Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ilias
I almost regretted my decision to get up so early when the alarm first went off, but as I stood on some rocks, watching the sun come up from behind the mountains and splashing a riot of colour across the sky, I knew any missed sleep had been worth it.
The resort was still quiet, the only sounds a harmony of bird calls, the soft brush of the sea on the sand, and the occasional member of staff making a start to their day. It was peaceful and perfect.
I took a deep breath, letting the calm wash over me as I lifted my camera. I’d made sure I had enough time to adjust the settings and find the best shot, and I was sure the photos would be perfect.
Beside me, Oscar stood on another rock in bare feet and loose shorts, his hair still fluffy from sleep. He looked gorgeous, and I kept having to ignore the temptation to focus solely on him.
After I’d poured out my soul to him last night, I hadn’t been sure how he’d respond. I’d never told anyone apart from Zo? and my therapist, Jon, about Daniele, so I didn’t exactly have a bar for expectations. But Oscar’s response had still surprised me. He’d been supportive, but he hadn’t pushed. All he’d asked was that I was open with him, and that if I started to struggle, I’d talk to him. Neither of those things had been on my expected response list, and I wasn’t sure if they were things most guys would have done or if it was just an Oscar thing.
My gut told me it was the latter, and that made my insides squirm.
We hadn’t really finished having the whole are we dating conversation, and although it seemed like we’d decided to take our fake relationship in the direction of a real one, the actual words hadn’t been said. I wasn’t sure why I needed to hear them, but I did, and it frustrated me.
Was that a conversation only teenagers had or was it something everyone in a relationship did? Was this part of the healthy discussion of boundaries and parameters that my therapist had talked about in terms of relationships? Jon had said clear, open communication should be the basis for any relationship—romantic, professional, or familial. I’d tried to explain that most of my family didn’t work like that, but he’d encouraged me to take the first steps anyway.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked finally, not looking away from my camera as the sun bathed the tops of a distant forest in deep pink.
“Sure.”
“Are we dating now? Like real dating, not fake.”
“Yes?” Oscar sounded confused. “I thought so anyway. Are we not? Did I misunderstand what you meant?”
“No,” I said. “I mean, yes, I want us to be together. I just… wanted to double-check.” I looked down at him and found Oscar smiling at me. “Sorry. Am I being weird? I’m kind of new at this.”
“Not weird,” Oscar said, offering his hand to help me climb down. I glanced at the sky again, but the sun had fully risen now, and it would be difficult to get any more photos. I took his hand and let him guide me down to the sand, which was cool beneath my feet. “If it wasn’t clear, it was probably good to ask. Didn’t we say we were going to talk to each other?”
“Yeah, but that was in terms of big emotional stuff.” I waved my hand. “Not whether this was actually a thing or not.”
“Okay, well, I vote to make communication a thing we do all the time.”
“If you insist,” I said with a grin, slinging my camera bag over my shoulder. “You’re one of those people who reads all the details in a contract, aren’t you?”
“Don’t you?”
“Depends on the contract. A work one, definitely. Made that mistake before.”
Oscar snorted. “I can believe that.”
“I’m going to pretend you’re being nice to me.” I stuck my tongue out at him and began to walk down the beach towards a cluster of rocks near the shoreline that had excellent rock pools.
“I am being nice,” Oscar retorted. “I just said I can believe you didn’t read something through.”
“It was only once. And luckily I wasn’t out much money. The only reason I noticed was because Dominic asked me something about the job, and I checked the details. He might have been horrified to find out I hadn’t actually read it all, and the lecture I got bored me to tears. It was enough reason to read everything through in the future. Well, that and the money.”
“I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for you or not,” Oscar said as he walked next to me, leaving a trail of footprints in the wet sand.
It was still quiet, and there was nobody else around. I reached out and interlaced our fingers. Oscar said nothing, but he squeezed my hand and let me lead him towards the shore.
We spent nearly an hour exploring the beach, enjoying the stillness. Today was our last full day in Hawaii, and I wanted to remember every moment of it because it was inevitable that things would be different when we got back to London.
We both had jobs and lives to return to, and while we’d both said we wanted to try this, there was a small part of me that worried any form of relationship would get lost in the shuffle. I didn’t even know where Oscar lived.
“What are you thinking about?” Oscar asked. We were sitting on some rocks, watching the sea play around the base of them. The sun was already starting to feel warm on the back of my neck.
“Home,” I said. “How it’s going to be so different from this. We’ve been in this perfect bubble all week, and as soon as we get back, everything is going to change. Sorry, that sounds really pessimistic.”
“It does. Uncharacteristically so.” He put his arm around my waist and pulled me against him, and I let my head drop until it was resting on his shoulder. “I’m supposed to be the grumpy one here.”
I chuckled. “You said it, not me.”
“You’re going to hold that over me, aren’t you?”
“I guarantee nothing.” I tilted my head up to look at him and grinned. “But yes, I am.”
“Oh, joy.” Oscar’s voice was deadpan, and it made the butterflies lodged in my chest take flight. “I know what you mean about things being different though. Real life seems distant here, even though we’re technically working. But I guess we both just have to do our best to see each other as often as possible, do dinner, movies… things like that.”
“Okay.” I lifted my head so I could look at him better. Oscar really was fucking gorgeous inside and out. A soft breeze tousled his hair. I reached out and traced my hand along his jaw. “Did I tell you how handsome you are? I’m not sure I did.”
The bridge of Oscar’s nose began to tint, which somehow made him even sexier. There was something about the fact that he didn’t seem to appreciate how fucking hot he was—maybe it was because I’d met so many men who knew they were hot and tended to act like twats.
“Thanks. You’re very handsome too.”
I ran my thumb along his bottom lip, tracing the soft fullness. One day, I hoped he’d let me kiss him. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to do more than kiss Oscar.
“You should kiss me,” Oscar said, pulling me closer. We were virtually nose to nose, and I felt his breath ghosting over my skin.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He leant closer, his other hand coming up to cup my jaw. “I want you to kiss me. Please.”
I closed the gap between us and let my mouth brush against his. His lips were soft and tasted like salt. Oscar’s hand tightened around my waist, holding me there as his lips moved against mine.
What had started as something sweet and barely there melted into a deep kiss that shook me to my core. It was the sort of first kiss that only seemed to exist in films. But maybe that was because there were feelings I couldn’t describe attached to the kiss, feelings I didn’t even want to consider.
The kiss seemed to stretch out into eternity and beyond, but eventually we broke apart, our foreheads resting together as the sea splashed against the rocks around us.
Oscar sat back, his expression full of warmth. “I wanted to do that last night,” he said finally.
“Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “It didn’t feel like the right moment with both of us baring our souls. I wanted a moment that was just us, no baggage attached.”
That was so sweet I didn’t quite know how to deal with it. “You really are a romantic at heart, aren’t you?”
“I suppose.” His nose tinted again, and he looked down at the rocks like he was suddenly very interested in the way the sea had worn them away. “I don’t get many chances to be romantic. So many people seem to associate romance with sex, or they think it’s only for long-term relationships.”
“Well, you can be romantic with me,” I said. “And I’ll never expect anything more. Dinner can just be dinner. Flowers can just be flowers.”
“You like flowers?” Oscar asked, looking up at me as if the statement had surprised him.
“Yes. Is that bad?”
“No.” He was smiling suddenly. “I love flowers.”
He leant over and kissed me again like he was so delighted by my declaration that he couldn’t resist, and it made me melt inside. God, this man was so adorable it hurt. He was so prickly and defensive, but underneath there was a soft, lonely man desperate to be loved.
We were like two halves of a whole but presented differently. I hid my worries under carefully constructed extroverted enthusiasm, and his hid behind a thick castle wall surrounded by an alligator-filled moat. The mental image made me giggle, and Oscar pulled away and raised his eyebrows.
“Something wrong?”
“No, nothing is wrong.” I wondered if I should tell him, then I realised I’d have to. Otherwise Oscar would probably think I was laughing at him rather than my ridiculous imagination. “I was just thinking how similar we are but also different. And I was thinking about how you hide your worries behind a wall… and that it was probably a castle wall surrounded by a moat filled with alligators.”
“Why alligators?”
“I don’t know. They seemed like the logical choice.”
Oscar grinned and shook his head. “No, if I had to have amphibious guard animals, I’m choosing hippos. You don’t fuck with hippos.”
“Very true.” I nodded sagely. “Hippos are scary as fuck. I keep thinking I’d like to see them in the wild but also not because I don’t want to die.”
Oscar laughed. “If you ever change your mind, let me know. I have a friend who runs a safari lodge in Botswana, and he’s always saying I’m welcome to visit. He opened the place with his dad about ten years ago. It’s small, local, and really embedded within the community.”
“Really? That would be awesome.”
“Shaun would look after us, and Botswana is not too bad for LGBTQ+ travellers. Besides, I don’t think you’d be interested in spending time with anything other than your camera.”
“I’d say that’s not true, but it is. I’ve always wanted to do a safari.”
“Maybe I’ll have to see if I can get Marcus to swing us a trip.” He grinned. “If not, we’d have to save up and pay for it like regular tourists.”
“How awful!” I said, pretending to gasp. “I’d be up for that though. Most of the places I stay as a freelancer are pretty cheap. This is the nicest place I’ve ever been sent on a press trip.”
“I’ll try to get you on more. I’ll tell Marcus you’re the only photographer I want to work with.”
“Are you going to throw a diva tantrum?” I laughed. “If so, please let me know so I can come and watch.”
“More like begging and pleading and promising to do whatever it takes to get him to consider it,” Oscar said with a wry smile. “But since we’ve done such an excellent job with this one, I’m sure he’ll say yes.”
There was something about the way Oscar said he wanted me with him. Like it was meant to be teasing, but it had ended up sounding sincere. And the thought that he wanted me was enough to make my heart soar.