Chapter 19
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
I had been layin’ in bed all weekend, smokin’ my damn life away and pretendin’ I ain’t care about my situation even though the truth was sittin’ right on my chest like a fat bitch.
I missed my husband, and I hated that I missed him. I hated that I still loved him, and I hated that last night was the first birthday of his I missed since we been rockin’. That shit did not feel right in my spirit. Me and Kay’Lo don’t do that. Birthdays always been our thing.
I flicked ash off the blunt and stared at the ceiling, lettin’ my mind drift right back to last year even though it hurt to remember it.
Kay’Lo woke me up with breakfast and gifts, actin’ like my birthday was some national fuckin’ holiday.
And later that night, he told me to get dressed ‘cause he had one last surprise for me. I walked outside and saw a black Escalade V sittin’ in the driveway, sittin’ on twenty-fours with candy-red calipers, and the paint flipped from black to deep wine under the right light.
He customized the interior with red suede, black leather, my nickname stitched in the headrests, and lights that glowed under the seats.
He did the sound system too so the bass would swallow my chest every time I played my music.
I remember cryin’, hittin’ his arm, kissin’ him, and tellin’ him to stop showin’ out for me like that ‘cause it made me love him too hard.
And now look at us. We done spent three weeks apart. Even though I played that shit cool, I wasn’t gettin’ no sleep or peace. There was no Kay’Lo snorin’ in my ear or reachin’ for me in the middle of the night ‘cause he swore he couldn’t rest unless his hand was on my thigh.
I rolled onto my side and stared at the empty space beside me.
I hated this bed. I hated how big it felt without him.
I hated that every time I heard a noise, I sat up lookin’ around like a scary ass kid ‘cause he wasn’t here to check anything.
He always hopped out the bed ready to beat a burglar’s ass, even when it was just the wind.
I missed that. I missed him. And the worst part was knowin’ that if I gave in and called him right now, we might be good for a few days or a few weeks, but eventually we would end up right back here, arguin’ about the same shit and pretendin’ like love was enough to fix it.
Maybe we needed to live apart. Maybe we needed space for real this time. Maybe love could only do so much before the real damage started showin’.
My phone started ringin’. I expected it to be him for half a second, even though I knew damn well it wasn’t.
When I saw Pluto’s name on the screen, I felt a tiny bit of relief.
She had been my ear through this whole mess.
If I hadn’t had her, I probably would’ve been outside Kay’Lo’s shop actin’ a fool weeks ago.
I answered slow. “Hey girl.”
“Hey sis,” Pluto said gently. “What you doin’? You alright?”
“I’m cool,” I lied, takin’ a slow pull from my blunt. “Just chillin’, layin’ down.”
Pluto talked to me normal at first, askin’ lil’ things just to ease me into the conversation like she always did. But my mind kept wanderin’ back to last night, and I finally said it.
“That nigga was textin’ my phone on some bullshit last night,” I muttered. “Talkin’ about how I ain’t tell him happy birthday. He love makin’ everything a problem.”
Pluto got quiet. I knew her tone by now, and I could tell she had somethin’ she ain’t wanna say.
“Well,” she said softly, “you already know I was there…”
The way she said it made my stomach get tight.
“Okay. And?”
There was a long pause. I could hear her swallow. Pluto was never scared, so her bein’ hesitant? I already knew it wasn’t good.
“Toni… I’m only sayin’ this because I love you,” she whispered.
I say up straight and put my blunt out. “Umm, okay.”
“Kay’Lo left the section with a female last night. She was on him all night.”
My hand froze with the blunt still in my hand while I was still puttin’ it out.
My heart felt heavy, but my voice stayed calm.
“What she look like?”
“I don’t know her,” Pluto said quickly. “Pretty. Done up. She knew she was bein’ seen.”
“She was all on him?”
“Yes.”
“And he was on her too?”
“He left with her,” Pluto said again, like she needed me to hear it right.
My heart dropped even though my face ain’t move.
“Okay,” I said quietly. “That’s cute.”
“Toni… I’m sorry,” Pluto murmured. “I just couldn’t hold that and look you in your face.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “No, you was right to tell me, ‘cause if I seen Pressure out with a bitch, I woulda whooped on both they asses.”
“Exactly,” Pluto replied.
We talked for a few more minutes and I pretended I was fine, but I wasn’t.
I got off the phone as soon as I could without makin’ it obvious.
The second the call ended, the room felt too quiet.
My thoughts got loud as hell. I laid the phone on my chest and stared at the ceiling again, tryin’ to breathe through the sting.
I was tryna play it calm on the outside, but I hated how bad I was shakin’ on the inside.
Kay’Lo with another bitch?
Kay’Lo lettin’ another bitch touch him?
Kay’Lo walkin’ out the club with somebody who wasn’t me?
Despite our problems, that shit ain’t even feel real. That nigga has loved me deeper than anybody ever has. He treated me like his whole world. Even when we fought, he never touched nobody else. He never made me feel like I wasn’t enough. So now… This felt personal in a way I wasn’t ready for.
I tried to tell myself we separated. I tried to tell myself he could do what the fuck he wanted to do.
But none of that changed the fact that I would’ve never done that to him.
Not even if we was beefin’. Not even if we went months without speakin’.
Because that’s not who I am and that’s not how my love works.
The fact that he stepped out hurt worse than any argument we ever had.
My phone was still on my chest, the screen glowin’, temptin’ me. I tried to ignore it, but the more I thought about a bitch bein’ on him, the more my finger twitched.
Finally, I snatched the phone up, opened the messages, and typed before I could stop myself.
It’s funny how you was textin’ me last night about not tellin’ you happy birthday when you was laid up with another bitch. Do you. I hope you ready to sign these divorce papers when I file.
Then I hit send.
My chest rose and fell slow as I placed the phone facedown beside me. I ain’t cry, scream or break nothin’. I just laid there with my heart hurtin’ in a way I ain’t have words for.
Kay’Lo had done a lot of shit.
But this?
This felt like the one thing I might not come back from.
And deep down, I knew I hadn’t just sent a text.
I had drawn a muthafuckin’ line.