Chapter 14 #2
Her words so closely echoed what Chet often said that he couldn’t dismiss them.
“Chet seemed to understand why I’d disappear.
Sometime after I returned, he’d say something about living my best life now was a way to honor my parents’ memory.
Or remind me I carried their name and should make them proud by the way I lived.
” His voice deepened to a growl. “I’ve failed in every way. ”
“Jace, no—”
He wouldn’t let her finish. “I should make a marker for Chet. It’s the least I can do to honor him.”
“That’s sweet.” She lifted their clasped hands and intertwined their fingers. As if binding them together. “Except it’s not the only way to honor and maybe even not the best.”
The silkiness of her thumb rubbing along his smoothed the sharp edges of his thoughts.
“Don’t you think the best way to honor him is by caring for the inheritance he’s left you?”
If he hadn’t been occupied musing about her fingers and thumb, he would have seen her question coming. Why couldn’t she accept his decision and let them enjoy their short time together? He rose slowly, giving her no hint of his inner turmoil, and held out a hand to help her up.
She ignored him, her attention on something near the wooden marker, and she edged closer. “Jace, did you plant something here? It looks like a lily poking through the ground.”
His knees pressed the green grass flat as he knelt beside her and touched the emerging plant.
“It lived! I didn’t think it would. Chet gave it to me.
Said a lady in town offered it to him, and he thought I might like to plant it.
He never suggested where, but the look in his eyes was enough.
I planted it here two years ago. Never saw any sign of life last year.
” Surprise and awe rounded his words, but he couldn’t help it. Didn’t even try.
“I think it’s a reminder. No, that isn’t what I mean.” She sat back on her heels. “This little lily can push back the heavy sod because of God’s wisdom and—” She fluttered her hands as if unable to find the words she wanted. “It’s like a message from God.”
“What sort of message?” Would she offer him a cure for his guilt? Healing from the pain of his losses? Was that even possible?
Dianne studied the lily. Let her gaze go down the slope to where Eddie played with Skip on a green carpet dotted with bright flowers.
Her insides burgeoned with promise and possibility, but the words to explain it didn’t come.
God, help me make Jace understand what You are trying to tell him.
And maybe me. “Just think. God embedded life in that little forgotten bulb. Gave it strength to push through the soil in search of light. Not only does it remind you of Chet, perhaps it might also remind you that you can start again. You have God’s strength and healing.
” She fell silent, unsure if she made sense or if Jace would hear what she meant.
His only reaction was to touch the green stem, run his fingers over the letters on the marker, and then give her a long, wordless look.
She didn’t breathe, afraid to disturb his thoughts. Would he see a new future, or would he return to guilt and sorrow—a journey that had no end.
A smile started in his eyes and then claimed his lips. “Dianne, if I stayed, it would not be so much for Chet as for you.”
“Me?” Did that mean what she thought it did? Before she asked for further explanation, he helped her to her feet.
“Let’s not waste this sunny day.” Her hand still in his, he led her along the slope, paused to show her the almost translucent purple blossoms of wild crocuses and the fluffy seed heads of more mature ones.
“The flowers are scattered across the hillside as if God lifted a hand and tossed them to the ground, laughing to know how much people would enjoy them.” Joy filled her words like music.
“You’ve turned it poetic.” A smile had taken up residence on his face.
“I’m no poet, but I do like to admire flowers.”
He plucked a perfect blossom and held it toward her.
“‘From daisies bold to roses fair,
God’s hand is woven in the air,
In nature’s bloom, we find our place,
A reminder of His boundless grace.’”
He blinked as if as surprised at the words that came from him as she was.
“Jace, that’s lovely.”
“It’s from my mother’s poetry book. I don’t recall memorizing it.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. His grin was lopsided. “I guess she quoted the poem so often it stuck in my head.”
“I’m glad you remembered it. It’s a perfect thought for this place.”
“Come on. You need to see the buffalo beans.” He guided her along.
She’d been so busy looking at him, thinking about what he said, that she wasn’t paying attention. Buffalo beans must refer to something to do with buffaloes. But she had no idea what. Nothing she saw gave her a clue.
“Right there.” He pointed to the ground before their feet.
“Flowers?” Bright yellow blossoms shaped like a bean. So that would explain the bean part. “Why buffalo beans?”
“Chet said the Natives knew it was time for the spring hunt of buffalo when this plant blossomed.”
He allowed her a few minutes to admire the flowers and then pulled her onward.
“What are we looking for now?” Not that she cared, content to be with him.
“I don’t know about you, but I want to visit every inch of this place.”
Tugging his hand to stop his journey along the slope, she studied his face. He practically glowed. “Why do you talk like you’re never going to see this place again? I thought—” Her swallow was audible. Had she misunderstood his meaning when he said he’d stay for her sake?
“That’s not what I mean.” He drew her close until only a whisper of air separated them. His gaze circled her face and rested on her mouth. “Dianne, you make me want to stay. You make me want so many things.” His smile deepened to fan lines from his eyes.
Whatever he wanted from her, she would, to the best of her ability, give it.
“I’d like to kiss you.” His breath whispered over her cheeks.
“What’s keeping you?” She lifted her face, welcoming him.
His lips were warm, sweet with mountain air, and gentle as dawn.
She sighed when he broke the kiss and pressed her head to his shoulder.
Her heartbeat matched his. It was like finding a safe home, relief from a long tiresome journey.
Which was exactly what it was, and acknowledging it brought a soft chuckle from her.
The weight of his chin on her head deepened her laugh.
“What’s amusing you?”
“I have found home after a long exhausting trip.”
He eased back to look into her face. “I hope you always feel that way.”
Before she had an answer, he nodded toward Eddie. “I think someone is hungry.”
Her son peeked under the cloth covering the picnic and sighed.
Dianne laughed. “I expect he is.” Hand in hand, they went over.
Jace spread the quilt while she opened up the basket.
She didn’t have any bread baked yet, but there were biscuits she’d loaded with Mae’s thick raspberry jam.
Boiled eggs and a jar of pickled carrots added to the meal.
Cookies left from yesterday would finish it.
From his place on the quilt, Jace smiled at her and squeezed Eddie’s shoulder.
“I’ll ask the blessing.” He bowed his head.
“Our heavenly Father, kind and good, we thank Thee for our daily food. We thank Thee—” He stumbled.
“For the flowers that remind us of Your love and for new friends. Be with us, Lord. Amen.”
Her throat thickened as he personalized his prayer and included her. For a moment, she didn’t move.
“Mama, I hungry.”
Eddie’s words startled her into action, and she offered biscuits to Jace and Eddie and then nibbled on one.
Jace rested back on his elbow and watched her as he ate making her so nervous and self-conscious the bite stuck in her throat.
She managed to choke it down and pass the rest of the food around. Everything was gone but the crumbs, so Eddie went to play with Skip.
Jace eased closer and lay back, his hands under his head. “That was excellent. Thanks.”
“I assume you mean the food.” She widened her eyes and put a note of innocence into her voice.
His eyes caught the gleam of the noonday sun and reflected it to her, the brightness almost blinding. “What else would I mean?”
The teasing note tickled along her nerves.
“Maybe this?” He sat up, leaned close, and captured her mouth again. This time, he lingered seconds longer, long enough to steal away her breath and leave her heart thudding too rapidly.
With a shout that rang with laughter, he jumped to his feet. “Let’s take Eddie to the river. We can all have a drink.”
Her hand in his and Eddie and Skip trotting after them, they descended the gentle slope. At the water’s edge, she and Jace scooped up cold, refreshing water. Eddie lay on his stomach and slurped, Skip nearby.
Their thirst quenched, she and Jace lay back against the grassy bank, the scent of grass and mossy rocks surrounding them.
“I like the mountains best when they wear puffy clouds like they do now.”
She shifted to see what he meant. “It’s pretty.”
“Huh. It is, but when a storm rages over it, lightning and rolling black clouds, it—” He patted his chest. “It makes me aware of how puny I am.”
“That’s not a good feeling.” In fact, it was rather unsettling. “What are the best things about ranching?”
“Newborn calves trying out their legs for the first time and then jumping and frolicking a few days later. And the bald eagle soaring overhead. The flowers. These are just a sprinkling of what will come. There’ll be Indian paintbrush, purple lupine, and—” He broke off with an apologetic rumble of his lips. “You’ll think I’m foolish.”
“Not at all. Please continue.”
“Very well. Camping in the mountains when we are moving the cattle is pleasant. Chet hires a cook for those days.” He sat up on one elbow.
“Some of the best meals are cooked out there.” He considered her, then lay back and continued to talk about discovering baby birds and newborn deer.
Having a moose walk through a campsite. “No one dared to move.”
The sun warmed her face, and she closed her eyes, content to enjoy the moment.
Jace closed his hand around hers.
“I could stay here all day,” she murmured, lulled into a sense of peace such as she hadn’t known for so long.
“The last time I felt like this—” She sat up, her fingers cold after she withdrew from his hand.
“Was before Mama died.” Her gaze searched Jace’s while she thought of that time.
“I married Edmund as soon as the year of mourning ended.”
“Did you love him?” Jace propped himself on one elbow to watch her.
“I did love him. He saved me from my sorrow. Marrying him and then having Eddie gave me a reason to live.”
“You were grateful to him?”
“I was grateful, yes.” Her answer troubled her. “I don’t know if I ever felt truly safe with him.”
Jace sat up to face her. “Safe? What do you mean?”
“He was ten years older than me. He liked to do things I didn’t understand.” The tips of her fingers reddened when she squeezed them together. “I shouldn’t speak against him. After all, he’s dead, and he was my husband, and he took care of me.”
“But—”
The words spilled out unfiltered. “I never felt like I was more important to him than his friends or his amusements.” Her tone hardened. “And he left me penniless. If my father hadn’t rescued me—” Her voice broke, and she couldn’t go on.
Jace shifted closer and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry he did that.”
She shuddered in a breath. “Don’t get me wrong. He was kind to me.” He never struck her or spoke harshly.
Jace didn’t answer, simply held her tight.
“I can’t imagine not spending every available minute with you and making sure you had everything you needed.
” His arms slackened. “Sometimes we fail. Even when we mean the best. We make mistakes that we can’t undo and have to live our lives with that regret. ” He released her and got to her feet.
She understood he meant Chet.
“Time to go.” He called Eddie and Skip and started up the hill. Paused as if trying to make up his mind, then reached back, and took her hand to help her.
If only she could say or do something to free him from that load of guilt. But nothing came to mind. Nor did she think of anything before they reached the ranch.
They stopped in front of the house, and he handed her down.
It couldn’t end this way.
“You’ll join us for supper?” How odd to invite him when it was his ranch. Perhaps he needed to remember that.
But his gaze fixed on the ashes of the barn.
How was she to recreate the pleasantness they’d shared on the picnic? What could she do to remind him of their kisses?
Boldly, she touched his mouth. “Thank you for a very pleasant afternoon.” Then, with her heart battering against her ribs, she fled indoors.