Chapter 16
16
ASPEN
M y wide, full-face smile didn’t drop even as I huffed along the steep trail. At this point, my cheeks ached, considering the dopey grin started after the unexpected activities in the cabin. It wasn’t because of the very fun time we had—well, that put the grin there, but the breathtaking scenery all around me had locked it firmly in place.
Then there was Jubie happily trotting beside us as we moved along the trail, rotating between who she would walk with. There was no contest that she was the best dog I’d ever been around. I would for sure miss her companionship when I left in less than a week.
Well, fuck, that thought dulled my radiating joy. Remembering that all this was temporary and would end sooner than I’d like had the wide smile fading as a melancholy feeling settled over me for the rest of the hike. Even as I snapped photos that I knew would turn out great, capturing the surrounding beauty, I couldn’t bring myself to appreciate it the way I had earlier.
With a resigned exhale, I took a sip from my water bottle and leaned against a nearby tree, the thick bark digging into my skin despite the long-sleeved shirt. It hurt as a dull ache filled my chest just thinking about leaving the beautiful state and all its magnificent views behind for a pollution-riddled, lonely big city. I glanced over my shoulder at the two men who had started to set up our camp for the night.
Indeed, too beautiful and perfect to leave behind.
I turned back to view the valley below us, the wide, roaring river snaking through it. Unfocused stare locked on the moving water, my thoughts wandered to all my options, good and bad, for when my trip was over. It was too crazy to even consider staying, right? Wasn’t that exactly what happened with that Jessica woman who became too obsessed with them and didn’t leave?
I swallowed hard and took another drink to clear the lump in my throat. Just the thought of Aiden and Miles moving on, doing what we’ve done, sharing in the same heartfelt conversations, and laughing with someone other than me had my chest tightening with an unsettled feeling. It wasn’t jealousy but worry that maybe I was putting too much of myself into all this, feeling more than what they were.
That would really suck hairy bear balls. To feel this deeply about them and share what we’d shared, just for it to mean little to them. It had only been three days, but it felt like we were all on the same page, or maybe I misread the whole situation and this was what they did all the time, no matter the woman. There was the chance that, in their minds, I was simply a convenient hole to fill. A willing woman who enjoyed the same things they did and was open to being shared.
“Gorgeous, isn’t it?”
I startled, too lost in thought to notice Aiden’s approach. “What?” I refused to look his away. “Oh, the view, yeah. Gorgeous,” I mumbled.
He studied me out of the corner of his eye. “Did you get some good photos today?”
I just nodded, still too lost in the idea of me being in way deeper than them to really voice a response.
“All right,” he said, stepping in front of me to block my view—not that I was actually seeing any of it, too wrapped up in my awful thoughts. Though, with his handsome face hovering over mine and those honey-brown eyes gazing down at me, my focus had shifted to him. “Out with it, Aspen. What’s going round and round in that mind of yours?” He tapped my temple before tucking a loose lock of hair behind my ear.
“What makes you say there’s something on my mind that I need to get out?” He wasn’t wrong, but it was a shock that he noticed.
“Because all day today, you’ve been on cloud nine?—”
“Life-altering orgasms by two hot guys will do that to a girl,” I muttered under my breath, making him chuckle.
“Well, yes, there was that, but it was more too. You couldn’t stop smiling during the hike. I swear, a few times I caught tears in your eyes as we passed some of the more breathtaking views of the mountains.” He wasn’t wrong, and I wouldn’t apologize for getting emotional about nature’s beauty. “But now there’s this”—he slid a finger along my cheek and jaw—“pensive look. So, tell me what’s wrong.”
I chewed on my lower lip until he tugged it free with his thumb.
“Aiden,” I rasped, my nerves making my throat thick and mouth dry. I didn’t want to ask, not when it could ruin what we had going on. I was having fun and wanted that to continue, but I also needed to know where they stood in all this before I sank any more into their orbit. “Am I just another hookup, a fun time, to you and Miles?” He scanned my face, brows pulled in tight. “If I am, that’s okay. I just need to know, you know?” I cringed, knowing I sounded like a whiny idiot who had gotten addicted to them. From their touch to their company, everything about them drew me in deeper.
“You think with all the stories we’ve shared, the time we’ve spent with you, and what happened this morning between the three of us that this is a normal hookup for us?”
I shot him an incredulous look and rolled my eyes. “Well, yeah. You and Miles do this kind of thing all the time. I just need to know so I can protect myself and?—”
A shocked gasp escaped my parted lips when Aiden stepped closer, crowding me toward the tree until my spine pressed against the rough bark.
“Sweetheart, this is different. What we have with you is nowhere close to what we’ve done in the past.”
“You don’t have to lie to me,” I whispered, searching his face for any hint of deception. “I’m a big girl. I can take the truth.”
“Then listen to it when I give it to you,” he gritted out. “What we’ve done with other women was nothing, and I mean fucking nothing , close to what we’ve shared with you. The others were just…” He tipped his face to the sky with a controlled breath. “I don’t want to say they were just convenient, because that’s disrespectful to those women, but that’s exactly what it was. We discussed up front that there was no relationship potential. They were no-strings-attached hookups, and they were on board with that.”
“But you didn’t have that conversation with me,” I stated. “You only talked about wanting to spend time with me and the sharing part.”
He nodded, focused over my shoulder, where I heard Miles still setting up the campsite. “We didn’t because, for me and Miles, we both knew this and you were different. We didn’t want to think about only having you once and then walking away. This is so much more than that. Don’t you feel it?”
The imploring expression lining his face had me forgetting my earlier reservation and nodding. “I do feel it, so much that it scares me.”
“What are you scared of?”
“Of this being more to me than to you two. Of getting my heart broken. Of considering a life change because of a few great days with two guys who might up and leave me the second someone better comes along or they get tired of me.”
“First, we won’t leave or get tired of you. If anything, it might be the other way around. And second, yes. Hell fucking yes, keep thinking about that life change, of not leaving.”
I froze. Not even my lungs worked as I stared up at him in disbelief. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying we want you, Aspen, all of you, for more than just this week. If that means figuring out a long-distance situation, then we’ll do it. Just, at the end of your time here in Anchor Bay, don’t say goodbye for good.”
“We just met,” I countered, not really sure why. Did I really want to talk him out of wanting me, of figuring things out after my vacation was over?
“It doesn’t feel that way, though, does it?” The tip of my ponytail swished along the back of my neck with a slow headshake. “It feels right. Fuck, everything feels right when you’re around. And…” He considered me for a few seconds before continuing. “I love my best friend.” The conviction and emotion that thickened his voice had tears burning behind my eyes. “When he’s with you—hell, even when you’re just on his mind—he’s different. Happy even. I want that for him. He deserves it more than any man I know.”
“What about you?” I asked, reaching up to cradle his jaw in a single palm.
Light lashes fluttered closed while his chest rose with a deep inhale.
“I don’t want you to leave because you make the silence quiet.” I blinked, not sure what he meant by that. “When I’m alone or even with others around, the lulls or quiet stir up every regret and all the guilt I’ve compiled through my life, terrible memories, everything I try to lock away. I couldn’t even appreciate this amazing state most of the time because of the silence that came with it. Until you.” A single tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. “From that first drive to the resort, you quieted my demons with just your presence. You soothe the broken and jagged parts of me that are left.” Reaching out, he grabbed my hand and brought it to his chest. “I can finally fucking breathe without nearly drowning in my guilt.”
I slid my hand up his chest, around his neck, and cupped the back of his head to urge his mouth down to my own. He came willingly, soft lips pressing against mine in an emotional kiss that I felt deep in my soul.
And the apex of my thighs.
After earlier, it seemed the floodgates on my hormones had burst open, and even this simple, beautiful kiss had heat racing through my veins and my core pulsing.
As if sensing the shift, Aiden grabbed my ass and lifted until my legs wrapped around his waist. A quick gasp escaped, swallowed quickly by his urgent kisses, when my back once again pressed to the rough tree bark.
I pulled away to catch my breath, allowing Aiden access to kiss along my throat. My gaze slid toward the makeshift campsite where I zeroed in on Miles, who was now just a few steps away, perched on a massive rock with his intense stare locked on us and a daring smirk on his lips.
My heart racing a thousand beats a second, I held his hooded gaze. Despite the chill in the air from our high elevation, sweat slicked my skin from the radiating heat pouring off Aiden, adding to the inferno scorching my veins.
“No one out here but us, baby girl.” Miles’s deep, rumbling voice sent a bolt of desire racing down my spine. “Well, us and that moose down there.”
My head snapped around so fast it hit the tree while trying to see past Aiden to the valley. His humor-filled chuckle vibrated against my skin as he placed a soft kiss beneath my ear.
“Never thought my best friend, with the assist of a damn moose, would be the ultimate cockblock.” With one more soft kiss to my lips, he eased his firm hold on my ass, slowly lowering my feet back to the ground. “Yet here we are.”
“Damnit,” I grumbled. “My camera is?—”
Miles stood and held out my camera case. “Right here. With the sun setting and the angle, I assumed you’d want to grab some shots.”
“Thank you.” Carefully taking the most expensive item I owned from his hands, I quickly worked it free from the protective case and powered it on. Standing on the edge of a cliff that offered the best overlook of the valley below, I raised the camera and snapped a test picture before checking the viewing screen to see what I needed to adjust.
Needing a better angle, I moved, the loose dirt beneath my boots shifting, throwing me slightly unbalanced. My heart dropped, breath caught in that half a second as I tilted forward. Before a terrified sound could escape, two large hands gripped my waist and tightened, pulling me against a firm chest.
Looking up and over my shoulder, I smiled at Aiden. “Thanks for the save.” But when I pulled out of his arms, he only allowed a single step. I shot him a look, to which he responded with an exaggerated shrug.
“You do your thing. Focus on the pictures you want. I’ll be here to make sure you don’t fall to your untimely death.”
“I thought you guys were a part of an adventure and rescue company. Are you saying you wouldn’t rescue me if I took a little tumble?”
“I’m saying I’d rather keep you close so I don’t have to feel that minor heart attack again like I just did when you slipped. Let me have some peace of mind, yeah? I won’t bother you or get in your way. I just want to be here close, just in case.”
My teeth sank deep into my lower lip, and I fought my wide grin as I turned back around. “Okay.”
“Plus, I’ll take every opportunity to have my hands on you.”
“And there it is.” I laughed. With a slight headshake, I raised the camera to my face. “Ready to potentially save me from myself?”
“Always, sweetheart. Always.”
* * *
“That one,” Miles said, pointing at the viewing screen, his arm brushing along mine. “That’s the one where you somehow captured the majesty of this place.”
I clicked to the next picture, which was a snapshot of a particular bird Aiden had excitedly pointed out on the hike earlier. I had no idea how the man could get any more adorable, but he constantly surprised me by upping his cuteness factor, like being an avid birdwatcher.
Going to the next picture, I tensed, knowing Miles didn’t know I had taken one of him and Aiden earlier. Aiden’s arm was draped over Miles’s wide shoulders as they hiked ahead of me. With the light shining around them, it was a beautiful picture of two best friends. You could practically feel the love and trust they had for each other in the photo itself.
Biting my lip to hide the growing smile, I turned to look over my shoulder at Miles. His attention was still on the camera when I leaned in and placed a quick kiss to his cheek before turning back around and settling back against him once more.
Did they pack me a camping chair? Yes.
Was it set up and just on the other side of the small firepit? Yes.
Was I using it? No.
Before I could sit in my seat, Miles pulled me onto his lap and wrapped an arm around my waist, preventing me from getting up. Not that I tried. No, being in his arms, relaxed against his solid chest, was way too comfortable to fight.
“This is a keeper for sure,” I murmured. “You two look happy and at peace out here.”
“Looks can be deceiving,” he whispered. “Though with you here, maybe that picture rings a little more true than before.”
“You weren’t happy?” I asked. Shifting on his lap, I angled myself to face Miles.
Lips in a tight line, he stared into the billowing smoke coming off the fire. Apparently, there was an herb that you could add to a fire so the smoke would keep the summer bugs and mosquitoes away.
“I would say surviving or existing is the right word for what we were doing before you arrived in Anchor Bay.”
“And now?” I asked, voice tight with emotion as I studied his face.
He reached up and brushed a few strands of dark hair off my face that the wind had jostled free. Gazing into my soul, he held that intense stare for a few seconds before responding. “Now, I have hope for more. But…”
Cupping his strong jaw, I brushed a thumb over his beard, loving the way it felt on my skin. “But what?”
“I know it won’t last.”
“Because I’m leaving?”
He shook his head, lids falling closed as if he couldn’t bear to look at me while he said his next words. “Because when you see just how shattered I am inside and out, you’ll walk away. And I can’t risk that, can’t risk you taking those last slivers of hope I have when you leave. I’ll be beyond saving at that point.”
Tears flooded my lower lids, but I refused to let them fall. Leaning in close, I brushed my lips against his in a barely there, supportive kiss.
“I can’t promise I won’t leave, because no one knows what tomorrow will bring. But I will promise you I won’t walk away from you because of who you think you are. I might not have known you for long, but I see you, Miles Jackson. And the person you are in here”—I pressed a hand over his heart—“is someone worth fighting for.”
His lips quirked upward. “And who are you planning to fight for me?”
“You. I’m going to fight you for the real man I know is inside you, the one beneath whatever you’re afraid of.”
“I’m not afraid,” he rasped.
“Okay, big guy, you’re not afraid.” Patting his chest, I turned back around. “But don’t hold back. Show me everything you are. Because I’m not afraid either, and I think you’ll be surprised at how amazing it will be when you let go of whatever is holding you back.”
“What if you’re wrong?” he whispered in my ear, causing a shiver to race down my spine.
“What if I’m right? Isn’t that enough to try?”
“How?” The word was more of a hiss that escaped through his clenched teeth.
“Start small. Tell me something small that maybe you haven’t told anyone other than your best friend. We could start like that, every day sharing something about each other that we’ve kept buried or hidden from everyone else.”
The wood in the fire crackled, the only sound besides the buzzing bugs all around the campsite. We sat in silence for so long that I wondered if I’d pushed him too far, asked too much.
“I’m not sure anything about what I’ve been through is small.”
“How about you tell me why Aiden always looks shell-shocked when you touch me or when I touch you?” It was something I’d noticed several times, even tonight when Miles had pulled me down onto his lap. Aiden had frozen where he was lowering into his own chair, eyes wide and fixed on where we touched.
Once again, silence settled between us, but this time, I didn’t allow worry to worm its way in. It seemed Miles needed a few seconds to gather his thoughts, and I needed to be patient, allowing him that time since this was clearly a sensitive topic, and exposing the deeper sides of him was a new challenge.
“Because when we’ve shared in the past—hell, since I got out of the hospital and left the Navy—I haven’t allowed anyone to touch me. A handshake or something small isn’t a big deal, but skin to skin, or something more intimate, has been a solid no for years.”
Brows furrowed, I studied him over my shoulder. “Then how did you share?”
Something like worry flickered behind his eyes. “I just watched.”
“Watched,” I repeated like an idiot. “So, how did you… enjoy it?” I cringed, making laughter rumble in his chest. He lifted a single hand and wiggled his fingers, giving me a pointed look. “Oh. Oh,” I whispered. My mind immediately went to earlier, my face heating. “So, today when I… you know. You didn’t want that?—”
He cuffed the back of my neck and pulled me close until our noses brushed. “It was fucking amazing. Don’t you dare question that. I could’ve said no, but I didn’t. You on your knees for me, feeling your hot, wet mouth around my cock, knowing the remarkable woman who touched me made it everything to me. Not okay but fucking everything . Aiden is shocked by how I go out of my way to touch you because I can’t stop. I crave the feel of your skin, your lips on mine, and ever since this morning, I can’t stop fantasizing about fucking that perfect mouth again and dreaming about filling your tight cunt that squeezed the fuck out of my fingers with my cock, over and over and over again.” My breaths came in quick, shallow pants. “I want to feel you beneath me, feel you all around me, touch you everywhere you’ll let me, and press the boundaries of what you’re embarrassed to crave.”
“Holy fuck,” I rasped, sweat now beading along my forehead and causing my shirt to stick to my back.
“I want it all, with you and Aiden. And that’s all because of you, Aspen. No one else has ever tempted me, pushed me, made me fucking want it like you do. I’m not ready to tell you everything, but that… that is my one share for the day.”
I nodded and glanced toward the other occupied chair, where Aiden sat on the opposite side of the flickering flames, his gaze fixed on the small fire. Almost as if he felt my stare, his honey-colored eyes shifted and met mine, a small, forced smile pulling at his lips. Worry churned in my gut, wondering what had happened to the happy, laughing man from earlier.
Miles’s arm tightened around my waist as his lips brushed along my ear. “Don’t worry about him. He gets lost in his head sometimes.”
I nodded. He’d alluded to that earlier, but I was confused about why. What caused him to get lost in that guilt and regret he said drowned him daily? “He mentioned something about that but not why.”
“Because he thinks it’s his fault that I am the way I am.” My lips parted, ready to ask why Aiden would feel that way, but Miles wrapped his fingers around my throat and tightened. Urging me to lie back against his chest, my head resting against his shoulder, Miles’s other hand slipped beneath my shirt, settling a rough palm over my stomach. “I have an idea of how to pull him out of his head.” I stilled as Miles’s fingers dipped beneath the waistband of my pants. “You want to play, baby girl?”
“Yes, sir,” I barely pushed out with my erratic breaths and his hold around my throat.
“That’s my good girl.”
Holy fuck.
It was official.
I was the luckiest woman on the planet.
And I intended to savor every second I had with these two men.
For now. But hopefully for longer than the three of us ever imagined.