Chapter 7
Kate
Right in the middle of the Star Trek episode about Spock’s wedding to T-Pring, the woman he was betrothed to when they were both seven, my phone vibrates across my sister’s coffee table.
Surprised anyone would be calling me at just after three in the afternoon since I’d still be in school, I lean over and see it’s my sister.
As relief washes over me, I grab my phone and answer it. “Hey, you scared me there. Everything okay? I thought you were in lab this afternoon.”
“I was, but on one of my breaks, I got a call from your future husband. Guess what he asked me.”
My mind goes blank, and I say, “Uh, I have no idea.” Ronan doesn’t usually call Kelly, so him asking her anything is odd.
“He wanted to know where you are. From the sound of his voice, he found out you’ve been sneaking over to my place every morning and camping out there.”
Those words make my heart sink. I know exactly what he’s thinking right now. He knows I’ve been lying to him, and he thinks I’m doing something bad.
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him I didn’t want to get into the middle of things between you two but that you’re safe. I also told him if you called me that I’d tell you to call him, so here’s me keeping my word. Kate, call that man because he sounds like he’s losing hope by the second.”
“Losing hope? Hope of what?”
My ignorance makes my sister laugh. “God, you really are na?ve. Kate, he thinks you’re stepping out with another man. What else would he be thinking after finding out you’ve been lying to him about going to work for the past few weeks?”
I know precisely how that feels after finding out he cheated on me all those years ago, but what would make him immediately jump to the conclusion that I’m seeing someone else? We’re getting married in less than two weeks, for God’s sake!
“Fine. I’ll call him.”
“Good. Now that I’ve saved your relationship from turning into one of those soap operas Grandma used to make us watch when she came over to watch us when we were sick, I need to get back to studying to become a doctor.
Fix this and maybe tell him the truth, okay?
Because I bought that damn bridesmaid’s dress that I’ll only wear once, so I need this wedding to happen. ”
That’s my sister’s way of saying she doesn’t want to see Ronan and me break up over this. I appreciate it, even if I wish I didn’t have to talk to him about this today. It’s not that I didn’t plan on doing that. Just not yet.
I guess I don’t have a choice. Somehow he found out what I’ve been up to, so I’ll have to come clean.
For a few seconds more, I watch Spock try to beat the hell out of Kirk in whatever that trial is T-Pring forced the two of them into before I gather up my stuff to go back home. I don’t know if Ronan will be there already, but I have to face him sooner or later.
I take a deep breath in and stick my key in the doorknob, but the door’s unlocked already. So he is home. My heart begins to race, but I remind myself that Ronan is the sweetest, kindest person I’ve ever known. I just hope he’s not too hurt to be that man when he sees me now.
He’s pacing back and forth through the apartment, which only makes my anxiety about the conversation we’re about to have spike even higher, but I can’t turn back now. I only hope he can understand my reason for what I’ve done.
I set my bag down on the kitchen counter and smile when he sees me. “Hey, did you have a nice day?”
Ronan stops dead and stares at me in utter disbelief. “Did I have a nice day? Well, my meeting went great, and then I saw Kara and stopped her to say thanks for carpooling with you, and she told me you quit your job two weeks ago. What the hell has been going on, Kate? Are you seeing someone else?”
His directness catches me off guard, and I don’t respond because I didn’t think he’d just jump right in like that. Ronan is usually someone who prefers to take things a little easier.
Then again, he’s never thought I was cheating on him.
I don’t get to answer him before he continues.
“If you don’t want to work, that’s fine.
I never want you to do something you don’t want to do.
I just thought you loved it. I want to believe that’s all this is, but I keep having these thoughts that this is some kind of karmic payback for what I did in college. ”
His words crush me, and I can’t stop the tears from coming. “I do love teaching, and I haven’t been doing anything that would hurt you. I swear.”
Normally, Ronan would come to my side and hold me when I’m crying, but he stays on the other side of the room when he asks, “What’s going on? Don’t you want to marry me?”
I dry my eyes and sniffle. “Of course, I do. Why would you ask that?”
“Because you’ve been lying to me for weeks and pretending to go to work and going God only knows where! That’s why!” he screams with so much emotion in his voice that I’m caught off guard.
This isn’t how I expected this to go. Ronan is usually so calm and understanding.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think I was cheating on you or that I didn’t want to marry you. I’ve just been…”
The words that could explain what I’ve been dealing with get caught in my throat, and I start to cry harder. As I sob into my hands, Ronan wraps his arms around me, comforting me even though I’m sure he’s spent the last hours doubting everything he thought he knew about me.
“Kate, what’s wrong? If it’s not the wedding and you love teaching, why did you quit your job? And why couldn’t you tell me?” he asks in a quiet voice.
Unable to stop crying, I try to explain what’s wrong with me. “I’m afraid to go into the city alone. I’m a grown woman who’s too afraid to go to my job that I loved because I’m worried the next time they won’t just take my wallet.”
Ronan tightens his hold, hugging me and making me feel safe. “Oh, baby. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this? I would have made sure I could ride into work and pick you up myself when you were done for the day.”
I look up at him and shake my head. He doesn’t really get it, but I need him to.
“That wouldn’t solve the problem. You had someone drive me to and from work, and still I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself go back to the city. I haven’t been there since I got mugged.”
“You haven’t?”
Shaking my head, I dry my eyes. “No. For the first few days, I called off sick. After my head teacher told me I’d have to get a doctor’s note and I knew I wouldn’t be able to since there’s nothing physically wrong with me, I sent them my resignation.
It broke my heart too because I loved teaching.
I loved my students. I just couldn’t bring myself to go back into the city. ”
Ronan runs the pad of his thumb over my cheek and shakes his head. “I wish you would have told me. I feel terrible that you’ve been going through this all on your own.”
Sniffling, I try to smile. “I couldn’t because I was embarrassed.
I’ve gone into the city my entire life. My God, I was only a teenager the first time my sister and I went there alone.
It’s just…I was so scared when that man grabbed me, and the more I thought about it, the more frightened I got until I couldn’t even think about going back there. ”
He wraps his arms around me again and pulls me to him. “Don’t worry. I know what we have to do.”
I squeeze Ronan’s hand tightly as we wait for the therapist to sit down across from us. Three days ago, I confessed everything about why I left my job and lied to the man I love, and like he always has, he sprang into action. It’s one of the reasons I love him so much.
Dr. Santorelli smiles as he takes his seat in the leather chair in front of me. “Kate, it’s very nice to meet you. Are you comfortable having Ronan here with you for our session?”
With a smile, I turn to look at my fiancé and then back at the doctor, who reminds me so much of Brad Pitt. He’s a little more weathered than the actor, but something about the way he looks when he smiles makes me think of him in Ocean’s Eleven.
“I would like him to stay this time. I’m new at this therapy thing, but Ronan isn’t, and it makes me feel better having him here, at least for this first session.”
My new therapist nods and tells me he likes to take notes and asks me if that’s okay. I nod, thinking that reminds me of every time I had a meeting at my job and how I absolutely found it necessary to take notes.
“So let’s start with a basic question. How do you feel about what happened?”
I let myself answer with the first emotion that comes to my mind. “Scared. So scared. The worst part is I don’t know why.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
“Angry. I’m so angry sometimes I can’t see straight. Angry at that man for doing that to me. Angry at myself for reacting the way I have. And ashamed. So ashamed that something so insignificant could derail my dream job and I let it.”
Then I turn to Ronan. “I’m so sorry I lied to you and kept you in the dark. I love you. I can’t wait to be your wife next week. I just couldn’t talk about it because my fear and shame made it impossible. I promise I won’t be like that again.”
He gives me a sweet smile, the kind that never fails to make my heart melt. “You don’t have to say that. I love you, Kate. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything because you can. I’m not only going to be your husband. I’m going to be the person you can always talk to about everything.”
I turn back to face the therapist and sigh. “It was Ronan’s idea for me to see you. He wants me to overcome what’s scaring me so I can go into the city again and not be terrified.”
“He’s got the right idea. It’s okay to be frightened, Kate. You just don’t want to be ruled by fear, and it sounds like that’s what’s been happening. Our goal here is to help you see you don’t have to be scared.”
Ronan squeezes my hand, and I feel myself get stronger by the moment. I might not be ready to go back into the city alone yet, but with Dr. Santorelli’s help and my soon-to-be husband’s love, I know I will soon.