39. 2
We gathered in the dark, the night all but over, the heat of the next day already brewing. Most of the festival was sleeping, the camping grounds quiet and still.
As were we.
Me .
My brothers.
Eleven of us plus the two I’d come to depend on more than I’d realised until this moment bore down on me.
Thirteen .
Except, we weren’t. Not for much longer.
Ranger and Viktor.
They’re leaving.
A reality I’d lived with before, but not like this—cos this wasn’t a fucking haulage run. A few nights away on the wagons before they came home. Once they’d sprung Nanna Jean from the care home and boarded a commercial flight with her, this was permanent, and my heart already missed them so much a dull ache had taken hold in my chest.
By accident more than anything, we’d formed a loose line. Viktor and Ranger split up to say their goodbyes, and I couldn’t fucking watch, emotion building as Ranger hugged Rubi and my oldest friend had no hope of keeping it all in.
“Good journey and all that, Roo, you skinny fuck, but who’s going to punch incel Nazis with me now?”
Ranger snorted. “Take your pick. You don’t need me at your back when you’ve got this lot to choose from.”
“They all think before they do stupid shit. It’s not the same.”
“Don’t start fucking wibbling.”
“Piss off.” Rubi sniffed. “Or I’ll pack my bags and come with you.”
Fucking ridiculous, but I felt his pain. Ranger was irreplaceable. There’d been no brother like him and there never would be.
Viktor murmured something to Decoy I didn’t catch. Then it was my turn. I embraced him, wishing I had from the very first time he’d saved us from annihilation.
“Don’t be a stranger,” I gruffed out. “There’s always a place for you here.”
“I am only here to know it because of your kindness, Cam. I will never forget that.”
“Back at you.”
Viktor nodded, understanding. Memories flowed between us, good and bad. Mostly bad, but we’d lived to grow beyond them, and I loved this brother enough that a piece of my heart went with him as he moved on to say goodbye to Locke.
That shit I really couldn’t watch, but I fucked myself over by retuning my attention to where Ranger and Folk had moved a little way from the rest of us.
Fucking hell.
My eyes burned.
I stared at the ground. I stared at the sky. But it didn’t matter where I looked, time caught up with me, and suddenly, it was me and Ranger, a blade, and the patch sewn into the leather cut that had earned a place in the tatty bag he still lived out of like a regular fucking vagabond.
The knife was warm in my hand, and even through the wrongness of grief, it felt right as I peeled the patch from the cut with no dangling threads.
It lay in my hand.
I exhaled sharply, seeing it for what it was, a clean break that rendered me unable to explain to this wild, kind, and loyal brother the void he was leaving behind.
Ranger gripped the back of my neck, pressing our foreheads together. “Don’t think I’ve ever said it but thank you. Losing Rocco killed me, but I needed to live, for Jean, and for Vik when we found each other again. You showed me how.”
I fucking hadn’t. Not on my own, anyway, but the sentiment hit home, and I held him for as long as I could before I completely lost my shit. “Patch or no patch, we’ll always be your fucking brothers. Don’t ever doubt what that means to us.”
“I—”
“ Don’t ever doubt it. ”
Ranger swallowed, his head dipping in a slow nod, but as Alexei and Viktor shared an embrace I’d never dreamed I’d live to see, the inevitable I’d been fighting caught up with us.
The tears incinerating my eyeballs escaped, snaking out to match the ones already staining Rubi’s face.
Folk’s.
Locke’s.
Even Mateo’s gaze burned too bright, and he sank into a crouch as Ranger backed off to where Viktor waited with Lida, his gaze on his boots, his steps slow, as if an invisible rope dragged him back. As if he was leaving a piece of himself to replace the chunks of us he took with him and he couldn’t watch it happen.
“Kochevnik,” Alexei murmured. “Do not fear, we know where to find you.”
Ranger raised his head. “ You do.”
“And so will they. I will make sure of it.”
Respect simmered in Ranger’s onyx gaze. Then, with one last look at Folk, he turned and he and Viktor walked away, Saint trailing after them a few steps, as though he could stop it happening.
They left .
And this time, they weren’t coming back.
* * *
An hour later, I still wasn’t over it, but as with every damn day of my life, I had other things to worry about. Mainly how to sneak Nash’s cousin onto the festival site when Nash, like the rest of us, had been too strung out to even contemplate going to bed. And Nash liked to keep busy when he was emotional. Which meant he was fucking everywhere .
“Jesusfuck,” I growled at Locke. “Can’t you just chuck him over your shoulder and take him off somewhere?”
Locke had been watching our collective attempts to get shit done for a while now, amusement growing every time Nash popped up somewhere else. Mirth that turned a shade darker as he cocked a brow and shrugged. “Don’t ever say I’m not a fuckin’ team player.”
He hauled himself from the hay bale he’d been sharing with Folk and ambled away. He didn’t exactly chuck Nash over his shoulder, but let me tell you, they disappeared pretty quick, leaving their radios behind.
Finally .
River darted away to guide Nash’s cousin and his fella, a fed —fuck my life—into the festival.
Finn McGovern appeared a few minutes later. With his golden hair, scruffy beard, and tattooed hands, he was Nash’s brand of McGovern to the bone, and I was so fucking grateful he’d moved heaven and earth to be here.
We embraced and I was all fucking teary again. Cos it had been years. Finn wasn’t always well enough to do shit like this, and even when he was, the mild-mannered hottie shadowing him made a close friendship impossible.
Danny Jones.
I tipped Finn’s husband a nod.
He returned it with a wry smile. “If no one talks to me, I was never here.”
“Works for me.”
Danny grinned and took himself somewhere probably only Saint and Alexei could see.
Finn got busy setting up for the secret sunrise set he’d driven through the night to make happen. It wasn’t much. A guitar, a mic. The glowing embers of the fire and the first golden rays of a dream-like summer morning.
I checked in with my people. Found Embry and Mateo eating breakfast like love-struck teenagers. Mateo laughing. Embry eating most of the fucking food.
Goddammit, I lived to see it.
I crouched beside them, noting the Saint-esque leaf in Mateo’s hair. “Got everything you need? Or have you had it already?”
Mateo averted his gaze.
Embry laughed. “We’re good. What say you, brother?”
“Loving life.”
“Good. You deserve it.”
So did he, so did Mateo, even if I did swipe his coffee.
I left them to each other and moved on to where Decoy and Folk sat quietly in the growing light, Folk between Decoy’s legs, leaning back against his chest, enjoying the peace before Juana and my sister brought the kids back.
Folk had his eyes closed, a lazy smile on his face as Decoy combed gentle hands through his hair.
Too peaceful to disturb, I let them be and returned to the small stage in time for Locke and a hazy-eyed Nash to emerge from wherever the fuck they’d been—a haze that evaporated as he clocked his cousin.
He tripped over his own feet, rubbing... whatever from his eyes, not quite believing what he saw. “The fuck? You’re supposed to be in Glasgow or some shit.”
Finn grinned, taking a seat on a hay bale and drawing a weathered guitar within easy reach. “Did you think I’d miss this?”
Nash just shook his head and closed the distance between them. “You motherfucker.”
I laughed, loving how Nash could switch from shocked to chill so fucking easily. Loving the brother who’d been a brick wall of support to me from the moment we’d met. That he’d become the love of Orla’s life, one of them, at least, was poetry man couldn’t buy.
Nash returned to Locke.
I found Rubi lounging on a blanket, watching it all unfold while my brother—his husband —dozed beside him. As much as River thrived on early mornings, he wasn’t built for all-nighters anymore.
Rubi, though. I saw in his eyes that he was tired. We all were. Letting go of Ranger and Viktor had kept us all up through the few hours we could’ve slept. But I saw happiness there too—unfiltered joy, and I felt it in my own heart as I sat beside my oldest friend for a little while.
Finn’s set began, quiet songs in his honey-rough voice, perfect for the tranquillity of this perfect fucking morning. Rubi passed me a joint and I smoked as the music seeped into me, mellowing my thoughts, smoothing any rough edges I’d carried over from the night before.
There weren’t many. I was home. I was whole. What more could I possibly want?
Warmth tingled my skin. The back of my neck, my chest, my heart sensing Saint and Alexei draw nearer.
I sat up, searching for them. Spotted their heads together like I so often did at home, wrapped up in each other under the shade of a tree as close to the slowly growing crowd of early-rising festival goers as they were likely to get.
Alexei wore Saint’s riding jacket and lounged between his legs, tilting his head to gaze at him while Saint smiled like Alexei had hung the moon.
God, they were beautiful. They were mine . We’d signed nothing and we wore no rings, but it was as indelibly etched as anything on this fucking earth.
“Oi.” Rubi prodded me out of my daze. “What’s got you acting like you’ve fallen in love with them all over again?”
Maybe it was the weed. I hadn’t smoked blunt this strong in forever. Or maybe it was the unbreakable, lifelong bond I shared with my oldest friend. Whatever the fuck it was, I told Rubi the secret I’d been carrying since the middle of June. “I married them, the night of your wedding. It’s not legal, but Jevon and Joe blessed us, and that’s all they wanted anyway.”
Rubi blinked. “All they wanted?”
The smile on my face felt so fucking good. “It was all them. Saint. Alexei. Didn’t know a thing about it until it was happening, and I’m still half convinced it didn’t.”
“Mother of Dragons, Cammie.” Rubi reached for me, carefully , mindful of River pressed against his side. “I thought I couldn’t cry any more until I get some shut-eye, but you’ve done me, you cunt.”
I chuckled, coughing a little as smoke caught in my lungs, parroting Ranger. “Don’t start fucking wibbling.”
“That’s my point. Vicky and Roo wibbled me out.”
“Guess you’ll just have to be quiet then.”
First time for everything, but the past few hours seemed to be full of them.
Rubi fell silent.
Finn’s set drew to a close. One song left. He’d taken his hat off a few songs in and put it on the hay bale beside him.
He retrieved it now and set it back on his head. “Hey there, Rebel Fest. Thanks for having me. It’s the last song, and I’m not in the mood to be alone up here. I know it’s the morning, but we’ve still got time for a rising star. Come on then, you fine folk, give it up for Willow Halliwell!”
I’d known about this but had somehow forgotten Finn’s surprise set contained a hell of a shock for Locke too, given that Willow was supposed to be in Majorca with her ma.
She bounced onto the hay-bale stage, grinning like a maniac, her guitar on her back, flowers in her hair, vibrating with excitement. “Hi, Dad!”
Locke was a better man than me, but being as free with our emotions as life allowed was a trait we shared. He shook his head at his wild daughter, already fucking crying, and cupped his hands to his mouth. “Make it a good one, kiddo. I fuckin’ love you.”
“Love you more!”
Doubted that. But we let Willow have it, and she settled in to play with Finn, Shay joining them for a cover of an old Neil Young song that got under my skin, and then another she’d written herself that brought an energy to every soul watching that I knew would set the tone for the day.
Finn played an encore, but I tuned it out a bit, succumbing to the heavy weed buzz as Rubi stretched out to take a nap of his own. Saint and Alexei remained under their tree, while Folk and Decoy had Ivy between them, wide-eyed as she watched the stage, as mesmerised by Willow as she was by every woman in her life that was nothing like her mother.
The music finished. My gaze drifted to where Mateo and his girls watched Embry ride back and forth on a unicycle, a skill I hadn’t known he possessed until yesterday.
Hope laughed, but her big eyes were already scanning the brothers around her, looking for Saint, her fascination with him growing with each day that passed.
Knew that feeling.
I moved on, searching for my sister. I found her with Logan and Remy, smiling as she watched Locke pretend he wasn’t glaring a hole in the back of Willow’s boyfriend’s skull and Nash with a baby in each strong arm, introducing them to his cousin.
Donovan Lark and the boy she’d named after Finn and Saint.
Orla.
My sister.
We were bound by blood and friends by choice, and after everything she’d been through, I’d never seen her live a moment so fucking perfect.
It got to me.
I rose from the blanket and moved away, climbing the slight incline at the back of the main field. At the top, you could see the whole festival. It wasn’t Glastonbury, but the tents and vans, the bikes, the stages, the people still stretched as far as I wanted to see right now.
The sun warmed my face, and despite the fleeting urge I’d felt to be alone, as my brothers and my sister, my family made the climb to join me, I latched on to the contentment they brought with them, no longer scared of what the future held for us all.
Rubi and Nash reached me as the festival began to wake up proper, bringing clarity, bringing life. As much as Ranger and Viktor leaving had felt like the end of the world, for us I knew it was just the beginning.
My dad used to wonder, “What the fuck is it all for, boyo?”
The noise.
The violence.
The responsibility of running an organisation that could take our lives at any given moment if we didn’t risk it all for real change. For a fucking future.
What the fuck was it all for?
The question echoed in my head as Saint filled the space beside me, his silence wrapping around my heart, his arm around my waist, his gentle touch finding bare skin. Alexei kissed my cheek and dropped his chin on my shoulder, and the answer manifested clearer than it had ever fucking been.
Them .
Forever and always.
It was them.