Chapter 6 #2
I cried into her shoulder, my fingers clutchin’ her shirt while my other hand stayed on my stomach like I needed to feel my baby right here to remind myself that I had somethin’ positive to look forward to.
“What’s understood ain’t even gotta be discussed, bitch,” she added low, her voice soft but serious in a way that made me nod against her.
I tried to pull myself together, draggin’ a breath in like I could calm myself down before I completely lost it, but I ain’t even get the chance to settle before I heard Kay’Lo’s voice right outside the door. It was deep and close, and too familiar for my body not to react to it instantly.
It hit me before I could even think straight, like my heart tightened on its own, and my back straightened a lil’ without me tellin’ it to. My eyes flicked toward the door while everything in me shifted just from hearin’ him that close.
I pulled away from Sha’Nelle and sat up straighter, wipin’ under my eyes quick while I tried to get myself together, my hand goin’ back to my stomach.
The door opened a second later, and Kay’Lo stepped in.
He had on all black from head to toe, with some steel toe boots on like he had been movin’ around all day, takin’ care of shit. The energy on him felt heavy in a way that made the room feel smaller just from him standin’ there.
Sha’Nelle looked at me, then at him, and she ain’t say nothin’ else before she got up.
“I’mma let y’all have that,” she muttered, walkin’ past him and out the room.
He ain’t even look at her…
His eyes stayed locked on me the whole time, and the second the door closed, it was just us.
For a moment, neither one of us said nothin’, but the way he was lookin’ at me made my stomach twist. It wasn’t just from irritation but from somethin’ deeper that I ain’t wanna acknowledge right then.
“Am I allowed to leave the room now? Or am I still bein’ held hostage?” I asked, my voice laced with sarcasm even though my stomach was tight as hell.
He stepped closer, stoppin’ right in front of me, his presence heavy as hell while he looked down at me.
“I’on know,” he said. “Can I trust you not to put my baby in the middle of some more bullshit?”
The words hit harder than I wanted them to, and I felt it instantly.
“Is that all you care about?” I asked, lookin’ up at him, my voice tight.
He tilted his head just a lil’, his expression not changin’. “Would it make sense for me not to give a fuck, Toni?”
“You know that ain’t what I mean, ’Lo,” I replied, my tone sharper now.
“Then say what you mean,” he replied, calm but firm in a way that made me more irritated.
I let out a frustrated breath and shook my head. “You always do this. You always make everything about what you want, and you don’t even see how you treatin’ me right now. You could’ve at least let me know you was gon’ be gone for ten hours straight.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose for a second before lookin’ back at me. “You trippin’.”
“I’m trippin’?” I shot back. “You got me sittin’ in here, and I can’t even walk out my own room, and I’m trippin’?”
“You not locked up,” he said. “You bein’ watched.”
“That’s the same shit,” I replied, my voice tight. “I’m not a fuckin’ child.”
Toni…” he said, his tone firmer now. “You not a child, but you about to have my child—”
“And there it go,” I interrupted, throwin’ my hands up. “It’s always YOUR child this and YOUR child that.”
He nodded once. “And you muthafuckin’ right. What else you got a problem with?”
I swallowed, feelin’ that shit burn. “So, what about me? You just don’t give a fuck about me no more?”
“That’s not what I said,” he replied.
“That’s how it feels,” I said, my voice lower now but still hurt.
He exhaled slowly. “You want me to act like what you did was okay, and I’m not doin’ that.”
“I was defendin’ my family!” I cried.
“And I do that every day,” he came back. “But I’m not carryin’ a baby while I’m doin’ it.”
I shook my head, not likin’ that answer. “You settin’ a double standard.”
“The problem is you want me to be a bitch ass nigga,” he said, lookin’ straight at me, “and I can never be that.”
I stared at him. “I been there for you through everything,” I said, my voice crackin’ a lil’. “Through all your shit, and this how you do me?”
“And I been here too,” he replied. “But I’m not throwin’ the shit in your face, and I damn sure ain’t about to play about my child.”
“And none of this would’ve happened if you ain’t cheat,” I added, my voice sharp again.
He went still for a second, then looked at me. “Shid… you done killed the bitch I so called cheated with, so I don’t even know why the fuck you still complainin’.”
That hurt more than I expected, and I felt it all over my face, but instead of fallin’ back, it just made somethin’ ugly rise up in me.
I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head. “Damn… so that’s what this is?” I muttered, lookin’ up at him. “You that mad I killed yo’ side bitch? You hurt about it?”
His eyes dropped to mine, and the way he looked at me made my stomach twist ’cause it was clear as day that I just said some shit that provoked him.
He ain’t rush to answer me either. He just stood there lookin’ at me like I still wasn’t gettin’ it.
“That’s your fuckin’ problem right there,” he said finally, his voice deep in a way that felt worse than him yellin’. “Everything always come back to how fucked up I am, and how a nigga just doin’ you wrong. I’m sick of hearin’ the shit, Toni.”
I frowned, feelin’ that hit but not wantin’ to take it. “So now I’m selfish?”
“If the shoe fit, lace them hoes up,” he replied without hesitation. “’Cause you not hearin’ me, Toni. You hearin’ yourself, and you don’t sound smart right now.”
My stomach tightened, anger mixin’ with hurt in a way that had me breathin’ a lil’ harder.
“See… he said as he pointed at my stomach. “You stressin’ my daughter. Ya stomach foldin’ and shit.”
“Whatever Kay’Lo. MY daughter is fine. You just keep throwin’ this shit in my face like I ain’t the one carryin’ her. My’Love is FINE!”
“And I’m the one makin’ sure both of y’all make it,” he shot back. “That’s the difference.”
I stared at him, feelin’ like he was talkin’ over me, like he kept choosin’ just me being pregnant over me as a person. That shit sat wrong no matter how much sense he thought he was makin’.
“So, what? I just don’t matter no more?” I asked, my voice tight. “It’s just you and My’Love now?”
He looked at me like I was sayin’ somethin’ crazy. “You hear yourself right now?”
“I’m dead serious,” I snapped. “’Cause that’s what it feel like. Everything is about her and what you want, and I’m just sittin’ here like I don’t got no say in shit. Like I’m a fuckin’ surrogate for YOUR child.”
He shook his head, draggin’ his hand down his face like he was losin’ patience. “Man, gone ’head with that bullshit,” he muttered under his breath.
That made my eyes widen. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he replied, lookin’ back at me. “I’m tired of goin’ in circles with you about this shit.”
“And I’m tired of you actin’ like you the only one allowed to do somethin’ when it come to protectin’ family!” I shot back. “You done shot, killed, did whatever the fuck you wanted to do, but the minute I do it, now I’m the problem?”
“I told you already,” he said, his tone sharper. “It’s not what you did, it’s when the fuck you did it. You eight months pregnant, Toni.”
“And?” I snapped. “That don’t make me weak!”
“I ain’t say it did,” he replied. “But it means you got more to lose than just yourself now, and you movin’ like that shit don’t matter.”
“It do matter!” I yelled. “That’s why I did what the fuck I did!”
“And look where the fuck it got us!” he shot back, his voice raisin’ just enough to cut through mine.
The room went quiet for a second after that, but it wasn’t a calm quiet. It was heavy, dark, nasty, tense, and sittin’ right between us like neither of us was willin’ to back down.
“Argue by ya fuckin’ self, Toni,” he said without lookin’ back as he walked toward the door. “I’m done.”
My heart almost gave out ’cause ’Lo had never told me he was… done. “And what you mean you done?”
He paused at the door, his hand on the handle. “I’m done tryna be perfect for you,” he said. “After the baby come, some shit gon’ have to change.”
I swallowed, feelin’ my chest rise and fall while I looked at him. Even though I was mad, there was still somethin’ else sittin’ under that.
“If I leave after I give birth…” I said slow, my voice lower now but still carryin’ weight, “just know I’m takin’ my baby with me.”
That made him pause…
He turned his head and looked back at me over his shoulder, his expression shiftin’ just enough for me to see it.
“Try that shit if you want to,” he said, his voice dangerous in a way that made my stomach drop, “and we both gon’ fuck around and find out.”
A chill ran through me, but I ain’t let it show.
I just looked at him with my jaw tight, standin’ on what I said, even though my heart felt like it was cavin’ in at the same time.
He held my gaze for a second longer like he was makin’ sure I understood exactly what he meant, then he turned back toward the door like he was really done this time.
Before I could respond, he opened the door fully and walked out, slammin’ it behind him hard enough to make me flinch.
The room went quiet again, but it didn’t feel the same, and for the first time since all this shit started, it felt like I wasn’t just fightin’ with Kay’Lo…
It felt like I was losin’ him.