Chapter 13 Padraig
thirteen
Padraig
Four Months Later
The morning crawls slow.
It always feels this way the night after a tough rehearsal.
I’m thankful for some alone time. It’s rare. Light spills crooked through the bent blinds, slanting across the coffee table, which is littered with empty mugs and guitar picks. A couple of my cracked drumsticks poke out from underneath Liam’s textbook.
I should clean up, it’s probably my turn but I can’t seem to move. My spine is sunk deep into the cushions, my legs stretched out in front of me. Some morning show’s on mute and the remote is nowhere in sight.
I can’t find it in me to care.
Class started thirty minutes ago. Doesn’t matter. I’m not going.
I’m surprised when the door creaks behind me and Liam emerges from his room barefoot, tugging on a sweatshirt. His hair is wild from sleep. He squints when he sees me and smirks.
“Jesus, you look rough.” He heads for the fridge.
I flip him off. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He grabs a yogurt and a bottle of water, then flops into the armchair across from me. Rests his foot on the coffee table next to the mugs as he peels the foil off the container. “Where’s everyone?”
“Linus must be in class, but you’d now more than me. Stevie’s with her study group prepping for her marketing presentation. Felicity left early.”
Liam snorts. “I thought it was too quiet.”
“It’s fucking heaven.” I stretch out even longer and turn to my side.
His eyes narrow, but not at me. He been clocking it too. Felicity barely speaks to him anymore unless it’s about a setlist or a rehearsal change. As he and Connor predicted, her sugary tone’s reserved for me now.
Ever since Stevie left she’s made it known I’m her new target. From the relentless hovering and trying to catch my eye to the suggestive text messages to the overt come-ons. It’s uncomfortable.
Then, yesterday, she brought me a chai latte and dropped a hand on my shoulder when Stevie was packing up her laptop.
Let’s just say, it didn’t go unnoticed.
To make matters worse, Felicity pushed things too far during a band meeting.
Liam spoons a mouthful of yogurt. “So, now you have to avoid her too?”
“Yeah..” I palm my face in my hand.
He grimaces. “She’s not subtle.”
“No.”
We sit in the silence except for the heater spluttering behind him. Something about the quiet makes me edgy.
I don’t want to talk about Felicity. Not really. I have no choice after what happened.
Glancing at the clock, I realize Stevie should be halfway through her group session. She left this morning with her brow furrowed, no kiss or smile. She’s upset and has every right.
“She pissed?” Liam juts his chin out.
I nod.
“She should be.” He states the obvious.
I pull a throw pillow against my chest. “We never fight. It sucks.”
“No relationship is perfect.” Liam licks his spoon clean.
I glance at him. Raise an eyebrow.
Liam drops the yogurt container with a dull thud, eyes locked on the wall.
“I’d be irate, Dar. Felicity humiliated her.
All she did was clarify one historical detail Linus got wrong.
Nothing dramatic. Felicity snapped. Told her unless she was strumming a guitar or shaking her tits onstage, she should shut her mouth about the band. ”
The memory hangs sour in the air.
“You didn’t defend your girl, man,” he adds. “You sat there. What the fuck?”
“What should I have done?” I sit up straighter, stomach twisting.
Liam doesn’t flinch. “You should have put Felicity in her place.”
I’m nearly able to conjure a smile at the memory of how composed Stevie was when she retorted, cool as glass, sharp as a knife.
“I was only clarifying the timeline.” She lifted her glass with a serene smile she keeps in her back pocket for women who think they’re dangerous. “If you seriously feel the need to shake your tits onstage to get Padraig’s attention, maybe the problem isn’t me.”
Then she stood, walked to our room and shut the door hard enough to rattle the frame.
In my defense, it all happened so fast I was stunned. For one, I had no idea what Liam’s been dealing with and he actually fucked the girl. I also never thought I’d have to explain why I’m not interested. Do I really have to be an asshole? Stevie and I are a couple. She knows this.
“Stevie can take care of herself. She handled it like a pro. She’d never want me to fight her battles,” I finally answer. It’s not a lie. Not exactly.
Except, he knows how Felicity kept it going even after Stevie left. Tossing in snide comments about how hotel interns don’t run bands and how band girlfriends are the worst.
While it was happening, Linus frowned down at his laptop. Liam didn’t say anything right away, either.
Not until now.
Why? Because it wasn’t their place. It was mine.
It all hits me at once. Fuck. I failed to stand up for my girlfriend.
“Shit. I fucked up,” I admit.
Liam sucks in a deep breath. “Sometimes you are so fucking thick. Look, I love the girl. I’m not always the best at being sensitive to you and Stevie playing house, but she’s like a sister to me. Dar, she looked gutted.”
I know.
God, what’s happened to me? I used to be the kind of guy who protected the people he loved. If something was wrong, I’d be the first to call it out.
For the past few years, I don’t have the stomach for it. I’ve done everything in my power to keep things smooth. Calm. Sometimes it feels like if I step wrong, everything will come apart again.
“I didn’t mean to leave her hanging,” I finally eek out a wimpy excuse. “She’s mad, though.”
Liam meets my gaze. “Remember. She doesn’t need you perfect. She needs you in her corner.”
“I get it. I didn’t want any confrontations. We’re weeks out from recording and the meeting was important to get through.”
He clicks his tongue and paces toward the window. “So you decided it was okay for Felicity to piss on Stevie to keep the peace? How in fuck does your brain work? Who are you keeping the peace with?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It fucking is.” He points at me. “Miss Diva’s got everyone walking on eggshells. Linus can barely wrangle her anymore, and he managed Alt-J during their UK Tour.”
I laugh under my breath, more out of nerves than humor.
Liam doesn’t mince words. “I think we should push the EP, fire Felicity and get a new singer.”
“What?” I’m shocked because recording an EP is all he and Linus talk about. All day. Every day. “Are you serious?”
He turns, hands in his pockets. “Dead. I spoke with Linus last night and convinced him. We want to rethink the sound. Strip it down. Get it right.”
“You and Linus are making creative decisions for the band now?” I’m genuinely unnerved by this entire discussion.
“Yeah. He’s got great instincts and was trained by the best.” Liam drops onto the couch beside me. “You’d know, Dar, if you ever actually looped in to a business conversation about Fireball.”
I sit up straighter. “Don’t start.”
“Start what?” He leans back, one arm over the cushion, watching me like he’s waiting to pounce.
“Acting like I’m not participating. You and Linus are always off scheming about what comes next, and I’m the one trying to hold things together while everything cracks.”
His brow lifts. “I’m not scheming. I’m working hard on building something that’ll outlast us if we do it right.”
“So am I.”
He doesn’t blink. “Are you?”
The pause grows teeth. I glance at Liam’s guitars leaning against the wall.
“You used to have a take on everything.” Liam puts his hand on my leg.
“You, me, Stevie. We made the early calls together. Every song, every gig, every post. Now she offers her opinion and Felicity slices her down midsentence. And you let it happen rather than standing your ground or offering your own thoughts.”
His voice dips low. “It’s gone on too long and I hate watching you fade out.”
I shake my head. “You’re not being fair.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “Maybe not. Convince me.”
“I’m here.” I slam my hand on the armrest. “Every fucking day. Sacrificing myself to keep the peace so we don’t lose traction.”
“Sacrificing my ass. Fireball is ours, no one else’s.” Liam snakes his arm around my shoulders.
I flinch, not meaning to.
“I know what it’s like,” Liam whispers into my ear.
“Standing next to a couple, feeling out of place. For years, it was you and Stevie and I was always on the fringe. I used to pretend it didn’t sting.
Now Linus is in the thick of it with me, and I’m trying to make the band better. Future-proof. For us. For Connor.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“I didn’t say you were.” He releases me and leans forward. “My point is, as far as I’m concerned, Felicity doesn’t speak for you. Or me. Or for this band. She’s shifting the vibe and I don’t like it.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Her voice is second to none. She’s…familiar. Predictable. At least we know how to work around her.”
“Do we?” Liam asks. “I sure the fuck don’t. Are you saying you’d rather keep spinning in circles with someone you don’t even trust?”
My jaw drops. Is he right?
He nudges my knee. “You’ve always been the one who kept us steady. All I’m saying is, don’t let her pull you under and wreck things with Stevie as you sink.”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” I shove the pillow aside.
“You’ve been all over the place lately. Checked out in rehearsal. Fumbling lyrics you wrote. Pretending Felicity’s not a problem when she’s tanking morale.”
“I’m not pretending—”
Liam doesn’t push right away. He lets me breathe, even though the long silence stretching between us causes the air to thicken with everything unspoken. Then he leans over and rests his arms on his knees.
“Dar,” he says quietly. “You keep letting Felicity run the show because you think it’s safer than starting over. I get it. You don’t seem to realize it’s killing the thing we built and now it’s affecting your relationship.”
“She’s a pain in the hole.” I scrub my palm down my face. “The thought of auditioning someone else and resetting makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t know if I’ve got it in me.”
Liam squints. “Really?”
“She got a job offer in New York.” I stare at my hands. My knuckles are pale from how tight they’re clenched.
Liam’s brow arches. “Stevie?”
“Yeah, a big hospitality group,” I add. “Entry-level, but solid. Great pay. She hasn’t accepted yet.”
He whistles low. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“She’d have to move?”
I nod again. “This summer.”
“Ah, shit.” He leans back, eyes narrowing. “What’s she thinking?”
“She wants to go.” I try to stop my eyes from filling with tears.
“And you?”
“I want her to have the world,” I choke out. “I’d be lying if I said the thought of her leaving doesn’t gut me.”
He’s quiet for a long beat. “Ah, well that explains your reaction last night. You’re upset.”
“Ah, fuck…” I shake my head. “My mind is everywhere.”
Liam watches me, careful now. “You wanna go with her?”
“I’ve thought about it.”
“Seriously?”
“It’s just…” I pause. “I’ve always loved our music, yeah, but I’m not you. I don’t need the spotlight. I’ve always needed her.”
He exhales, rubbing his palm along his scruff. “I know.”
“I’m not sure what to do.” I gaze up at him. “I always thought Stevie would get her degree but tour with me. I’ve buried my head in the sand. She really doesn’t want to do this with us.”
“She loves you. Don’t be mad at her for wanting her own career.” Liam leans back and watches me carefully. “I understand how you feel, though. Linus’ visa runs through school so there’s a countdown with us too.”
“At least he wants to manage the band and be with you. Stevie can’t wait to leave,” I admit. “I’d go with her in a heartbeat, but I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to cage her in.”
“You would be, though,” he says gently. “What’s in it for you besides her? If you don’t have your own plan it’s not a partnership. It’s pressure.”
I lean back and stare at the ceiling. “I’m committed to Fireball, but I’m not sure I’m making the decision for myself or it’s been made for me. I’m so focused on making sure you and me stick together and navigating Felicity’s chaos, I don’t even know what I want anymore.”
“You’re twenty-two. You’re allowed to not know. You’re allowed to change your mind.”
I look over at him, the ache sharp and close to the surface. “I love her.”
“I know you do. I’d fucking murder anyone who tried to come between you.” He nudges my arm. “Don’t let fear make your choices. Not about her. Not about the band. You’ve got more say than you think.”
“My head is messed up.” I’m utterly exhausted from the stress of all of it.
Once again, Liam doesn’t press. He knows I need some space.
Eventually, he says, “Whatever comes next, I want you in it. I’m telling you, though, Felicity’s not the answer. We started this thing because we believed in it. We believed in each other.”
I nod, fighting tears.
“You’re my anchor.” He leans over and pecks my temple. “Always have been.”
He doesn’t say more. Doesn’t need to.
I know what my future is.
Will Stevie be by my side?
Only time will tell.