Chapter 7
7
ASPEN
M etal groaned as I tugged the heavy door; the force of it slamming closed shook the late-model F-150. Though the movement could also be from the massive dog sitting on the bench seat beside me as she panted, tongue hanging out with strings of drool dripping from her loose jowls. As if sensing my attention, that massive head swung my way to steal a sneaky lick up my cheek.
“Jubie,” Miles admonished with zero heat in his gruff tone. I shivered, just like I’d done all night when he talked. His voice held a gravelly sound that made my thoughts go straight into the gutter. “You need consent from people before you put your tongue all over them.”
Holy hell, did he really just say that? A tight breath caught in my throat, a fresh wave of heat now flowing through my veins. I pitched forward to see around Jubie to where Miles sat behind the steering wheel.
Earlier, when I first met Aiden, I thought he was the most attractive man I’d encountered in person. With his longish floppy hair, easygoing personality, and body of a Greek god, anyone with eyes would be going weak in the knees around him. Then entered the giant of a man, Miles. Holy Hades. The moment I laid eyes on him, I wanted to climb onto his lap, wrap both arms around his neck, and beg him to hold me. There was a presence about him that made me feel utterly safe.
Not only because of his massive size, but there was a steely look in his eyes. The way he constantly scanned the room silently spoke to how alert he was. Every time his thick arms flexed as he lifted his drink, stretching the cotton of his long-sleeved shirt, I wanted to lean over and take a bite.
What the hell was that about? Had traveling to Alaska turned me into some kind of cannibal where I wanted to nibble and taste these two delicious-looking men? Because until now, I never, ever had a biting fetish, an urge to get my lips and teeth anywhere on their bodies they’d allow.
Which, apparently, they were more than open to. Maybe not the biting thing, but for sure the not choosing between them part. There were so many questions I needed answers to, though maybe not tonight. Just being around the two of them for so long, I was already hotter and hornier than I’d ever been in my life.
I wondered if they shared women as in both dated the same woman or shared them together in all the ways. My stomach did a few flips, imagining Miles and Aiden together with their sole attention on me.
Suddenly, my thick coat shifted from warm and cozy to restricting and way stifling. Popping open the few buttons I closed on our way out of the bar to fight the frosty night air, I fanned open the sides to give my overheated body a bit of reprieve. Thankfully, the truck wasn’t on, and the cab was still chilly, instantly cooling my rising body temperature.
“You okay?” Miles asked, eyeing me curiously as he cranked the engine.
“Yep, just…” Got hot thinking about you and your best friend, together, with me. “Thought it would be colder at night, so I wore my thick coat.” I licked my lips. “You sure you don’t mind driving me back?”
He nodded and leaned a forearm along the top of the steering wheel, searching, gaze locked on me. “You sure you’re okay with me driving you back, just the two of us?”
I blew out a breath and smiled. “Strangely enough, I really am. Normally, I’m suspicious around new people, which is probably why I don’t—” I cut myself off and shook my head. It was not a good idea to spill my guts about how I had no friends and was lonely as hell back in Seattle. “I feel safe with you and Aiden. Honestly, it’s nice not being here alone.” My eyes rolled to the ceiling at myself. “I know I came alone, but—ugh, I’m not making any sense, am I?”
“You are to me.” With that, he shifted the truck into Reverse and backed out of the parking spot along the road a few shops down from Dave’s. “And I think being cautious around new people is a good thing. Keeps you out of dangerous situations, especially in a big city like Seattle. What were you going to say when you cut yourself off? Which is probably why you don’t…” He trailed off and shot me an expectant look.
Yanking out the hair tie, I ran my fingers through my hair, easing the ache that always formed along my scalp after having it up too long.
“It’s kind of embarrassing,” I muttered. When he said nothing, I slumped back against the seat. “Even after fiveyears in that city, I didn’t really have any close friends. Sure, there were people at the magazine I’d say hello to or have drinks with sometimes, but nothing deep. I keep people out because it’s easier that way. Then they can’t hurt me. Don’t take that the wrong way,” I blurted out. “Nothing terrible has happened to me or wounded me deeply. I am the way I am. It’s just me, I think.” My smile slipped. “Maybe that’s why I wasn’t really upset with the whole James thing. I never really let him in, so when it officially ended, I was okay. More frustrated at myself after realizing he’d basically entangled me with him so I’d do his bidding?—”
“Fucking asshole,” Miles grumbled. Jubie sensed his frustration and shifted to lean her whole large body against him.
“I allowed it to happen,” I whispered, ashamed that I had let it go on as long as it did.
All because I was so fucking lonely that I settled for the messed-up, toxic shit that brewed between us. I wasn’t in love with him—never was. Even the infatuation faded quickly after we started working together more. I was more embarrassed than hurt that I’d let him play puppeteer with my life and career for as long as I did.
I was pathetic.
It was dumb to even imagine me with Miles and Aiden. Even though they shared women, it didn’t mean they wanted to share me. Why would they?
“But,” Miles said, stopping my self-loathing thoughts, “he was the one doing the manipulating. The fucker knew what he was doing. He’s at fault, not you.” When I didn’t answer, he slowed the truck to a stop and reached across Jubie, laying a massive hand on my knee. “Do you hear me, Aspen?”
“I hear you, but believe you?” I shrugged. “That will take time.” Clearing my throat, I forced a smirk, hoping to lighten the conversation. That was enough talk about me and my sad, insignificant life. “So, you and Aiden.”
Miles’s hand slipped away, and I instantly missed the comforting weight. My fingers itched to snatch it back and place it on my knee. Or higher.
I shook my head. It had been way too long since I’d had sex. My out-of-control libido made that as clear as a blinking neon sign.
“Been best friends since grade school, yes.” He shot a knowing smirk my way. “That was what you were talking about, right?”
“Um, not so much. Have you two always… taken part…” I waved a hand in the air. “In sharing?” I winced in embarrassment and pressed myself against the door, wishing like hell it would just open up so I could tumble out onto the snow-covered roadside. “Sorry, forget I said anything.”
“Why?” he asked, not looking away from the windshield.
“Because I’m being nosy,” I muttered under my breath. I was very interested in learning more about their lifestyle, but talking about it made me flustered as hell. My heart fluttered like a hummingbird’s wings, my palms damp with sweat, and every shift along the seat had the seam of my jeans brushing against my damp panties.
It’s now clear I should’ve brought some battery-powered items on this trip, but during my mad dash to pack, I didn’t know I would be wet and needy from the moment my boots hit the dock in Anchor Bay.
And unfortunately, I doubted this place had a sex toy shop around for an emergency purchase.
“No, we haven’t always shared women.” He rubbed at the back of his neck like he was uncomfortable. “After my time in the service, that’s when we started. Though we’d always had the same taste in women—what we were attracted to. Once we moved here and started working for Uplift, we realized we could both get what we needed, and our partner, too, if we worked together. That sounds fucked up?—”
“It doesn’t,” I blurted, cutting him off. “What do you mean, what ‘we needed’? I would assume men would flip the other way and say they needed more women in the relationship rather than two guys sharing one. And how does it work? Are you saying you share her time fifty-fifty, or do you do everything together?” That heat from earlier flared back to life, scorching me from the inside out. Thank fuck it was dark inside the cab, or he would see the evidence of what this conversation did to me on my flushed cheeks.
When he didn’t immediately respond to my slew of questions, anxiety spiked, making my stomach drop, worried I’d pushed him too far.
I fiddled with the ends of my hair, keeping my eyes lowered. “You don’t have to answer any of that. Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. Sometimes I let my curiosity run my mouth?—”
“You didn’t offend me, Aspen,” he cut in. I snapped my lips shut to keep from rambling. “I just didn’t know how to answer right away because I’d say it’s a mix. With the way our jobs work, we’re gone at different times, so when one is here and the other is off on an outing with a client, then it’s more one-on-one time, but when we’re both home, we do everything together.”
“Everything?” I croaked, my throat suddenly tight and my mouth dry. Why did I keep repeating that word?
Headlights of a passing car illuminated the sultry look he shot my way. “As I said earlier at the bar, we share everything.”
“Oh, wow, that’s… nice.” I cringed. “Sorry, this is not a conversation I ever expected to have, and I’m kind of in shock.”
“Shock?” I nodded and licked my lips. “So, you’re not interested?”
Blood pounded in my ears, and I couldn’t breathe. “Do you want me to be interested?” I whispered, terrified to hear his answer.
Please say yes.
Please say you want me like I want you and Aiden both.
Please don’t say what I know to be true, that you two are out of my league.
The truck slowly rolled to a stop at a red light. Shifting in his seat, he leveled that intense focus right on me. Damn, and I thought I couldn’t breathe before. Now I really panted like I’d run a marathon.
“We wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if we didn’t.”
I nodded, but my heart sank a little. “Actually, neither you nor Aiden brought it up. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if that woman hadn’t come up to the table and dropped the bomb about your relationship preferences. I don’t need or want your pity interest. It’s okay to talk about this without you having to pretend to be into me.”
I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat. Damnit, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. Stupid, stupid Aspen.
But instead of looking relieved that I gave him an out, a slow grin crept over his handsome face, completely changing his normally stern features to genuine happiness mixed with a dash of laughter. I sucked in a breath, fingers curling into fists to keep from reaching across Jubie and climbing onto his lap. This version of Miles was just as sexy as the alert protector side.
“She definitely did, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t thinking about it or weren’t waiting for the right moment. Think about it from our perspective. You’re a beautiful, funny, cool-as-hell woman. Why would you be interested instead of turned off and disgusted by our lifestyle? Of course we wanted to talk to you about it. Jessica just sped up the timing of the conversation.” The light turned green. He arched a brow as he turned back to the road and pushed on the gas. “You seem calm and understanding about all this.”
Leaning back against the seat, I closed both eyes and released a slow breath. “I know. That’s strange, right?” The sound of the whirling tires, and the darkness in the cab made it feel like we were in our own little bubble, which gave me the courage to say exactly what was on my mind. “I won’t deny that I’m attracted to both of you. A part of me is excited about the possibility of exploring your lifestyle, while the other, my more rational side, tells me I shouldn’t trust you two. I think I’m just confused about life right now. Like I’ve lost my compass and have zero clue which direction I’m headed. That would explain why I’m not freaking out, maybe?”
Or I was turned on by the thought of both of them to the point that all concerns about allowing them to share me while I was here in Anchor Bay weren’t there.
The truck rumbled along the road. Both Miles and I were quiet as we crested the hill and The Nest came into view. There was a lot to dissect and sort through after tonight’s revelations. I needed to really evaluate how I felt about them and the idea of sharing them both. The last thing I wanted to do was make a rash decision, say yes, and then back out when it became too overwhelming and hurt them. Plus, just because they liked to share and were attracted to me didn’t mean I had to be interested in them. Even though I was—and well beyond the physical attraction. I had fun earlier, more fun than I’d had in ages, and all we did was sit around drinking beers, talking.
Was this too big a decision after my drastic life change?
Or was this perfect timing?
Miles slowed the truck and cut the engine, parking in the spot directly in front of the path that led to my tucked-away cottage.
“I’ll be perfectly clear about something.” The bench seat shifted when he turned to face me and tossed an arm along the back, his fingertips playing in my hair. “If you’re not interested in Aiden or me, we will still be here for you. After everything you talked about tonight, it’s clear that you came here for a break from your life in Seattle, and we won’t fuck that up for you. Our offering to take you on that hike still stands, no matter what you decide.” He rubbed his free hand along the thick black beard covering his firm jaw. “Jessica’s interference tonight was a blessing and a curse. I’m glad you know so you don’t feel pressured to decide, but I also wished you could’ve gotten to know us a little more before learning that we both find you sexy and would like to see where this goes between the three of us while you’re here.”
“I think you’re confusing me with someone else,” I whispered. “I’m not sexy. Did you hear my story about going an entire week without a shower or proper bathroom?”
He scoffed a laugh and tugged on a lock of my hair. “I heard every word you said tonight.” Oh, wow, that was unexpected and made me want to cry all the happy tears. “It solidified what I thought about you.”
“I’m scared to ask,” I rasped.
“You’re resilient, bright, fucking talented as hell, resourceful, and you find joy in the outdoors and all it offers, just like us. We’re not your average men, Aspen. You loving the outdoors the way they are meant to be experienced makes you more captivating to us than not.”
The tears I held back with his first comment once again welled in my lower lids and burned my throat. Unable to speak without sobbing, I just nodded and reached for the door handle, pausing with my hand wrapped around the cold metal. “Thank you. That’s the most insightful thing anyone has ever said to me.”
As I shoved open my door, Miles did the same.
“Stay here, girl,” he said, his attention over my shoulder as I climbed out. At nearly ten at night, it was finally getting dark. A bark rattled from the cab, making me laugh. “I’ll walk you to your door, if that’s okay with you.”
“I’d like that, a lot. Thank you.”
He pressed his wide palm to my lower back as he guided me along the narrow path. Out of the truck, breathing in the crisp, clean air, I wrangled my crazy emotions. Though with him right at my side, every inhale trapped his cedar and spice scent in my lungs, making me desperate to slide even closer.
“Tonight was a lot of fun.” He hummed a noncommittal response. “Exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I didn’t realize how… lonely and empty my life was in Seattle. Who knew coming to a remote Alaskan town would show me just how much I didn’t like my life, even though while I was in it, I thought I did?”
“Alaska is a great place to gain perspective.” At my door, I dug out the key from my coat pocket and went to slip it into the lock, but Miles’s hand wrapped around my own, gently pulling the key from my grasp. “Let me. Would you be okay if I stepped inside first and secured the room?” With the fading sunlight, I caught his wince. “Not that I expect anything bad, I just… I want to make sure you’re safe, and if I don’t inspect your place before I leave, I’ll worry all night.”
Aww. My lips curled into a sappy grin, and I nodded, releasing the key.
After opening the door, Miles flicked the porch light on so I wouldn’t be standing in the growing darkness while he stepped inside the cottage. I held a breath, turning on the heels of my boots to press my back against the exterior wall, not liking having my back exposed without Miles at my side. Which was dumb. This place was safer than Seattle, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that something dangerous lurked among the trees, waiting for the right moment to strike.
And considering this was Alaska, it was probably true. A wolverine, bear, moose—hell, anything could be out there.
“All clear.” I jumped with a high-pitched squeak, not hearing Miles approach until he was right beside me. “Sorry.”
“You move like a ninja for someone your size.” I pressed a hand over my racing heart.
“Trained by the best to be the best.” His wide shoulders rose and fell in a casual shrug. Not for the first time tonight, I caught the tightness around his eyes, as if moving his upper body in certain ways caused him pain. Running a hand through his short dark hair, he scanned the trees. “Aiden and I have a motorbike trail tour tomorrow, but we should be back after lunch. How about you stop by around two for us to gather what all we’ll need for that hike we promised?”
I nodded without even realizing it, too lost in the way his voice caressed my skin and too mesmerized by his lips as he spoke.
“I’ll text you the address and directions to our community’s homestead from here. It’s just on the other side of town, so not far. Tomorrow should be nice enough weather for you to borrow one of the resort’s bikes, or you could always ask them to drive you.”
“Yeah, sounds good,” I said with a wide yawn. That meant I would need to actually turn on my phone to retrieve the directions, which I was not looking forward to. Surely by now, James realized I was gone, and Barbara no doubt had some words to say about my abrupt departure. “Thank you again for tonight.” I leaned against the doorframe, exhaustion from the last couple of days slamming into me. “I really needed it.” Lip between my teeth, I debated saying what had been on my mind all night. “Like I said in the truck, I am attracted to you and Aiden.”
His dark brows rose along his forehead. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”
My hair shifted with a slight nod. “But you and him, what you’re suggesting while I’m here, was unexpected and threw me for a loop. I’m tired and unsure of pretty much everything right now, considering I just quit my job without another one lined up, ended a toxic relationship, and flew here with no real plan besides having a place to stay. All that is making me feel… overwhelmed. Yeah, overwhelmed is a good word for the mess that’s going on in here.” I tapped my temple with my index finger.
Instead of responding, he stepped close, wrapped his long, muscular arms around my shoulders, and held me tight against his chest. Stunned, I stood stiff, completely frozen, only blinking at the lone picture that hung on the wall above the sofa. The bear hug was completely unexpected, though when he didn’t drop his hold or say anything, the tension slowly melted from my taut muscles, and I relaxed in the safety of his hold. I even wrapped my arms around his waist, relishing his radiating body heat, yummy smell, and overwhelming sense of comfort and support.
To my surprise, his hands never wandered. When was the last time I hugged a man, other than my dad, who didn’t initiate more than that simple act? Not a single word was spoken between us, the embrace saying it all.
I was safe.
I wasn’t alone.
He had my back, no matter what.
In his arms, I felt protected against the world. All my worries and fears couldn’t reach me here. Which was dumb. My life was still a complicated shit show, yet for this brief moment, it felt worlds away.
“Like I said earlier, you owe us nothing. If all you need from us this next week are hiking guides and friendship, then that’s what you’ll get. Don’t let your past overwhelm your future. You don’t have to figure it all out now.”
“I’m twenty-eight years old,” I whispered, eyes squeezing shut. “I should have a career, a husband and family—hell, a healthy 401K.” But as I said those words, I knew they weren’t my own. “Or at least that’s what I’m told by my mother.”
“But is that what you want?” His chest vibrated with the soft words, making me melt even more against him.
“I don’t know what I want anymore.”
Pulling back, he held me at arm’s length. “Strip away everyone else’s expectations, what society tells you a ‘good life’ comprises, and focus on what makes you happy.” After softly squeezing my shoulders, his hands fell away and casually slipped into the front pockets of his jeans. “Good night, Aspen.” He backed up a step, his dark gaze never leaving mine. “If you need anything, call or text me. I’ll shoot you that address when I get home tonight.”
When he turned to leave, I slowly closed the door, still watching his back as he disappeared into the trees. Once the door clicked closed and the locks were secured, I slumped back against the thick wood and slid down until my ass hit the floor.
Forearms on my bent knees, I scanned the small cottage, suddenly feeling more alone than ever. My heart sank, and a heaviness pressed on my chest, tears threatening to spill over. Wiping at my burning eyes, I did a double take at something resting on the small counter in the simple kitchen.
A groan escaped as I pushed off the floor, barely having enough energy to stumble toward the single piece of paper that caught my attention. I read the lines once, twice, a smile creeping up my cheeks until the muscles ached.
Don’t forget to lock up after I’m gone.
Sweet dreams, Aspen.
Until tomorrow.
Just like that, his thoughtfulness, those simple lines from a practical stranger…
And I suddenly didn’t feel so alone.