Chapter 31
Connor
three years ago
The moment Alexis showed up, I knew I’d made a huge mistake.
When I turned and saw her at the back of that aisle dressed in something you could barely classify as a dress, I wanted to walk right up to her, apologize for my mistake and tell her to leave.
But in a matter of seconds, her arms were around my neck, then Gretchen was there and I couldn’t keep up with what was happening.
Before I knew it, the wedding planner was whisking me upstairs to join the wedding party and I didn’t know where Gretchen had gone.
And now, there she goes again, purse in hand, crashing through the ballroom doors like I’ll never see her again. I want to chase after her, tell her she has it all wrong.
Alexis laughs, a harsh reminder that I’ve put myself between a rock and hard place. “That girl’s still got it so bad for you?” She toys her fingers in the hair at the back of my neck. I bristle at the contact.
“What are you talking about? ”
“Oh my God, you didn’t know? Gretchen was, like, totally obsessed with you in high school.”
“That’s not true.”
“Connor, are you kidding me? That summer after you and Drew visited, she could not stop talking about how hot you were. It was adorable but also kind of pathetic.”
Her mouth crooks into a smarmy grin, a look that says she’s won. Only, I didn’t even know there was a competition to begin with.
I look down at her, my frustration evident. “Did you know who I was that night at the bar?” She rears her head back in offense. “Did you?”
“Of course I did. But you recognized me, too.”
“Why on earth would I know who you were?”
“Because we’d already met!” she says incredulously.
“What are you talking about?”
She scoffs. “That summer you and Drew visited. I met you at the coffee shop and I was at Gretchen’s house that day we were all hanging out by the pool.” She pauses, eyes hopeful for remembrance to dawn on my face, but it never comes. “Whatever, it’s fine. It was a long time ago.”
I remember both of those days and I remember other girls being there, but I couldn’t tell you what any of them looked like. Gretchen was all I could see.
“Well, I don’t remember you.” The words land with a harsher sting than I intend them to. “I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. If you knew who I was, why didn’t you say that? Why did you lie about how old you are?”
“My boss was standing right next to me and I’d had to lie about my age to get the job. I thought you recognized me and were just playing some flirty game, pretending we didn’t know each other.”
I actually laugh. Out loud, because the notion is so ridiculous. “That’s not how I flirt, Alexis. And I don’t like liars.”
Surprisingly, she looks remorseful.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” she says softly. “Do you think we could start over? ”
A better man would accept her apology. But I’m not the better man in this scenario. All I can think about is whether or not Gretchen is coming back.
As it turns out, lovesick morons stuck pining for the one girl they can’t have make really terrible decisions.
I unclasp Alexis’ hands from around my neck and step away. “I need a drink.”
Gretchen
The nighttime Chicago skyline beyond the window sparkles with city lights reflecting off the tall buildings. Traffic weaves through the streets below sending streaks of neon red and gold painting the pavement.
The ballroom doors open and close around the corner. Stilettos clack on the marble floor, the sound drawing closer. I don’t have to turn to know it’s her.
“Can I help you with something, Alexis?” I ask.
Opposite me, shoulder propped against the oversized window frame, she says, “Just wanted to see if you were still out here pouting.”
I shake my head and push off the wall to leave. “Have a good night.”
“Go ahead. Walk away again, scared and wounded like the world is so unfair to you.”
I stop, sucking in a breath as I turn. “Excuse me?”
“You haven’t changed at all, have you, Gretch?” She cocks her head, words spewing like venom. “You see all these things you want, but you’re too scared to reach out and take them. You just sit back and cry and blame others for the things you don’t have.”
“That’s what you’ve told yourself?” The space between us narrows as I move closer. “You think I regret not having sex with a bunch of juvenile boys in high school? My only regret is believing you when you said I was your best friend.”
Her eyes roll to the heavens. “It’s just sex, I don’t know why you’re so uptight about it. And that was high school. Aren’t we beyond that by now?”
“It was last year!” I take in my surroundings and step forward.
Toe to toe, I lower my voice. “You wanna have sex with every guy that looks your way, I couldn’t care less.
I actually envied your confidence, Alexis.
I never judged you. But you judged me. You pitted us against each other and, shocker, the girl who spread her legs first won. ” I throw out my arms.
“And here we are again.” My lips twist as I fight back the burn in my throat, the ache in my chest. The mental image of her arms around Connor’s neck plays on a continuous loop, insult piled onto injury over and over and over.
“I’m beginning to wonder if you’ve ever pursued a guy that I wasn’t interested in first.”
She flips her hair over her shoulder and laughs, arms crossed in contempt. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, you know. If Connor wanted you as his date, he would have asked you.”
There it is—the God’s honest, ugly truth my heart can’t bear. And damn the universe for letting this girl be the one who spells it out for me. He doesn’t want me. He chose her.
I know exactly the kind of person Alexis is—mean, vindictive, conniving and selfish.
But if hurt people hurt people, then I can also acknowledge that her punches hold very little weight.
She may be out for blood, but her only weapons are dull blades, painful on impact but only capable of breaking skin if I push back hard enough.
“And insecurity doesn’t suit you.” I pause. Her face falls a fraction before she captures it and yanks it back into neutrality. “That’s right, I see through the facade. You’re not confident at all. No, this is insecurity masquerading as confidence.”
I’m not interested in revenge. More than anything, I want to put her behind me. Up until about four hours ago, I thought I’d done that.
“I feel sorry for you, Alexis. I’m sorry for whatever happened to you that made you such a terrible friend to others.”
She opens her mouth to reply, but the pointed finger I pin in her chest stops her short.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear. You know how much Connor means to me.” God, does she know.
“But he’s made his choice. You win.” Tears sting the back of my eyes.
Do. Not. Cry. “I forgive you for everything. All of it. But if you hurt him? That I will never forgive.”
Gazes locked, there’s a taut silence until, “Everything okay out here?” Connor comes into view, his question a battle-axe that cleaves the air.
Alexis and I turn to face him. He steps closer, eyes on a pendulum swinging between the girl he chose and the girl who wanted so badly for it to be her.
I step back, face flat, heart a vast, empty abyss. “Everything’s fine.”
Connor looks at me and then he turns to her . “I think we should go.”
The man I’m in love with leads another woman to the elevator with a hand on the small of her back. I suck in a ragged breath that teeters on the edge of a sob as I spin on my heel and run.
The door on the far wall opens to a wraparound balcony. Once outside, my lungs heave in an ocean’s worth of oxygen. Without the incessant pulse of the music pounding from the other side of the stone wall, I’m not sure my heart would remember to beat on its own.
Connor
I press the button for the lobby as Alexis asks, “What floor is your room on?”
“I don’t have a room,” I answer.
She steps into me, pressing me to the back of the elevator. “Good. We’ll go back to your place then.”
Hands that feel all wrong coast up my chest. I grab her wrists and ease her back. “No. I’m getting you a cab and sending you home. I’m sorry, but this isn’t working out.”
Her face drops.
I scrape a hand over the back of my neck. “Look, this is my fault. It was a mistake to invite you here tonight and I truly am sorry.”
Her gaze zeros in on me like a sniper taking aim. I can’t tell if she’s about to cry or punch me in the face. “How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” I say.
“So, you’re gonna take her word over mine?”
“Depends. What’s your word, Alexis?” I lean against the wall, hands sliding into my pockets. Her word means nothing, tonight alone has made that clear, but I am curious to see how she tries to spin this.
She tilts her head to one side. “That Gretchen is weak,” she starts. “That she only has herself to blame for every guy that thought they wanted her and chose me instead. You want to pick her over me? Be my guest. Good luck trying to get lucky with that one.”
I laugh without an ounce of humor. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong.” The elevator dings as it reaches the lobby and I push off the wall. “Any guy that girl gives the time of day should consider himself the luckiest guy in the world.”
Alexis stomps past me and I follow her all the way out the door. I don’t stop until she’s in a cab, brake lights flashing as she drives away.
I turn to face the hotel, eyes panning up the many floors that climb endlessly into the night sky. Gretchen’s up there somewhere. Hurt. Disappointed. Mistaken .
She needs to understand I’m not interested in Alexis—it’s the bare minimum of what I have to explain to fix this. But it doesn’t address what got me in this mess in the first place—that I want my best friend’s little sister. That I never stop thinking about her. That I think I’m in love with her.