Chapter 30
Thursday – Thanksgiving Day
Brooklyn
I always felt a little sick to my stomach on Thanksgiving. Remembering what happened that day 16 years ago was always hard. Matt’s words had haunted me for half my life. And my father’s betrayal the following day haunted me too. So yeah, this time of year my stomach tended to churn. But today I was actually sick. Not from memories of the past. I leaned over and threw up in the toilet.
Matt pounded on the door. “Brooklyn?!”
“I’m fine,” I groaned as I leaned over the toilet bowl again. God, I hated throwing up.
He jiggled the handle, but I’d locked the door. “Brooklyn, what’s going on?!” he yelled.
“I’m fine,” I said again and coughed.
But instead of listening to me, he kicked the door in. The wood splintered and the door hit the wall and almost fell off its hinges.
I stared over at Matt standing in the doorway with a bewildered expression on his face. And I couldn’t help but laugh. And then I leaned over the toilet and threw up again.
“Jesus.” He knelt down beside me on the floor and pulled my hair back for me. “What’s going on? Is it the baby? Do you feel okay? Should I call the doctor?” He put his hand on my stomach.
“It’s just morning sickness, Matt.” I laughed again, but again it made my stomach turn over. My cheeks puffed up, but I didn’t throw up anymore. I was pretty sure there was nothing left in my stomach. I took a deep breath and stared at him. “I can’t believe you just broke down the door because of a very normal pregnancy symptom.”
“I didn’t know what was going on.” He moved his hand from my stomach to my back and slowly ran his hand up and down my spine.
“I’m okay, I promise. I just need some paper towels.”
He grabbed some paper towels off the vanity for me. “Are you sure that’s what it is? Morning sickness?”
I tore off a paper towel and wiped my face. “Positive.” I took another deep breath and my stomach didn’t roll over this time. I sat back on my heels and Matt kept rubbing my back. “I’m okay. And so is the baby. It’s actually a good sign.”
“Throwing up is a good sign?” He shook his head. “Tell that to our door.”
I laughed. “You’re a barbarian.”
He kissed my cheek.
I slid away from him on the floor. “Don’t get anywhere near me. I need to brush my teeth and wash my face.”
He caught my wrist so I couldn’t hide from him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
If I wasn’t already on the floor, I probably would have melted onto it. This was probably the grossest thing I’d ever done in front of him. But he was still staring at me with stars in his eyes. And he’d broken down a freaking door to get to me.
He pushed some hair off my face. “You scared me. No more locking the bathroom door.”
“Is that a house rule?” I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Yes.” He smiled.
“I didn’t think we had any rules in this house. We’re kind of lawless.”
His smile grew. “As much as I like the sound of being lawless with you…no locking the door.”
I looked at the broken door. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”
“I’ll fix it.”
I glanced over his shoulder.
“What are you looking at?” He turned around, but there was nothing there to see.
I shook my head and laughed. “I just kind of thought Nigel would pop up and say ‘No, I’ll fix it,’ before you got a chance to do it yourself.”
Matt laughed. “He probably would have, but he’s busy getting everything ready.” The smile on Matt’s face grew. “Our rehearsal dinner is tonight.”
I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face either. “It is. And I can’t wait to go to town on some turkey. I’m pretty sure Thanksgiving was made for pregnant women.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure it was.”
“And hopefully I don’t throw up again tonight.”
“I thought it was morning sickness?”
“I got sick more than just in the mornings with Jacob.”
“Interesting.” Matt helped me to my feet. “Is there anything I can get you that will help with that?”
“Actually a cup of tea might be nice.”
He nodded. “A cup of tea. Got it. I need to order some books about all this baby stuff. So I don’t break any more doors.”
“You do that. While I freshen up.” I pushed him out of the bathroom. I would have closed the door, but it was hanging off its hinges.
He chuckled and walked away.
I pressed my hands against the vanity and stared in the mirror. My days fluctuated between thinking about the baby constantly to trying not to think about the baby at all. Just in case. But this really was a good sign. A great sign. I smiled. The baby was healthy. I removed one of my hands from the vanity and ran it over my stomach.
This Thanksgiving was going to be perfect. It was going to erase the Thanksgiving 16 years ago from my head.
I was glad we’d decided to do our rehearsal dinner tonight and our wedding tomorrow. It felt like we were fixing a wrong from out past. I didn’t regret what I’d done in my time apart from Matt. But I wanted to fix this wrong for him. I wanted to erase the last words he spoke to me back then. I wanted to erase all the hurt. I wanted to move forward. All four of us. I couldn’t stop smiling.
And Rob hadn’t even texted me once about the silly prank he said he was going to pull. So hopefully that meant he was ready to move forward too. There was no way I still owed him a favor from back when we were teenagers. There were time limits to that kind of thing. And this favor was expired.
I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. Matt had a cup of tea waiting for me downstairs on the kitchen counter. Jacob was sitting on the counter next to the cup.
“Mommy, Mommy!” he said. “We get to go to Abuelo’s castle!”
“Yes we do.” I tickled his side. I was very curious about Tanner’s apartment. He must have had very medieval decorations or something.
“We can still play football today, right?” he asked and looked up at me.
It was a family tradition. And I wanted to keep those traditions alive. But this Thanksgiving was a little different from most. “Tanner doesn’t have a yard to play in,” I said.
“Yes he does.”
I shook my head. “He lives in an apartment.”
“No, he lives in a castle.”
I smiled. “Okay, but…”
“We are going to play,” Matt said. “It’s tradition, after all. And we’re not leaving for a few hours. We’ll play right now.” He smiled over at me.
I’d told him about our tradition of playing football all morning, eating way too much turkey, and watching the football games.
“Just you and me though, kiddo. Your mommy needs to drink her tea.”
I laughed. “Oh, I’m playing too.” I took a quick sip of my tea and helped Jacob off the counter. “Race you to the back yard!”
Jacob started running, but Matt stopped me, pulling me into his arms.
“Shouldn’t you be resting?” he asked.
I shook my head. “And miss out on one of my favorite traditions? Never.”
“You sure?”
“I promise that I’m fine.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. “Now you better bring you’re A-game. Because we take our Thanksgiving football very seriously.”
“Oh, game on.”
I patted his chest and spun around, making sure to sway my hips.
He groaned behind me.
I laughed and sprinted the rest of the way to the door.
***
“You look beautiful,” Matt said when I walked into the living room. He stood up from the couch. He was wearing a fitted black suit. We were dressed way too fancy for Thanksgiving dinner. But we’d agreed to go all out for the rehearsal dinner. And Matt looked so yummy.
“You said the same thing a few hours ago when I had leaves in my hair,” I said.
“Well you were beautiful then too. But this dress.” His eyes scanned down my body in that way that heated my skin.
Justin had convinced me to buy a white dress for tonight too. This one was short and made of a satiny material that made me feel all fancy. It flared out at my hips and when Matt grabbed my hand and twirled me around, the skirt lifted and fluttered.
I stopped when I saw all the books on the couch. “What are all of these?” I let go of his hand and lifted one of the books up that already had a bookmark.
“I told you I needed to buy some pregnancy books. They were delivered when you were in the shower.”
“I thought you meant like…next week. And I didn’t think you’d buy the whole bookstore.” I laughed.
He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. “Well, you’ve done all this before. And I want to make sure I know what I can do to help out.”
He was the sweetest. I opened to the page he’d bookmarked. It was all about morning sickness. He’d highlighted a few things. I scanned down the highlights. “Wait, they make anti-nausea candy drops? I don’t remember them having anything like that when I was pregnant with Jacob.”
Matt smiled. “We should give those a try.”
I liked when he said we like that. “We definitely should.”
“Do you want me to order some now?” He pulled out his phone.
I laughed and grabbed his hand. “Stop torturing the delivery people on Thanksgiving. We’ll go shopping after the wedding.”
“After the wedding.” He smiled. “God I love the sound of that.”
Jacob came running into the room. He skidded across the floor in his socks.
“You all ready?” Matt ruffled his hair.
“Yessie. Just let me get my sword.” He picked up a stick off the floor. “Ready.”
“We can leave the sword here I think, kiddo.”
“But you need a sword in a castle, Coach. How else will we play knights? I’ll get one for you too.” He went over to his basket full of toys and pulled out a second stick. “And one for my abuelo!” He selected a third stick.
I shrugged. That made sense to me. “You definitely need swords to play knights,” I said.
Matt laughed. “Okay, you guys. Let’s get going.” He helped Jacob into his coat and shoes. I pulled on my coat too as I smiled at Matt lacing Jacob’s shoes. Matt was always meant to be a dad. I felt tears welling in the corners of my eyes. God, it was like I had no control over my emotions. I blinked fast, getting rid of the tears. Tonight was not for tears. We were celebrating.
Someone must have been burning leaves nearby because the smell of fall was everywhere when we walked outside. Matt opened the car door for me before getting Jacob situated in the back seat. The heat was turned up full blast, but it was still chilly. I would have been lying to myself if this smell and this temperature hadn’t reminded me of Matt over the years. I smiled as Matt pulled away from the curb. Soon the city would be decorated for Christmas. I’d never seen the city in winter before. And I couldn’t wait to see everything lit up even more. I couldn’t wait to spend every season with this man.
“I love seeing you this happy,” Matt said.
How could I not be happy? My 16-year-old self dreamed of this day just as much as my 32-year-old self. “I love you.”
Matt smiled as he paid attention to the traffic.
It didn’t take us long to get to Tanner’s apartment. I looked out the window. “This looks very fancy.”
“Because it’s a castle!” Jacob said.
I smiled. “I can’t wait to see it. Grab the swords!”
“Got ‘em, Mommy.”
I held Matt’s hand and Jacob’s hand as we walked toward the apartment. A doorman opened the door for us, welcoming us in from the cold.
Matt dropped my hand and pulled an envelope out of his inside suit pocket. He handed it to the doorman. “Happy Thanksgiving,” he said.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” the doorman said with a big smile.
“What did you give him?” I asked as we stepped in front of the elevator.
“Oh.” Matt shrugged like it was nothing. “Just a little present.”
“What kind of present?”
He scratched the back of his neck. “When I visited your um…grave,” he whispered so Jacob didn’t hear. “I used to see your uncle’s grave too. And it always reminded me of how I never really knew him until you. His job was important. And I just treated him like he was invisible. So I don’t want anyone who I come in contact with to ever feel that way. I was living here for a while. I know the doorman. And I wanted to make sure to thank him.”
Tears were welling in my eyes again. “Uncle Jim would have really loved you doing that for people.” I couldn’t think of a better way to honor him.
Matt smiled down at me.
The elevator doors dinged open and Jacob jumped back. “Nunca,” he said.
“Sweet boy, Tanner lives at the very top of this building.” I couldn’t walk up all these steps in heels. “Let’s just give the elevator a try.”
“Nooooo,” Jacob said and took another step back.
“I have an idea,” Matt said. “How about you close your eyes and count to 100?”
“I don’t know how to count to 100.”
Matt and I looked at each other. “You go on up,” he said. “I’ll take the stairs with Jacob.”
“It’s so many stairs,” I said. “Jacob, maybe…”
“I want my abuelo,” he said. “He never makes me get in those.” He pointed one of his sticks at the elevator.
“Tanner is busy getting ready…”
“But I neeeeed him,” Jacob said. “Pleeeeeease.”
I could never say no to that. I looked at Matt and nodded.
“Okay, I’m going to go get Tanner then,” Matt said. “Unless you want to go up?” he asked me.
“You go ahead. We’ll wait here.”
Matt stepped onto the elevator and the doors closed behind him.
“Jacob, there’s nothing scary about elevators. They help you get from one place to another quicker.”
“I’m not in a hurry,” he said.
I smiled. “And they’re kind of fun. It’s like…a ride.”
Jacob shrugged. “Like at the carnival?”
Miller and I had taken him to a carnival once about a year ago. But we’d left pretty quickly because I was paranoid that I’d felt someone watching us. Well…not paranoid. Someone probably had been. Jacob hadn’t gotten a chance to get on a ride.
“Yes, like the carnival,” I said.
Jacob shook his head. “I didn’t want to ride those rides. And I don’t want to go in the elevator.”
“Okay, sweet boy. But it’s always good to try something at least once.”
“Not if you know you don’t like it.”
“Hmm.” He did kind of have a point. But I really needed him to start riding elevators.
The doors dinged open and Tanner walked out. He was wearing a dark suit with stitches that glimmered slightly in the bright light down here.
“Stop checking me out, woman,” he said. “We’ve been over this. I can’t date my best friend’s girl.”
I laughed. “I wasn’t. But I do like your suit.”
“Thank you. And you look beautiful, as always.” He turned to Jacob. “Hey, little man.” He held up his hand.
Jacob high fived him. “I want you to do the magic thing! So I don’t have to go on that.” He pointed his stick at the elevators again.
“Right,” Tanner said. “The stairs. Yup, we can do that.”
“Nooooo,” Jacob said. “The magic portal to your castle.”
Tanner laughed and looked at me. “Kids and their imaginations,” he said.
“But, Abuelo…”
“You go on ahead, Brooklyn,” Tanner said. “We’ll see you in a few minutes after taking the stairs.”
Jacob scrunched his mouth to the side as he stared up at Tanner.
Tanner really was good at playing make-believe with Jacob. I stepped toward the elevator.
“Oh and Brooklyn?” Tanner said and caught my wrist. “If you need to talk at all tonight, I’m here.”
I nodded. I knew. Tanner was the easiest person to talk to about loss. Because he’d lost someone too.
“And about your dad,” he said and let his hand fall from my wrist. “I tried everything. I know his boat is getting the transmissions. I don’t know why he hasn’t responded.”
My father was getting Tanner’s messages? And just…didn’t care? I knew my face fell.
Tanner cleared his throat. “Or maybe he’s not. Maybe he…” Tanner shrugged. “I don’t know, Brooklyn.”
“It’s okay.” I forced a smile onto my face. “I really appreciate you trying. And we already have a pretty great abuelo here, don’t we, Jacob?”
“The best abuelo,” Jacob said.
Tanner smiled. “Thanks, little man.”
I oddly wanted to burst into tears. So I quickly got onto the elevator. “I’ll see you two up there. Have fun taking the stairs.”
“We’re not taking the stairs, Mommy,” Jacob said.
Tanner laughed. “Kids,” he said again.
Jacob sighed. “Abuelo’s being silly.”
“Abuelo is being silly,” I said.
Tanner laughed again. “See you up there.” He picked Jacob up as the doors slid closed.
I took a deep breath. My father wasn’t coming to my wedding. I probably should have realized that as the wedding got closer and closer. But I’d still been holding out hope. I took another deep breath as the doors slid open.
“What’s wrong?” Matt asked as soon as he saw me.
“Am I that easy to read?”
“I know when you’re upset.” He pulled me off the elevator and into his arms.
“My dad isn’t coming. Tanner said he got messages through but that my dad didn’t respond. And I know you’re not upset about him not coming…”
“I’m upset if you’re upset.”
I pressed the side of my face against Matt’s chest. The letters I’d found made me think my father truly loved me. But him ignoring an invitation to my wedding didn’t feel great. It was possible he hadn’t seen the messages though.
It felt like the letters all over again. My mom had never seen any of them. Maybe that’s what was happening here. “Just because Tanner got messages to my dad’s boat doesn’t mean my father saw them though.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Matt said. “I know you dad would be here if he knew he was wanted.”
I nodded. My dad wanted to be part of our lives. That I knew for sure. I took another deep breath. “Let’s just be happy.”
Matt smiled down at me. “Oh, I’m very happy. I’m marrying you tomorrow.”
I laughed. “Come on, let’s get inside.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and guided me toward the bridge.
Wait, what?“Why is there a moat here?” I shook my head. Wrong question. “How is there a moat here?” No wonder Jacob thought this was a castle.