Chapter 17 Pressure Mensah
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Bein’ a new husband was wild, but a nigga was doin’ what I could to keep my household stable.
I had fucked up with Pluto a few weeks back and that shit was still sittin’ on me like weight plates.
Every day I found myself thinkin’ about the look on her face when I nutted in her after she told me not to.
It wasn’t even the argument that got me, it was how quiet she got after.
It was how she laid there stiff and hurt like she ain’t even know who the fuck she was lookin’ at.
I hated that. I hated bein’ the reason she pulled back into herself.
So I fell back and did what a man supposed to do. I took care of shit around the crib. I handled the kids. I tried to give her room to breathe ‘cause if anybody deserved some peace, it was my girl.
Some days I woke up feelin’ like the best husband alive and some days I felt like the villain in my own damn story, but regardless, I kept movin’ and kept takin’ care of the people who depended on me.
Kaylon was four months and actin’ like he was born with a job to stress me out.
The nigga woke up every mornin’ screamin’, and by the time I changed him, burped him, and sat him down, he’d be lookin’ up at me with them big eyes like he ain’t just damn near bust my eardrum.
Prestyn was one and had more energy than grown men I knew.
I swear that boy could run a marathon in his sleep.
Every time I blinked, he was in a cabinet, draggin’ a pillow across the floor, or hittin’ Kaylon’s foot just to see if he was gon’ cry.
I kept up with both of them though. I pushed Prestyn around the estate in his lil’ car that he swore was a real Bentley.
I took him to the pool and held him up while he kicked his legs like he was trainin’ for the Olympics.
I walked laps with Kaylon strapped to my chest, rubbin’ his back and hummin’ to him until he calmed down.
I even cooked a few times, which is wild as hell ‘cause I normally don’t touch shit in the kitchen besides a bottle of water.
And Zurie was right there with us, talkin’ my ear off and helpin’ with her nephew-brothers like she been in the big sister union for years. That girl had my whole heart in her hands and she knew it too.
One night, after I got Kaylon down and ran Prestyn around until he tired himself out, I walked into Zurie’s room and found her sittin’ in bed with her stuffed animals lined up like students in a classroom. She looked at me with that lil’ grown smile she had and patted the spot next to her.
“Come sit with me, my P,” she said.
I shook my head while laughin’ a lil’ ‘cause she always called me that with pride, like it meant somethin’ important. And I guess it did, ‘cause I felt that shit every time she said it.
I sat at the edge of the bed and leaned back on my hand. “What you over here teachin’ these fake ass kids tonight, my Z?”
She giggled and covered her mouth. “They not fake. They just quiet.”
She fixed her covers and looked at me like she was buildin’ up to somethin’. “Um… the father daughter dance is comin’ up.”
I nodded slow. “Yeah, I know. You excited?”
She nodded but her face did this weird lil’ scrunch like she wasn’t all the way happy. “Kinda. I wanna go with you because you my P, but this boy in my class been bein’ real mean to me and he kept sayin’ nobody gon’ wanna dance with me.”
I lifted my head so fast she jumped. “Who told you that?”
“His name is Mason.”
“Where this Mason lil’ boy stay at? He big or small? He built like he need a ass whoopin’?”
Her eyes got wide and she shook her head fast. “P, you cannot fight a little boy.”
I shrugged. “Shit, I’m slidin’ for you behind anybody.”
She burst out laughin’ and fell back on her pillow, kickin’ her feet like she couldn’t take it. “P, stop talkin’ like that.”
“Tell Mason keep playin’ with you if he want to. Matter fact, point him out to me at the dance. I ain’t gon’ touch him, but he gon’ feel my presence.”
She was laughin’, and seein’ her happy like that loosened somethin’ in my chest. I never thought I would be somebody’s safe space, but this lil’ girl looked at me like I could move a whole mountain for her if she asked.
I leaned forward and brushed her braid off her shoulder. “You know you gon’ look beautiful at that dance, right?”
She nodded. “I know. You gon’ wear a suit that match me?”
“Hell yeah. You want pink? Purple? Gold? Whatever color you want, we rockin’ it.”
Her smile stretched wide. “We should do pink.”
I pointed at her. “Say less.”
For a minute we sat there talkin’ about outfits and shoes and how she wanted her nails painted. Then she yawned and leaned into my arm, soft like she been mine from birth.
I kissed her forehead. “A’ight, my Z. Time for bed. We gotta be outta here bright and early.”
She nodded slow, still sleepy, and lifted her hand so we could do our handshake. We tapped palms, slid across, locked thumbs, spun our wrists, and pulled each other in for a fist bump.
Every single time, she grinned like it was the coolest shit in the world.
I stood up, tucked her in, and turned off her light. “Goodnight, baby girl. I love you.”
“Goodnight, my P. I love you more.”
I closed her door and let the quiet settle in the hallway. Nights like this made me realize how much life had changed.
But sometimes bein’ a good man meant facin’ the parts of myself I ain’t always wanna deal with, and that mistake with Pluto kept runnin’ laps through my head every time I sat still.
I hated that I hurt her. I hated that I crossed a boundary she trusted me with, and I hated that someone as perfect as her even had to teach me how to love her better.
I went to my gym and worked out until my body burned.
I hit the weights harder than I should have and ran on the treadmill like I was tryna outrun my own frustration.
Sweat dripped down my back and the music pounded through the speakers while I pushed myself past the point of comfort.
It was the only time I felt like I could get out of my own head.
I thought about how long it had been since Pluto kissed me without hesitating.
I thought about how she slept with her back to me now, not cold or angry, but just distant.
I thought about how she still talked to me with respect and moved around me with her calm, soft energy, but she didn’t reach for me the way she used to, and I knew exactly why.
That was on me.
After I cooled off a lil’, I went into my room, showered and let the hot water run over my shoulders while I held my head down.
I knew I couldn’t undo what happened, but I could grow from it.
And I wanted to. I wanted to be better for her, for our kids, for our home.
I ain’t perfect, but I wasn’t built to run from responsibility.
When I walked out the bathroom shirtless, Pluto was sitin’ in the bed with her legs crossed. She looked at me with this soft, tired expression like she had been thinkin’ too.
My chest warmed up instantly.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” I replied, my voice goin’ low without me even tryin’.
We stared at each other for a second. Her eyes was big and gentle and full of shit we hadn’t said in weeks. I let the towel fall over my shoulder and stepped closer.
“I love you,” I told her.
She blinked slow, then nodded once. “I love you too.”
That meant more than she knew.
I ain’t push for nothin’ else. I ain’t ask for forgiveness or touch on the wound between us. Some shit needed time, and I was learnin’ how to let that time breathe.
I walked to the patio doors and stepped outside with the night air hittin’ my skin. Trill-Land was quiet. The moonlight hit the estate in a way that made everything feel calm and wide open, almost peaceful.
I leaned on the railin’ and exhaled long.
I was gon’ get this right.
I was gon’ earn her trust back.
And I was gon’ keep buildin’ this family until there wasn’t a single crack left in the foundation.
No matter how long it took, I was in it all the way ‘cause Pluto was my woman.
These kids was my kids.
And this life we built was my entire world.
And a nigga wasn’t losin’ none of it.