Chapter 15 #2
Part of me wanted to confront Luca and verify from him directly whether the allegations were true.
I didn’t want to run off half-cocked if I’d been fed false information, but I was scared to tell him what I’d heard.
If Luca was in the mafia, would he hurt me for knowing more than I should?
Would he hurt Jackson for telling me? I felt safe with Luca, but that didn’t mean his obligations to his family didn’t overrule his protective instincts toward me.
I went round and round, debating what I should do, unable to concentrate on anything else. By the time the clock read five, I was halfway out the door. Leo gave me a ride over to Giada’s apartment where I hoped I could unwind enough to figure out the best course of action.
Giada had wine glasses on the counter and loungewear laid out for me.
After I got out of my work clothes, we had wine and snacked as we watched Pretty Woman.
When it approached time for bed, I was feeling more capable of handling my problems. Luca hadn’t texted as I’d expected him to—in fact, I hadn’t heard from him all day.
Maybe he wouldn’t be as persistent in his pursuit as I thought, and I had worried over nothing.
I said goodnight to my cousin and crawled into bed in her guest bedroom.
Few of the city sounds filtered into the twentieth-story high-rise apartment, but the city lights were prolific enough to fill the room with a warm glow.
I felt hidden away, safe from my boss and the looming threat of the mafia, but that sense of security was an illusion, shattered into the silent night air when my phone began to buzz.
I should have known there would be no hiding from him.
Luca’s name displayed on my phone screen, and I considered not answering but decided it would behoove me to play along until I had a plan.
“Hey,” I greeted him softly.
“How was your day?” His voice sounded worn out, and I wondered what he’d been up to all day. Despite what I’d learned, a part of me still wanted to soothe him—help ease his strain from the day.
“Good, just a standard workday. You?”
A long exhale came across the line. “I had a shit day, but hearing your sexy voice is doing wonders to improve my mood. Work is important, but it fucking pisses me off it kept me from seeing you today.”
I was helpless against him. Even knowing what he was and the dangers that presented, just a few words from him, and my heart soared.
“I’m sorry your day was rough.” As much as I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him, I didn’t want to dig myself any deeper—I was already up to my neck in trouble.
“Have dinner with me tomorrow.”
“Um … I have plans with my cousin,” I sputtered, throwing out the first excuse that came to mind. My stomach twisted and clenched with a storm of emotions—fear, guilt, longing. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I had no choice.
He was silent for a long, excruciating moment. “You aren’t avoiding me, are you?” The tension in his voice was as much a threat as a question.
Would it matter if I was? “No. If I was hiding, I wouldn’t have answered your call.”
He huffed out a grunt. “It’s getting late, and I’ve got another long day ahead of me, but I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Get some rest, Luca. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” My throat burned with the lie, and tears pooled in my eyes.
“After dinner with your cousin, you’re mine. No excuses—you hear me?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“That’s my girl. I could have used some of that sweetness today, but I’ll have to wait. You get some rest—you’ll be up late tomorrow.” The call ended, and Luca’s honeyed voice was gone.
My heart lodged in my throat at the thought I might not ever hear his voice again. How did I reconcile Jackson’s claim with the thoughtful man I’d just spoken to? I’d known Luca wasn’t an average guy, but I never imagined anything so bad as the truth.
The Five Families.
The Mafia.
Criminal.
I was one-hundred percent Italian, living in the heart of the city, and I’d never once come across anyone in the mafia.
That shit just didn’t happen in real life.
Of all the people, the one man who had the power to change me, to mark me as his own, was a criminal.
A thug. The unfairness of it all only added to my hopelessness.
My heart blistered and tore.
My breathing stuttered, and I began to sob silently into my pillow.
I gave myself over to the torrent of emotions, allowing the loss and frustration to crash over me like relentless waves on a rocky shore.
Eventually, the tide let out, and I was left raw and exposed, slipping into a dreamless sleep.
I had to wake early in order to race home to shower and get ready for work.
The bags under my eyes the next morning were the perfect complement to my swollen, bloodshot eyes.
Forget foundation, I was going to need stage makeup to have any chance of looking quasi-normal.
Unfortunately, I didn’t keep anything stronger than concealer on hand, so I did the best I could with what I had.
I may have looked like hell, but I felt somewhat better equipped to handle my problems than I had the day before. I had come to the conclusion I needed to start addressing my problems head-on, instead of actively avoiding them.
First and most importantly was Luca. If I examined the facts logically, a relationship with him didn’t make sense.
He wasn’t good for me, no matter how much that hurt.
It would be best if I broke things off with Luca now, rather than letting it linger.
More than likely, I was blowing things out of proportion anyway.
I would tell him it was over, and he would move on.
Men didn’t get attached quickly like women did.
It might zing his pride, but he wasn’t going to chase after a girl who rejected him for long.
He surely had far too many willing options to spend much time pursuing me.
As for me, the loss would hurt, but I would survive.
It was hard to cause myself pain, but in the long run, I would be saving myself a world of heartache.
Burying myself in work, I pushed aside all thoughts of Luca.
I even brought my lunch to avoid a chance encounter with him in the lobby.
It may have been cowardice, but I didn’t want to tell him in person—having him close to me would make the words that much more difficult.
I waited to get out my phone until lunch when the office cleared out and only a few administrative personnel remained.
Closing my office door, I began to type out my text to Luca.
I’ve thought about this a lot and decided this isn’t going to work between us.
This isn’t a good time for me, and we are just too different.
Please don’t fight me on this. My finger hovered over the send button for long minutes while my inner voices warred over sending the message.
It was the right thing to do, but that stupid organ inside my chest didn’t agree.
When I finally amassed the fortitude to hit send, it felt like a monumental event, yet there was nothing to show for it. The gods didn’t rain down their ire, and the Earth didn’t tremor with the impact. I sat alone in an empty office, engulfed in silence.
Until my phone began to ring.
I dismissed the call, knowing it would be a mistake to speak to Luca. Instead, I texted him again. Please, don’t argue. I told you it’s over. I watched in breathless anticipation as the three conversation dots indicated he was typing a response.
You need to answer the fucking phone.
I’m not going to—there’s nothing to say.
What happened in the time since I was in your bed two days ago?
He wasn’t going to stop. He would keep arguing until I gave in and saw him or talked to him, then he’d have me.
I wasn’t strong enough to withstand him in person.
I hated upsetting him, and breaking up over text was a shitty thing to do, but I didn’t know how else to get the job done.
I closed my eyes, my bottom lip trembling, and took a shaky breath.
When I opened my eyes, I clicked to Luca in my contacts and blocked his number.
The silence in my office was suddenly suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. The air was thick and heavy, too dense for my struggling lungs. I’d ended things with Luca, and it felt like I’d cut off a piece of myself. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I could feel a sob clawing to tear free of my chest.
Needing to find someplace safe to allow my heart to crumble, I hurried from my office and ran to the restroom.
Hands on the sink, I lowered my head and cried, heaving, breathless sobs.
I thought I’d purged all my tears the night before, but I’d been wrong.
When would it be enough? How long would it take for my heart to be free of him? Was that even a possibility?
I feared that losing a man like Luca would wreck me—whether I’d been with him for a week, a month, or a year. He would set the bar so high, no other man could ever measure up. He’d be there with me always, the eternal presence of the one who got away.
Jostling me from my thoughts, the bathroom door creaked behind me. I hurriedly turned on the water and splashed my face a couple times before patting my flushed cheeks dry. When I opened my eyes, I startled at the reflection of the man standing behind me.
“Roger! What are you doing in here?” I spun around, my back pressed up against the sink. The office had been empty, except for a couple of assistants who had been eating at their desks. Where had he come from?
“I saw you run in here upset and wanted to make sure you were alright.” He took a step closer, and my heart lurched in my chest.
“I’m fine, just had an upset stomach.”
He took one more step, bringing us within inches of one another. “You’ve been crying. You don’t have to hide from me if you’re upset. Let me help you.” He reached out and pulled me into his arms. My body went rigid against his unwelcome touch.
“Roger, please don’t,” I said as I tried to push my way out of his hold.
“No one else is here—you don’t have to pretend.”
Pretend? What the hell was he talking about? “I’m not pretending anything.” A flood of liquid fear rocketed through my veins as Roger maneuvered me against the cold tile wall. “Get away from me,” I hissed as I tried to free my hands from between us.
“I see the way you’re constantly flaunting yourself, trying to get my attention. You can’t tease me forever.” He thrust his erection against my belly and fumbled to lift my skirt to my hips. He wasn’t a large man, but he had still managed to overpower me.
I sucked in a breath to scream for help, but his sweaty palm clamped over my mouth before I could get a sound out.
I tried to shake my head, to deny his claims, to deny this could be happening right there in my own office, but it didn’t help.
Roger spun me around so that my stomach and the side of my face were plastered against the wall, his body pressed against mine, one hand still heavy over my mouth.
“You want me to have some of this, don’t you?
” his whispered close to my ear, making me wrench my head as far away as I could move it.
“Yeah, you can pretend to play hard to get, but I know what you want.” His hand snaked around between my stomach and the wall before inching down to cup my sex, his bony finger pressing against my opening through the thin barrier of my panties.
Rage leaked from my eyes in the form of helpless tears. Regret sat bitter on my tongue as I faced the fact I had allowed this to happen by not filing a complaint or telling my father. Fear shook my entire body, stealing the air from my lungs and making me weaker than I was already.
I grew up in this building, visiting my dad at his office.
This was supposed to be a safe place. This was my other home.
Now it was ruined, violated by this man who was about to do the same to me.
My head swam from lack of oxygen, and I wondered if it might be better to pass out and not remember what was about to happen.