Porsche to a stop near the coffee shop where I’m meeting Raya, my phone beeps.
While Alfio, the guard who’s assigned to me, parks behind my car, I reach across the console. Grabbing my handbag, I pull the device out of the pocket I always keep it in. Seeing another message from Christiano, I read the short preview at the top of the screen.
Ignoring me won’t make me go away, princess.
I swipe across the screen, and just like I’ve done with his other messages, I don’t reply.
Knowing Christiano loves me so much that his feelings won’t change makes things worse for me.
Every time he interacts with me, it makes the heartache grow. I wish I weren’t so messed up and I could be with him, but if he were to learn the truth, he’d lose all respect for me. No capo wants a weak woman who’s nothing but a liability.
Shoving the phone back into my handbag, I sigh.
It kills me that he’s not giving up. He’s the last person I want to cause any pain, and I wish he’d meet an incredible woman who’s strong like his mother.
Aunt Gabriella is one hell of a force. While we were growing up, there were times when I thought she was the one holding all the power and not Uncle Damiano.
The thought of another woman giving Christiano what I can’t makes another crack splinter through my heart.
I wish I could be more like Aunt Gabriella and Mom, and less…this.
Shoving the car door open, I get out and walk toward the coffee place while Alfio follows me at a safe distance.
For the most part, he doesn’t get in my way, and there are even times I forget he’s there.
When you’re raised in the Cosa Nostra, it’s second-nature to have guards around twenty-four-seven.
As I pass the windows of the coffee shop, I spot Raya, who grins when she sees me.
Only half the tables are taken, and soft music plays in the background. When I sit down across from my best friend, she asks, “What are you having?”
The medication I have to take every day sometimes makes me feel nauseated. Today is one of those times.
“I’ll just have a mint tea.” As I sit down, my phone buzzes again, and I quickly take it out.
Christiano: You’re fucking stubborn. One of these days, I’m going to put you over my knee and spank it out of you.
Jesus.
The image of him carrying out the threat sends a wave of heat coursing through my abdomen.
Shaking my head, I swipe to remove the notification before putting the device away.
He’s one to talk. No one is as stubborn as him.
Raya gestures to get one of the servers' attention, and when they come to our table, she orders my tea and another espresso for herself.
Last week she put red highlights in her hair, and the sun shining in through the window makes them look gorgeous.
As the server leaves, Raya turns her attention back to me. Her gray eyes drift over my face, and a frown line appears, and she asks, “What’s up?”
I shrug, and glancing at the traffic passing by in the street, I reply, “Christiano.”
Unlike Bianca, who can’t understand why I broke things off with him, Raya never pushes me.
“You left the wedding early,” she mentions. “Was it because of him?”
Nodding, I look at her again. “He’s not taking no for an answer.” I force a smile to my face, and changing the subject, I say, “I’m looking forward to moving into my own place next week. I’m picking up the keys later today.”
She gives me a questioning look. “If you’re getting the keys today, why wait until next week?”
“Dad is having a security system installed, and Mom hired a cleaning company. Also, most of the furniture is only being delivered on Monday.”
My friend grins at me, but waits for the server to place our beverages on the table and leave before she asks, “Are you excited?”
“Yes.” My smile turns natural. “I can’t wait to decorate it.” Letting out a chuckle, I admit, “I’ve already started packing. I donated everything I didn’t want to bring along and have most of my clothes in boxes, ready to go.”
“Damn, girl. You don’t waste any time.” Raya takes a sip of her coffee, then says, “I have to be in the office until two. But after work, I’ll come over to help you move.”
Pushing my luck, I ask, “Can’t Georgi give you the day off? I need you there so Mom and I don’t cry the entire day.”
She reaches across the table and squeezes my forearm. “Aww, it feels good to be needed. I’ll check with my brother and let you know.”
If people think Augusto is protective of Bianca and me, they haven’t met Georgi. He’s always been strict with who Raya’s allowed to date, and that’s why she’s still single at thirty.
Unlike me, she wants to fall in love and have children, but with the tight grip Georgi has on her life, I don’t see any chance of it happening soon.
It’s a pity there’s nothing romantic between her and one of the other men in the Cosa Nostra. Georgi once tried to arrange a marriage between her and Augusto, but they both put a stop to his plans real fast.
Things were super awkward between her and my brother for a few months.
I enjoy some of my tea, and when my phone beeps again, I have to suppress a groan.
Digging the device out, it feels like a knife is plunged into my heart when I read the message from Christiano.
Do you want me to lose my mind?
My thumb hovers over the notification, and I almost go into the chat, but stop myself in time.
I have to keep my distance. If I give him an inch, it will be game over for me.
“What’s wrong?” Raya asks, her eyebrows drawing together.
I swallow hard before I whisper, “Christiano.”
“Did he message you?”
I nod and drop the phone back into my handbag. “Since the wedding, he’s sent over fifty messages.”
Her eyes widen as she gasps, “Holy shit, that’s a lot. What are you going to do?”
“Nothing.” Staring at the cup in front of me, I shake my head. “If I respond, it will give him an in, and then there won’t be any stopping him.”
I can see the questions forming on her face, but like always, she doesn’t pry. She once said she’s there for me if I want to talk about Christiano and hasn’t brought it up again. It’s the one thing I appreciate most about her.
My parents also don’t mention it, and Augusto is too busy at work to care about my romantic life. Riccardo has been living on cloud nine with Gianna and doesn’t come down to Earth long enough to notice what’s going on around him. It’s just Bianca who hasn’t gotten the memo.
Doing my best to suppress the heartache caused by talking about Christiano, I force a smile to my face. “That’s enough about me. What’s new in your life?”
“Absolutely nothing.” Raya finishes the last of her coffee. “Georgi is stressed because the Bulgarian Mafia is selling arms in his territory, so he’s keeping me busy at work.”
“I didn’t know,” I say and quickly add, “In that case, don’t worry about asking for a day off. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“Don’t worry about it. Me taking a day off won’t cause trouble,” she assures me. “Besides, I can do with some time away from Georgi. I swear, sometimes he drives me up the wall.”
“Brothers tend to do that,” I chuckle.
She checks the time on her wristwatch, then says, “Shit, I'd better get back to the office.”
When she reaches for her handbag, I shake my head. “You go. This is on me.”
She gets up, and stopping beside me to squeeze my shoulder, she chirps, “Thanks, bestie. See you on Monday.”
I watch as she leaves before I signal for the server to bring the bill. Once I’m done paying, I walk back to my car, and as I get in behind the steering wheel, my phone rings.
I pull the device out, and seeing it’s Christiano calling, I close my eyes and press the screen to my chest while lowering my head.
I’m sorry.
Please move on.
I can’t be what you need, and you deserve a strong queen.
Sucking in a fortifying breath, I switch off my phone, and after pulling the door shut, I start the engine and drive to the realtor so I can pick up the keys to my apartment.
It doesn’t take long, and once I’m back in my car, I stare at the keys.
Next week, I’ll be living on my own. The thought makes me both scared and excited.
I start the car again and spend forty minutes in traffic before I pull into a parking spot that has the same number as my apartment.
When I get out and walk toward the entrance, I look at the two-level apartment building that surrounds a landscaped courtyard with stone walkways and ivy climbing the brick.
Set back from the main streets, it’s noticeably quieter, which is why I chose this place.
It feels like a small pocket of calm in Manhattan.
This time, Alfio sticks to my heels, and when I near my place on the second floor, I unlock the front door and wait for him to check every room.
I look at the iron banister and admire the beauty below. There’s a medium-sized fountain in the heart of the courtyard, its water trickling gently.
“It’s clear,” Alfio says, drawing my attention.
“Thank you,” I reply softly before entering the apartment. I shut the door behind me and take in the empty living room and kitchen. It has an open plan design and a lot of natural light spills in through the windows.
It smells weird in here.
Digging my bottle of perfume out of my handbag, I begin to spray it in every room until it smells like me.
The two spacious bedrooms share a bathroom, and as I slowly walk through my new home, I think about different ways to decorate the space.
Stopping in the living room, I sit down on the baywindow seat that’s situated between two empty bookshelves.
I lean back against the side of one shelf, and pulling up my legs, I wrap my arms around my shins.
When I close my eyes, a calmness trickles through me, and letting out a deep breath, tension eases from my muscles.
Dr. Kahn, my psychiatrist, warned me not to cut myself off from all my loved ones. I lied and told her I wouldn’t.
It will be better for Mom and Dad. I hate how they worry about me.
I’ll do it slowly so no one notices.