Chapter 15
Sienna
After Christiano made me come twice, he gave me thirty minutes to get ready while we waited for Nico.
It feels as if I’m stuck on the wildest rollercoaster ride ever as I watch Christiano take the small velvet box from Nico, who just arrived.
When he leaves again, pulling the door shut behind him, Christiano walks toward me, making my heart beat faster and faster.
With the afterglow of sex gone, trepidation pours into my chest. If it weren’t for the medication, I’d probably be lying in a hospital bed right now.
He stops right in front of me, and when he opens the box, I see the familiar diamond ring.
My chin begins to quiver, and feeling utterly defeated, desperation fills my soul.
I don’t bother trying to stop him when he takes hold of my left hand. I watch as he slides the diamond onto my ring finger, sealing my fate to his, once and for all.
Christiano’s tone is unforgiving, carrying all the power he holds as the capo dei capi.
“You will never remove my ring from your finger.” He grips hold of my jaw, forcing my head back so I’ll meet his eyes.
There’s zero tolerance and patience in his black eyes.
“You will marry me in a month. Not a day later. Understand.”
With no fight in my voice, I whisper, “I understand.”
Lifting my hand, he presses a tender kiss to my ring finger. I watch as relief washes the tension from his face, and when he pulls me into his arms, I rest my head against his solid chest.
I have no idea how I’m going to cope with my mental illness or how I’ll hide it from him.
It’s only a matter of time before he finds out how broken my mind is, and when that day comes, he’ll regret committing himself to me.
He thinks he’s secured a trophy wife for himself, but I’m the greatest liability a man like him can ever have.
Pulling back, his eyes search mine. Worry flashes over his features, then he presses a kiss to my forehead and says, “Things will work out perfectly. You’ll see.”
Not bothering to reply, I lower my eyes to the floor.
“Try to look a hell of a lot happier when we visit our parents.”
My temper flares, and as my eyes snap to his again, I force a smile to my face. “I’ll play my part, Christiano. For the sake of my family, because the last thing I want is you throwing a temper tantrum and burning the entire Cosa Nostra to the ground.”
Instead of getting angry, he takes hold of my hand and lets out a chuckle as he pulls me toward the front door. As we step outside, the guards move into action, and they shadow us as we walk to where Nico is waiting by Christiano’s SUV.
He opens the back door, and noticing the ring on my finger, he says, “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I give him a bright smile, but the second I climb into the back seat, it falls from my face.
There might not be enough medication in this world to help me keep up this act.
Christiano slides in beside me, then mutters, “Don’t overdo it.”
I give him the same bright smile. “This is as good as it gets. Deal with it.”
He pins me to the spot with a dangerous look that sends shivers down my spine, then he growls, “I will fuck this attitude out of you right here and now. Don’t push me, Sienna.”
“Please don’t push him,” Nico begs from the front seat. “That is something I really don’t want to see.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I slump back against the seat and turn my head away from the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.
Nico starts the engine, and while he drives to my parents’ place, I begin to worry about how I’m going to break the news to them.
They know everything about my illness and the fear I struggle with on a daily basis. They’re not going to believe a single word Christiano tells them.
Dad will get suspicious, and he’ll question Christiano.
My imagination runs away with me, and a scene of Dad and Christiano fighting plays out in my mind. When I picture them pulling out their guns and shooting each other, my entire body jerks violently.
“Sienna?”
My head swivels, and as breaths burst over my lips, my voice is filled with fear and urgency. “My dad’s going to see right through the lie, and all hell’s going to break loose, and you’re going to kill each other, and–”
Christiano grabs hold of me and hugs me so tightly that, for a brief moment, I believe he’s the only thing keeping me from completely losing my mind.
“None of that’s going to happen,” he says, his tone reassuring and comforting.
“There is no lie for him to see through.” His hand brushes over the back of my head before he begins to squeeze my arms, and like it’s done since I was a toddler, it begins to calm me down.
When my breathing slows, Christiano locks eyes with me.
“I love you, and you love me. That’s the truth I’m telling him. ”
My expression turns pleading, and even though I know his mind is made up, I say, “It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other. They know I don’t want to marry you.”
“Then you’ll tell them you’ve changed your mind.”
God!!! He doesn’t understand because he knows nothing about the mental illness. I won’t survive having to watch him go to work every day, knowing he can be killed at any time.
The thanatophobia I suffer from will only get worse and worse.
I pull away from him and slump against the seat again.
I desperately try to come up with something believable to tell my parents. Over the past three months, they’ve been so busy with Augusto and Yuki I’ve managed to put a lot of distance between us.
Would they fall for it if I lie and tell them I’ve been secretly seeing Christiano and fallen in love with him all over again?
Probably.
But there’s no way they’ll believe my fear has magically disappeared.
What else can I say?
Shit.
Christiano’s hand covers both of mine, and when he squeezes hard, I realize I’m twisting my fingers together.
“I’ll handle everything,” he says. “You just have to do a convincing job of looking happy.”
I glance at him again and see the pain I’m still causing him pooling in his eyes.
It’s just for one day.
Tonight, when I’m alone, I can fall apart, but for the next few hours, I’m going to try my best to put my issues aside.
As I exhale a deep breath, I allow my love for Christiano to resurface, and turning my right hand, I weave my fingers with his.
Maybe I can find little pockets of happiness with him between all the fear. When he learns the truth, at least I’ll have some good memories to relive when I lose him.
I lean into him, and as I reach for his jaw with my left hand, he lowers his head, and the moment our mouths meet, the relentless worry eases a little.
Christiano keeps the kiss tender instead of letting it spiral into a heated frenzy, and when he pulls back, his eyes search mine. “What was that for?”
“It’s me waving a white flag for today.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “I’ll take it.”
When Nico steers the SUV up the driveway of my family home, I suck in a deep breath and send up a silent prayer.
I should’ve sent Mom a text to warn her, but as Nico opens the back door, and I climb out, it’s way too late.
Christiano’s phone rings. “Give me a second.”
Taking my chance, I hurry into the house. “Mom? Dad?”
“Kitchen.”
I rush through the foyer, and when I burst into the kitchen, I see they’ve just finished having dinner.
“This is a surprise!” Mom stands up and comes to hug me. “It feels like we’ve been seeing less and less of you the past few weeks.”
“Listen,” I glance over my shoulder, and not seeing Christiano, I blurt the news out, “I’m engaged to Christiano.”
“What the fuck?” Dad snaps, shooting up from the stool he's sitting on.
Oh dear God.
I gesture with my hands for Dad to stay calm, but Mom grabs my left one and gasps when she sees the ring.
“Holy shit!” With shock written all over her face, she says, “I don’t believe this.”
“Just give me a second,” I say, then I rush to get it all out, “I’ve been spending time with him, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with him all over again.”
Lie, Sienna. Lives depend on it.
“I want to marry him more than anything.”
I think that sounded believable.
I quickly check if Christiano is coming, and still not seeing him, I whisper, “He doesn’t know I have thanatophobia, but since I’ve been spending more time with him, it’s not as bad anymore.” My lie turns to truth as I admit, “He has a way of calming me down.”
When we’re together.
I have no idea how bad it’s going to get every time I have to watch him leave.
Surprise flashes over my parents' faces, and when I hear the familiar sound of confident footsteps, I beg, “Don’t tell him about the medication and thanatophobia.”
Mom squeezes my shoulder while they both nod, but whispers, “You’ll have to tell him at some point. This isn’t something you can hide from him.”
When Christiano comes into the kitchen, their shocked gazes flick to him.
I move to Christiano’s side, and when he wraps his arm around my lower back, I place my hand on his chest and lean my head against him so we look like a loving couple.
While my heart races a mile a minute, I say, “We’re getting married in a month.”
“A month?!” Mom shrieks, her eyes going wide as saucers.
Dad, on the other hand, watches Christiano and me like a hawk, and crossing his arms over his chest, his tone is way too calm as he asks, “Why the sudden hurry?”
My mind desperately searches for an answer, but I have nothing.
“We’ve waited seven years,” Christiano says, his tone controlled and respectful. “I love Sienna more than anything on this planet, and I can’t wait any longer.”
Dad’s attention snaps to me, and he stares at me for a moment before asking, “Is this what you want, Sienna?” He comes closer, not breaking eye contact for a single second. “Do you want to marry Christiano in a month?”
Knowing I have no other choice, I admit, “I love Christiano, Dad. With all my heart.”
“I know.” Dad tilts his head, and it feels as if he’s inspecting every word and movement for evidence that I’m being forced. “That’s not what I asked.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Pulling away from Christiano, I grab hold of Dad’s arm and give him a cute look he’s never been able to resist. Somehow, my voice is filled with confidence as if I actually believe the words. “Yes, Daddy. I want to marry Christiano in a month.”
Dad looks at me for a moment longer before the tension on his face eases. The corner of his mouth lifts, and as he pulls me into a hug, he says, “Then I’m happy for you.”
Just to make sure he believes me, I add, “This is all I’ve ever wanted, Dad.”
He pushes me backward, and when a full-blown smile stretches over his face, I almost let out a sigh of relief.
Jesus, that was close.
While Dad shakes Christiano’s hand, I walk into Mom’s arms. I grip her tightly as she says, “I only want you to be happy, sweetheart.”
“I am,” I lie, but suddenly a sob bursts from me, and even I’m surprised when tears start flowing down my cheeks. “Tears of happiness,” I quickly say when Mom pushes me back so she can see my face. The smile around my mouth wobbles, and feeling like I’m ruining everything, I cry, “I’m overwhelmed.”
Christiano takes hold of my arm, and I quickly turn into him and bury my face against his chest.
“It’s okay, princess,” he whispers lovingly while he begins to go through the process of calming me down by squeezing my biceps repeatedly.
I wrap my arms around him and gasp through the sobs.
When I struggle to regain control over my chaotic emotions and broken mind, Christiano continues to alternate between holding me tight for a few seconds and easing his grip.
He repeats the process for as long as it takes for the intense feelings to subside inside me.
Once I’m finally able to stop crying, I steal another minute because I don’t want to see the questions on my parents' faces.
Dad’s definitely going to second-guess everything now.
“How did you know to do that?” Mom asks, sounding utterly stunned.
“I figured it out while we were dating,” Christiano replies. “I think the alternating pressures give Sienna something else to focus on while grounding her.”
I pull away from Christiano, and when I see my parents are actually okay, and I didn’t ruin it all by losing my mind for a second there, a relieved smile curves my lips.
“What’s going on?” Bianca suddenly asks from the doorway.
“Sienna and Christiano are getting married,” Mom shrieks, and a second later, I’m yanked into a tight hug.
“Oh my God!” my sister gasps. “I knew it was only a matter of time.”
For a minute or so, there’s a lot of shrieking and hugging and looking at my ring, and just as it all starts to become overwhelming again, Christiano takes hold of me and tucks me against his side.
“I’ll arrange a dinner where we can all celebrate and talk about the wedding,” he says. “But we have to go now. We still have to stop at my parents' place to tell them the news.”
“Tell your mom I’ll call her first thing in the morning,” Mom says.
“I will.”
We say goodbye, and as I leave the house with Christiano, I begin to feel nervous again because telling his parents is a whole different story.
I broke things off with their son once before, and I’m not so sure they’re going to be happy about the news.