Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Gabriel
“No, no, no, no …”
“Help me someone …”
“I can’t breathe …”
My head hurts. My neck hurts. Where the fuck am I?
Shit. I’m hunched over the kitchen island. I crack open an eyelid to see it’s one o’clock in the morning. I’ve been sitting here for four hours at least. I can’t remember when we started the movie, and then I started putting the moves on her. Freakin’ Emily cockblocked me.
“No!”
I launch out of my chair when I realize the sound that woke me up was Monica having another nightmare. I take the stairs two at a time and bust into the guest room. She’s tangled in the sheets, a sheen of perspiration covering her body as she flails and whimpers in fear.
“ Anjinho , it’s okay. I’ve got you,” I whisper as I gather her in my arms. She wakes suddenly as her eyes attempt to focus. “You’re coming into my room.”
I walk into my bedroom and grab the comforter, pulling it back before placing Monica on the bed. As I attempt to pull away, she latches on to my shirt.
“Don’t leave me!” she cries out.
“I’m not leaving. I need to get undressed and brush my teeth,” I tell her. She lets out a relieved exhale as she releases my shirt from her fists. I brush my teeth, removing my clothes as I go to save time. I’m not even going to bother putting on sweatpants right now. My mission is to get back to Monica as quickly as possible, so I can take her in my arms and soothe her.
As soon as my ass hits the bed, Monica launches herself into my arms.
“It’s okay, querida . It’s okay,” I murmur against her hair. I feel her body begin to relax as she falls asleep quickly. I’m a bundle of nervous energy. That four-hour nap means I’m not even remotely tired. With a sigh, Monica rolls off me and onto her stomach, and I take the opportunity to slide out of bed and run back downstairs to grab my phone.
I get insomnia all the time. Probably due to all the time I spent in downrange throughout my Army career. When I usually have a bout of insomnia, I’ll have a glass of Cacha?a and read a couple chapters of one of my thriller novels. But I want to be next to Monica in case she needs me. I grab a glass and the open bottle of Cacha?a , fill the glass with ice, and head back upstairs. Monica hasn’t moved, and I gingerly climb back into bed without jarring her.
I texted Tommy earlier this evening to let him know about Monica’s apartment and fell asleep before he responded. I figure he’s still up. I might suffer from insomnia, but Tommy can survive two hours of sleep a night without lasting effects.
Tommy: Is she okay? Do they think it was accidental? Let me know if you need anything.
Me: She’s okay. Smoke inhalation. She’s staying with me, so I can keep an eye on her.
Tommy: You finally got the girl!
Me: Not exactly. It’s complicated. I’m being patient. She’s not there yet, but she knows where I stand.
Tommy: Do you need anything?
Me: No. Besides, nothing is open. It’s after one in the morning.
Tommy: There’s always a twenty-four-hour Walmart open somewhere.
Me: Nah, man. We’re good. I bought a bunch of stuff for her while she was in the hospital and had it delivered. She lost everything.
Tommy: How much stuff did you buy?
Me: Anything she might need. Clothes, soap, shoes, whatever.
Tommy: Did you even get her unmentionables?
Me: Obviously.
Tommy: Holy shit. You really are gone for this chick.
Me: Anyone would have done the same.
Tommy: That’s where you’re wrong, dude. Most guys wouldn’t. But that’s why you’ve always been in a class by yourself.
Me: I was raised with it engrained in my brain to help the less fortunate. In this case, Monica is obviously in need of assistance.
Tommy: Can I be the best man at your wedding?
Me: DUDE
Tommy: Calling it now. You’re marrying this chick.
Me: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves now. I’d like to date her first.
Tommy: You fucked her yet?
Me: That’s none of your business.
Tommy: Oh, so no, then.
Me: You infuriate me.
Tommy: Nah. You love me. I’m here if you need anything.
Me: Will do.
The conversation with Tommy left an unsettled feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. I really am putting myself out there for Monica. Something I promised myself I’d never do again after Courtney cheated on me. And I certainly never thought I’d fall for someone more than a decade younger than me. But I don’t even know what her long-term plans are. Does she want kids? Does she even want to be in a relationship? What about marriage? Is she planning on staying in Colorado?
I’ve focused so much on the attraction aspect that I haven’t looked to see if we’re even compatible. I need to spend more time getting to know Monica before throwing all my eggs in her basket.
Maybe I’m blowing this all out of proportion. Courtney did such a number on me that I’m fearful of trusting my instincts. My heart is screaming at me to go all in with Monica. That I can trust her. Love her. Give her the fucking world.
As I plug my phone in to charge, Monica rolls over and plasters herself to my side. Throwing a leg over my hips, she buries her nose in my neck, taking a big inhale and sighing contently. That unsettled feeling is gone. I’ve never felt so at peace, like this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. With Monica in my arms. In my home.
Fucking hell.
I wake up to an empty bed, and I’m much more disappointed than I thought I’d be to have Monica out of my arms. After using the bathroom and brushing my teeth, I throw on sweatpants and a t-shirt before following the sounds into the guest bedroom. Monica is on the bed, surrounded by all the clothes I bought for her, with a furrowed expression.
“What’s going on, querida ?” I ask, my voice raspy from sleep .
“This is too much, Gabriel. It’s all just too much,” she says, and I can hear the tremble in her voice.
“What is too much?”
“This. You ! My life! I’m overwhelmed, and I don’t know how to manage anything right now. I need to get to work, but I don’t want to go. I should probably go over to my apartment and see if there’s anything there that can be salvaged, but I don’t want to do that either. This is all a mess!” she cries.
I climb on the bed and take her in my arms. She cries softly against my chest momentarily before straightening and scampering out of my embrace. Monica begins frantically shoving the new clothes into the shipping boxes they came in.
“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I can’t stay here. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but it’s just confusing me more. I need to clear my head, and I can’t do that with you in my space. I’m sorry,” she says.
I concentrate on my breathing as I try to formulate a response. “But, where will you go?”
“Emily has a guest room. So I’m going to stay with her. Liam already got a copy of my car key made and picked up my car from the apartment, and thankfully it wasn’t damaged at all. Nate has a spare laptop, so I’m going to work from their house this week.”
“Who are Liam and Nate?” I say carefully.
Monica looks at me with confusion written across her face.
“Huh?”
“ Querida . Who the fuck are Liam and Nate?” I say deeply. I can feel my anger simmering underneath the surface.
“Nate is Emily’s husband, and Liam is one of their best friends. He’s married to Liv, Nate’s sister,” she says quietly. I close my eyes in relief. For a brief moment, I thought Monica had more men in her life. More guys that might come between us. Obviously, I’m still struggling with the concept of monogamy after Courtney. I don’t have a right to expect faithfulness from Monica since we aren’t technically together. But to me, she’s mine.
“They’re both married,” I murmur, more to myself than to her.
“Yes. They are like brothers to me, Gabriel. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“I wasn’t worried,” I stammer.
“But you were jealous.”
“Yes.”
“Why?” she asks. I stare at her incredulously.
“Because I want you to be mine, querida . Clearly.”
Monica’s eyes drop from mine as she continues boxing up her new clothes.
“Which is why I can’t be here. I need to process things, and I can’t do that when you’re near me.”
“When I’m near you?
“Yes. You make me …” she trails off.
“What?”
“You make me forget what I should be focusing on.”
“And it’s a bad thing to forget? To enjoy being in my company?”
“No! It’s not a bad thing. No. But I just need some time to wrap my head around things. I need time, Gabriel,” she whispers. I sigh in frustration. “Can you email me a receipt for the clothes so I can figure out a way to pay you back?”
My eyes whip to hers.
“No,” I say clearly.
“Gabriel.”
“Monica,” I mimic. “That was me helping you. I know you would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. I have the money. You needed help. End of discussion.”
“End of discussion? Really? Gabriel lays down the law, huh,” Monica retorts .
“In this instance, yes. You lost everything, querida . Why on earth would I expect you to repay me?” I ask.
“Because it’s not normal for a boss to buy hundreds of dollars worth of clothes for his insubordinate!” I won’t correct her. It was well over one thousand dollars.
“Yeah, but it’s normal for a guy to buy clothes for the woman he loves, right?” I blurt out and then wince when I realize what I said. Monica’s eyes widen comically.
“That’s not funny,” she stammers.
“Clearly, I’m not laughing,” I respond, smarting from her reaction. Fuck. That’s not how I anticipated the conversation to go. Am I in love with Monica? Absolutely. But she’s not there yet. I know this. I need to settle the fuck down and be patient. My entire career in the Army was in Civil Affairs. I worked with civilians in other countries as a liaison. So many hours were spent waiting for responses, dealing with translators, and working on coordinating things. But with Monica, I’m finding it challenging to remain patient. I want her right fucking now.
Monica’s phone pings with a text, and she looks at it. “Em is here. I have to go.”
Before I can second-guess my actions, I lunge off the bed and stalk toward her. She hastily retreats until her back meets the wall, and I follow her until I’ve caged her in. Thrusting my hands into her hair, I crash my lips against hers. We groan simultaneously as her arms reach around my waist and pull me closer to her. I grab her thighs, hoisting her up as her legs wrap around me. My tongue thrusts into her mouth as she whimpers.
Our kiss in the bar months ago pales in comparison. That kiss was unlike anything I’ve ever had. It reeked of promise. Of content. Pleasure. But this kiss is all passion and fire. My little spitfire is giving it as good as she’s taking it. My mouth trails down her neck as she lets out little moans of bliss .
“I want you, querida . Mind. Body. Soul. I need you. I’m not going anywhere. You need some space? Fine, I’ll give it to you. When you’re ready, I’m here. I’ll be patiently waiting to devour you. Destroy you for anyone else,” I whisper against her ear as she whimpers.
“Gabriel…” she moans.
“I’m yours, Monica. And when you’re ready to be mine, you let me know.”
“Okay,” she says shakily.
I mean to kiss her softly once more before letting her down, but Monica deepens the kiss and slides her tongue into my mouth. I groan as my hands clench her ass. I can feel the heat radiating off her pussy as our tongues slide against one another. “Fuck, querida . You taste so fucking good. I want to taste every inch of you.”
Monica’s phone dings again with a text, and I break off the kiss to rest my forehead against hers. Our hearts are beating in sync. We’re even breathing at the same intervals. This woman was made to be mine. Mine.
“I need to go,” she whispers.
“I know,” I respond quietly.
Her legs slide from around my waist as I lower her to the floor. I hiss as her body slides past my cock. I’m so fucking hard. I’m surprised it didn’t break in half when I lowered Monica to the floor. She grabs the biggest box and heads downstairs. I grab the remaining boxes and follow her. I start mentally reciting the alphabet in both English and Portuguese to try and calm my dick down.
“Hey, girlie! Got your stuff?” I hear a voice chirp from the porch.
“Yeah. Just one more box,” Monica replies as she hands the first box off and then turns around gasping, surprised to see me. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were there.”
“This is the rest of the stuff,” I tell her gruffly.
“Oh! Is this Gabriel? Hi, I’m Emily. This one’s BFF,” the girl on the porch says. I hold the box low, blocking my erection. I’m in fucking sweatpants. It’s obvious.
“Hi, Emily. It’s nice to meet you,” I say as I hold the box against my groin and reach out to shake her hand.
“I can see why Monica didn’t want to come to my house last night,” she says as she places her hand on her baby bump.
“When are you due? Congratulations, by the way,” I tell her. Emily beams.
“A couple more months. Almost there!”
“Do you know what you’re having?”
“According to my stepson, this one is finally a boy,” she says with a laugh, and Monica shakes her head while chuckling.
“Your stepson knows, but you don’t?” I ask, confused.
“Jack is a bit of a clairvoyant,” Monica explains. “He’s accurately predicted everyone’s pregnancies so far. So we’re just assuming he’s correct again.”
“Who all has been pregnant?” I ask.
“Well, I have twin girls and another girl. Liv and Liam have a little boy and twin girls, while Harper and Owen have two boys. This may be the last baby, though. Jack commented about finally being done,” Emily explains. Wow.
“That’s something,” I murmur as I try to wrap my head around Monica’s friend group. I turn toward Monica. “He didn’t say if you were having kids?”
“No, thank fuck,” Monica blurts out. “Shit. That sounded really aggressive. I don’t want kids, so he can keep that clairvoyant voodoo shit away from me.”
I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Monica and I are on the same page in regard to having children. Yet another sign we are perfect for each other.
“You should come for dinner and meet everyone! We have family dinner every Sunday at Nate and Liv’s mom’s house,” Emily blurts out, and Monica’s eyes widen.
“Oh, that’s really nice of you to ask. I already have plans this weekend,” I tell Emily hastily.
“What about next weekend?” Emily asks with an angelic smile on her face. Monica is clearly trying to send subliminal messages to Emily, but Emily isn’t budging. “It’s a standing open offer.”
“I’ll be out of town next weekend,” I lie. Monica turns to me.
“Oh? Where are you headed?” she asks. I don’t miss the quick flash of hurt in her eyes.
“I’ll be at my mountain cabin. I go there every month or so,” I explain.
“You have a mountain cabin?” Emily asks, intrigued.
“Yeah. It’s not much. Just an open space with a couch, bed, bathroom, and kitchen. I like being outdoors. I hike and fish mostly.”
“I never knew that about you,” Monica says quietly.
“I told the office about it. I think it was the meeting you missed because you were avoiding me,” I say bluntly with a smirk. Monica’s head dips as her cheeks pink adorably with embarrassment.
“Oh, yeah. I guess that makes sense,” Monica mumbles. Emily looks between the two of us and gives me a wide smile.
“Okay! I need to get back to the house. You ready, Mon?” she asks, and Monica nods. “It was really nice meeting you, Gabriel. Offer still stands in case your plans change for Sunday dinner.”
“Thanks, Emily. It was nice to meet you as well,” I tell her. Emily takes the first box to the car, shoves it in the trunk, then climbs into the driver’s seat. Monica hesitates before looking up at me.
“I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, Gabriel,” she says softly. “I just don’t know how to repay you for your kindness and generosity.”
I don’t hesitate to respond. “Come back to me, querida . Take your time to process things, and then come back to me. Be with me. Trust your heart.”
Her eyes fill with tears as she reaches up to grasp my neck, stands on her tiptoes, and places the softest of kisses against my lips. It’s the most exquisite and poignant kiss of my life. I know in that moment without a shadow of a doubt that Monica is meant to be mine forever. I almost blurt out that I love her but bite my tongue instead.
“Dream of me, querida ,” I whisper against her lips.
“I will, Gabriel,” she replies as her hand cups my cheek for a moment. And then she’s gone.
I watch the car pull out of my driveway. Watch until the taillights are long gone. It’s like watching your future slide out of your grasp, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I close my front door and collapse on the couch in frustration and misery. I thought I finally had her. Had my anjinho . My angel. I just have to pray she finds her way back to me.