Chapter 5
Neither she nor Jake had to work the next morning. Lily hadn’t slept much and had been awake since five, so it was easy for her to get up early and start breakfast. She’d just finished whipping eggs for French toast when he walked into the kitchen.
She looked at him and tried to smile, but their last very awkward conversation hung between them. He seemed to feel equally uncomfortable as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. The only sound was the faint ticking of the clock over the stove.
“I made breakfast.”
“I’m heading over to my mom’s.”
They spoke at the same time.
“You first,” she told him.
He shoved his hands into his jeans pocket. “I promised my mom I’d change the oil in her car.”
“This morning?”
He shrugged.
Lily nodded as if it didn’t matter. As if she didn’t mind him ducking out on her the first chance he got. If last night had gone the way she’d wanted, right now they would still be lying in bed together. But it hadn’t. Somehow everything had gone terribly wrong, and now she didn’t know what to say.
“I’m going to go check on the house later,” she said. “If you want to come.”
“I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
Right. Because changing a car’s oil took hours. She drew in a deep breath and tried to be calm.
“Will you be home for dinner?” she asked.
“You don’t have to cook for me.”
“I was cooking before the wedding,” she said as her temper began to slip. “Why would that change?”
“You don’t work for me, Lil. You don’t have to take care of that kind of thing.”
“I want to.”
She tried not to sound plaintive or pathetic. They were married—didn’t he want to spend time with her at all?
“Why does all this have to be different?” she asked. “Why can’t it be like it was?”
“It will be. We need time to adjust.”
To what? Nothing had changed. Or was she wrong in that? Had getting married changed the rules so much that neither of them knew what to do or how to act?
“I didn’t want to make things bad between us,” she said.
“You didn’t.”
But he spoke the words as he walked out of the kitchen and when the back door slammed behind him, she knew he was wrong.
She’d gained Jake as a husband but lost him as a friend. From her perspective it didn’t seem like much of a trade.
* * *
Lily showered and straightened up Jake’s house, then drove over to her place where she could check out the refinished floor. Various rooms were still roped off so the new finish could dry. Carpeting would come in next, then she was free to move back.
Yesterday Jake had talked about moving in with her. Was that still going to happen?
She put her hand on her stomach. “Whatever is going on with him, I’ll still be here for you,” she promised her baby. “We’re going to be a family.”
She crossed to the window in the living room. The sub flooring creaked as she walked. As she stared out at the front yard, she vowed that somehow she would fix all of this. She hadn’t come this far only to lose Jake now. She was tired of messing up her life, which meant it was time to get things right—and she knew just how to start.
She drew her cell phone out of her purse and scrolled through the numbers. When she reached the one she wanted, she pushed the talk button and waited. The phone was answered on the second ring.
“Rachel?” she said, her stomach jumping into her throat. “It’s Lily.”
* * *
“Why are you keeping an old woman company when you have a beautiful new wife at home?” Nadia asked as Jake checked the dip stick in her car.
“You asked me to change your oil.”
“I see. And you chose this morning to do it? The morning after your wedding night?”
He slid the stick back in place. “It’s not like that. She’s pregnant.”
“Oh, and while a woman is pregnant she doesn’t have needs? Or are you saying you don’t find her attractive?”
Jake had been on his own since he was twenty. He had a dangerous job, was a responsible citizen and prided himself on knowing his way around the bedroom. But in less than thirty-seven seconds, his mother had him blushing like a fourteen-year-old.
“I’m not talking about this with you, Mom,” he said firmly.
“Fine. You don’t talk. I’ll talk and you listen.”
He slammed the hood and busied himself with polishing the already gleaming finish. Escape was only a few steps away, but if he tried to duck out, his mother would follow and possibly want to discuss this outside, in front of the neighbors. Dealing with her in the privacy of the garage seemed much more palatable.
“You and Lily—you’re friends for a long time,” his mother said. “You have feelings, she has feelings, but no one talks.”
“You don’t know that she has feelings.”
“I know.”
He risked glancing at his mother and saw affection in her gaze.
“I know, Jake,” she repeated. “Trust your heart. Trust her heart. A marriage isn’t made in a day. It’s not about the ceremony or even sharing a bed. It’s about building a life. You have time. So build that life. Be with her. The sex will take care of itself.”
He winced. “We’re not talking about sex.”
“What? You think I have four babies by reading a book? You think your father wasn’t a passionate man?”
Jake dropped the rag into a bucket and held up both hands in a gesture of surrender. “Gotta go, Mom. Have a nice rest of the day.”
“You should listen to your mother,” she called after him. “I give good advice.”
Jake didn’t doubt that. What she said made sense. Taking things slow meant starting over—pretending the kiss last night had never happened. If he and Lily could go back to being friends, wouldn’t that be better for both of them?
* * *
Lily pulled into the driveway of Jake’s house shortly after five. After spending some time at her place, she’d gone to the mall, then a movie. Finally, with nowhere else to go, she’d driven back here.
She’d half expected Jake’s truck to be gone, but it was parked in the driveway. She frowned as she realized all the windows were open and rock music poured from the house. Was he having a party?
After grabbing her purse, she walked to the back door and entered the kitchen. Here the music was even louder, but that wasn’t what got her attention. Instead her gaze was captured by the mess. Every single pot, bowl and dish Jake owned were stacked on the counters or in the sink and the man who had probably done all that damage stood in the middle of the kitchen swearing at the stove.
He looked amazing, she thought wistfully as she took in the stained T-shirt and mussed hair. Strong and tall and safe. He was the kind of man who would always be there in a storm. He didn’t judge, didn’t demand. Instead he offered shelter.
After banging his fist on the front of the stove, he turned and caught sight of her. His eyes widened slightly, then he pushed a button on the portable stereo and the room fell silent.
“Hi,” she said as she dropped her purse onto a chair. “What’s up?”
He shrugged. “I’m making dinner. Lasagna. My mom’s recipe. It sounded pretty easy when I read the instructions, but things haven’t gone well.” He motioned to the pile of dirty bowls in the sink. “I had to start over a couple of times.”
Lily felt the corners of her mouth twitch. “Mr. I-Can-Only-Make-Chili decided to start cooking with lasagna?”
“Yeah. So?” He sounded faintly defensive.
“Oh, Jake, the individual directions aren’t that tough, but it’s a lot of steps and—” She pointed to the mess on the counter. “A lot of pots and pans.”
“I’ll clean it up.” He glanced at the stove then back at her. “I didn’t want you to have to be responsible for all the domestic stuff. That’s not why I married you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Why did you marry me?”
His dark eyes flashed with an emotion she couldn’t read and then it was gone. Silence stretched between them until she was sure he wasn’t going to answer. Then he spoke very quietly.
“Because I care about you. I’ve always cared.”
Caring. It wasn’t love, but it was so close. She took a tentative step toward him.
“I care, too,” she said. “You’re the most important person in my life. I don’t want to ruin what we had.”
“You didn’t. Last night…” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and let them dangle at his sides. “You’re pregnant, Lil. I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or the baby.”
Pain cut through her. Was that the truth or did he simply find her too cow-like?
Don’t go there, she told herself. Stick to the important stuff—like their friendship and what they were going to do now.
“No matter what, I want us to stay friends,” she said.
“Me, too. So let’s start over and go slowly. We have a strong relationship already. We can build on that.”
She liked the sound of that. “Good idea.”
He crossed the room and stopped in front of her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as he tucked her hair behind her ears, then kissed her cheek. “About being a jerk.”
“You’re not a jerk. I was a jerkette.”
He smiled. “You’re entitled.”
“So are you.”
“Where did you go?” he asked. “I was getting worried.”
“I went by the house. The hardwood is all refinished. I think it’s dry but they still have tape up. I’m guessing the carpet will go in Monday or Tuesday, then we can move back in. If you still want to.”
“Of course I do. I have a real estate agent coming here next week to look at this place.”
She swallowed. “You’re really going to sell the house?”
“Isn’t that what we talked about?”
“Sure, but after what happened…”
He stared into her eyes. “You think I’m going to disappear from your life after one fight? You should know me better than that.”
She knew him better than anyone, but the rules had changed. She flung herself into his arms.
“I don’t want to lose you. Not ever.”
“You can’t, Lil. You’re stuck with me.”
She hoped that was true. She needed him desperately. She also wanted him and her body reminded her of the fact as he tightened his hold on her. She could feel the heat of his body, the pressure of each finger on her back.
But she’d already been down that path and she wasn’t going to risk it again.
“Why were you banging on the stove?” she asked when he’d stepped back.
“It wasn’t getting hot very fast. How is the lasagna supposed to cook in an hour if it takes fifteen minutes for the stove to heat up?”
She sighed. “Did you preheat the oven?”
“What?”
“You know—turn it on a few minutes early so it has time to come to temperature.”
He turned to the stove and sighed. “Well, hell.”
She giggled. “We’ll just add a few minutes to the cooking time.”
“My mom could have written that on the recipe card.”
“She probably figured anyone using it would know.”
“She was wrong.”
Lily patted his arm. “I won’t say a word.”
He returned his attention to her and pretended to frown. “You’d better not. And while we’re making up rules, don’t you dare tell her that I was cooking. I have a reputation to think of.”
“Mr. Macho?”
“Something like that.”
Then they were laughing and Lily felt her pain and tension drain away. If they could just stay like this, she thought wistfully, it would be enough.
* * *
“I called Rachel,” Lily said as she speared a piece of lettuce from her salad.
Talk about a surprise, Jake thought. “What brought that on?”
“I was at the other house and thinking about my life. Rachel and Jenna were my friends for years. Suddenly not talking to them seemed incredibly silly so I called.” She smiled at him. “She was happy to hear from me and we talked for a long time. It took her a few more treatments than me, but now she’s pregnant, too.”
“Are you going to get together?”
“Uh-huh. We’re having lunch next week. On Friday. I’m really excited. Once we get things settled between us, we’re going to call Jenna together and try and mend that fence.”
“I’m happy for you. I know you’ve missed her.”
Lily’s expression turned sad. “We haven’t talked in forever. As soon as I heard her voice, I realized I’d been completely stupid avoiding her.” She glanced at him from under her lashes. “Something you’ve been trying to tell me for months.”
“I might have mentioned it a time or two.”
She sighed. “You were great. As always.”
He chewed a mouthful of lasagna and swallowed. “It’s tough being perfect, but I do my best.”
His teasing was rewarded by a smile. “You’re not perfect. Trust me. I know this for a fact.”
“I’m close.”
“You’re okay.”
She leaned toward him and rested her hand on his. The light contact was meant to be friendly, to provide connection. It wasn’t Lily’s fault that it made him instantly want her. Kissing her, touching her, being close to her had only made the problem more intense. Still, as nothing was going to happen for many months, if ever, he had to get his feelings under control.
“So what do you want to do tonight?” she asked.
Sex or a cold shower, he thought grimly. “We could take a walk. Or go bowling.” Anything to get out of the house and away from temptation.
She laughed. “I think the bowling ball would be just enough weight to make me topple over. I vote for the walk.” She picked up her plate.
“I made the mess. I’ll clean it,” he said. “Come on. Let’s take that walk and I’ll deal with this later.”
“Okay.”
They headed out the back door into the still-light evening. The air was warm, the sky clear. The sun had nearly sunk into the horizon. Tall trees that nearly touched in the center of the street provided an early twilight.
Across the street two boys rode their bikes in their driveway. A young girl threw a ball to her baby sister. Windows were open and the sounds of televisions and conversation drifted out into the night. The scent of flowers and freshly cut grass mingled with the smells of charcoal and grilling burgers.
“This is a nice neighborhood,” Lily said as she laced her fingers with his. “Will you miss it?”
“No.”
Not when the alternative was being with her. He didn’t know what was going to happen with Lily—he couldn’t predict the future. All that he knew for sure was that they finally had a chance and he was going to do his damnedest to make it work.
* * *
“This feels really familiar,” Jake grumbled as he carried a box into the house the following week. “Didn’t we just move?”
Lily set down the small suitcase she’d brought and glanced around the newly carpeted living room. “We just moved me. Now we’re moving you.”
“It feels the same.”
“The difference is now I get to have your grandmother’s hutch in my dining room.”
He grunted. “That’s the entire reason you married me, isn’t it?”
She laughed. “It is a great hutch.”
“Figures.”
He set the box against the wall, then left to get the next one. While a couple of guys from the fire station would help him move the big pieces over the weekend, she and Jake were moving his clothes and a few little things before then.
The floors had been pronounced dry on Monday, with the carpet going in that afternoon. Now it was late Tuesday and she and Jake were officially moving into her new house.
Make that their house.
In the past couple of days life had returned to normal. She and Jake were once again comfortable together. She loved spending time with him and if looking at him made her body go up in flames, well, they would have to work that through. Once the baby was born and she was back to her fighting weight, she would do whatever she could to seduce her husband into her bed. Until then, she would consider this situation a chance to build character and self-control.
She walked into the kitchen to check out the hot water. The new water heater had been delivered and hooked up the previous week.
She turned on the hot tap and waited a few seconds. Sure enough the water quickly went from warm to too hot to touch.
“Perfect,” she murmured and reached for the tap.
It came off in her hand.
Lily stared from the metal piece in her hand to the gushing hot water. This was not happening. It couldn’t be! But it was. Water flowed happily, with no signs of stopping.
She heard the front door open, then a string of swear words.
“What happened?” she asked as she hurried to the front of the house.
Jake set down another box and held out his hand. The door knob rested on his palm. She held out the tap. They looked at each other and started to laugh.
By nine that evening, they’d found three more problems and fixed those most pressing. The downstairs bathroom door wouldn’t stay closed, the laundry-room sink was clogged and the window in the den wouldn’t open.
“Back to buyer’s remorse?” Jake asked her as they stretched out in the family room.
“No. All of this stuff is really small.”
“I agree. The basic structure is sound and that’s what matters.”
“And there’s new carpeting.”
“You also have a new roof,” Jake reminded her.
“We have a new roof,” she said. “And a new water heater and newly refinished hardwood floors.”
He grinned. “Oh, so now it’s our house.”
“Absolutely. Did you think I was dealing with all this alone?”
“I guess not, but Lil? Next time let’s get a new house.”
She chuckled. “Promise.”
Trying not to read too much into the phrase “next time,” trying not to hope this meant Jake thought they had a chance for a future, she excused herself to go take a shower.
At least their friendship had been restored. That was a big first step. The rest of it could take care of itself.
She entered the master bath and sighed with delight as she took in the new tiles. Jake had done a terrific job with the pattern and had even put a border on the floor by the tub and vanity so it looked as if there was a tile rug in place. She crossed to the shower and turned on the water, then quickly undressed and stepped into the spray.
Ten minutes later she felt relaxed and ready for bed. She grabbed the handle to turn off the shower. Nothing happened. Oh the handle turned easily enough, but the water didn’t stop. It didn’t even slow.
Lily started to giggle. This could not be happening. The giggle got louder and turned into a laugh. Soon she was laughing so hard, she couldn’t move. Her breath came in gasps. This was just so typical, she thought, still laughing.
“Lily?” Jake pounded on the bathroom door. “Are you all right?”
“F-fine,” she said, trying to catch her breath and get control. “It’s the shower.”
“What? I can’t hear you. What’s wrong? I’m coming in.”
She weakly gestured that it was all right, then realized two things. First, he couldn’t see what she was doing and second, that she was naked.
She grabbed for a towel just as the bathroom door opened. A very worried-looking Jake stepped into the steamy room.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is it the baby?”
She was still laughing and it was too difficult to speak, so she waved at the shower.
As he moved toward her, she pulled the towel up in front of herself and stepped out of the way.
He tried the handle, swore and spun it around in a complete circle.
“Does even one damn thing in this house work?” he demanded.
His outrage made her laugh more. Jake looked at her and began to smile. Then he chuckled.
“I’m glad you’re seeing the bright side of things,” he told her.
“I love this house,” she said with a giggle. “It’s a challenge.”
“It’s more than that.”
He crouched by the toilet where there was a small door that opened onto the water pipes. He turned the knobs there and the water in the shower slowed, then stopped.
“I can replace the taps,” he said. “I’ll get a new set when I buy the ones for the kitchen. In the morning I’ll check all the bathrooms.”
She tried not to laugh. “There’s a sink in the garage.”
“That, too.”
His expression sharpened slightly and she realized he wasn’t laughing anymore. Some of her humor faded.
“Don’t be mad,” she said quickly. “I know there’s a lot going wrong, but it’s fixable, right?” She hated the thought of moving, but if he wasn’t going to be happy here… “Would you rather live in your house and sell this one?”
“What?”
“You looked really unhappy. I don’t want you to hate your home.”
“What are you talking about?”
She frowned. “We were laughing two seconds ago. Now you look upset.”
He turned away. “It has nothing to do with the damn house, okay?”
He started to leave. Lily didn’t like how the conversation was going. She grabbed his arm. “Jake, wait. What’s wrong? I feel like we’re fighting again and I have no idea why.”
His eyes narrowed as he spun toward her. “I know you think of me as your best friend and about as interesting as a neutered dog, but I’m a man. I have wants and needs and standing here talking while you’re naked and so damn beautiful that I can hardly breathe is pure torture.”
He raised his hands, then dropped them. “You’re pregnant. I get that. Even if you were interested we couldn’t do anything. It’s not right. So I’m just some sick bastard who wants you in his bed. I’ll get over it.”
He stalked out of the bathroom and seconds later she heard a door slam.
She stared after him. His words sank in and their meaning clicked into place. He wanted her? He didn’t think she was a hideous cow? He thought she didn’t want him?
“Wait,” she called as she hurried after him, dripping water as she went. “It’s okay. My doctor keeps telling me it’s okay for me to make love.” She skidded to a stop at the top of the hall. Wait. That didn’t sound very romantic. “I mean, I feel the same way.”
The door to the guest room opened.
“What?” he demanded, sounding more angry than aroused.
She was still naked and wet and more than a little nervous. She was also cold and shivering.
“I didn’t know you wanted me,” she admitted. “I thought you stopped the other night because you thought I was gross.”
“Not at all,” he said carefully. “I felt the baby moving. You’re pregnant, Lil.”
“I know. But it’s still okay…” She shivered again.
“You’re freezing.”
He wrapped his arm around her and led her back to the steamy bathroom. Once there, he faced her and stared into her eyes.
“Are you saying you want to make love with me?” he asked.
She nodded.
“So when I kissed you the other night—”
“I didn’t want you to stop,” she whispered as happiness and desire fought for possession of her body. “I thought you thought I was a cow.”
He chuckled. “A cow? Not possible. You’re beautiful.”
She clutched the towel more tightly to her front. “But I have this big stomach.”
“You’re beautiful,” he repeated and lowered his head to kiss her.
Lily knew there were other things they had to talk about, words they had to say, but none of that seemed to matter right now. There was only this moment and the man in front of her and the way he made her feel when he kissed her.
His mouth was firm and warm and passionate. She parted for him instantly, not caring if he thought she was too brazen. She couldn’t help herself. Need filled her, heating her blood, making her body swell in anticipation. His tongue swept inside, brushing against hers, making her quiver with need.
She felt his hands on her bare, damp back. He moved up and down, stroking her skin until she wanted to purr. With a sigh of surrender, she released her towel and let it fall to the ground, then she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him.
“How can you doubt I want you?” he breathed as he kissed her cheek, her jaw, her neck.
He trailed his lips down to her collarbone, then over to her shoulder. He slid his hands from her back to her sides, then toward her breasts.
She stilled in anticipation of his caress, even as she remembered how good it had been the last time.
“Touch me,” she whispered.
His hands closed over her breasts. He cupped her, taking the weight of her curves even as his fingers and thumbs teased her nipples.
Fire shot through her. Ribbons of desire wove their way through her body, making her ache with longing. Her legs trembled, her toes curled and she wanted him with a desperation that left her unable to think or breathe or even consider a world without his magic touch.
He bent his head and drew her right nipple into his mouth. The gentle sucking nearly drove her to her knees. She had to hang on to stay upright, which made her think about being in bed, which made her wonder how incredible it was going to feel when he was inside her.
“Jake,” she whispered. “Please.”
He straightened and stared into her eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
She managed a smile. “More than I’ve ever been before. Touch me and find out for yourself.”
He slipped one hand between her legs. His fingers dipped into her swollen wetness, then rubbed gently. They moaned in unison.
“See?”
He sucked in a breath. “I want you so much.”
“Then get naked.”
“Good idea.”
He released her and tugged at his T-shirt. Within seconds it had sailed over his head to land on the counter. He unfastened his belt, pushed off his athletic shoes then stepped out of his jeans, socks and briefs.
She had a brief glimpse of his arousal before he moved in and drew her hard against him.
“Better?” he asked.
“Much.”
She liked the way his skin felt against hers—the warm roughness of his hands, the rock-like muscles in his thighs, the hard-inside velvet-outside of his need against her belly.
He slid one hand under her hair and cupped her head. When his mouth settled on hers, she surrendered to the kiss. Passion grew as her blood heated. Everywhere he touched her, she burned. When he slipped his free hand between her legs, she groaned.
“More,” she told him as he searched for then found that single spot of desire.
Her breathing increased as pleasure filled her. She wanted him to keep on with what he was doing, but she didn’t know how long she could remain standing.
Her muscles clenched as he continued to touch her. She clung to him.
“I can’t…”
“It’s okay.”
He bent down and grabbed the towel, then set it on the counter. With one quick, graceful movement, he set her on top of the towel.
She instantly saw the possibilities and parted her thighs. He moved between them. His hardness probed and she slipped a hand down to guide him inside.
He filled her slowly, completely, stretching her deliciously until she couldn’t control her cries of pleasure. When he’d gone in all the way, he withdrew and did it again. Each slow stroke was better than the one before. The steady movements brought her closer to the edge. Closer and closer until she had to wrap her arms around his neck and cling to him.
He kissed her, keeping time with what his body was doing to hers. Then he moved a hand between them and searched with his fingers until he found that one spot of perfect release. He rubbed it as he continued to push into her. Over and over, deeper and deeper until she had no choice but to fall into her release.
The contractions rippled through her, making her cry out. Her orgasm went on for seconds, then minutes until he joined her, thrusting into her with the force of his need, then stilling as he, too, found paradise.