Chapter 18
She screamed into her pillow. Why? Why couldn’t she just be a regular person and have a relationship with all the freaking bells and whistles, huh? She wanted to. Damnit, she wanted to. Justin was everything… She knew he would give her everything. This had nothing to do with him—she just couldn’t bring herself to give that part of herself to anyone yet.
She’d only known him for just over a month. It felt like much longer, though. Her soul shifted around him, too.
But she still couldn’t make peace with the fact that she had shit for brains and made such a poor decision with Max. This wasn’t just about giving herself to him physically. Sex was deeply emotional and vulnerable—she didn’t know how she could open herself up to another man that way.
She still couldn’t forgive herself for being so naive, and she refused to look foolish or weak. The betrayal was real. Not only from Max, but from herself. Her heart, her mind, her innocence betrayed her. And Justin would just have to wait. She needed more time. She’d saved herself with Max out of propriety, because her mother had drilled that into her. The way things turned out, she was so freaking relieved that she’d never let him touch her.
She removed the pillow from her face and slammed it against her thighs.
This wasn’t about propriety anymore. To hell with that. This was about her own messed up issues that she couldn’t just man up and pummel to the ground. Maybe she needed a freaking therapist. Justin making love to her in the barn would’ve been magical…and itchy, with all the hay, and uncomfortable, and messy, and they probably would’ve gotten caught, and then she would’ve really looked stupid.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Her thoughts were spiraling down a rabbit hole. There was no way she’d be falling asleep easy tonight. The whole thing was trash, and for a second, she thought Justin deserved someone better. Someone older, more experienced, loose, carefree… All the things she was not.
After hours of tossing and turning, she chucked off her covers—the fatigue she felt giving her the courage to do something spontaneous. She could be carefree. She could say fuck it to her fear…at least, a little part of it. She picked up her keys off the dresser and quietly padded down the stairs and out the door. The headlights came on and she put the vehicle in reverse, slowly backing up and turning down the long drive to the main road outside the ranch.
JUSTIN
Justin felt the loneliness hit him like a brick wall. Bear was lying on his dog bed by the couch. At least he had his trusty friend. Since Blythe walked into his life, he felt even more lonesome than usual. The night they’d fallen asleep together had started it. It was like he got a taste of what it would be like to have her there with him, cooking dinner, watching rom-coms, eating popcorn, and crashing on the couch with her tucked into his side—and then it was ripped away.
They were official now, but some days he didn’t even see her. He had his own work to do shoeing horses all over the damn county, and she lived at Silo Springs.
He was thirty years old, and he was either going to live the life of a bachelor—just him and his dog—or he wanted a damn wife. He wanted Blythe. And if he had a wife, he wanted kids, and if he had kids, he wanted everything that went with them, too.
He reached down and petted his hound, still fast asleep. Bear was getting old, and dogs didn’t live forever, but he wasn’t going to think about that now. He sauntered to the fridge to grab a cold bottle of water. Even in his melancholy state, he never wished for alcohol.
He sat back down on his couch next to Bear and covered up with the blanket there. He wasn’t going to sleep well. He was restless and tired from such a long day of festivities. But then there was his pretty little poison, the woman he wanted so bad he could punch something.
A loud knock on his door made him jump and nearly roll off the cushion—he’d fallen asleep. He snatched his phone and clicked the side button to turn on the screen.
Twelve AM.
Who the hell was knocking on his door at midnight? He stood, wearing only his long checkered pajama bottoms. He didn’t care who was knocking, he wasn’t about to go upstairs and find a shirt in the dark. Another knock came as he strode toward the door, and he called to whoever was on the other side of the wooden slab.
“Hold your horses. I’m coming.” He didn’t mean to sound so irritated, but he was only human. He reached the door, unlocked the dead bolt, and swung it open.
“Blythe? What are you doing? Get in here!” He reached out, pulling her inside, and shut the door behind her. She was wearing a short pair of black, cotton bottoms and a T-shirt—her auburn waves falling over her shoulders. It was cold enough this time of night, even in July, for at least a jacket.
Her eyes were glued to his naked torso. He watched as they darted left and right, up and down his body.
“Why is your shirt off?” Her tone was mildly shocked.
“Because I don’t sleep with one… I also didn’t plan for company. Does it bother you?”
“No, you’re just everything I imagined…”
She lifted one hand, then the other, her palms gliding over his chest. Her words caught in her throat, and he saw her neck work as she swallowed hard. Her fingers moved down his washboard abs and came to a stop when she met the top of his bottoms. His jaw clenched. What the hell was she doing?
“Are you trying to break me, sugar?”
She tucked her fingers under the elastic band and moved them around to the sides of his hips.
He went stiff.
What happened in the handful of hours since he’d seen her last that made her so brazen? Justin didn’t touch her. He knew if he did, he would be unleashing a side of himself he wasn’t sure he could control at this hour.
“Can I stay here tonight?” Her voice was hushed as she looked up at him. “I couldn’t sleep after we talked. I left a note at home… I just needed to be with you.”
Without another thought, he bent his knees, swept his arm under her legs, and lifted her up. Her arms went around his neck as she buried her nose just under his jaw.
“Gosh, you smell so good. You feel like home to me, Justin.”
Home.
If she only knew how badly he wanted to be her home.
He walked them up the stairs and stopped halfway between his room and one of the extras. There was a bed there—clean sheets just waiting for someone to climb inside. It only took half a second before he threw that idea in the trash and threw the woman in his arms into bed with him.