Chapter 16 Stevie
sixteen
Stevie
Four Months Later
I can’t seem to focus.
The floor plan in front of me blurs. Eight-top rounds. Stage risers. Buffet stations.
They all bleed together in one indecipherable mess. I blink, sit back in my chair, rub the base of my neck where a tension knot’s been building since the catering team decided to overhaul the entire dessert menu. Again.
The office is chaos as usual. Landline phones ringing. Someone laughing near the Keurig. Muted clicks of heels on tile. I’m supposed to be finalizing VIP seating. Instead, I’m staring at a screen thinking about my man who’s three thousand miles away.
Wondering why we don’t talk every day anymore.
It’s the first thing I can admit about our relationship.
We used to fall asleep with our phones on the pillow. Wake up to a good morning message, a voice note, a meme. Ever since Padraig went home after his visit, things have trickled off and I don’t know why.
We never had a fight. Or disagreement. There’s nothing I can pinpoint.
When he was here, things weren’t perfect but I thought we made it work. Sure, my job is demanding. Between corporate Christmas galas, end-of-year banquets and a socialite’s wedding with a cake shaped like the Chrysler building, my boss kept piling on events because I was “eager” and “sharp.”
Let’s be honest, it was more like I’m “low on the totem pole.”
On the other hand, we snuck time wherever we could.
I took long lunches. Pushed back meetings.
He hung out with me and my work friends.
Christmas was glorious, we took goofy selfies in front of the Rockefeller tree.
Slept tangled up with fairy lights glowing from my roommates’ fake pine garland.
We rang in the new year with him inside me, orgasms substituting for champagne toasts.
When he left, he kissed me like I was his everything. Made me promise to call him every day. Everything felt okay. Good. Normal.
Once he was back in Pullman, I didn’t expect it would mostly be me reaching out. His replies are short. Not unkind. Not cold. More like distracted. Indifferent. like he’s pulling away.
Maybe he was right to worry about me moving so far away. I’m out of sight, out of mind.
Didn’t his time in New York mean as much to him as it did to me?
I scroll through our text thread on my phone. The last message he sent was yesterday, a screenshot of some studio schedule from Linus. No “miss you.” No “love you.” No romantic words. A single photo with no explanation.
His behavior is so unusual, I’m worried. Is he okay? What’s happening with the band? Does he love me anymore? I can’t concentrate. My heart is in my throat.
Something’s wrong. I need to know.
Closing my laptop, I rub the cracked corner of my phone. Should I text? Will he answer? Questions I never used to ask myself when it came to him.
Maybe he’s giving me some tough love. I know how much he says he misses me. I’ve honestly been so busy, I didn’t have much space to miss him.
Now all I think about is whether I fucked everything up with Padraig. My rock. My one true love. As much as I love it here, I’m drowning.
Fuck it. The banquet layout can wait. I type the words
Me: Want me to come out there for a few days? I miss you.
I stare at the message. My finger hovers.
Then I hit send.
The text hangs in the thread like it’s glowing. I set my phone face down on my desk. Pretend the pit in my stomach doesn’t grow every second it stays unanswered.
“Hey,” a deep voice startles me from behind.
I glance over my shoulder. Cooper’s leaning against the cubicle wall, coffee in one hand. His tie’s loosened, like it usually is after his second meeting of the day. His easy grin makes him look like trouble even though he’s the most decent guy in New York.
“You okay?” His face contorts in concern.
“Eh.” I shrug, shifting in my chair. “Logistics.”
He raises a brow. “Hotel logistics or life logistics?”
“Both.” I lean back in my chair. “Mostly the second one.”
Cooper walks around to the chair across from mine and sits, balancing his coffee on the armrest. “Boyfriend troubles?”
I have no one to talk to about this, so I nod. “Yeah. Ever since he left here we’ve been off.”
“I’m sorry to hear.” He tilts his head. “Makes sense, though. You’ve been quiet for the last couple of months.”
I rub my temples. “It’s not like anything bad has happened. I thought we were solid. Now it’s like. I don’t know. He’s pulling away. Or, maybe I’m imagining it. I feel crazy.”
“What if…” Cooper pauses. “You’re not imagining it?”
I study him. “I’d be devastated. We’ve been together for nearly seven years. Our future was all planned out but I wanted to see what life would be like if I took my dream job and we weren’t tethered at the hip. I never thought we’d be here.”
“Wow. Sounds familiar.” He sighs heavily. There’s a pause. “Angela and I broke up when I went home for Christmas.”
“Oh, Coop. I’m sorry.” His girlfriend is all he’s talked about since I’ve known him.
“Well…” He shrugs. “The reality is, long-distance only works when both people make the effort. I’ve been so bogged down with work, I didn’t notice until we were already over.”
I hate how much his words land. “God. I’m afraid. When I took this job, he was devastated but I convinced him it would be good for us to grow individually before settling down for good. Now I’m scared I’m losing the person I love most in the world.”
“For what it’s worth? You’re doing everything right. You’re living your life. Killing it here.” He takes a sip of coffee. “He has his own stuff going, anyway, right? It’s not like you’ve done something wrong.”
“No, he always knew I didn’t want to go on tour.” I swallow hard.
He nudges my knee with his. “Hey. You’re not alone in this.”
I manage to smile even as I keep listening for my phone to vibrate with his reply.
I rest my chin on my hand, eyes fixed on a crack in the corner of the desk. “It’s weird, isn’t it? How one minute everything’s like a straight path you both agreed to and the next you’re not even sure you’re on the same planet.”
“God, yeah.” Cooper exhales through his nose. “Like you keep wanting to go back to the old version of things.”
My eyes fill. “It’s all I can think about.”
“Ah, Stevie.” He shifts in his chair. “Try not to be sad. You’re out here building a whole new life. He’s trying to find his footing in the old one without you. It must be tough for him too. Maybe he needs space to figure it out.”
I nod, throat tight. It makes sense. “I tried to share this part of my life with him and he seemed to be so happy for me. If he needs space to figure his shit out, I’ll support him because I want him to do something he loves.
He’s young, so there’s no harm in following music where it leads him.
He’s never going to leave his brother hanging. And, I’d never ask him to.”
“Are you worried he’s pulling away from you?” Cooper says gently.
“I don’t know.” My voice cracks on the edges.
“Shit.” Cooper taps a rhythm on his coffee lid with his finger. “Ever since Angela and I split, I’ve been wondering if we stayed together so long because we were terrified of the unknown.”
The silence between us vibrates with understanding.
“I’m more terrified of losing him,” I whisper as tears stream down my face.
“You won’t,” he assures me. “Not with your history. He’d be an idiot to let someone like you go.”
My eyes sting, but I manage a small, grateful smile. “Thanks for not making this weird. Sometimes I feel like everyone else expects me to either be madly in love or completely over it. Like those are the only two settings.”
“Yeah, well. Maybe we’re both in the ‘figuring it out and trying not to drown’ camp.” He smirks.
I nod. “Definitely.”
My phone finally vibrates. I turn it face up to find a text from Padraig:
Padraig: Yeah, come to Seattle.
Four words. No fluff. No context.
My breath catches, and Cooper must notice something shift in my face. “Everything okay?”
“Uh…” I glance up. “Apparently, his ears were burning.”
Cooper stands. “You want a second?”
I hesitate, then nod. “Please. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Talk it out with your guy.” He taps the top of the chair.
I smile gratefully. “You’re a good friend, Cooper.”
“Tell Padraig I said to get his act together.” He mock punches the air.
Cooper leaves and another text appears, sending my heart into overdrive.
Padraig: Can I call you?
I don’t text back. I call him instead.
He picks up instantly. “Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, quieter than I mean to.
“I miss you too, you know.”
His voice makes me ache. It’s deep and a little hoarse. Like he hasn’t slept much.
“I didn’t expect you to reply,” I admit.
“I know,” he sighs. “I’ve been weird lately.”
I hit the video button and his beautiful face appears, chiseled cheekbones and soulful brown eyes. “You’ve been quiet.”
“Ever since I left, everything’s been off…” A pause. “The band’s in shambles.”
I lean against the desk, wrapping my arms tight around myself. “What’s going on?”
“We’re going into the studio to hear the final mix.
It’s real now. The album. And the gig at the Showbox in two weeks.
Connor’s new band, Less Than Zero, is opening.
It’s their first time playing live at a venue.
The guitar player is some sort of musical savant and his dad is Carter Pope from Limelight.
They haven’t played a show yet, so it’ll be kinda cool. They’re so good…”
“Wow. That’s huge.” I’m genuinely thrilled for his older brother. Padraig doesn’t talk about his family much these days so I’m glad to hear good news.
“Yeah. It is.” Another beat. “At the same time, it doesn’t feel that way.”
He looks so lost, it breaks my heart. “Why not?”
“I want you to see it. To be there. You know?” He smiles weakly. “I hate bugging you when you’re so busy with work.”
“Um, okay.” I close my eyes. “Padraig. You know I want to be there, it’s just....”
“Then come.”
I breathe out slowly. “I don’t know if I can get time off so quickly.”
“You told me you had some PTO.” He cocks his head.
I laugh. “PTO? Since when do you speak in corporate terminology?”
“I’ve been googling.”
A flicker of something warm lights in my chest. “You googled PTO?”
“Maybe. Right before I texted.”
Instantly the mood shifts. I cross my eyes. “Nerd.”
“You’re a nerd.” He sticks his tongue out.
Silence blooms, tender and full with all the things we haven’t said. All the things we can’t because of the miles stretched between us.
“I’m sorry for being a jackass,” he says finally. “I miss you so fucking bad I’ve been avoiding you.”
My throat squeezes and instantly I accept his explanation. “I’ve felt it.”
“I didn’t want to mess up your thing out there. You’re killing it, Stevie. You’ve got friends. A life.” He holds the phone away from his face. He’s in our old living room.
Warmth fills my entire being. “You’re the most important part of my life, Padraig. Truthfully, I thought something was wrong. I was worried about us.”
He looks up at the ceiling and bites his lip.
“Is there something wrong?” Something close to gut instinct permeates my soul. “You can tell me.”
He shakes his head. “It’s nothing important.”
I wait. He doesn’t fill the silence. Doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Padraig.” A warning threads into my tone before I can stop myself. “We don’t do secrets.”
His jaw flexes. “We don’t.” A pause. “It’s more the band, really. You were right about Felicity. Everyone was. Things are tense.”
My spine goes rigid before I can stop it. He sees it. Tries to soften.
“Come see me. See the show. Stay the weekend. Hear the new tracks. We’ll get a hotel and have an entire naked day together.” Padraig’s demeanor changes and he cheeses at me. “I’ll tell you all about the mess when you get here.”
Relieved, I’m already opening the flight website on my laptop. “Let me see what I can swing, I’ll call you back in ten.”
“No—” he says urgently. “Let me stay on. While you do it.”
I rest the phone against my monitor. “Okay.”
We don’t talk while I scroll and click, but he’s there. Breathing. Present. Real. I find a flight that lands Thursday at four. Decide to worry about telling work later. I click book. Screenshot it. Send it. “Got it. Now I gotta make up some excuse to my boss.”
“Thank fuck.” He exhales like he’s been underwater.
“I’ll stay until Monday morning.” I can’t believe how spontaneous I’m being. I hope I don’t get in trouble.
“I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay.”
Another pause.
“I love you,” he says softly.
“I know. I love you too.”
And I do.
I hate how our path is unclear. We’ve changed. Everything trembles with the weight of what’s possibly been lost and what might be.
I’m going to see him. Be with him. Remind us both what it feels like to hold on, even when everything else is shifting.
I click open my intranet. There’s a new DM.
Go get him. I’ll cover for you. —C
My eyes sting all over again.
Next Thursday can’t come fast enough.