11. Andrew
Andrew
W hen a guy thinks about sharing his feelings with the woman he loves, he generally doesn’t imagine the response being for the object of his affection to run out of the room without a word.
But that’s exactly what happened. One minute I was ruining my chance to get laid by opening my big mouth and professing my feelings, the next I was alone in the kitchen with a painful hard-on and a sense of dread.
Goldie waddled in, meowed in disgust, then left again.
I didn’t bother following Katy to her bedroom. I knew she was in no state to talk. Grabbing my phone, I texted my brother asking him to meet me for a drink, then left a note on the counter for Katy that I was going out and wouldn’t be home for dinner. I could grab a burger at the bar if and when my stomach stopped churning.
I was slumped down in a high backed booth at the far end of the bar when Patrick came in.
Five years younger, my brother was a carbon copy of me and Christoper but taller and broader. All of us were in good shape for guys our age, but Patrick was the head of the Lawson Fire & Rescue Department, and he regularly carried grown adults out of dangerous situations or scaled mountains looking for hikers. Even though I still thought of him as my kid brother, the guy could probably bench press me.
Growing up I’d been closer to Christopher than Patrick. We were closer in age and Patrick had just been the pesky little brother who followed us around. We’d all become friends as adults, and ever since Christopher moved to Denver to be with Steph, Patrick and I were spending more time together.
I was glad about that, and not just because I needed someone to talk to right now.
“Hey little brother. I ordered us a pitcher of beer and a basket of fries to start.”
Patrick dropped onto the bench across from me, studying me carefully. “What’s wrong?”
“I need alcohol first.”
As if I summoned her, the server arrived with our beer. I drained half a glass before returning my attention to my brother.
“I have a problem.”
He leaned back in his seat. “Katy.”
“How did you know?”
“You forget I live with Mom and hear about everything that goes on in this town, including the fact that you two were kissing in your driveway earlier this week.”
Patrick had moved in with our mother after Dad died suddenly of a heart attack. He’d been discharged from the military shortly before Dad died, and since he was the only one of us without a house, it made sense for him to temporarily move in with Mom. ‘Temporarily’ had lasted several years now.
He pretended it was because he didn’t want her to be lonely, but we all knew it was because he actually liked being babied by mom. They got along well and truly seemed to like living together, so who was I to judge? That didn’t keep me and Christopher from giving him shit about being a ‘freeloading Mama’s boy’ though.
I took another long pull from my beer, then I told Patrick the whole story from meeting at the coffee shop in Denver through what happened in the kitchen a little while ago. Without any intimate details, of course. My brother knew bits and pieces of what happened but didn’t know the whole story.
“Are you sure you’re in love with her?” Patrick asked as he signaled for another pitcher of beer. “You’ve been spending a lot of time together. That makes everything seem heightened.”
“Yeah, I felt the Lightning Bolt.”
Patrick rolled his eyes. “Tell me you’re not believing that shit now too. Mom was bad enough, but once Christopher started talking about it…”
“You’ll believe it when it happens to you,” I interrupted him.
“Look bro, it’s natural when we get older to want to settle down. It can make you feel things that maybe you wouldn’t have felt before. If it was the Lightning Bolt, wouldn’t you have felt it when you first met her back when Steph was working here?”
“I did. It hit me as soon as I walked into the restaurant that night.”
That shocked my brother into a few minutes of silence. I’d never told either of my brothers that part. They’d figured out that I was into Katy, but not that it was serious. For me anyway.
“I’m going to order a burger,” I told him. “You want one?”
“Yeah, let’s figure out what you should do next.”
By the time I made my way back home I had a good buzz going and was vibrating with righteous indignation. Katy came out of her room as soon as I entered the house, clearly waiting for me. To my shock Goldie followed her, rubbing against her bare legs. Then, as if she realized what she was doing, Goldie hissed and stalked off.
“Andrew. Hey. Can we talk?”
“It’s a little late for talking,” I said belligerently.
She cocked her head and looked at me. “Are you drunk?”
“Are you?”
Katy blinked. “Wow, I’ve never seen you like this. I have to tell you, it’s not a good look for you.”
I loved that she didn’t take any shit from anyone, including me.
“You know what’s also not a good look?” I griped. “When you tell a woman you love her, and she runs away without a word.”
“I know. I’m so sorry Andrew, you did not deserve that. I freaked out and obviously didn’t handle things as well as I would have liked to if I was thinking more clearly.”
I stabbed my fingers into my hair, pulling lightly to keep myself grounded.
“Look it’s fine. I get it. You don’t feel anything for me. Message received.”
My stomach was roiling again as my burger threatened to come back on me.
She looked at the ground and spoke so softly I almost missed it. “The problem is that I think I do feel something for you.”
I froze, all my attention focused on her now. “What?”
Katy lifted her gaze to mine. “I have, uh, feelings for you and it freaks me the fuck out, okay? My longest relationship lasted two months. I’m not good with emotions or feelings. I don’t even know what to do with all these thoughts that are coming up.”
The shattered pieces of my heart started fusing back together in my chest.
I surged forward and pulled her into my arms, pressing her head against my shoulder and hugging her tight.
“We don’t have to figure it all out tonight, baby. We’ve got time. Just don’t shut me out, okay?”
She nodded. It felt like progress.
“Can you do something for me?” I asked. “It’s okay for you to say no if you’re not comfortable.”
“What?”
“Will you sleep with me tonight? Just sleep, nothing else. I want to know what it feels like to wake up with you in my arms.”
“It probably feels like you’re holding a middle-aged woman rushing away to pee and brush her teeth,” she joked weakly.
What I was asking was a gamble. It would be tortuous to have her next to me and not be able to make love to her. But I had this instinct that if we could create a sense of intimacy without sex, maybe she would open up to me. Give me a chance.
“Let’s just go to bed and snuggle, okay?”
She nodded, but I could tell she still thought I was crazy. “Fair warning, I’ve never been much of a snuggler.”
Big shock there.
“Fortunately for you, the Lawsons are expert snugglers. I’ll teach you our ways.”
Katy seemed dubious.
“Come on, you’ll love it,” I cajoled.
She shook her head, then nodded and laughed. “Okay then. Let me get ready for bed.”
I was already in bed when Katy showed up ten or fifteen minutes later. She’d changed into a pair of sleep pants with a Tasmanian Devil print, thick socks, and a University of Colorado sweatshirt that looked like it had seen better days. Her hair was down and freshly brushed, and she was wearing tortoise shell glasses. She looked adorable. And a little nervous.
“You wear glasses?” I said in surprise. “I did not know this about you.”
“Only at night. I wear contacts during the day.”
I lifted the blankets on the other side of the bed.
“I hope you are okay with this side because I feel pretty strongly about being on this side of the bed.” I said it in an overly dramatic voice, hoping for a smile, then felt relieved when I got one.
“As part of my job I’ve slept in trucks and in tents in the forest and all kinds of crazy places,” she said. “I guess I’ll be able to muddle through on this side of the bed.”
She slipped under the blankets, laying on her back in a rigid posture staring at the ceiling. Without a word I scooted closer, then turned her so she was laying with her head on my chest, my arm around her back.
“That’s better,” I said softly.
Then I pressed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and promptly fell asleep.