Chapter 23
The first thing I do once I get home is text Kai.
Me: Hey, handsome…
And then I text Paige. They’re going to be so excited I finally have a way to communicate with them again.
Me: Guess who got their phone back?
I’m lying on my bed, waiting for Paige and Kai to text back.
After Brynlee finished trick-or-treating, I came straight to my room.
My mom probably knows it’s so I can talk to my friends.
That is one reason, but also, I don’t want her to see how nervous I am about sneaking out tonight.
I had already made the plans before our talk, and now, after my mom was so nice to me, I feel this tug between doing the right thing and continuing on with my plan.
Paige: Ahh U got ur phone back.
Kai: Hey beautiful.
Paige: R u still coming out 2nite?
A couple of hours later, I listen to the silence of the house before I begin my trek from my room to the tree that sits outside the front of the house—the tree that hides me from my shame. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop myself from doing it anyways.
My body trembles as I make my way outside. Guilt hits me, knowing that I should have stayed in. Especially after the talk my mom and I had.
This is the last time.
An icy chill wraps around my body. As soon as I see him coming down the street with his headlights off the growing pit in my stomach increases with worry.
“You’re quiet tonight. Is everything okay?” Kai asks.
I didn’t say anything once I got in the car. My mind was racing with so much guilt.
“I’m okay,” I say with a slight smile.
“Are you sure? You don’t look so good.”
The tightening in my chest is making it hard to breathe and causing me to fight through each breath I take. I shouldn’t have left. I could go back. Would that ruin Kai’s night?
Kai places a hand on my leg, startling me with his touch. “What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”
I don’t want to say anything to him and make me feel like I’m immature. Once I get there, I should feel better.
“Everything is fine.” I smile, hoping it’s enough to convince him.
We walk through the front door of a white-brick house with a huge deck on top of the garage.
There are a ton of people hanging out on the deck.
No music is playing outside, though. Maybe they’re being cautious with noise so the cops don’t come.
I’m not sure whose house this is. The parents are always out of town, so whoever lives here is having a party.
“Hypnotize” by Notorious B.I.G. is blaring through the speakers.
There are stairs that go upstairs or downstairs as soon as you walk in.
We squeeze past everyone as we make our way upstairs and into the kitchen.
My tension settles a little, knowing this is a house.
Maybe it won’t be as bad as the apartments.
“Ahhh!” Paige yells and pulls me into her arms.
She must already be drunk. It’s one in the morning, so I guess she’s probably been drinking for a while now. It took me longer than usual to tell Kai to come pick me up. I was pacing back and forth for hours, trying to decide about sneaking out.
“You two look sooo cute,” she says, looking between Kai and me.
The two of us dressed up as Mickey and Minnie for this party. I wore this costume for the first time a couple of years ago. It’s not the sluttiest costume out there, but I’m sure Kai doesn’t mind.
“What are you?” I ask, eyeing her turquoise top that looks like a bra paired with a long skirt with a slit down her left leg.
“A gypsy.” She twirls.
Kai hands me a Corona. I take a long chug and choke back the carbonation. This should ease my tension.
Three beers and a couple of hours later, my tension has subsided.
Paige has been dragging me on and off the dance floor all night.
By dance floor, I mean the living room. She’s going to be the one that has a hangover this time.
I told myself after my third drink that I was done for the night.
All I wanted was a little buzz to ease my guilt.
“Are you having fun?”
I wrap my arms around Kai’s neck. “Yes. Anything I do with you is fun.”
He slides his hands down my hips and pulls me closer to him. “Good. You looked worried when I picked you up.”
I raise up on the balls of my feet and kiss him on the lips, tasting the salt and lime from his corona. I bite my bottom lip and shy away from his gaze.
He tilts my face up toward him. “Don’t be shy around me,” he says with a slight smile. “It’s hot when you initiate.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you initiate stuff, that’s when I know you want it. Knowing you want it is hot because that means you want me,” he whispers in my ear. A shiver runs down my neck.
I turn around and catch Allison in the corner with a smug look on her face as she watches Kai wrap his arms around me. As I lean my head back, Kai tilts his down and kisses me. Allison rolls her eyes and flips her hair while turning her back on us.
I chuckle.
“What’s so funny?”
“Do you know that girl over there?” I tilt my chin her way.
“Not really. Why?”
“I think she wants you. No. I know she wants you.”
He tightens his hands around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. “Good thing I only have eyes for you.”
She’s gone when I look back over.
Suddenly, I’m getting crushed into Kai by a hurdle of people storming their way inside. “What the hell?” I yell over the uproar of chaos.
Kai steps in front of me, holding my hand.
We make our way through the living room, where there is a gigantic window facing the street in front of the house.
My hand tenses around Kai’s. The knot in the pit of my stomach I had earlier returns as I stare at the red and blue lights flashing.
Without a word, Kai grips my hand harder while we try to get around everyone else going downstairs.
I don’t ask where we are headed. I push my way through the people.
All I think about is not getting caught.
My adrenaline is running higher, trying to get out back.
We get out the back door into the backyard and run across the yard to the fence.
Kai helps me over the fence as I land on my feet, ready to run.
Someone places a hand on my shoulder. Red and blue lights flash all around me, stopping me in my tracks.
As soon as Kai’s feet hit the ground, he starts running and crashes right into me, stopping to stare at the sight before him.
Our adrenaline was too high to even think to check the back.
Everyone else was running the same way we went, so we went for it.
So many people are sitting on the curb of the street.
Some are on their phones, and I assume they are calling their parents.
Bile forces its way up my throat. Before I can step aside, my puke goes flying toward the officer.
“I gave you your phone back, and in less than twenty-four hours, you sneak out. What the fuck is going on with you, Blakely? I did not raise you like this!” my mom yells.
Did I manifest these cops coming because of how worried I was all night?
“Answer me!” she shouts as she tightens her hands around the steering wheel.
“I don’t know.” My voice cracks as I start to cry.
The cops made everyone who’s underage call their parents. Luckily for Kai, Kevin wasn’t there, so Kevin came as if he didn’t just come from a party himself and took Kai home. I’m not sure what happened to Paige or if she got caught. Between myself and everyone else running, I couldn’t see her.
“Is it that boy? You never were like this before you met him.”
“Don’t blame him.”
“Then who do I blame?” She sniffles, wiping tears from her eyes.
“Me. Blame me. This is all me. It was my decision to sneak out.”
“Why do you feel the need to sneak out?” She looks over at me. Wetness soaks her cheeks. “And drink? I never in a million years thought you would drink at this age,” she says sternly. “And now this.” She grabs a red piece of paper in her hand.
The cops breathalyzed everyone underage and wrote them a ticket for underage drinking and curfew.
It’s my first ticket. The first time the cops caught us, he didn’t write us one.
I never realized you could get a ticket for being out past a certain time.
How controlling is that? Especially by a city.
She slams the tickets down on the center console, making me jump in my seat.
“I’m not doing this bullshit with you, Blakely. I already went through enough with your dad. It was hard enough raising you two alone. I don’t deserve this from you.”
My head hangs low. I thought the first time I snuck out with Paige was a big disappointment. The emotions I see my mom going through right now are way more than the first time.
“If you keep continuing down this path, you’re going into foster care. I am not doing this.”
My entire world spins with those words. Would she do that to me? I think of waking up to another family. Waking up in a stranger’s house with no familiar faces. In a stranger’s bed. Will they have other kids? Would they treat me like Cinderella, making me their maid?
As I exit the car, an icy breeze hits me. My mom comes around to where I’m standing with an open hand. “Give me your phone.”
I reach into the top of my shirt where my phone is sitting against my bra strap and hand it to her.
I hear a shattering sound as I watch her throw it to the ground and stomp on it.
Looking at me with a frown, she says, “Brynlee is next door. I woke the neighbors up to ask them to watch her so I could go pick you up. I let them and Brynlee know you were sick at a friend’s house. The last thing I need is for Brynlee to be scared again,” she says and storms off to the neighbors.
Before she knocks on the neighbor’s door, she stands there for a minute. Her chest rises and falls while she wipes the tears from her eyes.
I reach down, pick up my phone, and throw it in the trash. I wait for them on the patio, lost for words and thoughts.
“Hi, B. Are you okay?” Bryn says in a groggy voice.
Tears fall faster now, knowing what my choices are making everyone else go through.
I nod and wipe my nose as I sniffle. My mom walks right past me with no eye contact and walks up the stairs with Brynlee’s small little hand in hers.
You’re going to foster care runs through my mind as I walk into the house I’ve always known. A house I grew up in since I was a little girl. The same house Brynlee is growing up in. The house that my mom worked so hard to keep for us to have a home.