Chapter 35
thirty-five
Padraig
A Few Days Later
I was supposed to be there.
Had my jacket on, keys in hand. Then Rafferty started coughing. The wheezy sound wasn’t normal. Mara didn’t even have to ask me to stay, we took him straight in to urgent care.
Luckily, it was nothing. By the time we got back to the townhouse, I was two hours late.
I pulled up to the venue expecting a long line, lights, chaos. Instead, The Mission was dark. Not a soul in sight except a security guy who wouldn’t tell me a thing.
I texted Connor.
Show’s cancelled.
No explanation.
A couple days later, he’s in my living room, looking like someone’s taken a chisel to him and knocked pieces away.
Liam’s on the laptop screen between us, waiting as patiently as he’s able, which isn’t much.
We’ve all seen the coverage. Salacious headlines, “unforeseen circumstances,” the kind of wording indicating everything burned down without showing the charred remains.
“It’s over.” Connor shocks us. “LTZ is officially done. I can’t get into the details, but we’re clearing up our obligations through the rest of the year.
” His eyes flick between us. “I spoke to management this morning. They’re going to offer Fireball every single one of our festival slots in Europe.
All of them. Yours if you want them. Some of them at prime times. ”
Liam leans back like it’s Christmas morning. “Holy fuck. Those are the biggest stages—”
“I know.” I keep my voice even, but the knot’s already forming. We can’t turn this kind of offer down, not when a new album’s ready to drop.
Connor watches me like he can already read the hesitation in my face. “You’ve earned this. Don’t waste the opportunity.”
I nod, but my heart’s not in it. All I can picture is how much my son’s face will change if I’m gone for months. Right now he needs me and his mother more than anyone else in the world.
Connor and Liam dive into dates, routing, production crew availability.
Logistics, which should command my attention, but it all slides past in a blur.
Rafferty’s not the only thing I have on my mind.
I think of Stevie. The feel her of her skin under my hands.
The buzz in my body hasn’t faded since I left her bed.
Every nerve alive at the idea of our reconnection.
We didn’t specifically talk about what comes next, not really. I know one thing. I want to be with her. Not in stolen nights between rehearsals and flights and tours. I want to start the slow process of merging our lives and blending our families without blowing them apart.
I can’t say anything, though. No one knows what happened the other night but us, and we plan to keep it quiet way until we’re ready.
Bottom line is, I don’t want to be in Europe for months. No fucking way.
Leaning forward, I cut through their back-and-forth. “You’re gonna have to find a fill-in drummer.”
“What?” Liam’s head snaps toward me.
“I can’t do it. If you want Fireball to take the festivals, get someone else behind the kit. I’m not leaving Rafferty for three months.”
Liam’s brows draw tight, disbelief sharp in his eyes. “You’d walk away? From everything we’ve been building? We have a fucking album coming out.”
“I’m saying figure it out without me.” I can sense heat starting to rise. “My son comes first.”
Connor’s gaze flicks between us, reading the tension in the air. Liam paces, like he’s got a hundred arguments lined up.
“Fine.” Liam leans in, eyes lit with the challenge. “Bring Mara and Rafferty. We can make it work.”
Connor nods. “It could. You’d have your own space on the bus.”
“No. Being on the road at his age isn’t cool,” I counter. “I’m not compromising his health and I’m not leaving him.”
Liam’s tone softens, but the urgency stays. “We need you, Padraig.”
“You don’t.” I shake my head. “Not for this. The three of you’ve got your groove. The album’s tight. A fill-in could handle the festivals.”
“Fuck this.” Liam leans back, eyes narrowing. He jerks his chin toward Connor. “Talk some sense into our brother before he walks away from the biggest tour we’ve ever been offered.”
When Liam’s screen goes dark, Connor fixes me with a look only he’s allowed to give. “Fer feck’s sake. What’s going on?”
I scrub my chin with my hand. “It’s not one thing. Rafferty’s fragile. Mara’s been offered a weekend anchor slot. I brought her to Seattle with me so we could coparent. We may not be a couple, but my family is a priority. I’m not blowing up her shot because my plans changed. It’s not fair.”
“And?” Unconvinced, Connor makes a rolling motion with his hand.
“Stevie’s back in the picture.”
His brows lift. “Wait, Stevie Hayes?”
“Yeah. Ran into her at an art exhibit.” I pause, knowing he has no idea what I’m talking about. “My art exhibit. I started painting again, showing my work. She showed up and…”
Connor shakes his head. “Ach, you’ve been busy.”
“Busy figuring out where I belong. I’m not sure it’s behind a drum kit anymore.”
His mouth drops open. “You’re telling me you want to walk away from Fireball for good? After nearly twenty years?”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t had the same thoughts.
” I meet his eyes. “You have babies too. I’m saying music isn’t the only thing in my life anymore.
My priorities have changed. For one, I’m not hauling Rafferty across Europe when he’s this vulnerable.
For another, I’m not disappearing on Stevie, not when we’ve finally found each other again. ”
Connor leans back, weighing it. “Liam’s going to lose his mind.”
“Nah. He’ll be fine. I’ve sacrificed too much already to keep him happy. I’m putting myself first for once.”
He stands. “Well, I’m gonna head home. All I’m asking is for you to think about it. Don’t give Liam the satisfaction of calling you out for reacting out of emotion.”
“Appreciate the pep talk.” I huff out something that’s not quite a laugh.
He claps my shoulder, squeezes once. “Look, you know opportunities like this don’t happen often.”
When the door shuts behind him, the quiet feels heavier than it should. My phone’s already in my hand before I’ve decided what to do. One tap, and Stevie’s face fills the screen.
She smiles, but it’s quick, distracted. “Hang on.” The picture shifts and blurs as she walks, a door clicking shut behind her. “Okay. I’m in the laundry room. Hi. You look stressed. What’s going on?”
“Connor stopped by. LTZ can’t do their European festival run. Some serious stuff went down and they’re asking Fireball to fill in on their European festival tour.”
Her brows lift. “How long?”
“Three months. A handful of big dates, plenty of downtime between. I don’t want to do it.”
The pause stretches. She tilts her head, studies me, making me feel both seen and exposed. “Because of Rafferty?”
“And because of us,” I admit. “We’re barely finding our way back to each other. I don’t want to disappear before we’ve figured out what this is.”
She moves closer to the camera. “Think about it.”
Her words hit differently than I expect. There’s no push or judgment. It feels like encouragement wrapped in something heavier.
I blink. “You’d be okay with me going on tour?”
Her shoulders rise and fall. “I’m saying I have regrets about how I handled things back then.
I told myself I couldn’t be with someone who lived on the road.
I built a wall so high it blocked out everything we might’ve been had I been a little more mature.
Yeah, it made things simpler, no false hope, no waiting around.
But it also meant I jumped into a relationship with Cooper.
Got pregnant. Took away our chance. I don’t regret my marriage and my kids, but if we’re going to be together, I would regret putting restrictions on what you can and cannot do.
We’re older, clearer about what matters and there’s no rush.
Besides, merging our families is going to take a lot of time. ”
The mix of hope and fear in her eyes twists in my chest. She’s not pretending this would be easy. She’s offering me something I never thought I’d get. A chance to do this with her, not in spite of her.
I search her face, trying to read between the lines. “I’m having a hard time believing you’d be okay.”
“Padraig.” Her smile turns wistful. “I never gave you the chance to see if we could make it work. Maybe this time, we bend. Test the communication skills we’re supposed to have learned in the last decade.”
Her words soothe places I didn’t even know were raw. It wrecks me a little. Seems too good to be true.
I want to believe it’s possible, of course. Navigating time zones and hotel rooms and weeks apart without losing what we’ve finally found again. It’d be amazing.
Performing on stage knowing she’s not counting the days like a sentence she has to serve. Believing I’d be faithful to what we have.
I’ve also watched love fray under the weight of missed calls and seen trust dissolve in green rooms and afterparties. I’ve lived it. Hell, I’ve been part of it.
“I don’t want to stand in your way,” she says without hesitation. “Not ever.”
“Huh.” I tilt my head. “Didn’t expect this reaction.”
“I mean it,” she says softly. “If you want to do these shows, do them. I’ll be here.”
I drag a hand over my face. “It’s not so simple. Raff’s so small—”
“I know.” She nods. “This isn’t about me deciding for you. You’ll have to figure out what’s best for him, and for you and Mara. All I’m saying is don’t make your choice because you think I can’t handle it. I can.”
“The timing isn’t bad,” I admit. “We’re not even close to blending our families yet. We haven’t spent any time with each other’s kids.”
“Exactly.” Her mouth tips into a faint smile. “We’re building something between the two of us first. We don’t need to rush anyone else into our day-to-day before we’re ready. A few shows this summer won’t change anything.”
Her faith in me and us is nearly overwhelming.
“I’m going to really think about it.” I pace back and forth. “I’ll call Liam back and find out the logistics, figure out what it would mean for Raff and me. Then make the call.”
She tilts her head. “Good. Then you’ve done all you can do.”
“So…tomorrow good?” A smile pulls at my mouth. “Do you have a few hours free while the kids are at camp?”
“Yeah, I’ll be counting down the minutes.” The corners of her lips curve into a wicked grin.
“Me too.” I linger a second longer. “I can’t wait to be with you.”
Her eyes warm. “Neither can I.”
She hangs up and I can’t help but cheese a little.
Marvel how, despite all these years, our flame was never gone.
Only waiting for the right moment to burn again.