Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
‘ W ow, they had a lot of bridesmaids.’ Matty jumped back into the passenger seat of Fleur’s van.
‘Haha, yes. Five. Still, five bridesmaids’ bouquets and one for the bride means more for me, so it’s all good.’ Fleur started the engine.
‘Where to next? We still seem to have a lot of boxes in the back of the van.’
‘We’ve got the church and the reception hall to decorate yet.’ Fleur glanced across at him. ‘Tell me if you’re bored already and I can drop you home before I go to the church.’
‘Hey, I’m not bored.’ Looking at her, Matty grinned. ‘Far from it. I’m enjoying myself. Do you remember the road trips we used to take?’
Fleur smiled as memories of their weekends together came to mind. Any spare weekend they had which wasn’t filled with roast dinners round her grandparents’ house or BBQs at his parents, they’d stick a pin in a map and head to their chosen location straight after work on Friday and find a local campsite to set up their tent before spending the weekend exploring. ‘I do indeed. How could I forget?’
‘Do you remember that time we ended up in a little seaside resort in Wales and it rained the entire time?’
‘Haha, yes! And our tent flooded so much that we had to sleep in the car.’ Fleur laughed as she turned right.
‘That’s it. We had a laugh, didn’t we?’
‘We sure did.’ Fleur nodded. It was true. Their relationship had been as close to perfect as she’d ever hoped. She bit down on her bottom lip as they turned the corner and the church came into view, the church they’d supposed to have got married in. Why hadn’t she realised where they’d be coming? She should have thought.
‘The weddings here?’ Matty’s voice was quiet.
Fleur nodded as a lump formed in her throat. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think. I should never have said you could come along.’
Shaking his head, Matty plastered a smile to his face. ‘Nope, it’s fine. Let’s get this church decorated.’
‘Okay.’ Fleur got out of the van before joining Matty at the back and pulling the back doors open.
‘Which boxes do we need?’
‘Umm, these ones.’ Taking a stack of boxes, she waited for Matty to grab the rest before she kicked the van doors closed and turned towards the church. Using her hip, she pushed open the decorative wooden gates and held them open for Matty.
‘Thanks.’ He paused and looked up at the church before stepping through the gateway.
As she followed him across the broken slabbed pathway towards the large wooden doors, she kept her eyes focused on the top box in the stack in her arms. They were really doing this, weren’t they? They were both about to walk into the church they should have got married in, the church they’d planned the ceremony for, the hymns they’d have sung, the flowers they’d have hung from the ends of the pews. Everything. She frowned. Matty would have seen the flower decorations she’d painstakingly created from wildflowers she’d foraged in her grandparents’ back garden. He’d have seen how the church looked once all the decorations were in place.
She hadn’t.Not from the altar anyway.
She hadn’t got that far.
Pausing by the huge door, Matty shifted the boxes he was carrying into one hand before pushing the wrought iron handle. Holding it open, he nodded at her to go through first.
Stepping through the door, Fleur halted. She should have thought this through. She never normally accepted offers of supplying flowers for weddings in this church. She normally made an excuse. It had only been because the venue of the Burton’s ceremony had changed at the last minute due to missing roof tiles in the church the happy couple were supposed to get married in. She should have said no, refunded them the deposit and walked away from the job.
She looked down at the floor, at the grating lining the cement slabs, and took breath after breath. Ten years ago, almost to this day, was the moment her life had changed forever. The moment both their lives had changed forever, and they were both standing in the exact same building as they had been that day.
‘Where are these going?’ Placing the boxes on the nearest pew, Matty looked around the vast space.
‘Err...’ Shaking her head, Fleur blinked, willing herself to step out of the thoughts of what might have been, what should have been, and focus on what needed to be done in this moment. Just because she’d messed up her and Matty’s wedding, it didn’t mean she had any right whatsoever in messing up her clients’ wedding by standing here and not setting up. ‘Sorry, these ones need to hang on the end of the pews please.’
‘Right.’
She watched as Matty began carefully unpacking the flower arrangements and hanging them in position before she finally leaned over and opened the box to the larger arrangement which would sit next to a photograph of the happy couple on the table by the door. Picking it up, she made her way back towards where they’d come. The photograph wasn’t here yet, but she knew exactly where to put the flowers.
Bending down, she lowered the arrangement to the table before returning tothe boxes and lifting out the small arrangement which would loop around the lectern. Gently taking it in her hands she walked towards the altar, her cheeks flaming as she realised Matty was standing beside the first pew as he attached the hanging arrangement.
Looking up, Matty’s eyes fixed upon her, and she saw him straighten his back as he watched her walk down the aisle. Her mouth was dry and if she could wish for anything right at that very moment, then it would be for the floor to open up and swallow her up inside. This replay of what should have been couldn’t have been planned.
As she reached the lectern at the end of the altar, she realised her cheeks were damp with tears and her eyes stung. Fiddling with the long garland of dainty sweetpeas and peonies, she willed herself to hurry up and attach them to the lectern. She could feel her ears flaming as she felt Matty’s eyes bore into her back.
‘Drat.’ Dropping the garland on the floor, Fleur stooped to pick it up and once she’d taken the stems between her fingers, she stood back up, her head crashing right into Matty’s as he leaned down to help her.
‘I’m so sorry. I...’ Straightening his back, Matty reached out and helped her with the garland, his fingers touching hers as he too held the stems between his thumbs and forefingers.
‘No, I’m sorry, I didn’t look.’
‘I shouldn’t have bent down at the same time as you. It was my fault.’
‘It wasn’t.’ Fleur caught Matty’s eye as he began to chuckle, and she fought the giggle erupting in her belly for a second before she joined him. As they laughed, the garland looped between them, Fleur shook her head. ‘This is so ridiculous.’
‘It sure is. Whowouldhavethoughtthat we’d both be back in the church we weresupposedto get married in ten yearsafterthe non-event,dressingit with flowers for adifferentcouple?’ Matty’s chuckle faded as his face grew serious again. ‘I’vethought about you every day, you know that, Fleur? Every single day.’
She frowned. ‘No, youhaven’t. You had a partner.’
‘Ihad a girlfriend, yes but Icouldnever bring myself to marry, to settle down. Instead, I flitted from onerelationshipto the next, always searching for whatIcouldn’t have. You.’
‘You did?’ Fleur bit down on her bottom lip beforespeakingagain. ‘I’m sorry about whatIdid. I really am.’
Taking the garland from her hands, Matty laid it over the lectern and took her hands in his. ‘Please don’t apologise. I understood. I was never angry at you.’
‘You weren’t?’ How could he not have been? She not only broke his heart, but she showed him up in front of all his friends, too.
Matty shook his head, his eyes full of kindness. ‘No, I wasn’t. Naturally I was upset, distraught, but you’d just lost your grandma. I knew you’d been going through a tough time and we should have postponed.’
‘But, I... I wanted to get married. I wanted to marry you.’ She looked down at the floor between them and lowered her voice. ‘I just couldn’t. I couldn’t go through with it knowing I’d probably lose you, too.’
‘Fleur, you’d never have lost me. I’d have stayed with you through thick and thin.’ Matty’s voice cracked as he spoke.
Looking up at him, she finally met his gaze. ‘I think I knew that all along, and that’s what scared me the most.’
Frowning, Matty circled the pad of his thumbs across the back of her hands. ‘What do you mean? Why would that have scared you the most?’
‘Because I would have hurt you even more. I wasn’t, I’m not, capable of loving someone, anyone, the way someone should be loved. The way I grew up, my parents dropping me off at my grandparents’ and never returning, how could I have known how to love someone?’
‘You loved your grandparents. And you loved me. Whatever you say, I know you did.’
She nodded. ‘You’re right. I did. I loved them and I loved you, but you deserved better. You didn’t deserve to be married to someone you had to piece together. You deserved it all. The real deal.’
‘You were the real deal.’
‘I wasn’t.’ Fleur shook her head. She’d been broken. She’d been trying to grieve for her grandma, face her parents, who had returned to Nettleford briefly for her grandma’s funeral and arrange a wedding all at the same time.
‘You were.’ Matty led them towards the first pew and lowered himself to the wooden bench as she sunk to it next to him. Twisting to face her, he dropped one hand and instead tucked his forefinger beneath her chin, lifting her face until she was looking at him. ‘You were. You were everything I ever wanted. Everything I could ever have dreamed of. And, if I’m honest, none of that has changed. You’re the reason I came back to Nettleford instead of going to my brother’s. I came back here because I still have feelings for you, and I needed to know if you feel the same way.’
She frowned. He couldn’t be telling the truth. ‘You don’t mean that.’
‘Don’t I?’
‘How could you, though? I mean, you’ve been away ten years. I drove you away.’ She began crying again, the tears once again streaming down her face.
‘You didn’t drive me away. I left because I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you needed time. I thought you didn’t want me here.’
‘I always wanted you.’ Fleur looked back down at the floor. Had he really moved away because he had wanted to give her space? He hadn’t moved away because he was angry or embarrassed or anything in between?
Taking both her hands again, Matty shifted a centimetre across the pew towards her. ‘I just thought I was doing the right thing.’
‘I don’t know if you did.’ She spoke quietly, immediately regretting the words which had tumbled out of her mouth. He had done the right thing. She’d have left herself, too ashamed to admit her mistake, too upset to be able to see a future in the town living alongside him if he hadn’t and if she’d had somewhere to go. Six months she’d staying in America but she’d always known she’d had to return.
Matty nodded. ‘I’m back now.’
‘You are.’ She lifted her head again and gave him a short, sad smile. ‘You’re back now.’
‘And I still have feelings for you, Fleur. I still think we’d be good together.’
She nodded. ‘We wouldn’t be.’
‘Can we try?’ His voice shook as he spoke.
‘I... don’t know.’ Fleur looked him in the eyes. ‘What if I hurt you again?’
‘You won’t.’
‘I might. I haven’t changed that much.’
‘Then I’ll just have to spend each and every day of the rest of our lives together proving to you that you’re worthy of love, that you’re worthy of anything you want, and I’ll just have to show you I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you behind.’
Tearing her eyes away, she focused on the garland gently strewn over the lectern. ‘You can’t promise that.’
Cupping her cheek, he waited until she was looking at him again before answering. ‘I can and I am.’
Looking into his eyes, she could see he was being sincere. She could see the love he had for her, just as she’d always been able to see it. ‘No one knows what’s going to happen. I bet even my parents didn’t think they’d end up abandoning me when my mum gave birth to me.’
‘I’m not your parents. I won’t leave you.’ Matty’s voice was gentle but firm. ‘Jump with me. Give us a chance. A proper chance.’
What was the worst that could happen? She ended up broken-hearted all over again? Alone? She guessed it wasn’t much different to how she felt after she’d left him in this very church. And besides, she was stronger now. She’d healed. Mostly. She closed her eyes. If she jumped with him, then at least she’d be with him. If she brushed him off, dismissed him, then she’d definitely end up alone. She’d go back on the dating apps eventually, yes, but as before, she’d gravitate towards the men she knew she wouldn’t come close to giving her heart away to. This was her only chance to be truly happy. She knew that because she knew Matty was the only person who could make her feel whole again, who she wanted to be with. Taking a deep breath, she nodded.
‘Is that a yes?’ Matty’s voice was barely above a whisper in the cavernous church.
Looking up at him, she met his eyes, her gaze firm, steady. ‘It’s a yes. Let’s do this.’
A slow smile crept across his face, from his lips to the light in his eyes. ‘I love you, Fleur. I’ve never stopped loving you.’
‘I’ve never stopped loving you either, Matty.’
Taking his hands from hers, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting one hand at the nape of her neck as he pulled her towards him.
Gripping his waist, Fleur closed her eyes as their lips touched and sparked a thousand memories. This was where she was meant to be - in Matty’s arms - she felt that now. However scared she was that she’d mess things up with him, she knew now that those feelings paled into existence at the very thought of losing him again. Closing her eyes, she inched closer to him as they kissed.