Chapter 41
41
Theo looked terrible. His skin was ashen and his shoulders sagged, as if they were being pushed down by some invisible weight.
‘Daisy, I am so sorry,’ he said. ‘Please, can I just have five minutes to explain? I was horrible, and I was wrong, and I know I was well out of line with some of the things I said. Please, could you just hear me out?’
Daisy looked at the wine bottle. It was still over half full, and having paid for it, she had no intention of leaving any. Yet, rather than replying to Theo, her eyes drifted up towards the barman. Given how Daisy had just spent the last half an hour detailing everything that had happened, she didn’t doubt that he had put two and two together and figured out who Theo was. And while she knew nothing about the man other than his job, she somehow sensed he would know the right thing to do.
‘There’s a table that’s just come free in the restaurant,’ he said, gesturing with a nod of his head. ‘It’s got a good view, if you want somewhere nice to sit?’
‘Thank you,’ Theo said.
Daisy wasn’t sure it was the response she expected the barman to give, but she had already made up her mind to go with whatever he said, mainly because it took the weight of deciding out of her hands.
‘Fine,’ she said to Theo, picking up her bottle of wine. ‘But if I don’t like what you have to say, you can get me another bottle and I will drink it by myself.’
With that, she marched off, not entirely sure where she was going until she reached the restaurant and spotted the lone free table in the corner by the window. For a split second, she thought a member of staff was going to tell her that the table was reserved, but no one did and so she took a seat.
A moment after she had sat down, Theo appeared with an empty wine glass in his hand. Without a word, he took the seat opposite her, then silently filled up his glass, before he gently placed the bottle down on the table between them and let out a deep sigh.
‘I was a dick,’ he said.
Daisy scoffed.
‘That’s more polite than I would’ve put it,’ she replied.
Deep sadness shrouded his expression. ‘I’m sorry. I think it was just everything with my parents. All the tension from the day just built up and I let it out in the worst possible way.’
‘And at the wrong person?’ Daisy pointed out.
‘I know. I know about that. But believe me, I just don’t know how to react to them when they behave like that. When my mother just can’t see reason. It’s like she gets tunnel vision and I just let it get to me.’
Not for the first time, Daisy wondered about all the time Theo had spent in the house when he was collecting the camping gear. She could only imagine the things his mother had said to him during that time.
‘What else did they say?’ Daisy asked.
‘You don’t want to know,’ he replied.
Daisy thought about the comment. As strange as it was, she actually did want to know, because knowing for certain had to be better than imagining all the ways his family could have insulted her.
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’ll just make my own assumptions if you don’t,’ she said, voicing her thoughts.
‘Daisy, I don’t want to do this.’
‘Can I make a wild guess and assume that children came into the conversation? Judging from the way you reacted to us talking about them.’
For the first time, Theo reached down, took hold of his glass and took an exceptionally long sip.
‘Everything came into the conversation,’ he said when he finished. ‘I’m sorry, Daisy. I really thought it would be a positive experience. And then, seeing Heather, I didn’t mean that to hurt you. It’s just that she and I cut things off so abruptly, and I felt so terrible for how it ended between us. Then, when you said she was happy, and married and pregnant, it was like this massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Like I didn’t need to feel guilty any more. But I needed to see her, to be sure, you know, to make sure she really was okay. I guess I didn’t think about how that would be for you, after everything you’d already gone through with my family.’
Daisy should have known Theo never thought of himself first. Of course he had been thinking about Heather, and making things right there, just like he had been thinking about keeping his family included in his life by wanting to share the proposal with them, regardless of how they acted.
Still, Daisy remained silent for a while longer before she spoke.
‘But if this massive weight had lifted, why did we end up in a fight about it?’
Theo nodded as if validating her question, though it still took a couple of moments longer before he spoke.
‘You’re right. Heather was good. She was so good. And I was happy for her, I am happy for her, but we had a couple of drinks and reminisced a bit. You know, talked about how life used to be and I couldn’t help but hear my mother’s voice in my ear.’
‘Saying that I wasn’t good enough?’ Daisy finished for him.
Theo frowned. ‘It wasn’t that. Not entirely. It was that she didn’t understand how we felt we could know each other well enough to get married. Dad and her met at university, you see. They had five years together before he proposed. And even though the proposal to Heather didn’t mean anything like it did with you, we had known each other for two decades when I asked.’
‘So that’s what scared you. That we don’t know each other well enough to get married?’
At her words, Theo reached across and took hold of Daisy’s hands. ‘No, I don’t think that for a second. I have messed things up. I know that. But Daisy, that proposal is the most certain I have been of anything in my life. When I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, that wasn’t just some flippant remark. I’ve imagined it, so many times. You and I growing old together. Throwing the crusts of our morning toast off the boat to ducks and swans, while the grandchildren sit on our laps – if we decided to have them, of course. I don’t mind either way. I’ve seen it. You and I together, taking the boats on the canals up and down the country and travelling other places too. Taking flights to Asia, or Australia perhaps. I thought about how, when I get tired of running up and down the canals day in day out, we could convert another boat, and have it as a sit-in café that I can serve in. Or we could both sell up and do something else entirely. I’ve imagined you, grey-haired, glasses on the end of your nose as I bring you cups of tea and try not to disturb your painting, and taking ballroom dancing lessons together in some old, cold village hall.’
‘Ballroom dancing?’ Daisy said, raising her eyebrows.
Theo shook his head and let out a light chuckle, although it was laced with sadness.
‘What I’m trying to say is whenever I imagine my future, Daisy May, the one thing that is constant, is you. The children, the place, the careers don’t matter. You and me, that’s what matters. Whenever, wherever. It’s always you and I. That’s all that counts. So I am so sorry. Honestly, I will do anything you ask for me to prove how sorry I am. Please, please Daisy can you forgive me for being such an idiot?’
Theo took a breath in and in the silence, he stared at Daisy, waiting. Her throat suddenly felt inexplicably dry and by impulse, she reached for her glass, and yet she found it empty. Stretching out her arm, she went to pick up the bottle from the cooler, only to change her mind.
‘Well, when you speak like that, how can I not?’