—Autumn—
Then
“Are we almost there?” I questioned. my ass was numb from sitting in his car for the last three hours.
“How many times are you going to ask that question?”
“Depends on how much longer we have to drive to get there.”
He glanced at me. “We’re almost there, Miss Impatient.”
“This better be the best classic car show ever.”
“Would I lie to you?”
“So I would join you on this long-ass journey, maybe.”
“One day I’ll own every car we’re about to see today, and then you’re going to thank me for taking you to this.”
“Cars are your thing, not mine.”
“What’s your thing, kid?”
“Mmm… I’m not telling, or you’ll make fun of me.”
“Do I ever tease you?”
“Every chance you get.”
He grinned. “Tell me anyway.”
“Nah.”
“Come on, kid. Tell me your dreams. I want to hear them.”
“Fine, but you can’t make fun of me.”
He did a cross over his heart.
“I want to own a ranch.”
“A ranch?”
“Yes, with a farmhouse and animals.”
“I can’t see you shoveling shit, Autumn.”
“I won’t. I’ll have a crew who will do that for me. My job is to feed them and give them all the love.”
“And what kinds of animals live in your farmhouse?”
“Goats, chickens, pigs, horses, maybe a pony, cows—you know, the usual.”
“I see. That’s quite an interesting fairy tale.”
“My house will be the best part, Julian.”
Now that piqued his attention. “Your house?”
“Mmm-hmm…”
“You’ve thought about your house?”
“Of course. I’m a girl—I think about everything.”
“Fair.” He nodded. “Tell me about this house?”
“Well, it will have a huge iron gate that no one can get through unless they have the code. The estate will be private, surrounded by tall trees and beautiful landscaping. My house will be in the middle of the property, and it will be breathtaking. There will be marble floors, huge bay windows where the sun can come through in every square inch of the place. I want a grand angled staircase right when you walk in. A massive foyer. It will have the works.”
“That’s quite a floor plan. You’ve given this a lot of thought. Where did this dream come from?”
“We live in Texas. I think that answers for itself.”
He laughed. “I like your dream.”
“I didn’t get to the best part yet?”
“You’ll have a sex room?”
“Only if you want one.” I giggled. “But I was talking about a massive carport where you store all your classic cars.”
“Oh, I’m in your dream too?”
“Of course.”
The expression on his face turned serious, and I quickly played it off like it wasn’t a big deal when it was. I didn’t want to scare him off, and Julian scared easily with anything that involved me.
“It’s just a silly dream, Julian. You don’t have to read that much into it.”
He didn’t say anything for what felt like forever, until he finally revealed, “I think we should just stay in the here and now and not think too far ahead, Autumn. Especially when it comes to me in your future.”
I flinched, quickly looking out the window. It was pointless to hide my emotions from him because he could sense my disappointment.
“Yeah, whatever you want.”
“You know what I want?”
“Hmm…”
He gripped onto my inner thigh. “To hear that contagious laugh.”
“Don’t you dare—”
He squeezed, sending me reeling into a fit of laughter. Almost making me pee my pants.
“Please!”
“Begging me isn’t going to help your disposition, kid. You know how much I love it when you beg me.”
“Oh my God! Stop!”
He squeezed harder.
“You’re going to crash the car!”
“If I can finger fuck you while I’m driving a sports car, I can certainly tickle you.”
“Julian!”
“I love it when you scream my name.” Finally, he stopped and pulled his hand away. “Now, be a good girl and tell me more about your dreams.”
“I thought you didn’t want to hear about my future?”
“I never said I didn’t want to hear about it. I just don’t want you to include me in them.”
“You’re my brother’s best friend, and my parents consider you a second son—you’re going to be in my future whether you want to or not.”
“Is that all I am?”
I shrugged again, and neither one of us spoke for the rest of the drive. Once we parked in the open field, I opened the door, but he grabbed my hand and held me in place, and I looked over at him.
“I don’t like it when you get quiet on me, kid.”
“You weren’t talking either.”
I could see it in his eyes, he wanted to say something, and I eagerly waited for his response.
Julian never gave me hope for the future.
He knew I was head over heels in love with him.
However, he never expressed his feelings for me, through actions or words.
He never gave me an inch, and I stupidly waited for a centimeter.
Gripping onto the back of my neck, he kissed my lips. “I know your dreams will come true.”
“Really?”
He nodded.
“How?”
Silence.
He simply pecked my mouth and exited the car.
I was shocked as shit when he reached for my hand as we were walking toward the entrance of the car show.
Julian never gave me any public affection, and I didn’t know if he’d noticed that he was.
Instead of making a big deal out of it, I internally squealed.
Maybe it was because we were hours away from home, and no one would know us here, but either way, it didn’t matter. I cherished this moment and lived in the present with him.
Silently praying, my future consisted of only him.
—Julian—
Hearing her say she envisioned me in her dreams wasn’t a surprise. It was the fact that I wanted what she was saying more than anything, but I refused to give her false hope. All we had were these stolen moments where no one could see us, and I didn’t fear losing the only family I’d ever known.
Being thrown around like I was nothing more than garbage for all my adolescence made it hard to live in anything other than the present.
Despite being on my own and that life far behind me, it was difficult to think of a future other than financial stability.
Coming from nothing gave you another perspective on life.
I valued each day for what it was, and not knowing what tomorrow would bring was the only way I’d survived for so long.
Autumn was the light in my life.
Her smile.
Her laugh.
Her love.
It was everything I’d ever wanted and didn’t think I was worthy of.
Without her being aware of it, for the next few hours I showed her my world.
I was determined to make something of myself and never again be that little boy always looking in at someone else’s life.
I wouldn’t allow my mind to wander to a future that included Autumn.
All we had was the now, and I took full advantage of that.
“Which is your favorite car?”
I led her toward the black Lincoln Continental with the suicide doors, nodding to it.
“This is one sick ride, Julian.”
“She is a beauty.” And I wasn’t referring to the car.
“Too bad we can’t christen this one, huh?”
I pulled her into my side. “Never say never, Autumn.”
If I had one life goal, it was to make love to her in that vehicle. At the end of the day, I couldn’t tell her I loved her, even though…
I did.
By the time we got back to my apartment it was dinner time, and I ordered us a pizza and chicken wings. We were sitting on my bed when we heard the front door open. Our eyes went wide.
“Fuck,” I breathed out.
Her car was in the driveway, there was no hiding she was there with me.
“Autumn?” Christian called out, and her eyes went wide.
Neither one of us moved, but the second we heard his footsteps coming toward my room we both stood up. Once he stopped in front of my door, his stare shifted back and forth between us until he focused on me.
“What is my little sister doing in your room?”
“Christian, I was looking for you,” she replied, bringing his gaze to her.
“In Julian’s room?”
“No.” She smiled. “He was just showing me his new TV.”
His eyebrows pinched together. “Mom says you’ve been hanging out here a lot, and I haven’t been here much, so explain that one to me?”
“Christian, just ask what you want to know,” I snapped, unable to bite my tongue.
“I just did. What’s my little sister doing here all the time if I’m not here, Julian?”
“Stop calling me your little sister, I’m not a child.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, Autumn. What are you doing with Julian?”
“We’re just hanging out. He’s my friend too.”
“Since when?”
“What are you insinuating?” Autumn asked, not backing down. “I’ve known him all of my life, Christian. It’s no different than coming here to hang out with you.”
“I’m your brother.”
“Most of the time I’m looking for you.”
“You can text me, and I can tell you if I’m here or at Kinley’s.”
“I will next time.”
That response seemed to appease him, and I could see it in his eyes—
he definitely suspected what was going on.
“Anyway, it’s getting late. I’m going to head home.” Autumn glanced back at me as she was leaving. “Good choice on the new TV. It’s awesome.” She hugged her brother. “I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow.”
Once we heard the front door close, Christian didn’t waver. Not that I expected him to. “What the fuck was that?”
“I don’t know what—”
“Don’t give me that shit. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why are you hanging out with my little sister?”
“You don’t have to keep calling her that. I know what she is to you.”
“Doesn’t look like that to me.”
“You need to relax. I was just showing her my new TV.”
“What about all the other times she’s been here? What were you doing then?”
“What are you insinuating, Christian?”
“You fuck anything that walks, Julian. I don’t need to remind you Autumn’s off limits, do I?”
I shook my head. There was no need for the reminder. I thought about it every time we were together, and when I was inside of her.
He nodded, slowly backing away, never taking his intense stare off of me. I knew what he wanted to ask…
Are you fucking my little sister?
He just couldn’t bring himself to say it, and to be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to look him in the face and lie to him. He was my best friend, my brother, and I was fucking it all up by betraying his trust.
“Great, keep it that way.” He turned and left.
For the rest of the night, I thought about what I was putting on the line for Autumn. His bachelor party was coming up, and I was going to have to prove to him one way or another that there was nothing going on behind his back.
My phone dinged with a text message, and I didn’t have to wonder who it was. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I read it.
Please don’t push me away again.
I didn’t reply. I couldn’t. Unable to lie to her.
Although, her text didn’t matter. I knew deep down in every fiber of my being…
This was the beginning of the end for Autumn and me.