Chapter 19
19
ASPEN
“I don’t think I’ve stayed up this late without alcohol somehow being involved in a very long time,” I mused as I slipped into the lightweight sleeping bag. A full-body shiver shook my shoulders as the cold, slick material caressed the exposed skin of my legs and stomach. “Dang, it’s cold away from the fire.”
“Says the woman sleeping in her underwear.” Aiden chuckled as his pants dropped. Thanks to the headlamp he wore, I was gifted with a full, unobstructed view of his muscular legs as he stepped out of the puddled material. Damn, there was something about thick, manly thighs that did it for me.
Who was I kidding? All parts of Aiden and Miles did it for me.
“Says the guy sleeping in his underwear,” I sassed back.
“Not quite.” With a wink, he hooked both thumbs into the waistband of his gray boxer briefs and tugged them down. My jaw went slack, eyes basically popping out of my head with my gaze locked on his long, thick cock.
How the hell did I fit that thing in my mouth earlier?
“Gotta stop looking at me like that, sweetheart. It’s past your bedtime, and I need my beauty sleep.” I snapped my jaw closed, teeth clattering with the sharp movement. “Good girl.”
My groan echoed through the tent. Falling back to my pillow, I tossed an arm over my eyes and hot cheeks. “How can I not stare when you’re standing there naked, looking all hot and perfect?”
He lay on top of his sleeping bag and tucked both hands behind his head. Without my permission, my eyes slid down his chiseled chest, rippled stomach, and paused on his dick that twitched against his thigh.
There wasn’t a penis in the world that I would ever consider pretty, but fuck if Aiden’s wasn’t a work of art. Penis art. Maybe I could make a living by taking pictures of his perfect cock if the whole wildlife and scenery photography thing didn’t work out as I hoped.
Or was that considered porn?
Either way, it was a terrible idea. If I captured his penis in all its glory, then other women would see how magical it was, plus the man attached to the art-like penis, and come to Anchor Bay in droves.
“I’m not perfect,” Aiden said after a minute of me gazing longingly at his dick.
“Hmm,” I finally responded, forcing my gaze up to his face, only to pause. There were none of the laugh lines that always marked his smiling face, no twinkle in his eyes that told me something mischievous was playing out in his mind. All lingering thoughts of how to get him over into my sleeping bag to use his perfect cock evaporated. “Aiden?”
“You said I was hot—which, thank you—but I’m not perfect. Far from it, actually.” His brows dipped, and that far-off look overtook his stare. “Someone perfect wouldn’t have made all the mistakes I made or almost gotten his best friend killed because of them.”
I sucked in a sharp breath that whistled between my teeth. “Tell me what happened.” He rolled his head to face me. “None of us are perfect, Aiden. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know you didn’t,” he whispered. “Sorry, I’m being so fucking dramatic, distracting you from my dick. Fuck,” he groaned. “I cockblocked myself.”
A giggle escaped, and I rolled over, laying a cheek on my tucked hands. “We have time for me to stare at your dick and continue to dream about my penis art photography business.”
His brows flew up over his forehead. “Penis. Art.”
“It’s a new trend.” I bit my lower lip to keep the smile from growing wider.
“Fairly certain porn has been around for a while, plus I’m not sure I like this idea of penis pornography. I’ll end up in jail for murdering the unlucky models you hire.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just your penis because it’s pretty.” His mouth opened and closed a few times. “Want to talk about it?”
“My cock? Always.” His smile was just as forced as the lightness in his tone.
“Aiden,” I rasped.
“Aspen,” he said, copying my exasperated tone.
“You want me to stay?”
“Of course,” he said in a rush.
“Then give me more of you.” His brows waggled as he flicked his gaze down at his dick. “You know what I mean. Show me this is real by telling me something real.”
“Pretty sure my dick is real.” He grinned. Slipping a hand free, I shoved at his bare shoulder. “Fine. But quid pro quo, sweetheart.”
“Agreed.” I held out my hand, which he slipped into his. Instead of shaking it, he drew it close to his lips and planted a soft kiss on my knuckles. “What do you want to know about me?”
He studied me, gaze scanning my face for a few seconds. “When we first met, you mentioned that your mom said photography was a waste of time.”
“You remember that?” I whispered in sheer awe. “Why?”
“I remember all the things about the important people in my life.”
“But I’m not, or I wasn’t then. I was just a stranger.” And now I was just a…
Fuck, I could not go there right now.
“I had a hunch of what was to come. The way you talked about your mom made me think things weren’t that great between you two. Tell me.”
“Wow, going deep here, Dr. Phil.” I rolled onto my back and stared at the top of the tent. “She’s old-school, I guess you could say. I loved playing outdoors and helping my dad on the ranch, but she thought I should be inside, learning to cook and clean and be a proper wife one day. I’ve never seen my dad make a single meal for himself, and I’m pretty sure he thinks the fact that his clothes reappear in his closet daily is magic and not my mom’s doing. When I showed interest in photography, she dismissed it, said it wasn’t necessary or even a viable career until I got married, and then it could be a hobby while the kids were in school.”
“Until you got married and had the 2.5 kids,” Aiden mused. “So, she had grand aspirations for your life.”
“A husband and three kids,” I corrected as her disappointed voice rang in my ears as if she were right beside me. “Never achieving my own dreams or wants. Those were her aspirations. When I pushed back, which was often, she would tell me I’d never make it. That it wasn’t right for me to want more than a family and a husband telling me what to do.”
“Aspen.” His hand breached the small gap between our two sleeping bags and grasped mine, interlacing our fingers in a tight hold.
“So, when I left to pursue my career in something that gave me joy and hope, she basically told me I’d be back, and when I failed and came running back home, I needed to be ready to finally fall in line with what was expected of me.” My breath was shaky as I blew it out in a slow stream through pursed lips. “It’s why I came here when everything happened with James. I can’t go home to that. I haven’t failed,” I whispered. “I just got… sidetracked, and I’m trying to find my way back to me. The life I want to live that makes me happy and fulfilled.”
“Do you think you could find that here?” Aiden asked.
My hair slid along my sleeping bag as I turned to face him once again. “I don’t know. I want to think so. I feel like I could, but I lost my way once because of someone else distracting me from my dreams. What if it happens again?”
There. That was it. The fear that had wormed its way into my heart and mind, but I hadn’t been able to pinpoint it until just now.
“I get that, I do, but what if you had two people wanting to help you stay on the path to your dreams? There to help you and support you no matter where that leads. A community that wants you to succeed in whatever makes you happy because this life is too fucking short, filled with too much shit, for any of us to do anything but what keeps that light flickering inside us.”
“How did you get so wise?”
His features shuttered. “By making a lot of mistakes I regret daily.”
“Your turn to spill your innermost thoughts and secrets.” I gave his hand a squeeze in encouragement. “You might feel better once you tell someone, if you haven’t already.”
“I haven’t.” His soft exhale brushed along my exposed arm. “I’m the reason Miles got injured, and was forced to leave the one thing he loved.”
My eyes flicked between his. “I don’t understand.”
“There was an attack, the last mission he went on, and I wasn’t there to stop it.”
My mind reeled, trying to connect the pieces, but what he said made little sense. “How could you have been there?”
His throat bobbed, the movement barely noticeable with the faint light from the headlamp he’d laid on the floor between us.
“I told you before that we both intended to become SEALs one day. When our first couple years in the Navy were up, he signed a new contract, and I didn’t.” My heart ached hearing the tremble in his voice. “I let my ex convince me to stay home, find a regular nine-to-five job, and get married instead of fulfilling the dream I had with my best friend. What we had planned since we were kids.”
“I don’t understand how that means you’re the one who got him injured?—”
“I wasn’t there for him,” he rasped. “If I would’ve followed through with what we promised each other, I would’ve been there with him…”
“Then maybe you both would’ve been hurt, or worse.” My heart leapt into my throat at even thinking that. What if things had turned out differently and these two amazing men weren’t here now, with me, giving me the best slice of life I’d ever experienced?
And it was because of more than the soul-shattering orgasms.
They were showing me how to truly experience life with someone—or someones, in this case—who truly supported you.
Aiden shook his head. “No, if I would’ve been there, I could’ve stopped it. Don’t you see, Aspen? My best friend almost died and has lingering pain and so much trauma all because I chose someone else over him. Someone who turned out to be so fucking awful, who made me so damn miserable every damn day. I almost lost Miles, and I will never, ever forgive myself for not being there when he needed me most.”
I let that last statement hang in the air for a moment before responding.
“But you’re here now,” I whispered. Reaching over, I ran my fingers through his soft, silky hair. “And I see the way you watch him, making sure he’s happy and taken care of.” As those words left my lips, it was like a light bulb went off in my mind. “He’s why you started sharing.” Aiden nodded. “Because he wouldn’t touch anyone, could only watch.”
Everything was making sense, and it was really fucking beautiful how strong and tight these two men were. They wanted the best for each other and constantly gave of themselves to ensure the other was happy.
“It was terrible when he first came home. It’s still not great. His nightmares keep him from sleeping at night and sometimes follow him into the day. He also has…” Aiden looked at me. “The scars sometimes hurt, which pulls him back into that last mission that almost killed him. He didn’t want anyone touching him, it was too much, but then it turned into more of him being used to being standoffish. So, yeah, the sharing, him watching, helped him get through those first few years. Until you.”
“I don’t know why,” I whispered. That was the truth.
“Whatever it is…” Aiden sat up and shifted to lean over me, his face hovering just over mine. “Please, Aspen, please don’t stop.” His soft lips brushed mine in a barely-there kiss before he fell back onto his sleeping bag. “I think that’s enough trauma bonding for the night, don’t you? I need my beauty sleep, remember?”
At my distracted nod, he clicked off the light, dousing us in darkness.
“Good night, Aiden,” I whispered.
“Good night, sweetheart.”
For several minutes, I stared into the darkness, mind still whirling with his revelations. This thing between the three of us was intense, yet I wasn’t overwhelmed like I was when I first arrived here. I felt more settled and at peace than I had in years. Even though I had no clue where all this would lead, I was happy, right here, right now.
And that was everything.
* * *
I jerked awake.
Heart racing, eyes wide open, I stayed completely still while trying to figure out what woke me. Soft snores came from my right, telling me Aiden was still asleep. Straining my ears, I listened for any sounds outside the tent. Thankfully, a bit of too-early sunlight offered enough visibility for me to see that no one else was in the tent besides us.
No axe murderer in here. That was a win.
When no suspicious noises came, my lids slowly fluttered closed, too heavy to keep open without the earlier surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins. Only for them to snap open again at a pained, wounded sound from somewhere outside the tent. My breathing shallow, I slowly unzipped my sleeping bag just enough to quietly wiggle out without waking Aiden. Before opening the door, I grabbed the shirt on top of his pack, the one he set aside to wear on our trek back to Anchor Bay today. After slipping it over my head, I unzipped the door enough to slip through.
Inhaling the crisp, chilly morning air, I kept my senses on high alert while taking a second to appreciate the surrounding beauty.
Until the wounded animal cried out again, this time mixed with a thrashing sound.
My head whipped one way, then the other, gaze searching the small clearing. A tendril of smoke trailed into the air from the few embers left glowing in the center of the ring of rocks we used to contain the fire and smoldering remnants, but other than that, I found nothing.
I wasn’t scared or worried that whatever was out there would hurt me. My heart ached at the sound, knowing something was in pain, and I desperately wanted to help, do anything to stop its agony.
A soft whimper, one I’d heard before, had me narrowing my gaze on the single-person tent several feet from where I stood. Soft dirt coated the bottoms of my feet, and loose pebbles poked into the soft skin with every hesitant step I took toward Miles’s tent.
Pausing just outside the thin, domed canvas, I leaned closer, putting my ear as close as I could without actually touching it. A pained moan, clearly human now that I was close, made my breath catch and heart cramp.
Miles.
My fingers hovered over the door’s zipper, fingertips brushing the tiny metal. Another of Jubie’s soft whines floated in the air from inside the tent, the scrape of nails against the waterproof bottom. Breath burning in my lungs, I waited, pleading with anyone or anything that would listen that whatever Miles was dealing with, alone, was finally over.
Nightmares.
That was what Aiden said plagued Miles from his time as a SEAL and whatever happened during that last assignment. I didn’t need to know the details to understand it was bad, horrible enough that it still haunted him now, years later.
Swallowing down the building tears, I retreated a single step, then another until the back of my legs hit the edge of a camping chair. The same chair Miles had held me in last night, taunting and teasing his best friend to pull him out of his head. Lowering into the canvas seat, I stared at Miles’s tent as if just monitoring him would somehow offer the comfort I knew wouldn’t be welcomed if I ripped open that door and attempted to smother him with it.
But I couldn’t just leave. Not when I knew he was in there fighting a battle alone.
Reaching over, I tossed a few leftover dead branches onto the glowing embers, hoping the fire would catch just enough to chase the too-early morning chill from the air. After dusting off my hands, I tucked both knees to my chest, using Aiden’s large T-shirt as a makeshift blanket, pulling the soft material up and over my bent legs.
There was no way I could go back to sleep now.
Might as well stay up and keep watch over Miles.
Whether he wanted me to or not.