Chapter 12
12
MILES
S ilky-soft hair glided between my fingers as I absentmindedly stroked them through Aspen’s thick strands while texting with the other hand. Hudson and Oliver wouldn’t be back until late tomorrow, needing to stay longer than expected with the Kenai Fjords rangers.
That wasn’t a good sign.
Sighing, I closed the phone and rested my head against the couch to stare at the ceiling. It was careless of me to fall asleep with her so close. I couldn’t risk her like that again. If I accidentally hurt her, or worse, made her afraid of me because I was lost in a nightmare, I would never forgive myself.
Post-traumatic stress disorder came in different forms, no trigger or reaction the same, even if the individuals went through the traumatizing event together. At least, that was what my therapist and Google told me time and time again. Even one’s triggers and daily symptoms evolved as you moved through the stages of healing. Which was utter bullshit. How could I know how to fix something or protect others from myself if I didn’t know what was coming next?
For me, in this stage and since the incident, vivid, all-too-realistic nightmares were how my fears and trauma manifested. Some were flashbacks, memories of various missions during my time as a SEAL, which normally didn’t make me turn violent in my sleep. Those just left me feeling fucking heavy when I woke up and clung to me throughout the day. It was the nightmares that were crafted to pull every fear from my brain, so fucking detailed they felt real, where I was trapped in that bunker room again or in a situation unable to save a fellow SEAL or hostage; those had me thrashing and punching in my sleep as I desperately tried to save, protect, or live.
I never knew which one would haunt my sleep when I closed my eyes at night. Which was why I slept very little anymore in general. Thankfully, I didn’t require too much to still operate at a high level of awareness, but with the addition of the beautiful woman sleeping on my lap, I knew I needed to be on top of my game. Which meant sleeping regularly and getting enough rest to handle anything that came at her or us. After last night, I quickly realized I needed to be faster, stronger, and more aware of every fucking thing around us, almost like how I was daily as an active-duty SEAL.
Not that she wasn’t capable of taking care of herself, because she clearly could, having lived in a large city alone for many years. I just didn’t want her to have to do it alone anymore. Shouldering the burden of safety and security of those around me, of my non-blood-related family, was something I was used to. Not that taking care of her would be a burden.
It would be a fucking honor.
It meant the fucking world to know that Aspen trusted me from the moment we met, and while we were together, she relaxed knowing someone had her back. She believed in me, felt safe with me, and knew that no matter what, I would be there for her. It was a high knowing someone put all their trust in you, put their life in your hands.
What did that make me?
Obsessive, sure.
Crazy, maybe.
Happy? Fuck yes.
A soft sound from my lap had me blinking rapidly to clear my dry eyes and turning my gaze down to where Aspen shifted, fingers slowly reaching up to tug off the borrowed eye mask. Long, thick lashes fluttered up and down several times as her eyes flicked around the room before coming to a stop on me.
“You’re okay,” I whispered.
Her smile was soft and sleepy and adorable as fuck. The cushions dipped around me as she pressed up into a sitting position. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” As if the memories of what happened just before she slept slammed forward, her eyes widened, and a red blush stained her cheeks. “Oh, hell. Did that really happen?”
I nodded, watching her for any signs of regret, but only found… embarrassment?
With both hands, she raked her fingers through her hair and leaned forward, elbows pressing down on top of her knees. “And then I fell asleep. That’s… something.”
“You were exhausted from traveling and not sleeping,” I said, not understanding why she hid behind the thick curtain of her dark hair. “Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Leaning to the side, she swiped away the hair covering her face and looked at me like I was dense. Maybe I was, because I didn’t have the first fucking clue what was going on in her head. Maybe she always woke up grumpy after a nap. Not that I was going to ask her that. I might not be great with women, but I sure as hell knew not to voice that thought out loud.
“I’m so, so sorry I did that,” she muttered into the palms pressed to her face. Reaching over, I wrapped my fingers around her wrists and tugged, pulling one hand away, then the other so I could look into those big dark eyes. “Can’t you see I’m mortified? I swear I’m not normally one to just fall asleep without returning the favor and?—”
“Return the favor?” I muttered, and the pieces slowly started to come together.
“Well, yeah.” She sighed, flopping back against the couch and tossing an arm over her eyes. “Fuck, you two must think I’m so lame. I mean, who does that? All I can say is I must be temporarily broken because?—”
With a frustrated snarl, I gripped her hips, easily lifted her off the couch, and placed her on my lap, facing the fireplace. Collaring her throat in a gentle grip, I eased her back until her spine sealed to my chest and her head rested against my shoulder.
“You, Aspen Carter, are not broken,” I whispered in her ear. Her throat worked beneath my palm with a thick swallow. The sensation had me stifling a groan, my mind immediately going to how that motion would feel with my cock down her throat. “And you’ll have to explain to me why you’re embarrassed, because I’m not understanding. Do you regret what happened between you and Aiden?”
Her long pause had me tensing beneath her.
“Not regret per se, more mortified.” Hoping to help her open up, I loosened my hold to swipe my fingertips in long, gentle strokes up and down the column of her neck. “I can’t believe I did that. How is it even possible for me, an almost-thirty-year-old woman, to get off by doing that?” Slowly, the tension eased from her muscles, and little by little, she sagged against me. “I’m embarrassed because I dry-humped your friend and then fell asleep—and, bonus, didn’t even get to return the favor. And now I wake up to you being all sweet and acting like nothing is wrong when it has to be, right?”
It felt like a trick question, but Aspen didn’t seem like the type of woman to play games, so I went with my gut. “Why would things need to be wrong if you enjoyed yourself?”
With a huff, she pushed off my chest and turned to face me, still sitting on my lap but both legs dangling off the side. “Because I fell asleep, and that’s just pathetic. Fuck, this is uncomfortable. I haven’t done this awkward stage in a long time. A really long time,” she grumbled under her breath. “You must think I’m not worth the trouble after today.”
A growl rumbled in my chest, drawing her attention lower. My knuckle under her chin, I tipped her face back up to mine. “If you say one more negative thing about yourself, baby girl, I swear on my dog that I will drop you over my knee and spank your ass so hard there will be no hovering between that line of pleasure and pain.”
My chest heaved from the building emotions as I stared into her wide eyes.
“Did you just say that out loud?” she whispered. “I didn’t know real people actually talked like that.”
I arched a single brow. “Versus someone who is not real?”
“Well, yeah. Fictional men. Book boyfriends, you know…” She trailed off and blew out a slow breath.
“I don’t know, but I’ll take your word for it and will consider it a compliment and not scary as fuck since you’re still sitting here.”
“Compliment for sure. But don’t use those naughty words on just anyone or you’ll have women, maybe some men, flocking from all over the world to Anchor Bay.” She cut a strange look I couldn’t decipher my way. “And I kind of like being the one holding your attention, even if it isn’t for very long. Maybe an even shorter time frame than I expected, since after earlier, I’m sure this will end today.”
“Look, I’ll be honest.” I leaned back and interlaced my fingers behind my head to keep from touching her everywhere I wanted. A forlorn expression came over her face, and she slowly nodded, as if already expecting the worst. “I don’t have the first clue, not the slightest idea, of what the fuck you’re talking about.” That expression turned to confusion as I spoke. “Nothing about this is awkward to me or to Aiden. If you didn’t notice, we were right there with you. Hell, I was the one who pulled all the strings. And fucking loved it. As for returning the favor…” I shook my head and looked toward the fireplace. “Who the hell keeps score?”
“Men,” she answered quickly. “Men keep score and, from my experience, do nothing out of the sheer enjoyment of making a woman come.”
My nostrils flared as I inhaled deeply to keep the rising anger shoved down deep. “I want to fuck up every asshole who made you think that is a true blanket statement for my gender. You didn’t force us to take care of you, didn’t coerce us into doing something we didn’t want to. We did it because we wanted to. Really fucking wanted to. We got to touch you, hear those damn edible sounds you make as you chase your orgasm, and see that gorgeous flush all over your fair skin. There is no need to return the favor because there was no favor. We all enjoyed it.”
“But the falling asleep thing.” She rolled her eyes. “What a way to impress someone. ‘Thanks for the orgasm. I’m just going to pass out right here, on your couch, while you have to sit there uncomfortably.’” She sat up straight and twisted to look around the room as if it was only then that she realized Aiden wasn’t there. “Where is he anyway?”
“You falling asleep afterward did the opposite of what you’re thinking.” I locked my gaze with hers so she could see the truth in my words. “You sleeping on me, trusting me, was a fucking honor. You felt so safe and comfortable around us that you fell asleep on our couch, in our home. That’s a damn power trip, to know you trust the two of us so much that you slept. So don’t belittle that, please, because I’m honored you did. And Aiden went out to take care of the supplies for tomorrow. We both wanted you to sleep as long as you could.”
“Miles,” she whispered, tears filling her lower lids. Panic swirled, making my chest tight. “I’ve never met anyone like you. Thank you for being honest with me and telling me I’m overreacting without telling me I’m overreacting.” Her tongue peeked out to run along her lower lip. “So, now what?” Her gaze shifted around the room as if she was nervous, and she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “How does this”—she gestured between us—“work exactly? Now that I’ve kissed Aiden, do I need to kiss you too? To keep things even? This is my first—” She angled her head to the side, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. “—throuple? I think that’s what the cool kids call it these days. I don’t want anyone to feel left out or?—”
Her plump lips molded around my two fingers where I pressed against them. Her brows narrowed, making an unexpected chuckle rumble in my chest. “Baby girl, this isn’t a competition. No one is keeping score. If you want to kiss me, you kiss me, but that is for you to decide when you’re ready, not because you feel forced?—”
Before I could even finish, she lunged forward, shoving my fingers away to seal her lips to mine. My lids slid closed, savoring the feel of the kiss. Eager for more, I palmed the back of her head, fingers tightening in her hair to hold her exactly where I wanted her. Everything was perfect and erotic as fuck. The way her lips slid against mine, the tentative way her tongue danced and explored, was everything I never knew I needed. This wasn’t desperate or lust-driven; it was deliberate and filled with emotions I couldn’t separate and label if I tried.
“How is this possible?” she murmured against my lips. Pulling back, she stared down at me with something like awe in her eyes. “How did yesterday morning feel like my life was crumbling around me, but today it feels like it’s actually starting for the first time? How did you do that?”
Cupping her face, I held her steady and pressed a firm kiss to her forehead, unable to respond because I had no fucking clue. I wanted to tell her that she did the same for me. The weight of everything I shouldered felt lighter with her at my side.
“How did I end up catching a ride to The Nest from a random hot guy who is like a two-for-one special?” I barked a laugh at her comparison, making her smile widen. “Where both are not only good-looking but good guys and might like the outdoors more than me?” She tilted her head and studied me. “Well, that has yet to be validated. Our hike will be the ultimate test.”
“So, you’re telling us to bring our A game to impress you?” I asked, chest shaking with restrained laughter.
“Well, yeah. What if we get out there and you… can’t start a fire or get all whiny when you get dirty or are attacked by a plethora of summer bugs? By the way, those insistent bugs and the all-day sunlight need to be listed in bold red letters when entering the state. Like a warning of some kind.”
Planting a soft kiss to the corner of her lips, I nodded. “I’ll get with the Department of Travel for the State of Alaska and tell them to get on that.”
With barely any effort, I shifted to the edge of the couch and stood, taking her with me and carefully setting her down, holding on until she was steady on her feet. My heart leapt in my chest at the squeal of delight followed by her laughter that bounced around the room. Laughter was something this cabin hadn’t heard in a long time. Too many nights, Aiden and I sat on the front porch to distract ourselves from how empty the place felt with just the two of us and how quiet it had become in recent years.
I loved the fucker like a brother, and we got along great, but it had started to feel like something was missing between us.
I studied Aspen out of the corner of my eye as she stretched her arms high above her head.
Maybe that missing piece…
Wasn’t missing anymore.