Chapter 11 Padraig
eleven
Padraig
Three Months Later
The roar of the crowd’s rattling through my bones when the dressing room door clicks shut behind us.
All three of us are sweat-soaked, riding the afterglow.
It’s our final show of the tour and we didn’t simply survive it, we fucking crushed it. Seattle showed up big time. A packed house. Everyone chanting our name. I swear the floor shook during the finale of Tir na nóg.
Connor follows us in from side stage, straight to the ice chest full of beverages. He digs through the cans before cracking open a root beer with a grin. “Proud of you both. Even prouder there’s no booze.”
Liam and I never second-guess our decision to tour dry. No beer, wine, or liquor in the dressing room. No drink tickets or after-show shots. No airline bottles or flasks tucked into duffels. It’s our one nonnegotiable.
Not because of Da, though it’s certainly a factor. We’ve seen too many bands use gigs as an excuse to party and it makes them lose focus.
Not us. We don’t have the luxury.
Connor slumps into the sagging loveseat. He hasn’t stopped grinning with pride since the encore where he joined us onstage. Liam paces, jittery from adrenaline, hair damp, cheeks flushed.
Felicity hovers near the makeup mirror, blotting her lipstick like she’s prepping for paparazzi. She shoots me a look over her shoulder.
“C’mon. Can’t we splurge on champagne for the last night?” She sticks out her lower lip.
I don’t take the bait. “Felicity. If you want to get fucked up, we have the next few weeks off. Do it on your own time.”
“For a bunch of Irish guys, you’re no fun.” She pouts. “Too fucking wholesome.”
Connor’s eyes pop out a bit. Liam acts like she doesn’t exist. I shake my head.
She shrugs and resumes adjusting her eyeliner, like we’re the ones being inappropriate.
“Hey, love, mind giving us a minute, yeah? Family stuff.” Connor gives her a nod toward the door.
She looks up, feigning confusion. “Oh, don’t worry about me. Go about your business.”
“Jesus Christ. Take a fucking hint,” Liam snarls, tossing a towel over his shoulder.
Her lips press tight. She stands, slow and dramatic. “For the record. This is my band too. I’ve been part of every show. Every mile on the road. Every song. I’m sick of being treated like an outsider.”
“Felicity, c’mon.” I try to soften the edge. “We haven’t seen our brother in over a year. This isn’t band shit, it’s family, okay?”
She scoffs, yanks her bag off the floor, flips her hair over one shoulder and stalks out without another word.
The second the door closes, Liam flops into the chair across from Connor, exhaling hard.
“She’s not happy,” I sigh.
Liam raises an eyebrow. “She’s never fucking happy.”
Connor leans forward, forearms on his thighs. “So. Give me the download. Tour highs, tour lows, what the fuck happened in L.A.”
Liam catches my eye and smirks. “What didn’t?”
“Honestly?” I lean back and let my head hit the wall. “We made it through with minimal damage. Linus killed it as a manager. We had decent crowds. Alt Rock stations are spinning Tir na nóg nonstop.”
“And the band dynamic?” Connor’s low voice is almost surgical.
Liam shifts. “There’s no way around it. Felicity’s…difficult. Intense. Great singer but, fuck me, she’s unbearably entitled.”
“You’re too hard on her. She’s a hard worker. Her bad attitude is because you shagged and dumped her.” I toss a scrunched-up napkin at him.
He shrugs. “Dar. Let it fucking go. It was months ago. She slipped into my room night after night, wouldn’t take no for an answer and I fucking regret giving in every day. Worst fuck of my life.”
“Ah, well.” Connor nods, unsurprised.
“She was heartbroken,” I add. “Now, it’s turning…”
Connor narrows his eyes. “Turning how?”
“I’m getting a vibe,” I admit.
Liam clicks his teeth. “Vibe my ass. Call it like it is. She gets nowhere with me so she’s now shifted to you.”
“No.” I blink. “She has not. She knows I’m essentially married to Stevie.”
Connor sits back. “Actually, Liam, I see what you mean.”
“What the fuck.” I flush. “I haven’t encouraged it.”
“Don’t act naive. You comfort her when she’s spiraling.” Liam flips me off. “You fawn all over her. Tell her she’s amazing every show. When Stevie told us she wasn’t coming on the tour, the woman lit up like a candle.”
“Fuck you,” I seethe. “You treat her like absolute shit. She’s our bandmate. A singer who we can’t get by without. I’m trying to hold it together. Because if she quits—”
Liam squares up to me. “You’re an idiot. She’ll never quit. We’re the best thing she’s got going and if you don’t put her in her place she’ll cling harder. Would you want Stevie to see how she ‘accidentally’ seems to always fall asleep on your shoulder in the van?”
“Whoa, that’s not good.” Connor looks between us. “And, she’s not the reason Fireball works. You two are.”
“She’s got a great voice,” I argue, annoyed that my brothers are ganging up on me. “The crowd loves her.”
“Because her tits are hanging out. She’s doesn’t write. She doesn’t manage. She contributes nothing but decent vocals.” Connor leans forward. “In the five seconds I’ve known her, she seems like drama.”
I glance at Liam. “Well, so is he.”
Liam grins.
Connor nods curtly. “The difference is, you can trust him with your life.”
I hang my head because I know he’s right. Felicity has been a bit more clingy lately.
“Speaking of trusting with your life.” Connor juts out his chin. “How’s Stevie?”
The breath I take is a little too deep. “She’s good. We’re good. She loves her program. Switzerland’s intense but she’s thriving.”
Liam quirks his lip.
“So, if I’ve got this right.” Connor’s gaze burrows into mine.
“For the next few months, your girl lives in the Alps with some of the most eligible hospitality guys around the globe while you hole up in Pullman with a fame-obsessed vocalist who screwed your twin and probably is turning her attention to you?”
I tense. “I trust her.”
“I’m not worried about Stevie.” Connor crosses his arms.
Liam chuckles.
“Felicity has been part of Fireball all year,” I protest. “Lay off.”
“I’m not telling you to fire her, Padraig. I’m warning you to set your own boundaries. You’re always the caregiver.” Connor holds up his hand when I open my mouth to protest. “Say no to her. Don’t indulge. Let her unravel without taking her side against your brother.”
Shit. Is this what I’ve been doing?
Liam folds his arms. “Con, it’s fine. Padraig has a kind heart and Linus keeps her in check.”
“You sure?” Connor looks pointed. “Because she’s still living with you. Holding on to whatever she can.”
“Here’s my take.” Liam rubs the back of his neck.
“She’s not a long-term solution. Being Fireball’s singer isn’t going to be enough for her.
” He glances at me, then back at Connor.
“When she joined the band, we were excited and invited her to live at our house, so we could write and practice. In hindsight, it was a huge mistake because we can’t really kick her out.
” He huffs out a breath. “God, I hate my sex drive sometimes. It’s created a dynamic we can’t shake. ”
I shoot my twin a look. “Thank you for finally acknowledging it.”
“Aye.” Liam nods to me and continues for Connor’s sake. “Look, I’m trying but I’m so uncomfortable around her.”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. I didn’t know.
“So, about Linus.” Connor’s gaze flickers. “It’s real then?”
Liam pauses before grinning from ear to ear. “Aye, it’s real.”
“Good.” Connor claps him on the shoulder. “You deserve it. You don’t need to hide who you are.”
Liam doesn’t answer. We all know what he’s thinking.
Connor’s tone softens. “Well, maybe from Da. Thing’s aren’t great.”
Instantly, a chill settles into our bones.
“How bad?” I brace for the update. It’s been a blissful few months of ignoring the issues at home.
“He barely gets out of the chair.” Connor wraps his hand around the root beer can, thumb tapping the rim. “Without the meds, pain’s unmanageable. Ma’s trying everything. Home physio. Massage. None of it’s working. He’s barely fighting anymore.”
Liam’s pacing slows. We both look at him.
Connor shakes his head sadly. “She doesn’t say it of course, but she’s scared. Really scared. I’ve hired someone to help me out so she can focus on getting him better.”
The weight of what’s happening in our family home lands heavy between us.
“She’s excited to see youse,” he reminds us. “We’ll all have breakfast tomorrow so you can spend some time with her and the wee lads. We’ll meet you at the restaurant.”
My chest seizes as the reality of the situation sets in. Connor booked the band a couple of hotel rooms as a surprise. Obviously, he doesn’t want Liam and Linus to stay at the house.
“We keep in regular touch with the boys. Tell the truth, how are they doing?” I tamp down the guilt I feel for leaving them behind.
“Coping.” Connor considers his words. “Cillian’s quiet. Apologetic for Da, for some reason. Always holed up in his room with headphones on, pretending he can’t hear the yelling. Thinks if he ignores it, it won’t touch him.”
Liam snorts softly.
“Brennan’s on his computer day and night. Also with headphones on. Hackathons, Discord. Reddit rabbit holes. None of it makes sense to anyone but him. He’s coping the way he knows how, by zoning the fuck out.”
I grimace. “And Seamus?”
“Ah, the wee one.” Connor exhales through his nose. “Too perceptive for his own good. Keeps asking medical questions no one seems to be able to answer. Why Da drinks so much. If there’s something wrong with his brain. I swear that boy is going to be a doctor or something.”
Liam runs a hand over his mouth.
I close my eyes for a beat. Our childhood house used to be alive. Full of music and laughter and bad jokes. Ever since Da’s accident, life as we knew it has imploded. It’s hard to keep up hope we’ll ever come back from this.
Connor stands. “You two staying away isn’t a mistake. He’s not even lucid enough to register any of us half the time. But Ma, she needs to see your faces. Even if it’s only for breakfast and coffee.”
“We’ll be there,” I promise.
Liam nods. “Aye, we’ll be there.”
“I’m proud of youse.” Connor grips the door handle. “You’ve got this thing taking off but don’t keep someone around who isn’t worthy.” He points at me. “Don’t let Stevie get away.” Points to Liam. “I’m glad you’ve found someone who sees you. He seems to be the real deal.”
“He is,” he murmurs.
“One last thing,” Connor adds. “You’re in the home stretch. Finish school. Don’t roll your eyes, Liam. I’m serious. You’ve got momentum, but it’s a fickle game. One viral hit doesn’t mean stability. Get your degree. Music isn’t going anywhere.”
Liam stiffens, but nods in agreement.
“And, Padraig.” His gaze lands on me. “You’re allowed to want more than holding this together.”
Then he’s gone.
Silence creeps in as Liam and I exchange a glance. He gives me a two-finger salute and follows Connor. “I’m gonna find Linus.”
I sit alone in the empty green room staring at my scuffed boots amongst the crushed water bottles littering the floor. The ghost of the crowd echoes in my ears.
Tonight was incredible. A high unlike no other.
Except for I miss Stevie.
Three months without her hasn’t been easy. We have three months to go.
She asked me once, “Is this really what you want, or are you all-in because it’s what Liam needs?”
I didn’t have an answer then.
I don’t now.
All I know is absence does make the heart grow fonder.
I can’t live without my girl.