Chapter 17 Padraig #2
The difference between our bands is stark.
I can’t pretend we have a chance in hell.
I’ve given up my life with Stevie for this.
Fireball’s nowhere near the standard it needs to be.
A hollow shell compared to LTZ. All because I’ve been too afraid to listen to Stevie and my brother and make the hard call.
What has it gotten me? Fealty to a woman who’s been trying to drive a wedge between me and Stevie for years. And I took her side.
My hands grip my sticks harder. I thrash and pound, trying to drown out the realization clawing at my chest.
I’m not the one holding it together, I’m the guy holding everything back.
My band. My relationship.
It’s devastating.
We come offstage to applause, thin and distant, as if filtered through water. The hollow ache in my chest drowns everything else out. Liam drops his guitar onto its stand with a clang. Felicity is radiant in the corner, preening in the mirror, like she delivered the set of her life.
I can’t breathe.
“Enough,” I shout, cutting through the low buzz of crew and chatter.
Heads whip around.
“Dar?” Liam frowns.
I step forward, fists clenched. “I’m done. I’m not playing another fucking note with her.”
Felicity turns slowly, like a queen interrupted. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” My voice is steel. “This is over. You’re toxic. You make every show, every rehearsal, about you. Fireball is bigger than your ego and I’m not letting it die because you can’t do your part.”
Her smile twists into something feral. “Oh, please. Spare me the holier-than-thou speech, Padraig. I’m the one who’s been wronged here.
You and Liam are fucking predators. First, he forced me into some fucked-up threesome with Linus and ever since Stevie went to Switzerland, you’ve used me as some sort of fuck toy then pretend it didn’t happen so you can keep the facade of your perfect little relationship. ”
I go cold. “You’re a pathological liar. You’re the one who’s thrown yourself at me time after time. I’ve tried to gracefully turn you down to no fucking avail”
“Don’t act like you’re innocent.” She steps forward, voice rising. “Or did you forget the night in Boise? Or Portland? All those nights you told me I was the only one who understood you? How you were trapped because you didn’t want to break her heart?”
“Jesus Christ,” I seethe, shaking my head. “You’re delusional.”
“Am I?” Her voice cracks and tears glint under the harsh dressing-room lights. “You’d text me when she was asleep in your bed. You kissed me three nights ago and begged me to fuck you. Or maybe you’ve blocked that out, too?”
I can’t find words.
Liam steps in, “Felicity, this has gone too far—”
“No!” she shouts, mascara streaking down her face.
“I’m not going to let you or him throw me under the bus to save face.
You both used me. Hid me. Let me think we had something and then shoved me aside, I’m not either of your dirty little secret anymore.
You can’t fire me, I quit. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. ”
The silence is deafening.
I’m in utter and total shock.
Then I feel it. A shift.
I turn and see her.
Stevie.
Standing frozen in the doorway. Her eyes wide, glassy, locked on mine.
I know without a shadow of doubt she heard every single word.
“Stevie—”
She takes a step back.
“It’s not true,” I blurt out, desperation scraping my throat raw. “None of it’s true. She’s twisting everything, you have to believe me—”
“Don’t,” she whispers, her voice breaking.
“You can’t believe her.” I step forward, pleading. “I would never cheat on you. I swear to God—”
Her eyes dart between me and Felicity, who’s sobbing into her hands.
She walks out without a word.
I follow.
We pass the stage door, the ringing amps, a tangle of cords and backstage ghosts. I don’t call her name. I can’t. Not after what she heard. Not after what she saw in my face.
She stops near the loading dock. Faint orange streetlight spills through the cracked door. The air smells like ozone and dust. Her back’s to me. Shoulders stiff.
When she speaks, her voice sounds like it’s been clawed raw.
“I nearly sacrificed everything for you.”
I reach for her but don’t dare touch her. Not now. “Stevie—”
“For you. For Liam. For Fireball. Not because I wanted a front-row seat to every petty fight and ego storm, but because I loved you. I believed in what you were building.” Her hand trembles as she holds herself upright against the wall.
“I gave up classes. Pulled all-nighters so you could have press kits. Blew off interviews for my own major because you needed help booking a tour. You asked me to stay. So I did.”
I don’t breathe.
“Even after Linus took over, I ignored the times when Felicity treated me like I was nothing. When she made digs in every meeting. When she rolled her eyes every time I spoke.” She turns. Slow. Deliberate. “You never once stepped in to take my side.”
“I didn’t know how to fix it.”
“Bullshit.” Her eyes narrow. “You didn’t want to hurt her feelings because you were afraid she’d quit the band.”
There’s nothing I can say. She’s right.
Her eyes are glassy, locked on mine. “And now the truth comes out. You’ve been lying to me for fucking years.
” She jabs her finger at me. “You knew she wanted to fuck you. I have no doubt she came on to you when I was in Switzerland. You never said a word. How many times has it been since I moved to New York? Yet you said nothing. You let me walk back into her web, over and over. Why? Were you mad when I decided to pursue my own career? Is this some grand ‘fuck you, Stevie’ sort of gesture?”
“It wasn’t like that—”
“Oh, it is like that.” Her voice hardens. “My gut told me I needed to find my own path. I wasn’t sure why, exactly, because I’ve always believed in us. Our love.”
Stevie is shaking so hard I have no idea what to do. I’ve never seen her like this.
Ever.
“I was so blind,” she wails. “The reality is with you, everyone but me comes first. Always. You paint this pretty picture like you need me so badly you’re going to give up everything, but you didn’t, did you?
Instead of figuring out what you want, you chose to stay in a college town in a band you’re not sure about with a woman who was out to destroy us.
I didn’t have a fucking clue. Shame on me. It’s all there in black and white now.”
My mouth opens. I don’t have an answer that doesn’t make it worse.
“Congratulations. I’m devastated.” She blinks hard, swallowing whatever new round of sorrow is rising in her throat. “I thought we were forever.”
Here tears are now silent. Unstoppable. “I thought we were built on honesty. In the end, you chose her comfort over my safety.”
“I didn’t sleep with her,” I blurt out, hoping it lands.
“I don’t care if you fucked her.” Her hands tremble at her sides. “You let her gaslight me for years. Lied by omission. Watched me shrink and blamed the schedule. Don’t stand here and tell me you love me when you protected her more than you ever protected me.”
“I was trying to hold it all together.”
“No.” She bites her lip. “You were trying not to lose her. And in the process, you’ve lost me.”
My chest caves in. “Please—”
“Don’t.” She shakes her head.
A long beat. Then she adds, quieter now, as if it’s breaking her to say it, “I know what forever means. You don’t.”
Then she turns.
And this time, I don’t follow.
Because I don’t deserve to.