Chapter 33
Trill-Land
One week later…
I ain’t have no specific destination so I rode around, smokin’ and lettin’ the night blow through the car.
A week ago, I let my own cousin knock me the fuck out.
A week ago I woke up in a driveway lookin’ stupid as hell with gravel stuck to my cheek and my gun smokin’ in my hand.
A week ago, I shot up Pressure’s cars ‘cause anger was the only thing I had left in me. And now, days later, I couldn’t even bring myself to give a fuck enough to stay mad at him.
My pride was bruised but my energy was gone.
That punch took more than breath out my lungs.
It took whatever fight I been tryna hold onto.
But at the same time, I wasn’t apologizin’ for shit.
I pulled on my blunt again and let the smoke sit in my mouth before I blew it out the window.
I ain’t even wanna think about Echo. Every time her name crossed my mind, I felt irritated ‘cause all she had done was add more chaos to shit that was already broken. I couldn’t believe she told Toni she missed her damn period like that was supposed to shake me.
And even if she was pregnant, I knew that child would never be mine ‘cause I never slipped. I never used condoms she brought ‘cause I wasn’t dumb enough to trust her bag. But fuck all that… I ain’t even wanna think about none of that shit no more.
I flicked ash out the window and rubbed my forehead with my thumb, lettin’ the streetlights smear across my vision.
I had been out the house too damn long, livin’ out a penthouse I didn’t even wanna be in and ridin’ around at two in the mornin’, eatin’ takeout every night like a nigga with no home.
It felt stupid the longer I thought about it.
I wanted my bed. I wanted peace. I wanted my wife.
I pulled my phone out and typed out a message I been holdin’ on to for days without sayin’ it.
Me: I can’t breathe without you.
Me: I’m tired of bein’ in these streets.
Me: Let me come home, Toni. Please.
Me: Can I come back?
I stared at the screen, waitin’ for the dots to pop up. My heart beat hard as hell, even though I tried to play it cool in the seat. I ain’t even wanna blink. And when her reply finally came through, I felt my whole chest fold in on itself.
Toni: Yes.
She didn’t send an explanation or start a fight or write out a long paragraph tellin’ me what I already knew, she just sent one word… yes.
My heart started movin’ in my chest again. I threw the blunt out the window and hit the gas.
I pulled up to the mansion and the gates opened, and I drove through slow, lettin’ the house welcome me back like it missed me just as much as I missed it.
I parked and jogged inside, takin’ the stairs two at a time until I hit our floor.
When I opened the bedroom door, there she was sittin’ in the bed like she had been listenin’ for my footsteps the whole time.
Her hair was parted down the middle, dark and soft, layin’ over her shoulders.
She had on that thin gown she only wore when she wanted to feel comfortable and pretty at the same time.
My wife looked tired, but she looked like home.
Her eyes met mine and I saw them get shiny before she blinked slow. She didn’t move. She just let me take in whatever I needed. I kicked my shoes off without even lookin’ where they landed and climbed into the bed, movin’ toward her.
“Toni,” I breathed out. “Baby, I’m tired. I’on got nothin’ left in me. I can’t do this shit without you.”
She didn’t speak at first. She just watched me crawl closer. When she finally lifted her hand, she wiped under her eyes, makin’ a low sniff.
“I don’t wanna fight no more,” she whispered, her voice soft and shaky. “I’m tired too, ‘Lo. I’m so goddamn tired.”
I nodded fast ‘cause I felt every word sink into me. “I don’t wanna fight either. I’m done with that shit. I’m done bein’ away from you. I just wanna come home. I just wanna be with you.”
Her shoulders dropped like she had been holdin’ somethin’ heavy and finally let it go. I moved in closer until my head found her lap.
She bowed her head and kissed the top of my forehead, like she didn’t even realize she was doin’ it. My hand went to her waist and her fingers slid across my face, holdin’ me like she finally let herself admit she missed me too.
“Toni,” I murmured into her thigh, “I love you.“
Her breath trembled but she didn’t move her hand. She kept strokin’ my face and lookin’ down at me.
“I love you too,” she whispered, her voice crackin’ even though she tried to hide it. “And I don’t wanna lose you.”
I lifted my head and sat up enough to kiss her lips slow, ‘cause neither one of us had the energy to make it anything else. It was a kiss that felt like forgiveness, surrender and like we had been fightin’ a storm for months and finally found a dry place to sit down in.
We didn’t undress or rush or try to force the night into somethin’ it wasn’t, ‘cause bein’ in the same bed without all the extra shit felt like all we needed.
We just crawled under the covers and let our bodies curve into each other like they remembered how to fit. Her leg slid over mine, her hand rested on my chest, and I wrapped my arm around her waist, pullin’ her into me ‘cause I could finally breathe again.
She pressed her face into my neck and breathed slow. “I just want us to try,” she whispered.
I nodded against her temple. “We gon’ try. We gon’ do this right this time. No more runnin’. No more bullshit.”
She made a soft hum, like she agreed but didn’t have the strength to say nothin’ else. Her fingers tightened on my shirt and her body relaxed into mine like she was lettin’ go of the past one piece at a time.
We held each other until the room dimmed out and the only thing I could hear was her breathin’ slow against my chest. I kept my hand on her hip, keepin’ her close.
This was my wife, my home and my peace.
And for the first time in months, I dozed off in my wife’s arms and slept like a fuckin’ baby.