Chapter 24
Time seemed to have slipped away unnoticed. A mere month had passed since I first walked into that studio and met Leia, yet I struggled to recall my existence before her. It was as though all the chapters of our past lives had converged to create this precise moment.
I had always been cautious about getting too close to someone, but with Leia, it was like I couldnt resist being wholly consumed by her. If I wasn’t with her, I was thinking about her, texting her, or planning our next adventure. My appetite for her was insatiable, which scared me, but I tried not to get into my head about it and enjoy the ride.
The dynamic of my relationship with her was vastly different from mine and Stephs. I struggled to keep my hands to myself with Leia, which I found difficult since we had decided to take things slow. Our feelings were so powerful that we consciously had to rein them in.
As I sat at my desk, thinking about this roller coaster I was on, Ty knocked on the door, bringing me back to the present.
“Yoo-hoo.” He came in without an invitation, but I didn’t mind the distraction.
“What’s going on?” I took my feet off my desk and leaned forward. I needed to get into my professional mode.
“I want to meet Leia,” he blurted, and that wasn’t what I had expected at all.
Ty was my best friend, but so far, I hadn’t wanted those two worlds to collide. My time with Leia never seemed like enough, and the thought of sharing her with anyone else didn’t sit well with me yet. That was selfish, and I would have to get over it, but I wasn’t sure I was ready.
“And I want you to meet her, too. You and David, but we’re still in the discovery stage, so I need some time.”
He squinted as if he was trying to see through me. “I’m pretty sure you’ve discovered all of her and then some.”He cocked a defying brow, but he couldn’t have been more wrong.
Leia and I spent all of our time talking and enjoying each other’s company. We wanted everything to be right before we moved forward to a more intimate relationship.
Instead of filling him in on our abstinence, I decided to ignore the comment. “What are you up to today?”
“Deflection, eh? I’ve seen that game before, and I’m not playing it. David and I want to have lunch with you and Leia tomorrow. I won’t take no for an answer.” He crossed his legs as if daring me to argue.
“I’m not sure we can do that, but I’ll talk with her and see. Is there anything else I can assist you with?” I wasn’t sure why I was speaking to him like a client, but I figured it was better to be matter-of-fact than to give him any wiggle room.
“Nope. Not good enough. You’re the one who always says we have to look out for each other, but how can I do that if I don’t see you or meet the woman in your life? Besides, you brought me on this ride, so I should at least see how it plays out.”
He was right. Leia was important to me, and so was he. I shouldn’t keep them away from each other. But there was a small part of me that worried he might see something I didn’t because I was so consumed by her. What if he brought up red flags that I had ignored?
I tried to shake that negativity from my head. There was no way Leia had red flags. She was my soul mate. We had already spent lifetimes together. Surely, we were destined to be together, so we couldn’t mess that up. Right?
“Blake.” He snapped his fingers, and I realized I had zoned out. “What’s with that rabid raccoon look right now?”
“I don’t have a look.” My voice was tight—almost defensive-sounding. “I’ll ask Leia tonight if she can meet you and David tomorrow.” He wouldn’t let this drop, so I was probably better off biting the bullet.
“Ask now. I’m afraid once you get home and get distracted, you’ll forget.” The way he said distracted made me believe he meant something sexual, but again, I wasn’t going there.
I texted Lay, but I didn’t think she would respond right away. She didn’t always have her phone around like I did.
“Happy? I’ll give you her answer later. Now, may I get back to work?”
“What’s going on with you? You seem like you’re on edge about something.”
My mind was giving me whiplash thinking about how my forever could be heading to a possible demise. Since I met Leia, I never imagined we could end, but it was weird how quickly that idea crept into my head. Did that mean something, or was I looking for a reason to stress out? My overthinking brain found comfort in the chaos.
“Seriously, girl. Talk to me.” Ty’s concern was enough to break me free of this mind-loop.
I sighed heavily. But figured I would be better off talking it out. “Before you came in, I was lost in excitement because of Leia, but then a niggling doubt came into my head, and now I might be sick.”
“What’s the worry about? You afraid you’ll mess things up because you don’t have experience with healthy relationships?” He said that so nonchalantly that he must have had those fears.
“I wasn’t specifically thinking it would be me who fucked things up, but you do?” Now, my brain wouldn’t shut off, and every worst-case scenario played like a feature film.
“No way. Even if you did fuck up, the way you always talk about how amazing Leia is, I’m sure she would forgive you.” His words weren’t very reassuring to me.
“Right, well, I don’t want to think about it. And now you can’t meet her. I am too anxious, and I need to figure my shit out before you put any more negative thoughts in my head.”
Just then, my phone beeped.
Leia: I can’t wait to meet them. What’s their favorite meal? I’ll cook!
Wasn’t that perfect? She seemed so excited there wasn’t a good excuse to get out of it.
“Please don’t be like that. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re not going to fuck anything up. I didn’t mean to put you on edge. Relationships have always been a bit scary for you, and that is trauma from your past.” He could try to calm me down all he wanted, but the words were already out in the universe, and there was no taking them back.
“It doesn’t matter. Leia wants to meet you, so I guess we’re on for tomorrow.” I tried to flatten the worry lines on my forehead, and I realized my mom was probably right about the Botox—especially given my current state.
Ty stood and quickly sat on the corner of my desk facing me. “You need to be positive. I can tell this relationship is different for you because you’re different when you talk about her. You light up like a kid on Christmas morning.”
He tipped my chin to look at him in the eyes. “Don’t self-sabotage because you’re afraid you are like your parents. You are nothing like them. And just because Steph turned out to be two-faced, it doesn’t mean that Leia will. Haven’t you seen all of her faces by now anyway?” He chuckled, and things seemed lighter.
I sighed even though he was right. “But the aftereffects from all those people still linger inside of me, and my biggest fear is that they will come out.” If I ever made Leia feel the way my parents did about each other, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. What if I wasn’t fully ready for this all-encompassing love?
He let go of my face and shook his head. “You are a lawyer. You can be level-headed. And I’ve never seen you so smitten over anyone. You’re not going to put her through the same things your folks did. I don’t believe it at all. Have you ever brought it up to Leia? Your relationship with your family?”
She and I had talked about everything, but I never fully expressed the hurt and resentment that was still inside of me from my childhood. I hoped it wasn’t an issue, but I realized it might be. Those negative feelings seemed to be lurking on the periphery, waiting to come out.
“I could probably address it more.” I exhaled deeply. “Thanks for this chat, Ty. I guess I have a lot to think about.”
“Shut it off. There is nothing you can do about it now. So, don’t let this take hold, okay?” He said that like it was so easy to do, but I understood his sentiment.
“You’re right. I’m going to dive back into work. Give me a ring if you get the POA back from the Sutherlands, and I will get everything finalized.” If I got through this day, maybe I would discuss things with Leia tonight, and all of this nonsense would float away.