Chapter 11
Sienna
Gasping for air, I feel completely rattled and struggle to form a coherent thought.
I’ve been kissed before, but never with such dominance and heat.
With my gaze imprisoned by his, I can do nothing but drag deep breaths into my lungs. The dangerous look in his black eyes tells me he means every word.
Part of me wants to give in and let this powerful man take over all control of my life, but then there’s the fear. Living with the unholy terror that at any second, Christiano can be gunned down.
The memory of the blood spreading over his jacket flashes through my mind, and I jerk in his arms.
The harrowing grief I experienced when I thought he was dead shudders through me, and it makes my anxiety skyrocket.
I strain against his firm hold, causing his features to darken even more.
“Stop!” he snaps angrily.
The harsh order shoots through me like a lightning bolt, and I can’t keep a whimper from escaping my parted lips that are still tingling from the earth-shattering kiss he laid on me.
Instantly, he seems to calm down a little, but it doesn’t ease the suffocating panic gripping my chest.
Christiano’s hand moves from behind my neck, and he cups my cheek tenderly. “Stop, princess. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
It takes a moment too long before I’m able to squeeze the words through my tight throat. “Let go.” When his hold on me doesn’t ease, I give him a pleading look and beg, “Please.”
A heartbreaking expression ripples over his ruggedly handsome face, and as it slashes right through my heart, he finally lowers his arms, and I’m able to step backward.
Lifting my hand to my face, I brush my fingers over my forehead while I suck in desperate breaths.
“Why, Sienna?” My eyes dart to his face. “And don’t give me that bullshit of you not being the right woman for me.”
“It’s…” Placing my hand on my chest, I take another desperate breath. “It’s the truth.”
His eyes narrow, the lethal and dominant expression he’s giving me sending chills racing down my spine. His tone is equally dark as he growls, “Stop lying to me.”
Christiano has grown more and more powerful over the years. It’s been scary to witness, but standing in front of him and having his anger directed at me, I start to feel terrified of him for the first time in my life.
My voice is as weak as I feel as I admit, “You’re scaring me.”
Instead of softening toward me like he’s always done, he remains angry.
With a single step, he closes the distance between us, and leaning down, his tone sounds like rumbling thunder.
“Good.” His eyes bore deep into mine as he puts the fear of God in me.
“Being patient hasn’t gotten me anywhere, so we’re going to do things my way.
” Just as I shake my head, he leans closer.
His breath ghosts over my ear as he whispers darkly, “I will burn the Cosa Nostra to the ground for you, Sienna, so think twice before you run to your father and brother for help. While I love the family, it is nothing compared to what I feel for you. I will destroy anyone and anything that dares to stand between us, without hesitation and mercy. I refuse to be denied what’s mine. ”
Somehow, with my pulse racing and feeling that the room is closing in on me, I still find the strength to argue. As I lift my chin, my voice trembles. “I’m not yours.”
He pulls back just enough for his dark gaze to lock with mine, his voice dropping so low it sounds lethal as he says, “The moment you accepted my proposal, you became mine, Sienna. I don’t give a damn how much time has passed, I will always hold you to your promise, no matter the cost.”
Jesus.
Panic surges through me and grips my heart in a crushing hold.
I’ve been living with a false sense of security, thinking Christiano would eventually back off and find someone else who suits him better.
Desperate, my throat tightens as the lie forms on my tongue. My hands curl into fists in an attempt to hide the trembling, while I whisper, “I don’t love you.”
A low, unsettling chuckle rumbles from his chest, the menace in his expression deepening.
“Another lie, Sienna? Really?” He towers over me, and it feels like I’m facing off with God himself.
“You should know by now I won’t fall for the bullshit you’re trying to feed me.
” His gaze burns over my lips and throat.
“When you lie…” Wrapping his hand around the side of my neck, he tilts his head in a predatory way that has my heart racing even faster.
“…your breath always catches, and you swallow hard right before you look away.”
I’ve never been in a situation like this and don’t know what to do to de-escalate things. If I call for help, Alfio won’t do a thing to stop Christiano. Every guard and soldier has sworn loyalty to him. And even if Alfio tried, he’s no match for the head of the Cosa Nostra.
The only way Christiano can be stripped of his seat of power is if every man in the other four families votes in unison against him.
That will never happen.
Instead, a war will break out, and life as we know it will change irrevocably. I can’t do that to the people I love.
I have to convince Christiano somehow that I don’t love him.
For the sake of my sanity.
Now that I know what my tells are, I lift my chin again, and this time I keep eye contact with him.
By the grace of God, my voice sounds sure and even as I say, “We were way too young when you proposed, and even though I was unsure of my feelings for you, I said yes because I’m a people pleaser.
Truth is, you’re too young for me, Christiano.
You’ve also let the power go straight to your head, which is something I find very unattractive.
I will never love a man like you.” I pray to all that’s holy, I’m pulling the act off and my lies sound believable.
“I thought placing the blame on me would be a kind thing to do, considering our families’ history, but seeing as you’re giving me no choice, I’ll stop with the bullshit.
” His expression remains the same, and I can’t tell if I’m getting through to him.
“You will never be the kind of man I want. I need someone sensitive and kind, which are two things you aren’t.
” Taking a step backward, I have to focus hard to keep my eyes locked with his.
“I feel it will be better for both of us if we also stop being friends as well.”
When I’m done talking, Christiano stares at me for several long, unnerving minutes, which makes the little bit of courage I got from God-knows-where vanish like mist before the scorching inferno that’s the sun.
Please. I can’t keep up the act for much longer.
He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, then the corner of his mouth lifts in a very disturbing smile.
“Ohhhh, princess…” Once again, he closes the distance between us in two strides, then his hand shoots up and grips hold of my jaw, forcing me to tilt my head back.
“Want to know why I’m so certain you love me? ”
I can only shake my head, which Christiano ignores. He leans down until I feel his breath on my lips, causing a tremble to move through me while tingles spread over my skin.
“It’s in your eyes,” he whispers, his tone rough and knowing. “You look at me as if you would die if I vanished from your life.”
Jesus, the fact that he can see it in my eyes makes panic flare through me again.
Does he know I’m losing my mind? Has he watched me and found out about my psychiatrist? Maybe Rosie hacked into my medical records and learned about the medication I’m taking?
No. She wouldn’t invade my privacy like that. Not even for him.
A reckless urge to admit everything strikes hard. If he realizes how weak and broken I am, he’ll walk away.
Pride shatters the thought before it can take root. I won’t survive the look in his eyes if he sees me as the fragile, pathetic mess that I am, someone who’s not worth the fight.
My thoughts spiral and collide, crushing my chest as my anxiety spikes. I battle myself once again, caught between the love I feel for this man and the terror of losing him forever.
Christiano’s lips brush against mine as he inhales my scent, and it brings all my attention back to him as he continues saying, “And you don’t kiss a man you despise the way you kissed me.”
The moment is way too intense for me to handle, and before I can stop myself, I grab hold of his sides, gripping him like he’s the only thing keeping me upright.
Christiano has always had power over me.
He is the only man capable of making my body come alive while flooding me with so much desire that it strips me of all control.
No matter how hard I’ve pushed him away, the pull has never faded.
If anything, today has made one thing brutally clear, and it’s that the attraction between us has increased dramatically.
The knowledge settles in my chest like a death sentence, and feeling defeated, I close my eyes.
His arms wrap around me, gently holding me to his chest. Slowly, the tension drains from the air, and when Christiano presses a gentle kiss to my lips, a lump forms in my throat.
It takes strength I didn’t know I possessed to keep the tears from breaking free.
He presses another tender kiss to my mouth, then pulling away completely, he says, “I know you need time to process things, so I’ll give you a few weeks to think about everything I said while I deal with the Irish.”
It’s not a win, but it’s something I can work with.
Christiano’s eyes finally soften, but it makes the meager grip I have on my emotions slip. When my chin begins to tremble, his expression tightens with the heartache I’m putting him through.
Shaking his head, he groans, “Why are you doing this to us?”
Too weak, I lower my head and wrap my arms around my middle.
After a few seconds, he comes to press a kiss to the top of my head and gives my bicep a squeeze. “I love you, baby.”
Oh God.
Pain slices through my soul, and I wish more than anything that I was stronger and worthy of Christiano.
When he moves away from me and walks to the front door, he adds, “I’ll send two guards to assist Alfio with protecting you.”
Keeping my head bowed, I nod because I know it will be stupid to argue.
When the door shuts behind him, I stand frozen for what feels like ten minutes, and once I’m sure he’s gone, my lips part and the air leaves me in a whoosh.
My lungs lock up with such a severe panic attack that I struggle to make it to the bathroom. When I grab hold of my medication, my vision blurs. It feels like my mind dissociates from my body, and I sway on my feet as I shove the tablet into my mouth.
The entire room spins, and struggling to remain standing, I slap my hand against the wall, but unable to keep myself up, I fall. I barely feel the pain as I hit the ground and pass out.