Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Dianne studied Jace out of the corner of her eyes. Why had he gone from teasing to a set jaw and clenched fists? She knew of course. She wasn’t the only one dealing with Chet’s death and the loss of loved ones. It also explained why he didn’t want to go to the ranch.
“Jace, I’m sorry for being so insensitive.
I understand how going back to the ranch would make you face too many memories of the man who’s been your friend and almost a father.
” She brushed her hand across his sleeve.
For some reason that defied explanation, she found comfort in the brief touch just as she’d almost leaned into his hand when he caught her from falling off the bench in her sleep.
“But it will become easier. Soon, you’ll cherish those memories and welcome the reminders. ”
“No!” The word exploded like it was driven from his mouth with TNT. “No.” His tone moderated. “You can’t begin to understand.”
His outburst shook her insides.
“I might understand more than you think. Try me.” She well knew the taste and shape of loss, pain, and disappointment. Far better than she wanted.
“No.” Another sharp explosion.
“Mama?” Eddie pressed to her back.
“Nothing’s wrong. Come, climb up beside me.” She indicated a spot away from Jace, but Eddie scrambled between them.
He looked at Jace. “You mad at Mama?”
The breath Jace sucked in went on forever, as if he had to fill in all the craters left by his explosions. “No, Eddie boy, I am not angry at her.”
Her son’s forehead crinkled. “You sounds angry.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Jace’s gaze darted to her. Was he offering an apology?
A shiver niggled her spine. Had Chet been cruel?
It didn’t fit with what she understood of him, but she’d never lived with him.
Only knew him through his letters, her father’s memories, and one visit.
For certain, something had happened to make Jace adamant about not returning when he should’ve been happy to do so.
Yes, there was his sorrow at Chet’s passing, but that didn’t seem like enough to trigger the response she just witnessed.
“There’s the way station.”
A low building clung to the side of the trail, the horses in a corral behind it. Dawn and Bart had warned her it was small, but it didn’t appear much larger than the outhouse huddled in the trees.
Jace stopped the wagon, and they all stared at the less-than-welcoming place.
“You could use the outhouse.” Jace didn’t move.
“I could.” Not one muscle twitched.
“I gotta go, Mama.”
“Fine.” Still, no one moved.
Then, Jace jumped down and lifted Eddie to the ground.
A man appeared in the doorway. “What you folks want?” Not exactly a welcoming question.
“Mind if we use the outhouse?” Jace asked, his voice all friendly.
“Help yourselves and move on.”
Spider legs crawled up and down Dianne’s spine and along her arms at his tone.
She reached for Jace’s hand to assist her to the ground and shamelessly held to it until they passed the man and his little house.
She stood by the outhouse and waited for Eddie, then turned him over to Jace as she went inside.
As soon as she finished, she hurried to the wagon where Eddie was already in the back, and Jace waited to help her to the seat.
They were barely out of earshot before she spoke. “I’m surprised the stage line hires a man like him. So unfriendly.”
“His job doesn’t entail taking care of the passengers, only the horses, and they appear well cared for.”
She brought her attention back to her predicament. “Now what?”
“I guess we go on to the next station.”
She couldn’t mistake his weariness. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“That you have to take me further. I know you don’t want to.”
He opened his mouth, but she didn’t give him a chance to say he didn’t mind if that’s what he meant to say because it was obvious he did.
“I think something happened at the ranch that makes you not want to go back there, but Jace—” She wasn’t above begging. “Can’t you let it go? I need a home. You need to run the ranch.”
His jaw flexed. He stared straight ahead. “My answer is still no.”
“Then I’ll go to a higher power. Someone who can persuade you to change your mind.”
“Huh?” He gaped at her.
“Yes, God above.” She pointed heavenward.
“You think He’s going to do as you ask?”
“He’ll do what is best.”
“For who? You or me?”
She looked back for Eddie. He didn’t need to hear this sort of discussion. He played in the back corner with pieces of wood he’d found in the wagon. She shifted her attention to Jace. “For all of us.”
His eyes narrowed. “Did He do what was best for you when your husband died?”
Before she could reply, he continued.
“Did you ask God to heal your father? I think you did, and yet he died. Just as I prayed for my parents and sisters to get better, and yet they’re dead.”
His taut voice and shoulders revealed how painful those losses had been for him even as hers were for her. Yet, he hadn’t mentioned Chet. Strange.
“I think we have to decide to trust God even when things don’t go our way, or we’re not trusting Him at all.”
“Why? Why must we trust Him?” Such longing in his voice.
Was he revealing his doubts? Or did he want her to explain in such a way that disappointments and losses made sense?
Unsure if she could do so, she considered her answer.
“It’s something I’ve struggled with, of course.
I was fifteen when my mother died. She grew weak over a matter of days.
I think she knew she wasn’t going to recover and called me to her side often.
Although it took much of her strength, she had things she wanted to say to me.
” Dianne’s throat thickened. “One matter she talked about was trusting God. She mentioned Job many times. In that book of the Bible, chapter thirteen, verse fifteen reads, ‘Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him.’” She paused, overcome with bittersweet memories and a yearning for the kind of faith Job had.
“She said if we only trust Him for good things, it’s like being fond of our parents only when they give us candy.
” A hitch in her throat stopped her momentarily.
“I want the kind of trust she meant. To throw myself on His goodness even when things go wrong.”
“Does that include not having the home you came here expecting?”
His softly spoken, innocent-sounding question didn’t fool her.
“I admit I’ve had a few doubts. But God will provide.
” As if to remind her of God’s love and care, she glimpsed a little bird on a nest in the trees along the trail.
Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not of more value than they? Strength flowed through her.
“If you mean that you expect God to make me change my mind, you are in for disappointment.”
“God works in mysterious ways.” The words were airy as a feather, hopefully not revealing anything but assurance.
“God might send along a lonely miner or widowed rancher and answer your prayer for a home that way.” He grinned. “The man might be waiting at the next station.”
She swatted at the air. “I doubt it. Besides, I believe He has already provided the answer.” Did her wide, unblinking gaze inform him she believed God would change Jace’s mind?
If the way he brushed away her words meant anything, he wasn’t seeing it that way.
“I can’t wait to discover what awaits us.” He tipped his head to indicate he meant ahead of them on the trail.
“How far is Chet’s ranch from Golden Valley?” She purposely stopped as if surprised. “I guess I mean your ranch.”
“Chet’s ranch is ten miles from town.” Stubborn, hard words.
Fine. She accepted his protests for now. “What’s it like?”
“It’s—” He stopped. When he continued, his words were like sledgehammers—hard and forceful, meant to break things. Like her determination. “Chet picked a spot by a stream with a wide, green valley that extends into the mountains.”
“He told Father that his house was big enough for a family, and he regretted he’d never had one.”
“Look. There’s the next station.”
Another rough-looking building. “At least it is larger than the last one.”
The wagon slowed as they both took in the place. A man strode out the door, followed by two more men.
Dianne swallowed hard as they stared at her. One was dressed in rough clothing, the second one had woolly chaps, and the third wore buckskin. Their gazes riveted to her.
“A welcoming committee awaits you.”
Jace needn’t sound so amused.
“The one on the left is the agent, if I recall correctly. The next appears to be a cowboy, and the other is perhaps a trapper. Any one of them—”
“Don’t even think of suggesting I should marry my choice.”
His chuckle rumbled unpleasantly along her nerves.
“I’m not up for auction,” she grumbled, her hands twisted in her lap. She called Eddie to her side and prayed most fervently for Jace to take her further, preferably to the ranch.
“They’ll be mighty glad of your company.” Jace signaled the horses to approach the station.
Did he mean to abandon her there?
Jace had the horses walk slowly. Three men! Not a place he’d leave any woman.
“You can’t leave me here. Jace, please.” Dianne’s voice had grown thin—barely missed squeaking.
He only meant to tease her, not to upset her. But before he could explain, she rattled on, as full of determination as the ranch dog trying to steal food from a cowboy.
She squared her shoulders and stared down the trail. “I won’t stay. I’ll walk the rest of the way if I must.”
“Dianne, there’s no need—”
“Stop being so stubborn and take me to the ranch.” Each word spit out like a bitter seed.
“I’m stubborn?” He wouldn’t give her a chance to respond to that. But neither would he ignore the chance to tease her a bit more. “Those men are going to be a tad upset if I don’t stop and give them a chance to look at you up close.”
She sputtered.