Chapter 21
“This should be a good spot,” Kai says while looking around.
This park is bigger, with a lot more trees around to help keep us hidden. We walked to the farthest corner of the park under a gigantic tree so no light would shine around us. Kai lays a blanket down for us to lie on. This time, he brought a pillow to rest underneath our heads.
We’re going to have to stop doing this. It’s late October, and the weather is dropping. Too low for us to hang outside. Kai places a big puffy comforter around us.
I shiver into Kai’s arms and snuggle my head into his chest. The beat of his heart rings through my ears. I’ve never felt this comfortable with someone. The feeling is exciting. My life has brightened up more since we met. He makes me feel like this will last forever.
Kai turns toward me, tracing his finger down my cheek.
Despite the darkness of the night, his bright-blue eyes sparkle.
I inch closer to him until I feel his breath on my lips.
His gaze flickers to my lips, and without hesitation, I reach for him, pulling him in until our lips meet and our tongues glide together.
Heat rises between our bodies and makes the air feel less cold.
His hands softly explore my midsection, sending goosebumps down my body.
My hand glides down his midsection until it reaches his buckle.
Breaking the kiss, his gaze intensifies. “Have you ever done this before?”
“No,” I say, swallowing hard.
Does he want someone who has done this before?
Does he think I’m not a virgin?
“Have you?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah.”
My breathing becomes shallow. I don’t know why I feel a sense of shock. I assumed he had. He’s more experienced than me.
“Are you sure about this?” he asks.
“Yes.” I want my first time to be with him. He already makes me feel happy and special. This is another piece that will connect us even more.
But I can’t help but think about what happened with Paige and Jace. Does he just want me for sex? For my virginity?
He grips my chin up to meet his gaze. “We don’t have to right now. We can wait until you’re ready.”
“Do you just want me for my virginity?” I blurt out.
He squirms a little beneath my head. “Why would you ask that? Does it look like that’s the only thing I want from you?”
“No. But…” A knot forms in my stomach, and my chest pinches. I already regret what I just asked. Of course Kai isn’t like that. He’s already shown me so much in the little time we’ve been together.
“But what?”
“Are we going to be together forever? Because I don’t want to be one of those couples that have sex and then break up. This has to be for forever if we’re going to do this.”
“It is forever.”
I reach back up and wrap my hand around his neck. “And ever?”
“Forever and ever,” he whispers against my lips.
I trail my hand down his midsection again.
A popping sound followed by a sound of rustling fills the space around us.
Heat fills my palms as I trail down underneath his boxers.
His penis is firm in my hand as I wrap my fingers around him.
Kai leans in and pulls me deeper into his embrace.
His breathing becomes heavier as he unbuttons my pants and glides his fingers down to my clit.
The tip of his fingers touches the top of my clit, rubbing in a circular motion.
I run my hand up and down his penis, feeling the ridges of his vein as he pulsates in my hand.
One of his fingers runs through the slit of my vagina down to my center.
A gasp comes from me as he pushes his finger inside of me.
My center contracts uncontrollably at the feeling of his finger thrusting in and out.
Beads of sweat drip down my forehead. Something is building inside of me.
I feel the warmth of my wetness consuming my center and an orgasm taking me over.
He removes his finger and slides my jeans off.
A cool breeze hits my bare legs, a shiver running through my body.
He raises himself onto his knees and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. My eyes squint up at him; I’m confused about what he’s doing. His face falls flat when he looks down at me.
“I don’t have a condom.” He sighs. “Do you have any?”
I’m shocked he’s asking me that. Are girls supposed to carry them? I thought it was the guy's job. “No.”
He rolls back onto the heels of his feet. “We can try another time.”
I don’t want to wait. I trust Kai, and I’m ready.
Maybe it’s not about waiting until both people are prepared. Maybe it’s about the moment that’s perfect for us—and this is a perfect moment for us. “It’s okay,” I say.
He tilts his head to the side looking at me with surprise. “Are you sure?”
“Can you make sure to pull out?”
“Yeah. But what if–”
“Kai, I trust you.”
He leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips as he kicks his pants off and over to the side. I spread my legs as Kai makes his way on top of me. He positions his penis up against my vagina and then moves it in between my slit, spreading my wetness down his shaft.
He lifts his head, staring down at me. “Are you sure about this?”
I nod.
“Tell me if it hurts. I’ll go slow.”
“Okay.”
I always hear the first time hurts. People say not to expect anything magical, and you’ll most likely feel relief once it’s over.
Avoiding eye contact, I turn my gaze away as I feel pressure down there. Kai moves in slowly, and my jaw tenses.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
The deeper he gets, the more pressure I feel.
My breathing becomes more shallow with each small thrust he makes.
Sweat drips down my forehead. The heat of Kai's breath is radiating in the crevices of my neck. My vagina feels full. Fuller than I’ve ever imagined it would feel.
Kai moves in and out of me. My hearing fills with his groans.
My breathing intensifies. Not from the sex, but the pressure and pain of each movement he makes. The discomfort makes my eyes water.
Kai's groans intensify. In one swift move, Kai releases himself onto the blanket between my thighs.
My vagina is throbbing. I place my hand down there, rubbing it softly. It feels tender to the touch. I look down at my hand to see if there is any blood. Nothing. I thought you bled after sex for the first time?
With direct eye contact Kai asks, “Are you okay?”
I nod and lean up on my elbows, looking for my underwear and pants.
“Here.” He hands me his underwear. “Use these to clean yourself.”
After I’m done, he hands me my underwear and pants.
With shaky hands, I slide my clothes on.
My mind is swimming with emotions I can’t quite place. The heaviness in my chest doesn’t subside. Did I make the right choice? Is he going to leave me now? Will we really be together forever?
“Hey,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
I collapse into his arms, inhaling his warm scent.
Silence surrounds us. I look up at the sky, remembering the first night I snuck out to be with him.
Butterflies filled my stomach from top to bottom from the excitement of seeing him and the worry of sneaking out.
I never thought we would come this far so quick.
I can’t wait to turn eighteen so I can have more freedom to do what I want.