Chapter Twenty
Even though I’m totally one hundred percent satisfied with how things are going, my daily swim isn’t hitting the way it usually does.
I’m thrashing through the water of the lake, desperately trying to work some of this angst out of my body.
But it’s not until I stumble to shore on jelly legs and collapse onto the rocks that I start to feel my head clear a little bit.
I’m such a dumbass, letting myself develop this stupid crush.
But maybe it’s not the worst thing. Maybe the authenticity will work to my advantage.
As long as I don’t let my feelings get any deeper.
I just can’t ever lose sight of the fact that Kei is playing a game, and every sweet smile, every time he pulls me close, every time he gives me that look, the one where it feels like he’s peering into my soul—it’s all just a part of his strategy.
As long as I keep that fact in mind, I can keep this contained as a harmless crush.
An hour later, back at the flagpole, Kei tells the world we’ve decided to go on the dates with our POPPs. I smile through the pang of jealousy and say that surviving this test will only make us stronger, exactly as I’m supposed to.
In true Camp Couple-Up style, the dates are a janky production designed to minimize costs and maximize drama.
Instead of planning five separate dates for all the couples, we’re having simultaneous sunset picnics at the lake.
Isa and his POPP, Phoebe, and Kei and Alessandra are set up on picnic blankets on the beach, while Sue-Ellen, Trina, me, and our POPPs are all having picnics in canoes, tethered about fifteen feet offshore.
Teddy and two other cameramen dart between the couples, working their best creative camera angles to make it look like we’re all on separate dates.
My POPP, Jesse, is a body-building veterinarian from Massachusetts.
He’s good-looking in an inoffensive, nondescript sort of way, with short, sandy blond hair and a deep divot in his chin.
He pours me a generous glass of wine and offers me a chocolate-covered strawberry.
Teddy appears, his pants rolled up his calves, to catch our toast.
“To new possibilities,” Jesse says, raising his glass.
“I’ll drink to that,” I say, like I’m not in a paroxysm of anxiety over Kei and his underwear model ex. I throw back my glass and take several deep swallows.
The moment Teddy sloshes over to Trina and Sid, I let myself peek at Kei and Alessandra. She’s sitting too close to him, and while he doesn’t look happy, exactly, he doesn’t look uncomfortable. Her proximity is natural for him, a realization that drops into my consciousness like a heavy stone.
Jesse is talking in that way that men do, like what they have to say is just so fascinating and important.
He’s so absorbed in the minutiae of his story that he fails to notice I’m not listening at all.
I’m transfixed by the way Alessandra has stretched out her long legs, resting her feet in Kei’s lap.
She’s listening intently to Kei, looking up at him through her long lashes.
“Cleo?”
For a moment I don’t know who Jesse is, but then I snap back to reality. He’s holding out the wine bottle, and I gladly accept a refill.
“So,” Jesse says, swirling his wine. “Where’s your head at with Kei?”
What is the truth of the situation that I can speak to? “He’s a really sweet guy.” I take a long drink. “We’re getting to know one another.”
“Are you open to getting to know someone else?” He looks so hopeful.
I slug back the rest of my wine. “Maybe,” I say, a giggle slipping out.
Shit, maybe I’d better slow down. But then he launches into a story about how he’s renovating his grandfather’s old house, and I reach for the bottle again.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kei put his hand on Alessandra’s shin.
My own shin aches in the exact same spot.
“I’d love to show it to you one day.”
What? Oh right, the house. “Mmm,” I say as I down half of the glass I’ve just poured.
“Listen,” Jesse says, setting his wine glass down on the plank bench separating us at the centre of the canoe. “This might be coming on a bit strong, but I could be going home tomorrow, and I need to shoot my shot.” He licks his lips. “Can I kiss you?”
I don’t particularly want to kiss him, but maybe it will jolt me out of this emotional stupor. Maybe it will redirect some of these feelings away from Kei.
I nod, and Jesse leans forward. I brace myself against the rocking of the canoe as I scoot toward him, trying not to spill my wine. Jesse puts his hand on my jaw and pulls me closer.
The kiss is not bad as much as it’s challenging.
The canoe lists from side to side, sending him colliding into me, but once we hit our rhythm, it’s not terrible.
He doesn’t dart his tongue in and out of my mouth, or slobber on my chin or gnash his teeth against mine.
But his lips are too soft and fleshy, his breath is too sweet, and it’s just not right.
None of it is right.
I pull away, shaking my head. I glance toward the shore. Kei is staring at me, his mouth slightly open. Good.
Emboldened, I lean back in and kiss Jesse again. The canoe rocks and we tumble into one another, my wine splashing against his white linen shirt.
“Shit! I’m sorry,” I say, pawing ineffectually at his chest. I’m suddenly very tired, and I just don’t want to be here, in this boat with this guy, anymore. “I think I drank too much.” I can feel Kei’s eyes on me. “I should go.”
Jesse looks annoyed and confused, but he doesn’t protest. He also doesn’t help me climb out of the canoe, and I end up splashing clumsily into the water, soaking the bottom of the tight coral-coloured mini dress that I borrowed from Valeria.
I right myself, and wade to shore with my shoulders thrown back, trying to preserve some shred of dignity.
I’d have to do a wide and obvious loop to avoid Kei and Alessandra, so I walk right past them, using a heroic level of restraint to not check if they’re looking at me, if it’s jealousy or pity in their eyes.
Back at the Bunkhouse, I stay in the shower until the water runs cold, waiting for these feelings of shame and regret to wash away. Have I ruined everything?
I climb into my empty bunk, pulling the thin flannel blanket up to my chin.
The room rocks back and forth, as if I’m still in the canoe, so I put one foot on the floor to ground me.
Across from me, Damian and Harmony are curled into one another, already asleep.
One by one, the other campers trickle in.
I can identify them just by the sounds of their movement.
When I fall asleep a long time later, the only empty bed is Kei’s.