Chapter 5
Kate
Ever since we were little, my older sister Kelly has had a way of figuring out the heart of a matter without knowing many details of a situation. Maybe she knows me well. Maybe she’s insightful. I don’t know. I just accept that she’s a good person to talk to about whatever’s bothering me.
At least she usually is. This problem I’m dealing with, however, isn’t one I want to talk to her about or anyone else, for that matter. I’m not even sure I have a problem.
Kelly walks across the room into the kitchen without saying a word. She does that on purpose because she knows I hate when people insert forced silence into a conversation. We may not have been in the middle of a heated discussion, but it still irks me.
I follow her and poke my head around the wall to see her pouring herself a cup of coffee. “I know you’re probably wondering what’s going on, right?”
She purposefully takes her time acknowledging what I said, knowing it’s driving me nuts. My sister likes to play these games when the other person is uneasy about something. I don’t know how she has the patience for acting like this, but I hate it.
When she finally does turn to look at me, her expression practically screams that she already knows what I’m up to. Except she doesn’t. She couldn’t. I barely understand what I’m doing, so how could she?
“I’m trying to decide between the idea that you’re having some kind of rendezvous here in my apartment without telling me, or you’re getting cold feet about the impending nuptials.”
I knew she didn’t understand why I was here. That she could think I’d cheat on Ronan or even consider not marrying him is baffling, but Kelly’s mind works differently than mine.
“There is no rendezvous. That’s just silly. As for me getting cold feet, that’s crazy.”
She shrugs and takes a sip of her coffee before setting the mug down on her kitchen counter. “Okay. Then the answer is behind door number three. Feel like telling me? And why aren’t you at work?”
All my bravado from my previous answers disappears in an instant when she mentions my job. My shoulders sag, and I look away, unsure how to answer.
“Okay, so it’s the job. I don’t get it, Kate. You love teaching. It’s all you’ve ever wanted to do. Is Ronan trying to get you to quit so you can pop out some babies like his sister-in-law?”
I barely dignify her swipe at the man I love and roll my eyes before turning to walk back into the living room. She knows Ronan would never ask me to give up something I love. He’s not that kind of man.
As I plop down on her sofa, she follows me and sits down in a chair on the other side of the coffee table. After studying my face for a few seconds, she says, “I’m not sure I hit the nail on the head with that one, but you didn’t say no, so there’s the possibility.”
Rolling my eyes for a second time at her nonsensical idea, I answer, “Don’t talk about Ronan like he’s a bad guy. He loves me. He’d never ask me to walk away from teaching. He knows I’ve dreamed of being a teacher all my life.”
“And yet, here you are on a fine Monday morning not at your teaching job with all those little angels and demons you call students. So what’s going on, Kate?
I’m going to assume Ronan doesn’t know there’s a problem, or you’d be at your place avoiding work and not sitting in my living room. Am I right on that, at least?”
I hate when my sister is like this. She’s so smart and so clever, and I feel like anything I say will sound stupid.
“Well? I realize you don’t owe me chapter and verse about what’s going on, but you at least should give me some idea about why you’re hiding out in my apartment instead of being at work.”
Frustrated, I blow the air out of my lungs and try to find the words to explain why I’m here. The problem is I don’t know why. At least not in any way that makes sense.
“I can’t go back to the city yet.”
Not exactly much of an explanation, I know. I just don’t know what to say.
Of course, Kelly won’t let me get away with such a non-answer. “Why? Did something happen at work? It wouldn’t surprise me. Private schools always have that one kid who’s nothing but trouble but their parents are loaded, so nobody wants to get rid of them.”
I stare at her for a few seconds and shake my head. “Your dislike of wealthy people is odd, to say the least, considering we didn’t grow up poor. Our father is a plastic surgeon. To many people, our family was loaded, you know.”
She waves away my comment before taking a sip of coffee from her New York Yankees mug.
“We may have been loaded, but not loaded loaded. Not loaded like your future husband’s family loaded.
So what happened at school? Did you get put on unpaid leave for something?
I certainly hope your administration isn’t going to chicken out and side with the kid.
You’re a fine teacher, Kate. They should know that by now. You’ve been there long enough.”
“It’s not a school thing,” I say in a voice barely above a whisper while I avoid her gaze.
“Good. So what is it?” she asks, clearly growing impatient with my stalling.
I wish I could tell her. I do. I just don’t know what’s wrong.
We sit silently for a long time until she walks over to the sofa and sits down next to me. Touching my arm, she says in a far less militant tone than before, “What’s going on, Kate? This isn’t like you.”
Something in those words or maybe in the way she says them makes my emotions unravel, and I start crying. Burying my face in my hands, I say between the sobs, “I don’t know. I just can’t go back to the city after what happened last Tuesday night.”
“The night you met with all your bridesmaids? What did you do? Did you get drunk or something and someone from school saw you?”
I shake my head at how silly that sounds. “I’m not really someone who drinks a lot. Certainly not enough to make a fool out of myself. You know me.”
“Yeah, I think I do, which is why I can’t understand why you’re hiding out in my apartment instead of going to work.”
Quietly, I say the words I’ve repeated in my head so many times since last week.
“I was mugged. A man grabbed me on my way back to school after I ran an errand to the travel agent. He didn’t hurt me.
All he did was take my wallet. He didn’t even take my purse, so I don’t know why it’s bothering me so much. It’s silly.”
My sister doesn’t say anything for a long moment, but then she wraps her arms around my shoulders, and I can’t stop the tears this time.
I feel so ridiculous. The two of us have been to the city more times than I can count since we were teenagers.
We used to sneak away there behind our parents’ backs.
Why is one guy taking my wallet affecting me so badly?
“Have you been keeping that to yourself this whole time?” she asks as I continue to cry in her arms.
Shaking my head, I sniffle before leaning away from her.
“No, I told Ronan. He was worried I got hurt, but when he found out I wasn’t, he said everything else can be replaced.
He’s right, of course. I called my credit card companies and my bank to tell them, and I’ll be getting new cards in the mail this week. ”
My sister smiles sweetly, like what I’m saying sounds cute to her. “Honey, it’s great that you handled the financial housekeeping. Now the problem is you didn’t handle the emotional part of having your wallet stolen.”
I sigh, feeling ridiculous hearing her say it like that. “That seems a bit overwrought, don’t you think? Emotional part? I don’t think I had a hundred dollars in cash on me that night.”
Kelly scrunches up her face. “No, that’s not what I mean.
Someone attacked you, Kate. They may not have hit you or physically hurt you, but they assaulted you.
I’ve been mugged. Even when they only take your purse or your wallet, you’re still terrified for those few seconds when you aren’t sure what they’re going to do.
That’s the emotional part I’m talking about. ”
“Oh. I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“That’s because you were so worried about the wallet part that you didn’t think about the part where you were scared to death. Have you gone to the police?”
I shake my head. “No. I honestly don’t think I could even describe the guy, so why bother? He had dark hair and dark eyes, I think, but I can’t even be sure of those things.”
“White? Black? Hispanic? Asian?”
Shrugging, I answer, “White? I think. Maybe Hispanic. I don’t think he was Asian, and he definitely wasn’t African American. That I know for sure. What does it matter? I can’t remember much of anything about him. The cops aren’t going to get my wallet back, so why bother making a report?”
“Because you’re a victim of a crime, Kate. That’s why.”
A lot of good that does me. I don’t want to be a victim. I just want to be Kate, third-grade teacher and soon-to-be wife of Ronan King. Even worse, thinking of myself as a victim just makes me feel even more awful about what happened.
“So how long do you plan to hide out here instead of going to work?”
I close my eyes as I try to think of an answer other than I don’t know. What I come up with isn’t much better. “I’m unsure. My boss says I need a doctor’s excuse starting today, so I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
Kelly pops up from the sofa and grabs her backpack from the floor. “Well, feel free to hang out here whenever you want. I have to head back to school in a few minutes, so you can lounge around and watch TV all day?”
Nodding, I try to smile. “Thanks, Kel. I appreciate you not giving me a hard time about this. Please don’t tell anyone, though, okay? I’ll handle it in my own time. I promise.”
“No problem, but you do need to handle it. If you want names of good therapists, I have a few. Mine were more about figuring out that I’m worth something, even if my jackass ex couldn’t see that, but I’m sure they handle PTSD after crimes. Just let me know.”
Even hearing her describe what I’m experiencing like that makes me feel bad. PTSD? That’s not what I have. I’ve never been to war. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship. I only had my wallet stolen. That doesn’t compare at all to what people who are dealing with real trauma go through.
She breezes out of her apartment, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about going back to work, but I know I don’t have forever to decide.
As I walk up the road toward my apartment, I look for that little girl who lives nearby, but I don’t see her.
I texted Ronan to know if he’d be home when I should be coming back from work, and he said he’d be over at Marius and Eden’s since he mistakenly thought I was going to be out with my sister, so I’m in the clear.
I hurry up the sidewalk to get inside, relieved my secret is still safe. Tossing my bag onto the sofa, I get a drink of iced tea to quench my thirst before I have to do something that breaks my heart.
It’s for the best, though.