Chapter Twenty-Nine
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Gem
“I still can’t believe you did that,” I said. It wasn’t quite midnight, and Finn and I were lying in bed, face to face in the glow of my bedside lamp. My arms were aching and sore from moving furniture around and helping put stock onto shelves, but it wasn’t the bone-deep tiredness I’d been anticipating from the evening.
“Why not?”
“Because… I don’t know.” It was hard to put my feelings about the whole evening into words. When I stepped into the shop and saw everyone, I’d thought I was dreaming. I’d spent the whole day thinking about the long night ahead of me, trying to work out how long it would take me and Finn to get everything ready and wondering how much sleep I really needed to be functional. But seeing everyone at the shop, helping out and pitching in to make sure I didn’t struggle, pushed on an old ache, deep in my chest I hadn’t realised was still there.
Finn slid his hand across the mattress between us and gently brushed against my arm. “Do you feel like you don’t deserve help?”
“Maybe?” I frowned. “I think somewhere along the line I stopped believing in myself, and I stopped believing that I deserved anything. It felt like… like there was something monstrous living in my chest I had to take everywhere with me. And every time I failed at something, it just got bigger and sank it’s claws in a little deeper.”
“I’m sorry,” Finn said, interlacing our fingers together and squeezing my hand tightly. “I should have seen you were struggling.”
“No, you shouldn’t. That’s not your job. You don’t need to take on everyone else’s problems and feelings, and you don’t need to make everyone else happy at the expense of yourself.” I lifted his hand to mine and brushed a kiss over his knuckles. “And don’t tell me you don’t because you do. I’ve seen you.”
Finn smiled and dipped his head so I wouldn’t see the blush spreading across his cheeks. “We’re not talking about me.”
“We will,” I said.
“But not today.” Finn looked up at me, warmth shining in his dark eyes. I’d never had anyone look at me like that before. “Tell me about this monster.”
He shuffled closer until we were virtually nose to nose and there was no differentiation between where my body ended and his began. It was intimate in a way I hadn’t experienced, and it was something I knew I’d come to crave. “I always expected so much of myself,” I said. “That I’d be this mega successful game designer and have my own company or design something so popular it got bought by a huge studio, and I could basically just retire. I always knew it was just a dream, that that sort of thing only happens to a few people, but I held on to it for so long that every time something didn’t happen, it felt like a failure, and I guess, over time, they just started adding up. And it felt like I had to carry those failures around with me, like, I don’t know, like a pet I didn’t want. One that kept getting bigger and feeding on all my failings.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be,” I said. “I probably should have let go of those things a long time ago.”
“The dreams or the failures?” Finn asked, and I saw a wrinkle appear between his eyebrows.
“Both?” Finn’s frowned deepened, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Despite his skills with dirty words and domination, most of the time Finn looked more like a grumpy kitten when he was annoyed. I leant over and kissed the wrinkled skin, and he huffed.
“Don’t laugh at me. You’ll pay for that.”
“Oh? Will I?”
“Yes,” he said, a teasing edge to his voice that meant trouble. “But it’ll be so fun—for me at least—that you’ll be thanking me for it.” I swallowed as my cock jumped in my boxers. Finn let out a soft, pleased sound, and I knew he’d felt my dick respond. His fingers reached down to brush against me, and I gasped.
“I think you’ve forgotten that you’re mine,” Finn added. “And that I can do whatever I want to you because we both know you need it and love it.” He tapped the head of my cock through the material of my underwear, smiling sweetly at me. “So you can tease me as much as you want, but remember I can do the same…” He pulled his hand back, and I knew at some point I was going to find myself being edged for hours, begging for release while Finn teased my cock and my hole. It sounded like a fun night. “By the way, you don’t have to hold on to your failures, real or perceived. Learn from them, yes, but you don’t have to carry them around with you. If you do, they’ll eventually become so toxic that all you can do is focus on the negatives, and it’ll stop you from ever doing anything. Everyone fails, it’s part of life, but the real challenge is what you do afterwards. Do you sit around and let those things consume you? Or do you try to build something better?”
I reached out to caress the side of his face, bringing his lips to mine. “I love you,” I said. “Thank you for looking out for me.”
“You’re welcome.” Finn kissed me. “I know it’s hard to let go, and it’s hard not to be afraid, but I’m so proud of you for what you’re doing.”
“Thanks. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone be proud of me before… well, not someone who wasn’t my parents or family or something. And even then, it’s been a while.” It felt strange to admit that out loud, like it was something weird and forbidden. I was an adult, so surely I shouldn’t need that praise, but I still wanted it. I still needed to know I hadn’t totally fucked up my life.
Finn looked at me with an expression of sweet sadness and kissed me again. “Then I’ll remember to tell you every single day because you deserve to know how wonderful you are and how proud you make me.”
“How can you be proud of me when I haven’t done anything?”
“But you have,” Finn said. “You’re opening a game shop by yourself.” I opened my mouth to object, but Finn placed a finger against my lips. I decided not to argue. “And although you can say other people gave you the idea or helped you with it, at the end of the day, you were the one who decided to open the shop. Nobody else could have made that decision but you, and you’ve worked really hard to make it a reality.”
“Thanks.”
Another kiss. “Be proud of yourself. And if you can’t be, then I’ll be proud enough for both of us.”
“I don’t think I deserve you. How did I end up with someone so amazing?” I wrapped my arm around him to pull him into me. Finn’s skin was warm where it brushed against mine, and our legs tangled together.
“I could ask the same question.” We kissed softly, our tongues languidly exploring. My hand slid down Finn’s back so I could squeeze his ass. He let out a little groan and pushed against me, and I felt his cock hardening through the thin material of his boxers. It was late, and we were both exhausted, but it didn’t take much for us to get lost in the moment.
Finn’s hand slipped between us, freeing his cock from his underwear and then doing the same to mine. He wrapped his hand around us as we rocked together slowly. There was no need to rush. We had all night. Finn gently nipped at my lip, and I groaned, pulling him closer against me. He rolled me until I was flat on my back with Finn between my legs. He released our cocks and put his hands on either side of my head, rocking his hips and frotting against me. It was a little dry and rough, but I didn’t care. The moment was too good to break, and I needed the release.
“I love you,” I whispered against his mouth. “So fucking much.”
“I love you too.” He kissed me again with a deep heat that seemed to burn me up from the inside out. “I’m proud of you, and I’m so happy you’re mine.”
“I’ll always be yours.” I groaned as precum dripped from my slit, adding a little slickness. “I’m so glad I found you, Finn.”
“I’m glad you found me too.”
There were no more words after that. Just soft groans and grunts as we ground against each other until we spilt our loads across our skin. Finn kissed me again, and I loved feeling the weight of him on top of me. It made me want to stay there forever, just the two of us, away from the rest of the world. But not even love could make time stop.
Finn rolled off me, and we shoved off our boxers and t-shirts that were now sticky with cum, too tired to care about doing any more clean-up than that. I flicked the lamp off and we lay curled together, Finn tucked tight against me.
“Can I ask you something?” I whispered into the dark. Finn hummed a quiet affirmative. “You’ve helped me with my dreams, but I never asked about yours. What do you want?”
There was a moment of silence, and Finn shifted in my arms. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because now that I’ve got you, I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted.” He reached for my hands and clutched them fiercely against his chest. “I don’t need anything else. Just you, my family, my friends, and my job. I’ve got more than I ever could have hoped for. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
I kissed the back of his head, my whole body glowing with happiness. I swallowed, trying not to let my emotions show. “Seriously? You don’t want anything else?”
“No. Should I?”
“You don’t have to,” I said. “As long as you’re happy.”
“I am. I’ve got you. That makes me very happy.”
I squeezed Finn tightly, hoping he knew just how perfect he was. Even if he didn’t, I intended to show him every day for the rest of our lives.
“Although,” Finn said quietly. “Maybe…”
“Maybe what?”
“How do you feel about getting a cat?”