Chapter 37 #2
I opened my mouth to explain but footsteps cut down the hall. Kwame stepped into the livin’ room with that permanent look of superiority sittin’ on his face like it was carved there from birth. He looked at me like I was dirt on his rug, but I ain’t even flinch.
“What’s going on in here?” he asked, his tone sharp and cold.
I stood up so fast the couch cushion popped behind me. “Why you walk in Dr. Ellington’s office and force her to erase Kay’Lo’s diagnosis?”
Treasure stood too, her eyes wide. “Kwame… what is she talking about?”
Kwame didn’t even look at her. He looked at me like he wanted me out of his house yesterday. “This is not your place, Toni. Leave it alone.”
I stepped closer ‘cause I refused to be intimidated by him anymore. “Kay’Lo is my place. He my husband. I’m a Mensah whether you like it or not, so anything that affect him affect me too.”
His jaw flexed but I kept goin’.
“So go ‘head. Tell your wife how you threatened that woman into changin’ his diagnosis. Tell her how you care more about people findin’ out your son need help than your son actually gettin’ the help.”
Treasure turned to him slow. “Kwame… is that true?”
He sighed loud and long, and that was all the answer she needed.
Treasure’s hand flew to her chest. “My God, Kwame.”
“My God is right,” I snapped. “You think I’m ghetto or whatever the crazy reason you don’t like me, but at least I’m the one out here tryin’ to save your son’s life.
I’m the one sittin’ by the phone waitin’ on calls so I can make sure he hear somebody who love him.
I’m the one losin’ sleep while you out here hidin’ diagnoses like that’s not the reason he in jail right now. ”
He opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off.
“You so obsessed with your bloodline and your legacy, but look what you did,” I said, every word hittin’ like a slap.
“You hid who your son was. You robbed him of real help, and now he facin’ a needle in his arm before he can even give you a grandchild.
You protected the Mensah name so good you might’ve killed the only person who could pass it on. ”
Treasure gasped, like she couldn’t believe I was on her husband’s ass about MY husband’s ass. Kwame’s face darkened, and I felt my stomach twist like it was about to crawl up my throat.
“You better fix this shit,” I told him. “Do the right thing for once in yo’ damn life.”
“Kwame, I can’t believe you. Why didn’t you speak with me about this? When was this? What the hell―”
While Treasure was seconds away from crashin’ the fuck out, I felt heat rush up my neck and my skin got cold at the same time. Treasure reached for me ’cause she saw my face drain and then I stumbled.
“Toni, baby… are you alright?”
“No,” I whispered, my stomach turnin’.
Before I could say another word, Treasure grabbed my arm before I could throw up all over her floor and rushed me down the hall to the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before I dropped to my knees and threw up so hard my eyes blurred.
Treasure knelt beside me with her hand on my back while I shook and tried to catch my breath.
I ain’t know what was happenin’ to me, why I felt like this or why everything inside me felt like it was turnin’ upside down.
All I knew was that I had never been this overwhelmed in my life.
I honestly ain’t wanna entertain the idea of even buyin’ a damn pregnancy test but Sha’Nelle pushed me to do it anyway.
I told her my stomach was probably messed up from all the stress and from yellin’ and cryin’ and barely eatin’, yet she just looked at me like she knew somethin’ I didn’t.
The whole ride to the store I kept tellin’ myself this was pointless ‘cause if I ain’t got pregnant by Kay’Lo after all these years, then why the hell would it happen now when he’s locked up and fightin’ for his life?
It didn’t make sense. My heart felt heavy the entire ride and my nerves was on fire every time I thought about that moment at his parents’ house when I threw up in their damn bathroom.
By the time we pulled up to the pharmacy, I was aggravated and exhausted but Sha’Nelle practically dragged me inside like she had a mission she refused to abandon.
She grabbed the test off the shelf while I walked behind her slow ‘cause somethin’ in me already knew this was about to change everything, and I wasn’t ready for no more surprises.
I ain’t argue ‘cause I didn’t have the strength.
I just paid for the test and walked out with the bag feelin’ like it weighed a thousand pounds even though it only had that one box in it.
When we got back to the mansion, I barely spoke as we came up the stairs.
My hands was shaky when I closed my bedroom door behind us and I stood there for a minute just breathin’ ‘cause my chest felt strange. Sha’Nelle told me to go take the test, and she sat on my bed with her leg bouncin’ like she was nervous for me.
I walked into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror for a second.
My eyes looked tired and stressed and I could feel this weird mix of fear and hope run through me and it confused the hell out of me.
I wasn’t ready for this kind of news right now when my man was behind bars.
I opened the box and followed the instructions, but my hands was tremblin’ so bad I almost dropped the damn thing.
When I finally peed on the stick, I set it on the counter and closed my eyes for a moment ‘cause I needed a minute to breathe. I pulled my shorts back up halfway but ended up stayin’ on the toilet because my legs didn’t feel strong enough to hold me up.
The silence in the bathroom made my heartbeat loud, and I counted the seconds without even meanin’ to ‘cause the waitin’was eatin’ me alive.
When I finally looked down and saw the test, my whole body went cold.
The word pregnant sat right there bold as hell and my hand flew up to my mouth.
I stared so hard my eyes started stingin’ and my stomach flipped.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. All those times I waited for this and it never happened.
All the nights Kay’Lo held me and talked about wantin’ a family with me, all the times we tried and tried and I convinced myself it wasn’t gon’ happen.
Now this. Now when he was locked up and they was tryin’ to take his life, my body decided to finally say yes.
My hands was shakin’ uncontrollably and tears fell down my cheeks before I even realized I was cryin’.
I couldn’t get myself to move. I kept lookin’ at the test and the reality of it sat inside me heavy and terrifyin’.
Sha’Nelle called my name but I couldn’t answer her.
I was frozen with shock, fear, disbelief, and somethin’ deeper that scared me even more.
Then my phone started ringin’.
The ringtone felt like a slap and it pulled me out of whatever daze I was in. My shorts was still around my ankles but I reached for my phone with tremblin’ fingers ‘
When I saw it was Kay’Lo, my heart sank, but I refused to miss his call. I wiped my face quick and pressed accept, breathin’ so uneven I hoped he couldn’t hear it.
“Hey baby,” he said, and his voice sounded warm but tired, like he was tryna hold everything together for me.
“Hey,” I whispered back.
“How you holdin’ up?” he asked. “I love you.”
He sounded calm enough that most people wouldn’t hear the stress buried underneath, yet I knew him too well.
I heard every crack he fought to hide. I heard how lost he really felt.
It made my chest hurt even more ‘cause I couldn’t fix anything for him.
I couldn’t bring him home or stop what was happenin’ around us.
And now I was sittin’ in our bathroom starin’ at a pregnancy test while he was locked in a cell not knowin’ if he’d ever come home again.
I knew I shouldn’t say anything right now. I knew I should’ve waited. I knew it wasn’t smart to drop somethin’ this big on him when he had so much on his shoulders, yet my heart was beatin’ too fast and my mind was spinnin’ and I felt impulsive ‘cause everything inside me felt turned upside down.
“Kay’Lo…” I whispered.
His voice sharpened with concern. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
I stared at the test again. My hands wouldn’t stop shakin’, and my whole world felt like it was shiftin’ under my feet.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
Silence dropped between us so heavy I felt it in my bones.
Kay’Lo ain’t say a single word for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and cracked in a way I had never heard from him.
“How you know you pregnant, baby?”
I closed my eyes as tears fell. “I’m lookin’ at the test now. I just took it.”
He let out a long sigh that sounded like heartbreak and relief and devastation all wrapped together. “I’m in here and you finally get pregnant with my baby.”
His voice broke, and even though he tried to cover it, I heard everything. I heard the pain, the disbelief, the fear and love. It hit me so hard I pressed the phone tighter to my ear like it would help me hold him somehow.
“I know,” I whispered, cryin’ now. “And I don’t know what to do.”
Kay’Lo exhaled again, and I heard the strain weighin’ on him. “I’m sorry, baby.”
The way he said it made my heart ache. He wasn’t apologizin’ for the pregnancy. He was apologizin’ for being trapped, for not bein’ here, for not protectin’ us and for not bein’ able to feel this moment the way he always dreamed.
Kay’Lo had wanted a family with me for years. He talked about it so many times that I could hear his voice sayin’ it in my sleep. We was even beefin’ about the shit. And now the minute it finally happened, we was separated by walls and death penalty threats.
I held the test in my hand and cried so hard I had to press the phone away for a second just to catch my breath.
The reality crushed me. I was pregnant with Kay’Lo’s baby while the state was tryin’ to put a needle in his arm.
And I had no idea how to survive a world where our child might grow up without him.
I whispered his name again, and he whispered mine back, and for a moment neither one of us said anything because we was too overwhelmed to speak. All we could do was breathe through the kind of pain that had no words and pray that somehow, some way, he would come home to us.